Handfuls of Shattered Pieces

by Kerry Taylor

  It had just been so unexpected. My parents were dead. I hadn’t expected anyone to ever know who I even was, but she did. Did that mean more people would recognise me and know what happened, what I let happen?

  “Hey! Hey! Love, look at me. You are still safe. She’s no one. We’re all here with you. We have you!” Kade said firmly as he too bent down so I could see him. Knowing he was right, I was safe with them, I made my eyes look around me, from one guy to the next, seeing they were all there for me. I fought to take deeper and deeper breaths and within minutes I was back, and a lot calmer, though still nauseous.

  “Sorry.” I whispered once I had enough breath to do so. “I just….I didn’t…..”

  “It’s ok, beautiful. Just breathe. As soon as she brings the food we’ll get you home.” Cole soothed as he ran his hand over the top of mine where it rested on the table in front of me. over and over.

  “Kyle, give me your keys. I’ll go and get the car and park it out front so we can get gone. We can drop Kade at his car on the way home, or bring him back for it later.” Matt said as he held out his hand to Kyle.

  “Good idea.” Kyle agreed as he handed over the fancy key for the black SUV we had all driven over in.

  “I won’t be long Carina.” Matt told me. I smiled, hoping to reassure him, then with a wink to me, he was out of the door.

  It was twenty minutes and a lot of worried glances from the guys later when the waitress wordlessly brought out two big bags and dumped them aggressively on the table before us.

  Kade pulled out his wallet and literally threw a one hundred dollar bill across the table to her.

  “Tell Ricci I’ll be by later to talk with him about his staff member’s appalling lack of discretion.” He growled, then he pulled me up and wrapped his jacket around my shaking shoulders. “Let’s get out of here.” Kyle declared. He and Cole had all of our shopping bags split between them, so their hands were filled, but they stayed close to me, surrounding me, as we walked past all of the staring customers who had overheard every word Kelly had yelled. I saw them all gawking, wondering if I had been trafficked or taken by a pedo. I had never felt so self conscious.

  Finally we got out into the street and I took my first full breath since she had pounced on me. Matt had text to say he got stuck in traffic but was a minute out, so we were just waiting for him.

  “I’m so sorry, Love. I never thought anyone would harass you like that.” Kade said as he pulled me in even tighter against his side.

  “It’s not your fault. I just never expected anyone to recognise me, never mind start spouting off their theories.”

  “She was an idiot. Don’t take any notice of what she said.” Cole said flatly, no hint of his usual humour.

  “She wasn’t wrong though, was she?”

  “None of what you went through was your fault Liv. Don’t you dare take any of that on, and don’t let anyone judge you in any way. You went through hell and came out the other side stronger. That’s all that matters.”

  I opened my mouth to disagree, to say I refused to ever leave the house again, but I never got the chance because all hell broke out around us in a matter of seconds.

  “There she is!” A guy shouted from across the street and I looked up just in time to see him hurtling toward me from a large white van, followed by about a dozen more people from several other vehicles pulling up.

  “Shit!” Kade cursed as he spun me in his arms and hid me inside his jacket. He lifted me up, holding me against his chest.

  “It’s going to be ok Livy, we all got you.” Kade said quickly. I glanced out just in time to see Cole charging through the crowd of people, all with cameras and microphones, like a Mac truck. Thankfully they all moved out of his path pretty quickly, and Kade was right behind him, with Kyle at the back. The strangers, who I quickly realised were reporters and press, were all shouting questions over each other and I clamped my hands hard over my ears in panic. I had no idea what was going on and my body surged with adrenaline, ready to defend itself.

  The only thing stopping me from screaming in fear was the guys all around me, doing all they could to protect me.

  I don’t know when Matt had arrived with the car, but by the time we got across the street, he was there, opening the door and talking to me as Kade jumped in, but I couldn’t hear him, too scared to move my hands.

