Exposed: A Jaded Regret Novel

by L. L. Collins

  “Kai.” My mom crossed her arms in front of her chest and smiled at me in that all-knowing way. She apparently had called my name more than once.

  “What’s going on with you, brother?” Kale watched me. “You just completely spaced out on Mom there.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t want to get into it with all my family here. They would think I was silly or way ahead of myself, which I was. “Nothing. Sorry. What were you saying, Mom?”

  Her mouth turned up on one side, and she tilted her head. “I asked if you would help me in the kitchen for a minute.”

  I knew what that meant. She’d interrogate me away from the rest of my family. I needed to find a way to get outside with my dad by the grill and avoid the whole conversation, but I knew better than to think that would work.

  “Sure, Mom.” I followed her, the sounds of my loud siblings, their spouses, and kids, fading away until we stood in the kitchen by ourselves. “What did you need help with?”

  She walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a container of potato salad, macaroni salad, and condiments and set them on the island in front of me.

  “Nothing.” She stood on the other side and tapped her fingers on the granite. “Tell me.”

  “Tell you what?”

  “Kai Sterling Pierson.” Oh boy. She brought out the entire name. Like most moms, kids knew they were serious when they said the entire name.

  “Yes, Mom.”

  “Don’t play that card with me. Tell me what’s going on with you. Or should I say, who.”

  I needed to figure out how the females in my life were reading me so easily. First, it was Larissa, now my mom. My mom knew I represented Jaded Regret. Hell, my siblings had all demanded I get them signed memorabilia the second I landed the job. So she knew a little bit about each of the members. She even knew Natalie and I had become friends since I took over for Allan.

  “It’s not that big of a deal, Mom. You know Natalie?”

  She furrowed her brow, trying to place the name.

  “The manager for Jaded Regret.”

  “Ah.” She snapped her fingers. “That’s why that name’s familiar. Yes. What about her?”

  Just her. Everything about her. I hesitated to tell her I was interested in being more than friends and I thought Natalie was the most breathtaking woman I’d ever seen. Or, I could tell her I invited Natalie up here for business but had every intention of it being personal, too.

  “Oh my gosh.” Her soft voice broke through my thoughts, scattering them like seeds in the wind.

  “What?”

  “That look on your face. I haven’t seen it in so long.” She covered her mouth with her hands in the way a mom would that tells you she’s on the verge of being overly emotional about something you don’t understand. “You like her. Right? That’s what this is about?”

  I like her. She made it sound like I was thirteen years old, coming home from middle school with a girl’s name written in my notebook with a “Do you like me, circle yes or no.”

  “We’re friends, Mom.” And we are. I wouldn’t give that up. She meant something to me.

  She nodded. “But…”

  I opened my mouth and then shut it again. “But…” I paused. Admitting it out loud, even just to my mom, wasn’t something I was sure I could do. “I like her. I really like her. I’m just not too sure what to do about that, or if it’ll go anywhere. She lives in Florida, and I’m here.”

  She reached over and covered my hand with hers on the counter. “What do you mean, you aren’t sure what to do? You’re way past the age of needing advice on how to date a girl, Kai. You’re handsome, successful, and best of all—one of the kindest, most generous men in the world. She’d be a fool not to want that. You don’t need to worry about the rest of it; you just need to follow your heart.”

  Spoken like a true mother. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Mom. I love you. But things are…complicated with her I think. She’s coming up here in a few weeks so we can do some business stuff.”

  She grinned. “So you’ll spend some time together. Do you think she likes you?”

  I mulled it over in my head, thinking of the conversations we had. “I’m not sure, to be honest. She’s hard to read sometimes. We have a great friendship, but I think something holds her back from letting people get too close. Well, I know something does. She had a rough life, Mom. You know the story of Jaded Regret. She’s Beau’s sister.”

