Kids on the Doorstep

by Kimberly Van Meter

  “Excuse me?”

  “You said it yourself, she’s no good to you if you can’t ride her. She’s not likely to ever take a shine to you seeing as you abused her.” Cutter’s face turned florid at the accusation but John wasn’t finished. “That’s right. Abused. You’re out of your mind if you think I can’t recognize the signs.”

  “Watch what you’re saying,” Cutter warned. “I don’t take kindly to being accused of beating my horses.”

  “And I don’t take kindly to someone bringing me a horse they’ve mistreated and then threatening to put me out of business because I couldn’t fix what you broke.”

  Cutter’s jaw clenched and then ordered his horse loaded.

  “What are you going to do with her?” John asked.

  Cutter threw a dark look his way. “I’d say that’s none of your business.”

  “Perhaps. But let me tell you one more thing. I filed a report with the Sheriff’s Department about my suspicions and took pictures of the odd wounds that were on her flank when she arrived. Don’t be surprised if you get a call. Who knows, they might find cause to poke around your stables and make sure the rest of your horses aren’t suffering from the same type of treatment.”

  John was mildly concerned that Cutter was going to drop dead from a heart attack as the man’s face went three different shades of red during the course of their short conversation but the truth was, John knew if he didn’t persuade Cutter to cut Vixen loose, Cutter was going to more than likely put a bullet between her eyes. He was a cruel son of a bitch and John had grown fond of the cantankerous horse.

  “Sell her to me and we’ll conclude our business together,” John said, a thread of steel in his tone.

  Cutter paused, clearly torn between wanting to storm out of there in a cloud of dust and taking the money for a horse he would never be able to ride. In the end, greed won out and for that John was grateful for the man’s baser instincts.

  Biting out an exorbitant sum, John countered with a more acceptable one and Cutter, knowing he was still coming out on the plus side, accepted.

  Cutter sent one last ugly look at Vixen and said, “You two deserve each other. I hope she breaks your neck.”

  John laughed at that and flipped Cutter off as he drove away. As Gladys would say, “Good riddance to bad rubbish.” And damn if that wasn’t the truth.

  Out of nowhere, Taylor jumped into his arms like a monkey and rained kisses on his wind-chapped cheeks. “I knew you wouldn’t let Vixen go to that bad man! I just knew it!”

  His heart warmed at Taylor’s unabashed adoration and he hugged her tight. He turned to walk to the house and caught Renee watching him and Taylor with a soft look in her eyes. If Taylor’s belief in him warmed him, Renee’s look started a fire deep inside. A man could spend a lifetime basking in the heat of that stare, he realized.

  Shaken, he offered a lopsided smile as he approached.

  “Renee, Mr. John bought Vixen so she never has to leave the ranch.” She cocked her head. “Do you think Mr. John could buy us so we could stay, too?”

  Renee laughed and the sound was something he wished he could bottle up and savor. He was losing his damn mind over a woman, but the funny thing?—he didn’t care as much as he thought he would.

  “I’M THINKING OF INVITING my brother and his family over for dinner. How do you feel about that?” John asked casually the following evening. Renee looked up from her crossword with a startled expression.

  “Oh, sure. Do you want me and the girls to cut out for the evening? We could go for pizza or something I guess.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I’d like you and the girls to stay.”

  She looked uncertain and he knew how she felt. He felt the same but he wanted Evan to meet her. His younger brother was the only person’s opinion he trusted more than Gladys’s, and right now he could use all the help he could get in sorting out the mess that was going on in his head.

  RENEE WAS A NERVOUS WRECK. Why did she agree to this? She should’ve flat out refused. She had no business meeting his family. That just tangled an already confusing situation. But she’d be a liar if she wasn’t touched by his desire to open up to her like that. From what she’d learned of John he was an intensely private person and he rarely invited any woman into the inner sanctum of his life. So what did it mean that he was inviting her and the girls? Well, it wasn’t so much about the girls. She already knew he’d fallen in love with them. Not that that was hard. Her daughters were pretty awesome but what did that say about her? Was he falling for her? He’d never actually said the words to her and she wasn’t about to put money on a feeling or a hunch.

