Finding Glory

by Sara Arden

  A creak on the stairs jerked them both back to reality and Gina retreated to the far side of the couch, breath coming in short gasps. Her lips were swollen and bee-stung, eyes heavy-lidded with desire.

  For him.

  They both looked for the source of the sound, and it was just the giant Maine coon cat that he’d allowed Amanda Jane to bring inside.

  “That thing’s a beast. I didn’t know you were a cat person.”

  “I...not so much. Amanda Jane found him. This is supposed to be temporary until we see if anyone claims him, but I think we’re his forever home.”

  The cat had to be twenty pounds. He stomped down the stairs, swishing his tail. And before Gina could say anything about it, he reminded her, “You didn’t say no cats. You said no ponies.”

  She laughed. “That is what I said. What’s his name?”

  He shrugged. “Boris.”

  “He kind of looks like a Boris. He’s very stern, isn’t he?”

  “I tried to talk her into a kitten, but she was set on him.”

  “It’d be easier to tell her no about things if she made more of a fuss, wouldn’t it?” Gina said, straightening her skirt.

  “She’s so...easy to be with.” He didn’t know if that was actually the descriptor he wanted, but it was close.

  “Yeah.”

  “She’s a lot like you were when we were kids.”

  Gina cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

  “You always kept your head down. You never asked for things unless you really needed them. You tried not to be a drain on anyone. Helped where you could, never got in trouble. And really, you never got to have a childhood.”

  Gina flushed. “I didn’t want that for her.”

  “I’m not saying you’ve done a bad job with her. I think maybe little girls with big brains see things much too clearly before they should have to, regardless of their circumstances.”

  “Maybe you’re right.” Gina bit her lip.

  All he could think about now was kissing her again, but the moment had passed and it would be easier on everyone if they didn’t speak of it.

  His dick wouldn’t be forgetting it any time soon, though.

  “So, what happened...”

  “We don’t have to talk about it. I assumed you didn’t want to.” He didn’t think he could stand another round of telling him he wasn’t what she wanted.

  “I shouldn’t have put that on you.”

  “Put what on me?”

  “My...peace of mind.” She nodded slowly as if she’d just realized that was what it was. “That’s on me to find for myself. I shouldn’t have to crawl in your lap and beg you to kiss me just to get my head straight.”

  “I’ll kiss you anytime you want me to, Gina.” Damn it, why had he said that? If she took him at his word, he’d just be opening himself up for more feelings he didn’t want. He’d be her go-to, her crutch, and when she found herself and fell in love with someone else, he’d be left with a lot of lonely nights, fantasy and memories of kisses that were never his.

  She blushed. “You like kissing me?”

  “That’s a stupid question.”

  “I like kissing you, too. So we probably shouldn’t do it, right?” The earlier heat between them had faded and all they were left with was the consequences of their actions.

  But Reed was sure the scorch marks would never fade. “Probably not. Are you still good with the movers coming this weekend?” Talk about banality, everyday little things that were nothing compared to that kiss.

  Or he was going to take her to bed, the consequences be damned.

  “Yeah.” She bit her lip. “So, when do you want to do this wedding thing?”

  This wedding thing. That was exactly why this could go no further. “This week, if it suits you.”

  “My grams wants to do a big thing, but I’d rather just...I’d rather save that, if you know what I mean.”

  He did. He knew exactly what she meant. She wanted to save the pomp and circumstance for when it mattered. Not that he thought he didn’t matter or this didn’t matter, but this marriage was a business arrangement. A familial arrangement. It wasn’t about what weddings were supposed to be about.

  It cut him, even though he knew it really shouldn’t. This wasn’t about them, not really.

  “I understand.”

  “I care about you,” she whispered, seemingly trying to dull the blow she’d dealt him.

  “I care about you, too.” He knew she wasn’t trying to hurt him, but just as he’d predicted, even only kissing her had demanded its price.

  “I should go.”

  “I think that’s probably best.” Because he couldn’t stop thinking about her, thinking about that kiss and wanting so much more than they’d been given. “I’ll call you a cab.”

  “I’ll walk to Grams’s. The night air will do me good.”

  “I feel like I should protest, but this is Glory.”

  “Yeah, I’ll probably have Caleb or Judd on me in a second stuffing me in the back of a car or insisting on walking me, anyway.”

  “That’s not what I’m supposed to do here, right? Insist on walking you home? It’d be the gentlemanly thing to do, but I’m pretty sure you’re a grown woman who can decide when and where she wants to go.”

  “No.” She laughed. “It’s not a trick or a test. I do know exactly where I want to go.”

  “At least text me when you get home so I know you got there safely? If you don’t text me in an hour, I’m coming looking for you with guns blazing, sweetheart.”

  She laughed again, the sound musical. “Okay. If you insist.” Gina paused at the door. “You should know, my grandmother would love that.”

  “Wait a sec.” He grabbed his keys and took the extra key to the house off the ring. He pressed it into her palm and closed her fingers around it. “This is yours.”

