Where the Heart Lies

by Michelle Garren Flye

  “Is that what your parents did?”

  He still held her hand, rubbing the fingers gently between his. “Yeah. My parents didn’t really see anything wrong with what I did. They drank and partied too. Of course, the time was different. The drinking age was lowered when I was a kid. Nobody could figure out why an eighteen-year-old could vote but not drink.” He laughed. “What nobody knew was that kids don’t have any business doing either one in today’s world.”

  Recognizing the pain in his voice, Alicia turned her hand over and closed her fingers over his. “So what happened with Troy?”

  He sighed and sat back, looking around. “I guess there’s no reason to be secretive. His parents have been very open about the problems he’s had. Maybe that’s best too. Long story short, he was out partying, drinking and driving, and he caused a pretty bad accident. Nobody killed, but one girl was hurt pretty badly. She’s going to be okay, thank God, but he’ll have to live with the pain he caused for the rest of his life.”

  He stopped speaking and his brows drew together. Was he thinking about the pain he had caused others with his drinking? She squeezed his hand. “He’s lucky to have you for a sponsor.”

  The frown faded and he returned the squeeze just as Peter and Tabitha sat down. Within a few moments, they were joined by several more professors and spouses, and the moment for serious conversation with Liam was gone. It was a lively group whose departments ranged from physics, biology and chemistry to environmental science and marine biology. They all seemed eager to one-up each other with funny stories, mostly told at someone else’s expense. Liam joined in with the others, roasting several of his own colleagues. By the time the band started up, Alicia hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time.

  Peter claimed her for a dance almost immediately, and a succession of professors followed. Alicia had never thought of college professors as particularly fun, but she found that released of the obligations of a classroom, this group, while not exactly wild, certainly could cut loose a little. She was listening to a group of bearded men trade stories about previous “Geek Balls” when the music slowed and a hand touched her shoulder. Liam stood behind her. He held out a hand. “Can I have this dance?”

  She let him lead her onto the dance floor again, moving gratefully into his arms, accepting his arm around her lower back without question, his other hand on the back of her shoulder as he turned his head into her neck, kissing her lightly and causing a delicious shiver to run through her. “I really just want to get you out of here.” He spoke as if continuing a conversation they’d begun earlier.

  “Okay.” She accepted the invitation without hesitation.

  * * *

  Liam paused in the Inn’s lobby. “Do you want to go back to your room?”

  Alicia looked out the front door. The street outside showed nearly as clear as in bright sunlight. “Is it a full moon? It looks like a full moon.”

  He shook his head. “I have no idea.”

  “Show me the campus,” she said. “And maybe we’ll figure it out together.”

  He took her hand, leading her out the front door. They followed the sidewalk to the path that led past Phillips Hall. Alicia contemplated the square brick structure where Liam spent so much of his time. It looked almost purple and somehow mysterious in the moonlight, but she could imagine undergraduates dragging their feet reluctantly to his classes.

  He led her to the steps of South Building. “C’mere, I want to show you something.” About midway up the steps, he stopped and turned her so she looked down the length of the campus, a parklike space crisscrossed with paths—both brick and worn dirt where students had taken shortcuts over the years. Lovely old trees spread a green canopy overhead. At the other end, she saw Wilson Library, which housed the university’s collection of rare books and manuscripts.

  “Look just above Wilson Library.” He stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders. “Do you see it?”

  In the bright moonlight, Alicia could easily make out the top of the Morehead Patterson Bell Tower, a triangle sitting on top of the venerable dome of Wilson Library. “The bell tower?”

  “Legend has it that John Morehead hated Louis Wilson because he wouldn’t let Morehead put a bell tower on top of the library that was going to be named for him. So Morehead had the bell tower built so it would look like a dunce cap from the steps of South Building.”

  Alicia turned to find him grinning at her. She laughed and smacked him playfully on the arm. “You’re teasing me. No way that’s true.”