  Voices carried from the living room and Renee knew she couldn’t hide in the bathroom forever. Smoothing her western-style skirt she’d purchased in town, she gave one final look at her hair in the mirror and noted in despair that it was springing free from the fashion clip she’d tried to use, and with an exasperated sigh she pulled it free. Ruffing her hair for some lift, she just hoped for the best and left the bathroom.

  She rounded the corner from the hallway to see a very blond family getting out of their overcoats. Evan and his wife shared nearly the same shade of blond as one another and there were two young boys with only slightly different shades of blond bounding around the room. Taylor was squealing with delight at their antics.

  “You must be Renee.” The blond woman came toward Renee with a warm, inviting smile that immediately put Renee at ease as she accepted a handshake in welcome. “I’m Natalie. That man over there is my husband, Evan, and those little monsters tearing up the living room are our sons, Colton and Justin. Your girls are beautiful. But it’s no wonder, just look at their mother.”

  Renee blushed but loved the compliment for her daughters’ sake. She took pride in her daughters and knew they were all quite pretty. “Thank you. Your sons aren’t hard on the eyes, either,” Renee said in return.

  Natalie smiled and then the boys, who looked roughly two years apart, with the younger looking to be close to the same age as Chloe, took off for the rec room. Moments later the sounds of cue balls smacking into one another were heard followed by laughter.

  “Seems they’ve hit it off,” Natalie observed, then gestured toward the kitchen. “Let’s go see if Gladys needs any help. Did she ever tell you she’s the reason I met Evan in the first place?”

  “Um, no, I don’t think so.” Renee followed, intrigued by this personal history. “But I’d love to hear that story.”

  “Well, I got duped into going white-water rafting and Gladys was the first person I met on the trip, aside from Evan, who was the river guide. Long story short, we met and now that I look back, I realize it was love at first sight. Oh, and then I got pregnant.”

  That shocked a laugh out of Renee. “Love at first sight, huh? You sure it wasn’t just baby hormones?”

  “Oh, I tried to tell myself that at first because I wasn’t planning to be a mom or a wife at the time but things happened as they should have and I’m so glad.”

  They reached the kitchen and after a lot of exclaiming and hugging between the two women, Gladys enlisted the help of both Renee and Natalie to put the finishing touches on dinner.

  Renee silently marveled at the easy camaraderie between the two women as well as the obvious love and she couldn’t help but compare the relationships she’d had in her life even though it was like comparing apples to oranges. She’d never known female companionship such as this. Not with friends, certainly not with her mother. The closest she’d ever come to something like this was the brief relationship she’d shared with her elderly aunt Katherine. Aunt Kat, as she’d liked to be called. Melancholy followed the precious few memories she had of Aunt Kat, which was why Renee rarely called them up.

  Then her thoughts wandered to her girls and what kind of relationships they’ve had in their lives. Alexis had been right when she’d said they’d moved around a lot. Sustaining ties wasn’t something the Dolling family had excelled at. Ja
son had a tendency to get itchy like a caged animal if they stayed in one place for too long. Plus, it was true, just about the time Jason was ready to get out of Dodge, was about the same time their luck had run out with local creditors. Renee came out of the morass of her own thoughts when she realized Natalie was asking her a question.

  “I’m sorry…what did you say?” Renee asked, embarrassed to be caught in her own head like that. “I didn’t catch what you said.”

  “Oh, it was nothing. Gladys and I got to talking about my sisters and what they’ve been up to and I asked if you had any sisters or brothers.”

  “No. Single child. I wish I’d had siblings, though,” Renee said, which was true. She’d always hoped for a sibling, if only to take the pressure from herself. Bearing the weight of her parents’ hopes and dreams all by herself had been a little daunting. “But it was just me.”