  She bit her lip, as if chewing over something she wanted to say, but wasn’t sure if she should. Then she blurted, “You should know...this key? It means more to me than any conglomeration of metal and jewels you could put on my finger.”

  “I know.” He still had a hold of her hand. “So let me buy you the ring, anyway.”

  “When you put it that way, I guess it’s okay.”

  “You might be the only woman who has ever said no to diamonds.”

  “Just a band, remember? Practicals.”

  “Right. Just a band, then.” He didn’t want to let go of her hand, but he did and he watched her walk through the door without looking back.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  THAT WAS A DAMN LIE, to be sure.

  Gina had no idea where she wanted to go. No, that was a lie, too. She knew where she wanted to go, but she also knew that it was wrong. Some big fancy wedding to Reed, all to feed her fantasy? No. She’d buy the dress, she’d do the whole thing when she was getting forever.

  Gina definitely shouldn’t have kissed him again.

  She blushed just remembering making out with him on that sofa, straddling his lap. The hard evidence of his desire so obvious.

  Her face, and all sorts of other places, flamed when she thought about it. She couldn’t believe how...wanton she’d been. That was an old word, outdated and applied to hellions with flaming red hair on the back of frothy horses. Not plain old Gina Townsend. Yet, it was the only thing that came to mind. She’d demanded he kiss her, clung to him, rubbed herself all over him.

  And it had been so good.

  His touch made her wheels stop turning so furiously, it centered her. Being near Reed grounded her, until she started thinking of him as a man—a handsome, virile man, and then it launched her off into the stratosphere, but in a good way. She couldn’t explain it and sounded like a lunatic, even to herself, when she t
ried.

  The night air wasn’t exactly cool, but it was enough to push the heat from her face.

  She took her shoes off and walked barefooted toward Grams’s. Gina needed the time to think. To process. Or maybe she needed the space between her and everyone else. Walking at this time of night, there was a certain freedom there. She didn’t have to go back to the real world yet. She could remember what it was like to be in his arms. To spin around on a cloud... It was okay here to think about that kiss, to think about what things might have been like.

  Only it wasn’t.

  Without the bad times, he wouldn’t be the man he’d become. So she couldn’t have any regrets.

  Her steps slowed as she approached the warm light spilling from Grams’s windows. Inside that house was still a haven, but it was in the real world nonetheless. With Amanda Jane. Inside, she had to think about what that kiss would mean not just for Gina, but for Amanda Jane, too.

  She wanted this moment to herself just a little bit longer. Then she’d go inside and snuggle up to her niece where she slept in Gina’s father’s old bedroom.

  But Helga Gunderson opened the door. “Well, are you going to stand out there mooning all night or are you going to come in? My old bones need to go to bed.”

  Gina laughed. “I’m coming in, ma’am.”

  Once she was inside, she put her shoes down on the chair.

  “I see you didn’t lose a shoe,” her grandmother said. “I haven’t decided if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

  “I say let the girl decide.”

  “I suppose.” Maudine sniffed.

  “Well, are you going to tell us or what?” Helga was impatient.

  “It was just a charity thing. He asked and I went because we’re, you know, getting married.”

  “Yes. About that.” Helga nodded. “This is agreeable to you? I know you signed the prenup, but I want to know if this is really what you want to do.”

  A way out. She should’ve known that Helga wouldn’t push her to do something that she didn’t want to do even if she thought it was best for her. A tension she didn’t know she’d been carrying was leached out of her.

  “Helga,” Maudine began.

  “Hush, you meddlesome woman. I’m talking to Grandbaby now.”

  Maudine crossed her arms over her chest and harrumphed.

  Helga, when she wasn’t being official, always called her Grandbaby. As if that was her name. She found it strangely endearing.

  “Yes. I’ll say Grams was right about this and so were you.” She eyed her grandmother. “Don’t let that go to your head.” She sighed. “But it is the best way to give Amanda Jane stability and security. Reed isn’t... He’s...” She looked for the word to best describe him.

  “He wasn’t a bad kid, even though he got involved with a bad crowd,” Helga said helpfully.

  “He really is a good man. I think it’s obvious by the way he’s willing to do anything for Amanda Jane. Anything for me to feel safe about this, even though I think it hurts him.”

  “So if I said to be in my chambers tomorrow at four, we could proceed.” Helga eyed her carefully.

  The question hit her like a brick—hard. It numbed her for a moment, but she knew she’d feel something else when that numbness faded.

  “We’d talked about proceeding, so I don’t see why not. Yes.”

  “Good. Let the groom know. Now I can go to bed.”

  She picked up her phone and texted him.

  Wanna get married tomorrow?

  Her phone buzzed with his reply. I’ll be there.

  Judge’s chambers. Four.

  See you soon. Glad you got to Grams’s okay.

  This time tomorrow, Reed Hollingsworth would be her husband.

  “You don’t even have a dress. Come up to the attic with me.”

  She followed Grams up to the attic while Helga showed herself out. There, draped over a dress form, was a simple, flowing white dress. The only decoration was the pearls sewn like a crown into the empire waist.