  Her face wrinkled and her lips turned down in sympathy for what she already knew. “Yes, I know. So she’s been hurt, definitely by her childhood and maybe by something in her adult life, too. That doesn’t mean she can’t care about you, or you can’t help her get past any of that. You just may be the perfect person to help her see her past doesn’t define her.”

  I hugged my mom. I loved this woman. She always looked for the good in everyone, which I guessed was the reason I did, also.

  “I know you, Kai,” she continued. “If you feel drawn to her, there’s a reason for it. My sweet boy has a heart of gold.” She put her hand to my cheek, and despite being an entire foot taller than her and over thirty years old, I felt like a little boy again.

  “Food’s ready!” my dad bellowed into the kitchen, carrying an enormous tray of ribs, chicken, and steak. We busied ourselves getting everything ready to eat, and I went back to thinking about Natalie by myself.

  “So how’s it going?” Malia sat back and crossed her arms. We sat outside enjoying an after dinner cocktail, the sun quickly diminishing. It was a great afternoon with my family, eating, playing games, and talking.

  I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before my siblings dispersed for kids’ bedtimes and relaxing with their spouses. I would then go home and try to find something to occupy my pensive mind.

  “How’s what going?” I asked.

  Malia was ten years older than me, the oldest of my siblings. Despite our age difference, she and I were extremely close. Malia was an attorney for a large firm, close to making partner after fifteen years working her tail off. She specialized in entertainment law, so we worked together often. Her husband, Jacoby, worked for a huge investment firm, also in the city. They lived in the heart of Manhattan in a penthouse suite.

  Malia shrugged. “Life. I feel like we don’t get much time to talk much. You still playing with your band?”

  I laughed. “Yeah. We just mess around, though. I think we drink more beer than we play.”

  “Have you played anywhere local recently? I haven’t seen you play in a long time and would love to come watch you.”

  “We don’t have anything scheduled. Sometimes we go to open mic nights at a few local dives, but we’ve scaled back a lot. You know, life and all that.”

  “And your promotion? You happy with what you’re doing?”

  Happy didn’t describe it. It was what I wanted to do since I decided going into the entertainment industry was for me. “I love it. I work my ass off, and miss a lot of meals, but my God, Mal, it’s amazing.”

  “Get any new bands recently?”

  “Yeah, actually, I got an all-female rock band called Fatal Knockout. They’re super talented. You’d like them. I’m working on some local shows. I’ll get you info once I get them set up. I may get them as the opener for Jaded Regret.”

  Her eyebrows lifted. “Wow. That’s a huge break for a new band. How are they doing?”

  Natalie’s face immediately popped into my head, and I fought with myself not to pull out my phone to look at her picture again. “They’re great. I’m working with their manager to set up the international tour after Tanner’s fiancée has their babies. She’s coming here in a few weeks for us to get everything together.” I tried to say that with the least amount of excitement I could, but my sister was perceptive.

  “Babies?” Malia lifted her glass of wine and sipped it. Hung up on that detail, she didn’t ask me about Natalie.

  I nodded. “Yeah. Twins. Crazy, huh? I’m glad for him. They’ve all settled down n
ow. It’s only helped their popularity. People eat that stuff up, you know.” Not all of them have settled down, my subconscious reminded me.

  “Oh, don’t I know it.” Malia rolled her eyes. “They also eat up drama when they screw up or get divorced.”

  I laughed. “Let’s hope I don’t have to worry about that.”

  “Hey, Mal?” Jacoby stuck his head out the door. “Sorry to interrupt, but Malley is passed out on the couch. I think it’s time to head home.”

  Malia looked over at me. “Sorry, Kai. Motherhood calls.” She stood and kissed the top of my head. “I love you. Let’s get together for lunch or something soon.”

  I nodded, not bothering to tell her it wasn’t often I got lunch anymore. Maybe when Natalie came, I could have her meet Malia.

  “Goodnight, Mal. Goodnight, Jacoby.” The door shut, and I was left with just my thoughts.