  Kade sat in the back seat with me in his lap and I turned in time to see Cole jump in beside us. Kyle and Matt were upfront, Kyle driving and we sped away fast once all of the doors were shut.

  “What the hell happened?” Matt asked as he looked around to me with worry and confusion.

  “That stupid fucking waitress must have called the press. There were a load of news networks there!” Kyle growled, and I knew he was angry, even hearing him through my hands.

  “Guys, just cool it. Let’s give Olivia a few minutes quiet.” Cole said as he looked down at me and ran a hand over my forehead soothingly.

  Silence filled the car except for the traffic noises outside and I just closed my eyes and tried to calm the adrenaline that was racing and making me antsy and shaky.

  I was angry and upset, and so confused. Why was it every time I took a step forward, something ripped me back into the darkness? I just wanted to find a way to live my life. I was messed up and broken, and I knew it would never be perfect, but couldn’t I just take the shattered pieces I had remaining and be given some time to try and piece them together without everything being so damned hard?

  I opened my eyes and looked out of the window as the city flew by at speed. It had all just been too much that day, adapting to the busy mall, remembering my dad, the crazy food hall and then everything that had just happened.

  “Kyle, pull over!” I yelled.

  “What? Why?” He asked as he looked up to me in the rearview.

  “Kyle, please!” I cried. He got the car onto the shoulder of the large road just in time for me to throw the door open and leap out. I ran over to the grass verge and threw up several times. Tears were streaming down my face and I knew I was losing all control. Things just seemed so dark and I really couldn’t see my life ever getting past that recurring cycle of what had happened to me.

  Exhausted I fell to my knees on the hard tarmac. I was gasping for breath from the effort it had taken me to vomit and I couldn’t stop crying or shaking.

  “Come Carina.” Matt’s voice said softly from behind me. I felt his warm hands take my waist and lift me up to his chest. I buried my face in his neck, knowing I must smell terrible, but needing him more than I cared about that. He didn’t seem to care either as he gathered my legs in his other arm and held me tight against his chest.

  “Let’s get you home.” He whispered softly and I almost cried with relief at the thought of the place, just a few days ago, I worried I would never feel was home, but I had been wrong. Home was now wherever the guys were. They made me feel safe and protected and cared for. that was home, wasn’t it?

  Slowly he carried me back to the car and climbed into the back where Kade had been before. I saw Kade jump up front and once again we were moving, this time no one saying a thing the rest of the journey home.

  “Matt, Cole, you guys get Olivia in and settled. I’m gonna call Rob and see if he’ll send a couple of guys over to watch the gates for a few days until this all settles down. Kade, you call Mom and Dad. If any of those reporters works out who we are, we don’t want them catching either of them off guard.” Kyle ordered, always so calm and in control, the complete opposite to me. Inside I felt like my head was going to explode. I just couldn’t handle anymore crap being thrown at me. I survived The Shadow and The Darkness all to get home to my parents, only to find them both gone, then I get this second chance with this awesome new family and I’m too fucked up to keep it together for more than a few hours at a time, with them. Now the press were after me, wanting to drag up every horrible thing that happened to me. It seemed like it would never end and I knew there was no hope f
or me ever finding any kind of version of a normal life. I was broken, my life destroyed and worse of all, that interested the nation. They wanted to know how fucked up what happened to me was, they wanted to read the sick stories over their oatmeal in the morning. This wasn’t some drama for everyone to gawp at though. It was my life, what was left of it, and after having it ripped from me for eight years, didn’t I deserve to have what remained in peace?

  “Stay here Olivia.” I heard Matt say as he placed me on the back seat and climbed out. “I’ll just help Cole grab the bags, then I’ll come help you out, ok?” I nodded blindly, not really listening. Kyle and Kade were both still in the front seat on their cells, both talking, but I wasn’t listening to them either. They had all been so amazing since I moved there. The fur of them was all that was holding me together and making me feel brave enough to keep going. I cared for all of them, maybe even more than I dare admit, and I thought they cared for me too, but in that moment I just felt like I was suffocating, and dragging the four of them down with me.