  “I can vouch for having sisters. I’d be lost without them,” Natalie said and Gladys chuckled knowingly. “Oh, don’t get me wrong. They drive me crazy but it’s nice to always have someone in your corner.”

  “I bet,” Renee murmured, thinking of her daughters and how close they were. She smiled in spite of the lingering pain that ghosted her heart when she thought of her girls and what they’d been through. “I’m glad my girls have each other.”

  Natalie nodded, then as she brought the salad bowl to the table, her eyes took on an interested sparkle as she asked the one thing Renee didn’t know how to answer without ruining the whole evening. “So, I’m a little unclear…how did you and John meet?”

  Renee thought hard on how to answer. She didn’t want to destroy the nice impression Natalie had of her but then again, she didn’t want to lie, either. She glanced at Gladys as if looking for guidance and she received an encouraging smile. Taking a deep breath, Renee said, “I lost custody of my girls, and Gladys and John are taking care of them for me until I can get them back. That’s all.”

  “Oh.” Natalie looked nonplussed. “But I thought you and John were…dating.”

  “No. He’s just being a good Samaritan.”

  “Well, he’s definitely good at that. Hmm, well, it’s nice to meet you just the same. I’d hoped for something a little more, to be truthful. From what I know of John, he’s never let a stranger move into his space without a good reason and the only reason I could imagine was that he’d finally fallen in love.” Natalie huffed a disappointed sigh. “Well, I guess it’s true. I’m such a hopeless romantic.”

  Renee smiled and secretly wished Natalie had been right. She wanted John to want her—not just the girls—in his life. And the knowledge that she still yearned for something so foreign and quite possibly out of reach was disturbing.

  JOHN TOOK EVAN OUT TO THE BARN to see his newly acquired horse after sharing the circumstances as to how the mare came into his possession. Then the brothers chitchatted about nothing for a while until John got around to broaching the subject he needed his brother’s opinion on.

  “She seems like a passionate woman,” Evan remarked to John’s surprise.

  “What makes you say that?”

  “I can see it in her eyes. She was holding back at dinner. Am I wrong?”

  John thought of Renee throughout dinner and how reserved she seemed and he had to agree. “No. You’re right. Something was weighing on her mind tonight. No doubt she was nervous about meeting you and Natalie. She’s been judged pretty harshly by people recently. I think maybe she was afraid you guys might judge her, too.”

  “I hope she knows after tonight that we’re not like that,” Evan said seriously.

  “I think she does.”

  “Good. I like her,” Evan announced.

  John looked at his brother. “You do? No reservation? Even after what I told you? With the kids and the ex and all that?”

  “People make mistakes. She seems to be a good person. You could do a lot worse.”

  “What makes you think I’m interested in her in that way?” John bluffed, silently chafing that Evan could read him so easily. He was the older brother, for crying out loud, yet Evan seemed the wiser at the moment. Had to be Natalie’s influence, thought John peevishly, but then in all fairness to Evan he had to admit that fatherhood had treated Evan well, rounding out the rough edges until he was a man to be proud of. “She’s a handful,” John admitted.

  “The best ones usually are.”

  “What if I’m not ready to be a father and a husband?”

  Evan chuckled. “Seems to me like you’re already playing the part, minus a few details here and there.”

  “I’ve been a bachelor for a long time,” he reminded Evan. “I might not be able to change to accommodate an instant family.”

  At that Evan laughed aloud. “Brother, you’re kidding yourself. You’ve already changed. Those girls have you wrapped around their finger. Face it…you’re in love.”

  John grunted. There was no sense in denying it. He did love those girls. But what about Renee? He knew the answer to that, too, but couldn’t seem to admit it just yet.

  “She’s leaving as soon as the court awards custody,” he said, his heart contracting at the very thought. “She’s pretty vocal about that. Can’t stand living in the country. She’s going to go back to where it doesn’t snow and it’s one hundred degrees in the shade.”

  “How much more time before the court awards custody?”

  John’s mouth pulled at the corners. “Not long. Two weeks, I suppose. We have another court hearing coming up.”