  “Well, that’s the legend.” His eyes sparkled with mischief. “But then there are a lot of legends around here. Like Silent Sam, the statue up near Franklin Street. Legend has it he’ll fire his gun if a virgin walks by. He’s been puzzlingly silent the whole time I’ve been here.”

  Alicia smiled and turned back to look at the bell tower poking up above Wilson’s dome. She wondered if it could be true that the old men’s feud had been immortalized in the architecture of the campus. “Well, anything’s possible, I guess.” A light breeze lifted her hair from her shoulders and she closed her eyes, tilting her head. Thinking about Wilson and Morehead reminded her of Penny’s words: He wants you because you are Ty’s wife. He’s always wanted what Ty had.

  Without opening her eyes, she spoke. “The first time I kissed you, I was dreaming of Ty. You knew. He’s the only man I’ve ever been with.”

  His hand touched her face, then he kissed her, very gently, on the lips. As he drew away, he stroked her hair back and cupped her face with both hands. “The first time we kissed, I knew I never wanted to let you go. And that I’d never be able to keep my vow to stay away from you.”

  She remembered the keen embarrassment of that kiss. But had he really been reluctant to let her go? His admission took the sting from the memory. She held out her hand. He didn’t say anything as he accepted it. Fingers linked, they walked back to the inn.

  * * *

  She leaned her head on his shoulder as they entered the hotel. She barely noticed the people they passed and Liam didn’t seem to, either. As they waited for the elevator, he put an arm around her shoulders, turning to kiss the top of her head. Alicia smiled, content to walk beside him, as her heart beat faster and she struggled to keep her breathing even.

  At the door to her room, he took the key card from her hand and opened the lock. He reached for her hands, raising them to his lips as he returned the card to her. “It’s not too late.” His gaze met hers over her clasped hands. “I can leave you here.” He glanced at the door. “But if I go in there, I’m not sure I’ll have the strength to leave.”

  His words roused an unexpected sense of playfulness in her. “Can you? Leave me here, I mean?” She took a step forward, sliding her hands over his shirt. She kissed his neck and throat, then sought his lips as her arms looped around his neck. “Can you really leave me now?”

  He groaned and tilted his head, drawing her closer with one hand while with the other he sought the doorknob. He broke apart with a soft curse as he realized the door had closed and relocked in the interval. Alicia laughed, holding the card out to him. He took it with a mock growl, suddenly turning and pushing her against the door, his eyes intent on hers as he reached around her with the card. She blinked at him, her fingers playing with his tie as she asked again, “Could you really leave me?” She wasn’t sure what she wanted the answer to be.

  He bent his head, kissing her deeply, one hand on the back of her neck. She heard the lock click and the door give a little behind her. He held her steady so she wouldn’t fall. “It wouldn’t be easy.”

  She backed into the room, letting the door slide open as she pushed through, holding his gaze and his hand as she did so. “Then don’t.”

  He followed, kicking the door shut behind him as he took her in his arms. His lips teased hers, then moved to her neck and she felt his hands at
the zipper of her dress. Something that could only be described as panic started in her chest. She fought against it, telling herself she wanted him, smothering her fears by pulling him closer. It wasn’t until he slid his hands inside her dress, caressing the skin of her back and working his way to her bra strap that she suddenly yanked back.

  Her face burning, she turned away from him. The room, which had seemed large earlier, closed in around her. With nowhere to go, she grasped the back of the little sofa, hearing him breathing behind her. “I’m sorry.” She crossed her arms on her chest. “I just—I haven’t made love to a man since…”

  His hand on her shoulder was both comforting and terrifying. She froze as he moved closer and she felt his other hand at the small of her back—and the zipper being pulled up. He moved closer, putting both arms around her from behind, hugging her close. His chin on her shoulder, he caressed her arms. “It’s okay.”

