Exposed: A Jaded Regret Novel

by L. L. Collins

  “Not sure, sweetie. They’re working on new songs today. It all depends.”

  Robbie bounced on the balls of his feet. “Can Cam and I get ice cream?”

  April smiled at her son while Olivia babbled next to her. “Sure. I’ll get it in just a second.”

  I stood. “I’ll get it.”

  April smiled. “Thanks, Nat. Boys, dry off and sit in the shade and Aunt Nat will bring it out.”

  Robbie beamed at me. “Thanks, Aunt Nat. Can you get us the ice cream bars that have the M&M’s on them?”

  Camden nodded, his eyes big.

  “Of course, I can. That’s what aunts are for. Mac, need anything?”

  Mac turned, her large sunglasses hiding her eyes. Her hand rested on her rounded stomach, and for a moment I was lost in watching as she caressed her skin. “Can you grab me another sandwich from the fridge? Babies are hungry.” She shrugged.

  I nodded and walked into the house. Their modern kitchen was nothing like the house we grew up in, nor the ones we lived in as foster kids. In this house, he had every amenity and feature you could imagine.

  My stomach growled as I opened the fridge to get Mac’s sandwich. I only nibbled on a few pretzels so far today, and I was famished. Before I could talk myself out of it, I grabbed a piece of a sandwich and shut the door.

  After I’d given the boys their ice cream, I sat next to Mac again and handed her the piece of sandwich I got for her. Hers was nearly twice the size of mine.

  “Thanks. Oh, you’re finally going to eat, huh?” Mac eyed me as I picked at the lettuce on the sandwich. “You’re going to waste away to nothing.”

  I fought against the lump that formed in my throat at her words. She didn’t mean to offend me; I knew this. She and April were the best friends I ever had. But she was wrong. She was just trying to be nice.

  I looked down at my stomach, the skin protruding out over my bikini bottom just slightly. I then looked over at April, her body perfection in her bathing suit. When she sat down, she had no rolls. Not one bit of extra fat on her.

  Mackenzie was no different. Other than her pregnant belly, her body was toned and slender.

  Nothing like mine.

  “Hey.” Mac reached her arm out to touch mine. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to upset you.”

  I smiled. “What? I’m not upset.” I pulled a piece of cheese off and stuffed it in my mouth, my mouth watering at the taste of it. My stomach began to relax, recognizing food.

  “Ugh, you’re just so damn beautiful.” Mac put her head back against her chaise lounge as I gaped at her. “You’re like every guy’s dream.”

  She couldn’t be serious. Apparently, she hadn’t looked in the mirror recently. She’d wrapped Tanner Hart into a nice neat bow.

  When she looked back at me, my expression must’ve been something funny because she laughed. “What? It’s true! April, isn’t Natalie like the most beautiful woman? I can’t even stand being out here in a bathing suit next to you. God, imagine when I’m eight months pregnant what I’m going to look like.”

  April smiled. “Breathtakingly beautiful, Nat. I remember the first time I saw you, the day you guys came to the group home. I was star struck for sure that day, but there was just something about being around you.”

  I opened and closed my mouth but had no response. They were delusional. No one thought that of me. I wasn’t anything great.

  Before this ridiculous conversation could continue, my phone dinged. I grabbed it, the relief of having something else to focus my attention on palpable.

  Kai. For as busy as the man was, he sure as hell liked to text me.

  “Uh oh. It’s him again.” Mac’s voice singsonged, forcing me to look over at her.

  “What?” I swiped my screen, still looking at her.

  Mac looked over at April, and they exchanged a knowing look. April sat in the shade just behind us, rocking Olivia as she fell asleep.

  “Kai,” Mac said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Dreamy Kai is texting Nat, April.”

  The two of them dissolved into giggles and I shook my head. “You two are ridiculous.”

  I turned my attention back to my screen as they twittered next to me, speculating about him. I rolled my eyes as their voices got higher and more ridiculous.

