Where the Heart Lies

by Michelle Garren Flye

  “Me too.” Alicia sipped her coffee. What would happen when Liam came home in a few days? Could they make it work? Would they tell Gemma? “I just wish I could swear I did. I mean, he makes me feel—” She broke off at Penny’s look and blushed. “But I’m worried. About Gemma mainly. She adores Liam, but she loved her daddy too. Maybe she won’t be as happy as she thinks she will when Liam and I… And then there’s school next year. I already know how a whisper of gossip about me gets tongues wagging around here. What will the certainty of my relationship with Liam do?”

  “Honey, don’t put too much pressure on yourself.” Lulu set aside her coffee and picked up a basket next to her. She put on a pair of half glasses and began stitching an incredibly intricate floral pattern on a piece of pink material. “None of us ever really knows what we’re doing.”

  “Not even you?” Penny raised her eyebrows.

  “Oh yes, definitely me.” Lulu rolled her eyes and went back to stitching. “Yes, indeed. I woke up one morning and said, hey, it’s definitely best for me to give up my secure life with a cheating husband and become a lesbian. It won’t hurt my daughter at all.” She paused and they could all hear giggling from Gemma’s room. “You know I wake up at three o’clock in the morning—pretty much every day—and worry about what will happen to her if she grows up with two mommies. Will she have trust issues with men? With women? But you know what?”

  She pulled off her glasses and glared around at them. Penny looked amused but Alicia shook her head, holding her breath as she waited for Lulu’s final word. As if it would help her make her own decision.

  Lulu’s eyes softened at Alicia’s intent expression. “I’d chance it. I’d do the best I could with what I know how to do for a chance at love.”

  The weight on Alicia’s shoulders lightened, and she touched Lulu’s arm. Lulu smiled and even Penny sighed. “I guess we’re all trying for that happily ever after we were promised, huh?”

  “Haven’t you found it?” Lulu returned to her stitching.

  Penny walked restlessly over to the window. Alicia felt a little stab of anxiety for her friend. “Are you okay, Pen?”

  “Fine.” Penny looked around. “Just got a lot to do today.” She put her coffee cup into the sink and hugged Alicia. “Amy’s getting ready for college and of course she needs new clothes. She leaves next week and I can barely think about it without tearing up. So we’re off to shop—” she glanced at her watch, “—right about now, as a matter of fact. You girls have a good day.” With an airy wave she left, the screen door slamming behind her.

  “Well, that was unusual.” Lulu looked over her glasses at the door.

  “Yeah.” Alicia frowned at the door, but she wasn’t really surprised. Happy endings didn’t really happen outside fairytales.

  * * *

  “July was bad but August sucks.” Alicia spoke out loud to keep herself from looking at the clock. Liam would be home soon. She wanted to do something besides look from the clock to the door, but it was too hot to go outside. “I should have gone to work.”

  The house rang with emptiness. Jason was already in bed. Gemma had gone for ice cream with Millie. Alicia thought about Penny facing her only child leaving for college. Empty nest syndrome. Did her friend fear the sound of her own voice echoing back to her? Maybe that was why she had been so preoccupied lately. Or maybe she still didn’t approve of Alicia’s relationship with Liam.

  A quiet tap on the door pulled her out of her ruminations and she turned to find Liam standing in the doorway. The surge of happiness at the sight of him quickly overcame any lingering guilt, and the muscles of her face relaxed in a welcoming smile. “Come in.”

  He stepped in quietly and she fought against the impulse to fling herself into his arms, carefully drying the silverware and placing it into the appropriate drawer. She turned as he crossed the room. He raised his eyebrows. “Are we alone?”

  “Millie took Gemma for ice cream about fifteen minutes ago and Jason’s in bed.” Alicia lifted her gaze to meet his as he came to a stop a few inches away. “Welcome home.”