  I looked out of the back window and saw the electric gates just starting to close. Not thinking clearly, just knowing I needed space to breathe, I leapt from the car, the door sat open as Matt had left it while he ran inside with hands filled with bags.

  I ran down the block pave driveway, the cold whipping at my bare arms.

  “Liv! Get back here!” Kyle yelled just as I slipped through the tiny gap remaining in the gates. I got through just before they closed and I just ran as fast as I could, tears streaming down my face the whole time.

  By the time I reached the end of the street I heard all of the guys yelling for me from much further back, but I couldn’t turn back. I had a good head start, since the guys would either have to wait for the gates to reopen, or scale the tall rails. I just needed some time to fall apart without upsetting or worrying anyone. I needed space and freedom, just for a few hours. I’d go back when I got my head straight again.

  I ran for miles. It was freezing cold and all I wore was jeans, my boots and a thin t-shirt, but I was too upset to be affected by it. By the time I stopped, my feet, still bad with injuries, were too painful to keep on running. The sun was beginning to set and I knew I had to have been running for an hour, maybe more.

  I hadn’t thought I’d paid any attention to where I was going, but when I stopped, gasping for breath and shaking with the cold, I looked up and realised I was just a block from home, my real home.

  Spurred on by a desperate need to see my little cottage I ran even harder, down the block I knew so well, and onto the little street lined with neat little cottages just like the one I grew up in.

  I sped down the street, past houses that used to be owned by kind neighbours with kids I had once loved to play with, out on that very street. What had once been beautifully neat little gardens, were now all badly overgrown. Most of the cottages were boarded up, those that weren’t had smashed windows and graffiti covering them. It was like the entire street had been abandoned.

  I stopped outside my home, my safe place and a sob burst from me. It too had been boarded up and there was graffiti spray painted over where there had once been a beautifully painted blue door, the last place I ever saw my mom, stood there waving me off to school.

  All of the window boxes were long gone and the front yard was badly overgrown, like a jungle.

  I shakily moved around the side, hoping there would still be some memory of my family left to see, but as I reached the back yard and saw the back of the cottage, heavily boarded too, the house no longer white, but filthy grey and dilapidated, I realised every single part of my old life was gone. Everything I had once held dear had died while I spent so many years fighting to live.

  I fell to my knees on the lawn in the backyard. The grass was so long I disappeared into it and I was more than happy to stay gone too. I just wanted my Mom and Dad. I felt like the nine year old I had been the last morning I was at that house, the nine year old who only ever needed a hug from her parents to make everything better.

  But there was no hug for me, no parents. I felt alone and scared and so completely overwhelmed. Why did I even survive through all of that horror, if loss was all that would ever await me when I escaped?

  CHAPTER 11

  KYLE

  “Anything?” I asked as I called my Dad for the third time. We were all out searching for her. Mom and Dad were out with Evie in one car, Matt and Cole were out in Cole’s truck, and Kade and I had split up too. Even Xander and Simon had left work and were driving around in the search.

  She had been gone for three hours and I was beyond terrified for her. She was only wearing a t-shirt and she was not in a good headspace.

  Kade and I had both leapt the fence right after her, but she was so damned fast, and she had already disappeared by the time we got to the end of the street. We’d set out after her right away, calling Mom and Dad en route, but she had just disappeared completely and I was really starting to worry she had been picked up somewhere.

  “No son, nothing. Where is she?” Dad asked and I knew he was as worried as we all were. They cared deeply for Olivia.

  “I think it’s time we talk to Kade about getting a proper search party together. There’s a chance the creep who took her all those years ago, could have been watching her and grabbed her.” It hurt me to even say it. I would never forgive myself if she had been taken again.

  “God, please don’t let that have happened.” Grant gasped. “But you’re right. I’ll call Kade and see what he wants us to do.”