  When I saw what he sent me, I must’ve gasped because all of a sudden, silence surrounded me. My heart pounded against my breastbone, and my eyes struggled to take in what was on the screen.

  Chapter Four

  Natalie

  “Nat? What’s wrong?” Mac leaned over, but with the glare from the sun, she couldn’t see anything.

  That was okay because I needed a moment to compose myself. Maybe a few moments.

  Holy mother of God. Kai Pierson, the man I was friends with, the man two months younger than me who wanted me to come to New York for some meetings in just a few weeks, the man who would go on our international tour with us, sent me a picture. He. Sent. Me. A. Picture.

  A picture.

  And not just any picture.

  Oh no.

  The picture.

  The one Mac looked for on their website for the last several months. The one everyone would see.

  His professional picture.

  “Natalie? You’re scaring me! What is it?” Mac swung her legs off the side of her chair and stood up, but I couldn’t move my eyes from the picture. There was no way.

  “Nat?” April still sat behind me with Olivia in her arms, but her voice sounded similar to Mac’s.

  My fingers trembled as I clicked on the picture, making it full screen.

  “Holy f—” Mac looked over at Robbie and Camden. It wasn’t like Robbie didn’t hear his fair share of cuss words, but she stopped herself. Her gaze snapped back to mine, then down to the picture still on my screen.

  He had dark hair, almost black, that he wore longer on top and short at the sides and gelled neatly into a professional wave. I wondered if casually he wore it unstyled and unkempt. My thoughts wandered to what it would feel like to run my fingers through it. Dark, shapely eyebrows and eyelashes framed the most gorgeous eyes I’d ever seen. They were the neatest color—almost gold they were so light. He had more than a five o’clock shadow, but not a full beard. The way his facial hair surrounded his full lips, I found myself short of breath. He wasn’t smiling, but kind of smirking, like he knew just what this picture was going to do to me. Or to every woman in a million-mile radius.

  He wore a gray suit that looked like it was made for him. He filled out his three-piece suit perfectly. The dark black tie he wore highlighted the features of his face. My eyes scanned every part of him I could see, including his large hand that gripped the jacket he wore. He stood in front of an ornate building, and it made him look powerful and sexy.

  Like he belonged on the cover of some men’s magazine, not in a text message from my friend.

  “Let me see.” Mac plucked the phone from my hand, and I scrambled up. I needed it back. I had to stare at it for a while longer until I could process it was him.

  Maybe he did take a picture from a magazine. Hell, I sent him a cartoon picture. Maybe he was messing with me. Maybe he was a three-hundred-pound balding man with halitosis. It would be better for our friendship if he were. And my libido.

  Mac put the phone in April’s face, and she squealed, making Olivia jump in her sleep.

  “Sorry, baby,” she cooed, rocking her daughter back to sleep. The second Olivia settled, April lifted her eyes to mine.

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” she whispered. I raised my eyebrow at her. My brother was rubbing off on her. I didn’t think I ever heard her cuss. “That’s Kai?”

  I looked over at Robbie and Camden, now splashing back in the pool again. I stood and stepped closer to my friends. “That’s the picture he just sent me.”

  Mac clapped her hands. “Ohmigod, Nat. I mean. Oh. My. God. This is the man you’ve been talking to for months. Months. He’s…wow.” She leaned o
ver and looked at the screen again. “I have no words.”

  I didn’t have any, either. “What if that’s not him?”

  April furrowed her brow. “Why would he send you a picture like this that wasn’t him?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.” Maybe he wanted to toy with me. To make me drool and then—surprise!— that’s not him! I took the phone and stared at the picture again. Shots of electricity buzzed through my body, setting all my nerve endings on fire.

  This was Kai Pierson. My friend. The rep for Jaded Regret. The guy I would spend a few days with alone in his apartment in New York. I minimized the picture, and that’s when I saw the text underneath it.

  My new professional picture. What do you think? Can you send me one of you now? Now you’ll know what to look for at the airport.

  My mouth was so dry I could barely swallow.

  It wasn’t just his looks.