  “I’ll say.” He bent his head, tasting her lips and stealing her breath, his hands sliding over her hips to her lower back. Alicia wrapped her arms around his neck and surrendered herself to his kiss, but after several moments of indulgence, she drew away, glancing nervously at the back door. He sighed and released her. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” She stood where he’d left her, her hands holding on to the sink behind her. In spite of the air-conditioning, the humidity formed a sticky film on her skin, but she also felt cold, as if she couldn’t help missing his body next to hers. A distant memory from her childhood intruded. She’d come home from her last day of sixth grade, tossed her book bag in the corner of the kitchen and gone into the living room to find her mother and father in an embrace. Because air-conditioning, even in southern Georgia, had been a luxury their family couldn’t afford, the house had been like an oven. Alicia remembered wondering how they could stand to touch each other in the heat, much less kiss. I guess I understand now.

  “Still with me?”

  “Yeah.” She sat across from him, still thinking about her parents and how she’d hoped she and Ty would be like them someday. She cared so much about Liam now, but could they achieve that happiness together? She opened her mouth and said, “This isn’t going to work.”

  “Probably not.” He took her hand, laid it gently in one palm, then covered it with his other hand. A gentle sensation of warmth spread through her, dispelling her chill. His gaze met hers.

  She shook her head, confused by the disparity of his words and actions. “Excuse me?”

  He let go of her hand. “I thought about it all the way home. In fact, I’ve had a hard time thinking about anything but you since you left. I’ve thought and considered and wondered and imagined and no scenario ends well.” As he spoke, he stood, leaned across the table and kissed her. Then he moved around the table and sat next to her, still kissing her, his hands on her waist, pulling up her shirt and finding her skin.

  She gasped with the pleasure of his touch, her hands in his hair as he moved his mouth to her neck and then to her ear. “It doesn’t work if you think about it. But if you feel it…” he nipped her earlobe and sat back, lacing his fingers through hers, “…you’ll know we can work it out. How long did you say we have?”

  Excitement surged through her, taking her breath, and she half stood, ready to lead him to her bedroom, but her knees gave away when she saw Penny standing in the door.

  “Sorry to interrupt.” Penny’s voice dripped sarcasm. She gave them both a scathing look.

  “Why on earth would you say you’re interrupting?” Liam glanced at his fingers laced through Alicia’s. “Oh that? Posh.” He raised his eyebrows at her, not moving.

  She pushed through the screen door and folded her arms over her chest, glaring back at him. Alicia looked from one to the other and finally, gently, drew away from Liam. When he looked at her, she leaned forward and kissed him. “Penny and I need to talk.”

  He sighed and nodded. “Okay, I’m going. I need to check in at the bar, anyway. I’ll be back in an hour?” At her nod, he brushed past Penny without a word on his way out.

  Penny ignored him, stepping further into the kitchen and folding her arms over her chest. “So you two are sneaking around now, then?”

  Alicia, bereft and angry, listened to Liam’s car backing down the drive. But Penny had been her best friend since she moved to Hillsborough and she was obviously having a hard time with something Alicia didn’t believe had anything to do with her and Liam. Taking a deep breath, she turned her attention to her friend. “Look, I know you’re going through something right now, and you haven’t shared it with me so I’m going to cut you some slack and not tell you to mind your own damn business. What’s bugging you, Pen?
Is it Amy leaving?”

  “No, it’s not Amy leaving!” Penny threw up her arms. “You don’t know what you’re doing. That’s what it is! Liam’s not going to give you anything but heartbreak. And how are you going to explain this?”

  “Explain it?” Alicia shrugged. “I don’t need to explain it.”

  “Not even to your daughter?” Penny raised her eyebrows. “I’d feel the need to explain it to my daughter if I was replacing her father.”

  Alicia bit her lip, trying hard to keep her temper, but her voice was cold when she spoke. “I’m not replacing anybody. Nobody will ever replace Ty.”

  “You are replacing him! I know you are because I’ve done it myself!” She broke off.

  Alicia heaved a sigh. “Sweetie, I know you’re emotional right now with Amy leaving and everything. It’s to be expected. But you didn’t replace Amy’s father. He was a mistake and he left you.”