  “Grams, I...”

  “Yes, you can. And you will. This is your dress and it will be Amanda Jane’s. Just as it was mine, and your mother’s. Maybe you’re not marrying Reed because you’re in love with him, but this is a big thing. You should have your family with you. This way, we can all be with you. Even your mother.”

  Her nose prickled and her eyes watered and she found herself at a loss for words.

  “You’ll at least let me do your hair?”

  She nodded. “Whatever you want.”

  “Good. Because we bought a dress for Amanda Jane, too.”

  Gina laughed. “Of course you did.”

  “I also gave your notice for you when Reed asked me to call in for you.” She said this as if she was simply adding something to the grocery list.

  “Grams!”

  “Shannie at Bullhorn said it was about time you quit and wishes you the best. And the city, well, they weren’t as thrilled. But in a few years, those guys will be bringing patients to you.”

  If she was honest with herself, she was glad her grandmother had done it for her. She didn’t want to leave the family she’d found at the Bullhorn or her job as an EMT. But something had to give and those two things were it. She’d be more available to her niece, and again being honest, she’d be more available to herself. She’d be able to study, to do all the things she needed to do without burning the candle at both ends.

  Well, most days, anyway.

  “Since Amanda Jane is already asleep, why don’t you stay here tonight?”

  “Okay, Grams. But only if you make us waffles for breakfast.”

  “Always with the bribing,” she teased. “Of course I’ll make you waffles, silly girl.” Grams hugged her.

  “I love you, Grams.”

  “I love you, too, sweetface.”

  “Want to watch some old movies and eat popcorn?”

  “I certainly do.”

  Gina changed into the pair of jammies she had in her old room, careful not to wake Amanda Jane. Then she crawled into her grams’s big bed and accepted the giant melamine bowl of popcorn.

  “This is a rather tame bachelorette party, but I think it’s good.” Grams crawled in next to her, complete with bunny slippers and hair in rollers.

  “Just like when I was little.” When things got too tough at home, when she was too tired to deal with it all, she would come to Grams’s. Here was where she got to be a child. Here was where it was safe. Here was where she’d gotten her sense of self and the steel in her spine, but only because this was where she didn’t need it.

  “Everything is going to change tomorrow, honey. And it’s okay. It’s supposed to.”

  “I don’t want to think about that.” Because it was all she had been thinking about.

  “No one will ever be able to take Amanda Jane away from you. Or Reed. Or your future.”

  She leaned over. “I’m still scared.”

  “There’s nothing to be afraid of. You’ve been a grown-up for a long time. Longer than you should’ve had to have been.”

  “Maybe not. I’ve always leaned on you and now it’s like...I don’t know. The buck could still stop with you. But now it stops with me.”

  “I’m always here for you if you need me.”

  “Why did you pick Reed?” She wondered what had sparked her grams’s absolute faith in the man she hadn’t seen in years. Why had she picked him for Gina?

  “I didn’t. You did.”

  “When I was twelve,” she snorted.

  “Sometimes, the heart knows what it knows.”

  “You’ve got some interesting ideas, Gram.”

  “Helga thinks so, too. Now that we’ve got you settled, Helga and I think we shoul
d start on Marie. You know that boy Johnny Hart?”

  “Yes, Grams. I know him.” He was the one who’d fixed Reed’s car on a weekend for a plate of Bullhorn.

  “His mother. Who do you think would be a good match for her? You’re going to be a married woman and that entitles you to some input into The Grandmothers.”

  She laughed. “No rest for the wicked?”

  “Never,” Maudine declared.

  “I don’t know. Marie is very sweet, but very traditional.”

  “I think she needs something to shake her up. What about that lawyer?”

  “Oh, lord, Grams. Gray? No. Plus, I’d kind of like to see him with Emma.”

  “You’re a natural,” Maudine cackled, sounding a bit like a wicked witch. “Think about Marie. I need to get in some more trouble. It keeps me young.”

  “I think maybe it does. I was just threatening to sic you on him.”

  “Oh, really? And what does your future husband think of that?” Maudine cocked her head to the side. “Not that he gets a say, but...”

  “He thought it was a good idea.”

  “I knew I liked him. Now let’s watch this movie and pretend we’re sniffling for the characters and not ourselves.”

  * * *

  WHEN IT WAS TIME for Gina to get ready to go to the courthouse the next day, she seriously considered climbing down the portcullis and running away.

  What if she’d made the wrong decision?

  What if by doing this, she was letting Amanda Jane in for more heartache? It was all fun and good times right now, but what about later? What about if Reed changed his mind about being a parent?

  She didn’t have control over that.

  The only things she could control were her own actions, and the only way to protect Amanda Jane from that was to have never allowed him back in her life to begin with.

  And it was too late for that.

  Her mother used to say sometimes you’ve wandered so far into the forest that you couldn’t turn around. The only way was through.

  She guessed that this situation was like that. She just had to push through, see it through. And with Amanda Jane’s hand in hers, she’d walk through any forest, any mountain, any fire.