  It was everything. The whole package. Kind, thoughtful, hot. The hottest man I might have ever laid eyes on, and we had some fine-looking specimens around daily. This man had become one of my closest friends in a very short amount of time. That hardly ever happened with me and someone of the opposite sex.

  And yes, he looked like he was a gift dropped from heaven with a giant bow around him, just for me. Dark, sensual, and panty scorching. My libido stirred from her hibernation spot, interested in what could be.

  I tore my eyes from the words and image on the screen and looked into the shocked eyes of my two friends. “I have something to tell you guys.” Even though Mac already knew, she would pretend like she didn’t, and for that, I was thankful.

  Both Mac and April swung their eyes from the picture to my face, waiting. “What is it?” Mac finally said. “Because damn, Natalie. Damn.”

  April giggled, nodding her head in agreement. “Wonder if it would’ve changed your ‘friendship’ at all had you known he was this hot months ago? Now spill it.”

  “I’m going to New York in a few weeks.” There. I said it. It was much easier to tell them than it would be to tell my brother. Maybe April would break the news for me.

  April lifted her eyebrows, surprise forming her mouth into an open circle. “For what? The band is going?”

  I shook my head. “No,” I whispered. “Just me.”

  Mac stood and pumped her hand in the air in dramatic fashion. “Just you? With him? Alone? Heck yeah!”

  The boys stopped their play to glance over at us. April waved them off, and they went back to doing cannonballs into the pool. April looked over at Olivia, still asleep in the playpen in the shade.

  “Why are you going to New York, Nat?” A smile played on her lips, waiting for the answer she already knew. She enjoyed this.

  “Kai wanted me to come up for some meetings and get things planned for the new record and the tour.”

  April and Mac had looked at one another before they turned back to me, identical looks on their faces. “Really,” Mac said but stretched that one word out to sound like twenty syllables.

  I felt the blush creep from my chest, up my neck, and to my face. I knew my body temperature just rose several degrees. “Really.”

  Mac bit her lip to keep from laughing, but it didn’t help. “So, did you ever go to New York without the band to meet Allan?”

  I looked away. Exactly what I wondered all along about Kai.

  “You don’t even have to answer that,” April said. “Your face is as red as a tomato, and you can’t even look at us. Natalie! This is…I don’t even know what to say!”

  “Don’t get all excited,” I said. “You have no idea what his motive is.”

  April lifted an eyebrow and indicated my phone. “Well, I can guess his motive may be to meet you and see if you guys have chemistry. You’ve spent months talking to this guy, right? This is the first time you’ve seen what he looks like?”

  “Yes,” Mac interjected. “I’ve been stalking the label’s page, but they didn’t have his picture updated yet.”

  “Have you sent him a picture of you?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Well, I’m sure he’s found you online somewhere, right? He’s seen a picture of you and he likes what he sees.”

  April didn’t realize I hid from view most times I saw a camera, and no pictures of the band existed with me in them unless it was of my back or side.

  “I haven’t shared a picture yet. But now he’ll want me to.”

  “I have an idea.” Mac reached over and picked up her phone from the patio table. “This is the perfect opportunity for you to send him a picture back. You’re lying by the pool in a bathing suit with that smoking hot body.” Mac giggled, looking down at her phone. “You’re going to render him useless for the rest of the day once he sees how hot you are…”

  I couldn’t answer her because my head was already in a panic. My eyes scanned over my pale, untoned body. I hadn’t spent enough time on the treadmill. I’d eaten too much. There was no way I would send a picture to Kai of myself in a bathing suit.

  No. Way.

  “I think you should stand up and pose. You know, with your hand on your hip and looking all sexy and stuff. Look at her, April. I’m so jealous of her body.”

  I heard their words, but I couldn’t find it in me to answer. My blood rushed through my veins so fast I swore I heard it in my ears. My heart crashed against my ribcage, and my hands shook.

  “Nat? Are you okay?” April, my always sensitive friend.

  Take a deep breath. Turn and talk to them. They won’t do anything you don’t want them to do.