  Evan surprised him with a hearty thump on the back. “Then I suggest if you don’t want to lose all of them you better get to work finding a way to make this place somewhere Renee would happily call home.”

  “And how do you suppose I do that?” John asked dourly. “Offer to paint? New wallpaper?”

  Evan laughed. “That would be your problem. I can’t do everything for you. Isn’t that what you used to tell me when I’d get myself into a scrap? Damn, it feels good to finally be able to say that to you.”

  He gave John a wide grin and John couldn’t help but return it before muttering, “If that’s the extent of your wisdom let’s get back to the house before we freeze our asses off.”

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  ALEXIS SAT AS FAR AWAY from Renee as she could, on the farthest edge of the sofa, but at least she wasn’t glaring at her, thought Renee, trying to cling to any semblance of progress with her daughter.

  It was the second integration therapy between her and Alexis and the first one had been a disaster, not that Renee had expected much else. But Renee was willing to do anything to bridge the gap between them, even if that meant more sessions with Dr. Phillips, which frankly set her teeth on edge.

  “Alexis…did you bring your letter?” Dr. Phillips inquired gently. Alexis gave a faint nod. Renee nearly let out a whoosh of breath she’d been holding. Dr. Phillips looked to Renee. “Renee…did you bring yours?”

  Renee nodded and pulled a folded up piece of paper from her purse.

  “Excellent. Now this is how it will work. Last week I gave you both an assignment. You were to write a letter to the person you are most hurt by and tell them all the things you are sorry for and all the things that you feel the other person should apologize for.” She held up a finger to silence Alexis before she could interject something caustic and continued in her soft voice. “This is a safe place. When you are reading your letter there will be no interruptions from the other party. This is about healing and listening.”

  Renee’s palms felt sweaty but she waited for Dr. Phillips.

  Alexis shot Renee an uncertain look before turning to Dr. Phillips. “Do I have to go first?” she asked in a small, hard voice.

  “Only if you want to.”

  “I don’t.”

  Dr. Phillips nodded and turned to Renee. “Then Renee shall go first. You don’t mind, do you?”

  Renee shook her head and lifted her letter so she could read it, although tears were already clogging her throat a
s she cleared it. She started, only to stop and have to start again before she could get her mouth to cooperate.

  “My darling, sweet Alexis. I am deeply sorry that I put you in a position where you had to be the parent because I couldn’t be. Your father and I took your childhood away from you with our selfish behavior and I can’t change the past but I can give you a better future if you’ll let me. I am so sorry for the missed birthday parties, the constant moving around and the burden we placed on you at such a young age. Even though I thought I was doing the right thing, I never should’ve left you and the babies behind with your father. I should’ve realized he was unstable. His drug use had gotten out of control but I was panicked. I couldn’t stay there a minute longer without doing something crazy and in a moment of pure desperation I put myself before my children. I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting that choice. Every night Chloe screams in her sleep it rips my heart out. Every time I see that frightened look in Taylor’s eyes I want to cry but worse…every time I see that cold, hateful expression in your eyes when you look at me, I cringe because I know I deserve it.”

  Renee paused a minute to gauge Alexis’s reaction and was bolstered by the silent yet wide-eyed look as her oldest daughter listened. She continued.

  “Alexis…my golden girl. My soldier. Child of my heart. I can never explain the depth of my love for you. It’s bottomless. I can only hope that someday when you’re holding your own child in your arms you’ll understand the depth of what I feel for you. Until then, I just want the privilege of being your mother. If you’ll just let me in, I promise I’ll never let you down again.”

  Renee wiped her eyes and slowly folded her letter. Dr. Phillips gestured to Alexis, encouraging her gently. “It’s your turn, sweetheart. Say what you need to say to your mom.”

  Alexis turned her blue eyes to Dr. Phillips as if pleading with her but when the doctor simply offered a smile of encouragement, Alexis pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket and smoothed it out so she could read it. Swallowing hard, she began in a small voice.