  In spite of all he’d said about not being able to leave if she asked him to, he was letting her back down. She closed her eyes, enjoying his warmth. Before she was done enjoying the closeness, he drew away. She turned to him.

  He touched her face, as if he wanted to prolong their contact. “I should go.”

  “You don’t have to.” She wasn’t sure why she spoke the words except that she didn’t want to see him leave yet.

  He hesitated, searching her face for some sort of answer. “I don’t want to.”

  She wished she had an answer to give him. She didn’t know why she felt so conflicted. She didn’t want him to leave but the thought of making love to him terrified her. Casting about for a way to keep them entertained, she found the television. “Movie?”

  He found the movie channel and they settled on the couch. Liam held the remote in his hand, his other arm around her shoulders, legs propped on the coffee table. Instead of the movie, she studied his profile, seeking the right words to capture his attraction to her. After a while, she decided she would describe him as gently intelligent. She nuzzled his neck, smelling his aftershave and happy she was in his arms.

  He turned his head and kissed her, a simple kiss, as natural as breathing, but one that became more passionate as it continued. After a moment he pulled away, his eyes searching hers, but she smiled and lay back on the couch, pulling him to her, his body covering hers.

  Hesitation gone, resistance evaporated, he moved with certainty, his hands and lips on her body. She wriggled from the dress he unzipped, arching her back so his hands covered her breasts. “God,” he whispered, stripping off his shirt and pulling her to him, his skin warm against hers. “Oh God, I want you.”

  Alicia knew he was waiting for some sign from her and she obliged, reaching for his belt. He rolled them over so she straddled him, and she paused for a moment, distracted by the sensation of him between her legs. He grasped her hips and moved against her and she drew in a sharp breath. He laughed hoarsely. “I told you I want you.” He put a hand at the back of her neck and pulled her down to him, kissing her again.

  Eager to move on, a little afraid she might panic again, Alicia struggled with his belt, finally managing to impatiently pull it loose. He rewarded her efforts by kicking off his pants and pulling her close, lying beside her on the couch this time, their legs twining as they kissed. His hand on the small of her back, he pressed her closer to him, kissing her neck and shoulder. Alicia reveled in the worshipful way he touched her, as if he would never tire of holding her. His hands slid down and cupped her buttocks, and his lips sought her breast. She rolled partway over to allow him better access…and fell off the couch, pulling him with her.

  Somehow he managed to land beside her instead of on top of her, his shoulder hitting the floor beside her head. Still holding her, he rolled them over so she was on top of him. “Are you okay?” He sounded concerned but breathless.

  “Umm.” She bit her lip, sitting up. “I’m fine except for one thing.”

  “What?” He sat up without removing her from his lap.

  She moved impatiently against him. “I’m going to die if you don’t finish what you started.”

  He laughed, kissing her neck, his voice teasing. “Did I start this? You need to get your facts straight, sweetheart.” As he spoke, he moved slightly, and she raised herself onto her knees, eager to accommodate him, but he stopped her, holding her hips and pulling back to look at her. “You’re sure?”

  She bent to kiss him, trying to tell him with her actions how certain she was. “So sure.” Her hands trembled as she touched his face, but her voice was firm.

  He nodded. “Hold on a second.” He reached for his pants, and she heard the crinkle of a condom wrapper. She closed her eyes, a little embarrassed that she hadn’t thought of it, but then he pulled her down to him, kissing her again as she lowered herself onto him. His soft moan of pleasure unexpectedly brought the panic back and she froze, suddenly not sure at all, burying her head in his neck, fighting the terror and trembling against him as she realized she could never take back what she’d just done.

  He stroked her hair, his voice a gentle murmur against her ear as he sensed her alarm. “Shh. It’s okay, baby.” His loving touch on her bare skin brought back to her the certainty of a few moments before and she became slowly aware of the pleasure of having him inside her. When the desire for him overwhelmed her doubts, she pulled back to meet his gaze as she began to move again.