  Mac stopped talking and sat down next to me, her phone forgotten. “Nat?”

  I forced a breath in and out of my lungs before I turned to face them. “Sorry. Just not feeling well all of a sudden.”

  Concern wrinkled April’s forehead. “Again? Are you sure you shouldn’t go to the doctor?”

  I waved her off. “I’m fine now. I promise.”

  “Here.” April handed me a glass of lemonade. “Drink something. You’ve hardly eaten anything at all. Maybe you need some food.”

  No. You can’t eat. They don’t understand. “No. I’m fine. I promise.”

  Mac blew out a breath. “Nat, can I say something without you getting mad?”

  I was never mad at her or April. I didn’t know what she meant by that, but I nodded anyway.

  She looked over at April and then back to me. “Nat, you know we both love you like you’re our sister. We’ve been worried about you. You’re too thin. I don’t think you’re eating enough. Are you sure you aren’t too sick and need to see a doctor?”

  April reached over and rested her hand on mine. “We know how much stress you’re under for the band, but you have to take care of yourself. You have to take time for yourself, too.”

  The stress of the band was nothing in comparison to what else I dealt with, but of course, I couldn’t tell them that. I had to take care of things myself, just like I always had. You have one week. The email haunted me. That was several days ago. I only had a few days to meet her demands, or all hell would break loose.

  I forced a smile on my face, even though I felt like I might throw up at any second. They were delusional. They were blind to my cellulite and pudge, apparently.

  “I love you both, but I promise I’m fine. It’ll take me a few days to get my strength back from being sick, but I’m okay. I love you for saying I’m too skinny, but I don’t agree. I just have to try to keep up with the likes of the two of you.” I winked at them to try to lighten the mood. “But, I better go. I’ve got some things I need to finish up at the studio.”

  I slipped my cover-up on over my head and grabbed my beach bag, ignoring the way my head spun when I stood up and the rumble of my stomach.

  I hugged them both and said bye to the boys. I didn’t miss both of them watching me as I walked through the house. When I got to the front door, I leaned against it and took a shaky breath before I pushed the door open and walked to my car.
<
br />   In control.

  Always in control.

  “What did you think?” Kai’s rich voice shot through the phone line and bounced around my body, leaving little paths of fire in its wake. I stared at the photo for longer than I cared to admit after coming back from April’s house. Maybe the entire afternoon. Possibly until his name flashed on the screen. I was rather sure I memorized every facet of that picture.

  I hadn’t responded to the several texts Kai sent after that, either too enamored or stupefied or scared to talk to him. So when I saw his name on the screen calling me, I wasn’t sure what came over me when I answered, but I hit accept before I could convince myself not to.

  Now he put me on the spot. He wanted to know what I thought. I thought he was quite possibly—no, he was—the most gorgeous man I’d ever laid eyes on. I thought every part of him was perfection. I also thought I had no business feeling these things for him because I knew he’d never feel the same.

  I was damaged goods. Closed off. Lost.

  “Natalie?” I imagined those full lips saying the three syllables of my name, and I closed my eyes against the sensation that traveled everywhere in my body. I loved that he didn’t call me Nat. I loved it.

  “Hey, Kai. How are you?” My voice sounded strangled and weird, even to me. Get it together, Natalie. He’s just a good-looking guy. Just like Tanner.

  Except as much as I drooled over and dreamed of Tanner for years, he didn’t hold a candle to Kai.

  He. Didn’t. Hold. A. Candle. To. Kai.

  My thoughts hit me like a truck.

  Kai’s rich laughter wafted over the phone line. “I’m great, Natalie. I had to check and see if you got my texts earlier since you didn’t respond. Did you have fun with the girls?”

  Fun if you count staring at your picture for three-fourths of it, sure.

  “Yes, it was nice to relax with them.” I knew I was deflecting, but I didn’t know how to approach the subject. Yes, you’re hot, and there’s no way I can send you a picture of me now. In fact, I don’t think I can even come to New York and stand in the same space as you. I’m nowhere near your league.