  “He wasn’t a mistake!” Penny’s voice rose. “He would never have left if I’d told him the truth! And now it’s too late!”

  Something clicked in Alicia’s mind. She remembered the soft spring breeze through yellow-green leaves as she walked with Amy to the pond that day. I used to think I might know who my father was. I thought it might be Dr. Addison. She stood slowly and walked over to the sink. She almost felt like she might throw up as the shock of her friend’s near admission ricocheted through her. “You never told him.” Her voice shook. “Liam?”

  Penny shook her head, but Alicia no longer believed her friend. “You’ve been lying to me—all this time.” She turned away and opened her mouth to either condemn or forgive Penny, though she wasn’t sure which. She didn’t get a chance, though, as the screen door slammed and she turned to find herself alone.

  * * *

  She called Millie and asked her, in a numb voice, if she’d mind keeping Gemma a little longer. Startled, Millie asked if everything was okay. When Alicia assured her it was, that she just needed a couple of hours to take care of something, Millie offered to take Gemma to a movie. Alicia hung up the phone and sat at the table to wait for Liam to return.

  He did, peeking into the kitchen in a comical fashion. “Is she gone?”

  Alicia looked at him without humor. “She’s gone.”

  He frowned, coming into the kitchen, his face creased with concern. “What’s wrong?” Realization dawned. “What did she tell you?”

  “The truth. Finally.” She drew in a painful breath. “About Amy.”

  “Oh.” He sat across from her and reached for her hands. “That must have been hard to hear.”

  “Hard to hear?” She frowned, pulling away from him. “You mean you knew?”

  “About Amy?” Liam shook his head, looking confused. “I don’t understand. I thought she told you. Of course I knew.”

  He sounded so matter of fact. Almost callous. Alicia looked at him incredulously. “I know she’s yours, Liam.”

  “Mine?” His expression changed, anger coloring his features. “Is that what she told you?”

  “Well, yes.” Her certainty left her under his glare. “Penny said—even Amy thought—”

  “Don’t say that!” He looked so angry she stopped. He looked like he’d like to hit something. He took a deep breath and let it out. “Don’t say she thought I was her father and walked away from her.”

  “She did, but she doesn’t now.” Alicia touched his arm, uncertain whether she wanted to comfort him. “If you knew, why did you leave? Did you think it was the best thing to do? Let her mother raise her when things didn’t work out for the two of you?” His muscles tensed and released under her touch. “Maybe it was the best thing you could do, under the circumstances.”

  He stared at her. “You really believe that?”

  “I do.”

  She looked into his eyes, holding his gaze directly, ready to forgive him. After a moment, he turned away, but not before she spotted the pain. “I don’t know what’s worse at this point, that you can think I’d do that, or the actual truth.”

  “The truth?”

  He was silent. Alicia felt a chill. She reached out and grabbed his arm, turning him back to face her. “What does that mean?” He reached for her, but she jerked away. “If you’re not Amy’s father, who is? And why would I care? It was almost twenty years ago.”

  He took a deep breath and sat at the table, motioning for her to sit too. When she remained on her feet, he shrugged and started talking. “Penny and Ty dated a couple of months at the end of high school. I didn’t think it was real serious because it didn’t last long. I guess one of those times they went out, things got out of hand, I don’t know the details. Maybe Ty got a little carried away, maybe he didn’t realize she was in love with him. It wasn’t like him, but they had sex. But it wouldn’t have worked with them. They both figured that out pretty quick and broke it off. Then Penny told me she was pregnant. She was going to tell Ty that night, but he had a scholarship. I begged her not to do it. It would ruin his life because no way would he go to college and leave her. She was going to go ahead with it, but I showed up drunk and he punched me out. And the rest is history.”

  Suddenly too weak to stand, Alicia sank into the seat he’d pushed out for her. She couldn’t look at him. How could he do this? How could they keep this from me? And Amy…

  “It wasn’t his fault, Alicia. Just remember that. Penny never told him. He was gone for four years. When he came back, she lied, told him it wasn’t him. He’d already put his life back together once. He had a career, and then years later he met you, and even she could tell he was so much happier with you than he would have been with her. She honestly thought she was doing the right thing.”