  Chapter Six

  Natalie

  My finger hovered over the call button. I knew I had to call him. He’d ask me why I was doing it again, and I would tell him I had to.

  There was no other choice.

  Today was the day.

  The reminder email came in last night.

  Like I could forget.

  As I watched the days tick by, I knew my time was up.

  There was no way out of it.

  This was the only way I kept this evil away from Beau.

  I sighed and hit the button, lifting the phone to my ear. It rang just twice before his secretary answered.

  “Can I speak to Alex, please? This is Natalie Anderson.”

  “One second, Ms. Anderson.” She placed me on hold, and I listened to the annoying classical music for too long. I loved music, but not this, and not now. If I were to listen to something right now, it would more than likely be angry rock. I tapped my fingers on the table in front of me, my leg jumping with nervous energy.

  “Natalie.” Alex’s rich voice came through the phone. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

  Alex Williamson and I went way back. And by way back, I mean we dated. Briefly. We slept together. Not so briefly. It was years ago, but he seemed to hold a bit of a candle. Things didn’t end badly with us, they just ended. Like most things did with me, I couldn’t handle him wanting more.

  Alex also managed our finances. Our personal and the band.

  This was personal.

  “I need to transfer some money.”

  I heard Alex click a few keys. “You got it. How’ve you been? Things good with the band?”

  “Things are great,” I answered.

  “Good to hear. Can’t believe Tanner is gonna be a dad. Wow. Didn’t see that one coming.”

  I laughed despite the giant boulder in my stomach. “Yeah. He’s a changed man.”

  “Happens to the best of us.”

  It sounded like Alex was telling me something, but I couldn’t find it in me to ask. Not that I didn’t care, but I just…couldn’t.

  “Okay Natalie, where am I transferring money and how much?”

  My throat dried out, the words failing to go from my head to my mouth.

  “Nat? Everything okay?”

  “I need to send her money.” I didn’t need to elaborate; he already knew.

  “Natalie.” He paused. “Not again.”

  He was the only one who knew anything about this, and it had to stay that way. I had no choice but to trust him, and he hadn’t failed me yet.

  “You can’t say a word.”

  “You know this isn’t going to end.”

  It was exactly what I was afraid of. It was never ending. Or it was never enough to keep her away.

  “I have to, Alex. There’s no other choice.”

  He sighed. “Someday, it isn’t going to be enough, you know.”

  “Alex, please. I can’t…” My voice broke, and I stopped, forcing the tears out of my eyes with an angry swipe of my hand. “Just do it. Double what it was last time.”

  “Double?”

  “Yes. Into the same account. It has to post today.”

  “The transfer is immediate. Are you sure, Natalie? You know there are options—”

  “There are no other options,” I interjected. “Do it. Please don’t give me a hard time, Alex. You know why I don’t have a choice.”

  “There’s always a choice,” Alex muttered. I heard him clicking buttons. “I’ll take care of it and send you a confirmation email for your records.”

  “Thank you, Alex. Your discretion is much appreciated.”

  “I’m sorry you think this is the only way,” he said. “If there’s anything I can do…”

  There’s nothing anyone can do. “That’s all. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  Natalie,

  The transfer has been successful. You certainly took it down to the wire this time. I’ll remain silent. You go about your life and pretend I don’t exist, but know this.

  You’ll never be totally rid of me.

  I curled my feet under me on the couch and faced Beau, knowing it was time to tell him. I was shocked April hadn’t slipped and told him yet, but I was grateful.

  I would go to New York in just three days. In the last few weeks, Kai and I finalized all we would accomplish on this trip while deepening our friendship. I didn’t hold back as much as I once did, though I still found it hard to talk about anything of real depth with him. If he noticed a difference, he didn’t say anything about it. I stared at his picture way more often than I would ever admit to anyone, even if it would never go anywhere with him. Mac and April still teased me about it, though I hadn’t told them my suspicions that he batted for the other team. I just let them keep thinking he wanted me there because he had some ulterior motive.