  “Jesus.” His voice was a prayer that she echoed as her fear was replaced with a hunger she knew he could satiate. As she moved to kiss him, he took over, finally sure of her response. He rolled them over on the floor, one hand cushioning her head as he established a rhythm that built in intensity until finally she gasped and pulled him hard against her, and a moment later he tensed, then relaxed, falling down on one elbow, resting against her and kissing her deeply.

  Their bodies still twined together, he opened his eyes and looked at her with gentle concern. His breath was slowing though his heartbeat raced against hers. “Are you okay?”

  “You’ve got to stop asking me that.” She wound her legs around his and caressed his back. “Can’t you tell? I haven’t felt this good in a long time.”

  He put his arms around her and rolled over, placing her in the crook of his arm. She snuggled close, enjoying the musky smell of him. She was only half awake when he carried her to the bed, placing her gently between the blankets and climbing in beside her. Just before sleep pulled her into its depths, she felt Liam’s arm around her and let her body mold itself against him as if she’d always belonged there.

  * * *

  She woke when the sunlight pouring over her would no longer allow sleep. Reluctantly she pulled herself from the depths of slumber, but when she found herself still wrapped in his arms, she was afraid to move. A content happiness washed over her with the sunlight and she lay still, listening to his breathing, the stubble on his jaw brushing against the top of her head. Her mind drifted to thoughts of how he’d felt against her and inside her and she wanted desperately to make love to him again.

  Just as the thought occurred to her, he moved beside her, brushing back the hair from her neck and kissing her. “Good morning.”

  “Good morning.” She smiled as he moved his hands from her arms to her belly and breasts. Her body remembered his touch and responded enthusiastically. She tilted her head back and he kissed her again, and this time when he entered her she had no doubts or fears.

  He slowed down, raising himself on one elbow as he kissed her neck and shoulder, moving his hands over her body. He captured one hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissing each finger. Each touch of his lips sent tiny shocks of pleasure through her body. He seemed intent on memorizing each part of her, and she moved with him, holding him inside her as if she could keep him there forever.

  When the passion was spent at last, however, she lay in his arms, content but yearning. She couldn’t
help but wonder how on earth it was going to work. Chapel Hill was filled with strangers who didn’t care about them. She could walk down the street holding his hand, or kiss him and never worry about who was watching, as they did when they left the hotel to find breakfast. She could stand beside her car with her arms wrapped around him, as she did when it was time to go home. When she returned home, surrounded by family and friends and nosy neighbors who thought she should never betray Ty’s memory, how could she tell them all that she’d fallen in love again?

  Liam pulled away to look at her, the late summer sunlight brightening his dark hair a little. “Okay?”

  She sighed. “How are we going to do this, Liam?”

  He pulled her close to him again, his lips against her hair. “It’ll be all right. We’ll work it out.”

  And because she didn’t have any other choice, she believed him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “So did you have fun?” Penny sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee cooling next to her. Her voice was light, but Alicia wasn’t fooled. Her friend wanted all the gory details and she wasn’t going to beat around many bushes to get them.

  Lulu frowned. “Geez, Penny, let the poor girl sit down first.” She turned as Alicia put the creamer into the fridge and sat. “Okay, so tell us all about it.”

  Alicia laughed, not resenting Lulu’s intrusiveness as much as Penny’s. Reminding herself that Penny meant well, she described the ball and its attendees in enough detail to have the other two giggling. She was just recounting dancing with one of the older professors with a long beard and wire-rimmed glasses that kept sliding down his nose when she remembered her last dance with Liam…and what followed. She fell silent and took a quick sip of her coffee, as much to hide her own expression as anything else.

  “Oh geez.” Penny rolled her eyes heavenward.

  Lulu swatted at Penny. “Leave her alone.”

  Penny sighed, turning to Alicia. “Fine. I’ll just say I hope you know what you’re doing.”