  Alicia surged to her feet, holding out a hand as if to stop him from saying anything else. “No.” She shook her head in negation. “Not Ty.” But she’d seen it every time Amy was with Gemma. The similarities between them. Their eyes, their laughter—and the look on Penny’s face whenever she saw the girls together.

  Ty’s daughters.

  She turned and ran out the door, her heart beating wildly in her throat. She cut through backyards without regard for boundaries or where she was going, wondering if Ty had done this often with his best friend. His friend who’d just broken her heart. She didn’t stop until she reached the pond, where she paced at the edge of the water, breathing hard. Amy was Ty’s daughter. He’d been her father and never known. Anger and pain at what Penny had kept from him tore through her. And Liam had known. “Oh God.” She covered her face with her hands, trembling, wanting to cry but too angry to manage it.

  After a long time, she dropped her hands to her sides. Gemma would be home soon. And Jason—she’d run out of the house without thinking about him. She had to get back. Resigned, she retraced her steps. Inside her own house, she stopped, breathing hard. She hadn’t noticed if Liam’s car was outside.

  Alicia grasped the back of a kitchen chair, her breath panting in her throat. “Shit. Oh, shit.” Emotions still swirled through her chest. Anger and fear and a horrific sadness. How could Penny have kept this from Ty? He’d never had a chance to know his beautiful daughter.

  The screen door opened behind her. Gemma came in, chattering. “Mommy, we found yellow toadstools all in a circle! Amy says the fairies probably danced there last night and used the toadstools for umbrellas.”

  Taking a second to collect herself, Alicia knelt and gave her daughter a quick hug. “That’s great, honey.” She couldn’t look at Amy, standing at the door. Oh God, Amy. “Where’s your grandma?”

  “I saw them pull up outside.” Amy sounded concerned, as if she’d picked up on Alicia’s tension. “I offered to bring Gemma in. Mrs. Galloway said to tell you she’d call you later.”

  Gemma danced off down the hallway and Alicia stayed where she was.

  “Are you okay, Mrs. Galloway?
” Amy’s voice drifted to her from a great distance. If she wasn’t careful, Amy would see something in her eyes, some vestige of the truth that was no longer hidden. She took a deep breath, searching for a reply that wouldn’t betray her.

  They were interrupted by hurried footsteps on the front porch. Alicia looked up to see Penny, a panicked expression on her face, and Liam. Alicia met Penny’s gaze without wavering, her back straight and her eyes direct.

  “Don’t!” Penny cried, and the sound of anguish in her friend’s voice made Alicia relent.

  She looked at Amy and saw the girl’s confusion. “It’s okay,” she said quietly, not really sure if she were talking to Penny or Amy. Maybe both. “You should go home now, Amy. You and your mom have a lot to talk about.” She met Penny’s gaze again and Penny nodded, fear changing to acquiescence. Alicia turned away and gave Amy a reassuring, if weak, smile. “If you want to come back, though, you’re always welcome.”

  Amy’s young brow furrowed in a way Alicia recognized. How many times had she seen Ty’s face with that same expression? She bit her lip and watched the girl cross the room. Penny half reached for her, then drew her arms back. “Go ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.” Amy hesitated, giving them all a confused look, but then continued. Penny turned to Alicia. “Thank you.”

  “You have to tell her.” Alicia was firm. “She has to know.”

  “I’ll tell her. It won’t help anything at this point, though.”

  “She has a right to know.” Alicia reached for the chair, grasping it more in anger than for support now. “It’s not my fault you kept it a secret too long for her to know her father.” Her voice was harsh and Penny flinched. Alicia turned away, still holding tight to the chair, and found herself staring into Liam’s eyes as Penny’s footsteps retreated from the porch.

  “I’m sorry.” He reached for the hand that grasped the chair for support. She jerked it back and found she could stand on her own. He nodded and withdrew his hand. “You need to hear what I have to say.”