  I hadn’t eaten in days, so nervous and sick to my stomach. Between the trip and the cryptic email that hinted I would receive further correspondence in the future even after meeting the current demands, I couldn’t do anything other than run the nervous energy out of me. That was all right, though, because it helped me shed a few pounds in anticipation for my trip.

  I was going to meet Kai.

  In person.

  By myself.

  The pressure I felt before we exchanged pictures was less, though, since I didn’t have any qualms about him seeing me “like that.” When he told me to listen to that song about being beautiful the way I was, I had to admit it affected me in a big way.

  Had I thought there was any possibility with us, I may have thought that was a way for him to tell me.

  Since then, we traded a few songs back and forth but mostly to describe our days. I liked the light banter we had with each other, and I found it easier to “talk” through songs. We both had a wide variety of tastes, which made it fun to see what song we would share.

  “What’s going on, Nat? You look like you’re about to throw up. You aren’t sick again, are you?”

  I reached over and rested my hand over Beau’s. It was just the two of us at the studio, everyone else long gone. I would let him tell the rest of them tomorrow.

  “No. I’m fine, Beau. I just wanted to tell you something.”

  “Oh.” He smiled, and the sight made me lose my train of thought for just a moment. I loved seeing him smile. There were many years I never saw that beautiful sight. “But all is okay?”

  “Yes. I’m going out of town for a few days.”

  His eyebrows lowered as he studied me. “For what?”

  I never, ever left town without the band. In the history of us, I hadn’t gone anywhere by myself.

  “I’m going to New York.” I tried to make it sound as unexciting as possible.

  “Why?” Beau searched my face with his penetrating gaze. He knew me better than anyone else in the world. “For business stuff?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I’m meeting with Kai to do some things for the tour that are easier done in person.”

  Beau gnawed his bottom lip. “I don’t understand. You’ve never had to go up there before.”

  I
know. “We’ve never had an international tour before.”

  “I don’t like you going by yourself. Why doesn’t he want the whole band there? If we go, we always go together.”

  I never wanted April to keep anything from her husband, but I sure as hell was glad she hadn’t said anything to him about what Kai looked like or that he was our age.

  “I knew you wouldn’t like it, but I’ll be okay, I promise. The whole band doesn’t need to go because there isn’t anything for you guys to do. Everything that has to be done is behind-the-scenes stuff, including the studio time overseas where you’ll record your new album.”

  “Is Steve going with you?”

  Shit. I hadn’t thought about that. “I wasn’t planning on him going.”

  “Natalie.”

  I held up my hand. “Wait. I’ll be with Kai the whole time, Beau.”

  “You’re going to be in New York City, Natalie. Millions of people surrounding you all the time. Not to mention the airports—”

  “I’m flying a private plane,” I said, interrupting him. “So I won’t have to deal with crowds.”

  Beau’s eyebrows lifted. “Really. Whose?”

  “The label.”

  He whistled. “Shit. This guy doesn’t play around. Is he more thorough than Allan, or what?”

  I shrugged. Hotter, yes. “We’re their money makers, Beau. They’re going to pull out all the stops to make sure this tour is as successful for them as it is for us. Plus, since Kai is new to this position, I’m sure he wants to prove himself. That’s why he called this meeting if I had to guess. He wants to show his big boss and us that he’s serious about getting us to the next level.”

  “Will the label make sure you have security? What about at your hotel?”

  Double shit. Could I really stay with Kai? At first, I planned to refuse, but now that the pressure was off us being more than friends, I figured it would be easier. But I didn’t know how to explain that to Beau.

  “The label has security, yes. If I’m not with Kai, I’ll have a driver.” I wasn’t a hundred percent sure about that, but it would have to do. A little white lie wouldn’t hurt.