  “Let me know. I’m headed to her old neighbourhood, from before. I found the address in the old news reports. Worth a try.” I mused.

  “Good idea. Call me right away if you find her. Your Mom is sick with worry.”

  I agreed and hung up, throwing my bluetooth earpiece down hard on the passenger seat in anger. I shouldn’t have let this happen. I should have seen how upset and scared she was and been prepared for her to flee. I would have, if I’d have been ambushed by strangers as she had. I’d just want some space from everyone and I’d run. I should have fucking known!

  My feelings for Olivia were only growing stronger by the day. She was just so amazing, so quietly clever and talented, so strong and brave and so damned beautiful. Whenever she smiled at me, it made my heart stutter, and I had to fight the need to hold her every time she walked into a room. I had never felt that way about anyone and it was only getting stronger. I knew I couldn’t have her though. She was fragile, and delicate, and I was a seriously fucked up mess. She deserved far better than me when one day she felt ready, and I would have to live with that. Instead I had vowed to protect her with everything I had, starting with finding her, no matter how long it took. If that monster had taken her, I would never stop until I found her again.

  I pulled into the street she grew up on, and was shocked to see it had all but been abandoned, the houses boarded up and vandalised. None of the street lights were working, so I flicked to full beam and drove slowly, scouring every house for her, since I didn’t know which of them was once her home.

  Having no luck I decided to get out and check round back of each house quickly. It seemed a good possibility she would come back to somewhere familiar and what was more familiar than home?

  I parked my truck at the top of the street and pulled a large flashlight from my trunk. I also grabbed the baseball bat I kept there, not knowing how dangerous this neighbourhood was. I had my gun in the glovebox, but that seemed unnecessary and I didn’t want to scare Liv, if I found her.

  I got halfway down the houses on the right side of the block before I found evidence the grass around one of the houses had been disturbed, trodden down on the right side leading round back.

  Desperately hoping she was there, but worried sick for the state she’d be in if she was, I rounded the corner and walked into the heavily overgrown backyard.

  At first glance everything looked to be untouched, but when I went closer with the flash light, I saw a
small trail where the grass had been flattened again. I followed it to the back of the yard and there, amongst the overgrown grass, was Olivia, laid on her side, curled up tight in a ball, shaking and whimpering. She looked blue and I knew I needed to get her home and warm before hypothermia set in, if it hadn’t already. She had to have been laid there for hours.

  I pulled off the peacoat I was wearing and laid it over her as I dropped to my knees beside her.

  “Liv? Can you hear me Princess?” I asked, while I pulled out my cell and hit ‘Dad’ and loudspeaker. It rang once before he picked up.

  “Kyle?”

  “Dad, I’ve got her.”

  “Oh, thank God! Is she ok?”

  “She’s turning blue and she’s not responding. I’m getting her home. Be ready to get her warmed up.”

  “We’ll be ready, and I’ll call Xander. Just hurry son.” I hung up then, not wanting to waste time, and shoved my cell in my jeans pocket.

  “Liv, it’s just me baby. I’m going to lift you up and get you home now, ok?” I said softly, not wanting to scare her.

  “I want my Mom.” She whispered, sounding so much like a child in distress. It killed me that I couldn’t get her what she needed.

  “I know, but you’re not on your own. You have all of us, and my Mom and Dad. They love you.” As soon as I got her in my arms I knew it was bad. She was as cold as ice and not shivering at all. That was a bad sign.

  “Kyle?” She asked, seeming confused.

  “Yeah baby. I’m here. I’ve got you now. You’re going to be just fine.” I was running now, as fast as I could to my car. I placed her gently in the passenger seat and wrapped my coat as tightly around her as I could beneath the seatbelt,

  As soon as I climbed in I cranked the heat and raced toward home as fast as I could safely go.

  Liv seemed out of it, alternating between whimpering, crying and trying to talk.

  “Nothing…….nothing.” I heard her saying again and again.