Land of My Dreams

by Norma Gail

  Chapter Twenty-eight: The Accident

  Kieran sat at his desk at 3 a.m., eight days after Bonny left for America, two weeks with misery and self-chastisement as his unrelenting companions.

  The phone rang, and he grabbed it on the first ring. “Bonny?”

  The male voice on the other end sounded surprised. “Uhh, hello, is this Kieran MacDonell? I’m Dan MacDermott, Bonny’s friend.”

  “This is Kieran.” If Dan was angry over Bonny ...

  “Forty-eight hours ago, Bonny was in a car accident. Kari’s bro …”

  He felt as if a cannonball from Mons Meg hit him in the stomach. “She’s dead …” God, I cannot stand the death of another woman I love. Why?

  “No, but she’s in critical condition—on a ventilator. She …” Fatigue and worry laced every word.

  Kieran’s chest grew tight, his mind whirling out of control as Dan continued. “Kari’s brother was driving her home after the wedding when a drunk driver hit the passenger side. Bonny took the full brunt of the impact. She may die.”

  “No.” His stomach churned, and his heart beat a rapid tattoo. There would be no chance to work it out or hold her in his arms again. “No, please, not Bonny.” I cannot stand over another grave.

  Dan was gulping for air, struggling for words. Kieran remembered Bonny agonizing over Dan’s injuries, how she referred to him as a brother. There was no doubt Dan felt the same as he continued. “She has eight fractured ribs, a lacerated liver, and a bruised spleen. One lung collapsed, but they managed to re-inflate it, and she has a chest-tube. Her right leg is broken in three places and her right arm in two. They have her in a drug-induced coma for a severe concussion, and she’s on a ventilator. The drunk driver died. Kari’s brother is in ICU with fractured ribs and a punctured lung, but he will recover.”

  There would be no waking up to discover it was a nightmare. The rote recitation of facts stopped with a choking sound. “The car—it’s demolished. It’s a miracle anyone survived. Kari and I spent our wedding night in the waiting room of the hospital. We’ve stayed here since then.”

  “So it ends with the death of the last woman I will ever love.”

  “If the swelling in her brain responds to the drugs, she has a chance. The liver is a major concern, but the other injuries will heal. Since we haven’t met, this is a little awkward, but …” Dan paused. “I’ll be honest. Kari insisted I call you. If you truly broke the engagement for Bonny’s spiritual well-being, then I respect you for it. But she loves you and her emotional state affects her ability to survive.”

  “Ach, man, I love her too much to live a lie. She deserves more than I can give. Kari’s wrong. I would make it worse.” He was going to be sick.

  Dan’s voice quivered with exhaustion. “Kieran, we discussed it with her before the wedding. She hoped your differences would be resolved. Please consider it. Call if you change your mind.”

  “No, I’m not what she needs ...”

  “Maybe she only needs your love.” Breathing grew difficult. “I can’t …”

  “She could die.”

  “I’m sorry.” Fear knotted his stomach, and filled his mind with terrible images.

  “Me, too.” The line went silent.

  Kieran fell to his knees, tears dropped on his hands, his chair, and the floor as he prayed. “Dear God, heal her from these terrible injuries. Don’t let her die. Please?”

  Two days later, Kari phoned. “I don’t believe she has the will to live. Kieran, Bonny loves you. If she heard your voice, she might try. Please come.”

  “You’re wrong, I can’t help.”

  “We know why you broke the engagement. No matter what you think, she still loves you. A couple of nights before the wedding, she sent Adam away, saying she would marry you in a minute.” She made a soft hiccupping sound and a sniffle.

  Disbelief, so stunning he had difficulty speaking. “She—she still wants to marry me?”

  “Yes, she told me. She told Adam too.” Kari was pleading.

  “I promised not to hurt her, and I let her down. She doesn’t need me.” The blood pounded in his ears until he had difficulty hearing.

  Kari’s ragged breaths and stifled sobs grew louder. “Bonny told Adam she learned what true love was from you.”

  His heart lurched. “I can’t watch her die. I can’t ...”

  Kari’s crying changed to anger. “I won’t accept your fatalism. If you won’t try, maybe you’re right, she’s better off without you.”

  Dan took the phone and put his arm around her, pulling her close as they stared out the window into the night.

  Kari and Dan occupied long hours in the waiting room outside the Intensive Care Unit at the University of New Mexico Hospital by watching people. The swelling in Bonny’s brain was subsiding, but the longer her liver function remained abnormal, the smaller the likelihood she would survive.

  When Adam stepped off the elevator, they stood to meet him. Kari knew Dan was angry with Kieran, but he had no respect whatsoever for Adam. She laid a cautioning hand on his arm, his muscles hardening as he glared at Adam, his blue eyes narrowing to slits.

  “You don’t belong here.” Kari recognized the tone of a weary, battle-hardened Marine in Dan’s words.

  “Hello to you too, Dan,” Adam countered with his smooth courtroom voice. “I know you’re protective of Bonny. Even if she doesn’t love me, I still love her.”

  Kari squeezed her husband’s arm. “We can’t let you see her, Adam. We know what she told you.”

  Adam’s brown eyes filled with tears, the handsome face pale and drawn. “Please—will she live?”

  Dan’s demeanor didn’t soften. “They’re doing everything possible, but it’s not promising. She takes a breath on her own now and then, and is conscious for short periods, but her liver function is not improving. She’s in God’s hands. If you still pray, I suggest you do.”

  “I do and I’ll continue.” Adam turned to leave. “You’ll see me again, soon.”

  As he headed for the elevators, Dan called after him. “Don’t hurry.”

  Kieran sat behind his big, old desk, staring out the window. Hearing someone, he turned to discover Angus at the door, shaking his head. “Have you received a new report on the lass then, a charaid? How’s the puir wee thing gettin’ along?”

  “They’re still not certain she’ll live.” He remained focused on an unseen point far from Scotland. “She’s breathing on her own and wakes up for short periods. She’s developed a kidney infection, and her liver function isn’t normal.”

  The older man pulled off his cap and smoothed his damp hair. “Ach, it’s beyond me what you’re doin’ sittin’ on this side of the ocean. If you love her, go to her, mo duine.”

  “I don’t belong there, Angus. Why would she still care? I don’t deserve her.”

  The older man walked toward the desk, his tone softening. “A woman doesn’t look at a man the way she looked at you unless she loves him heart and soul.”

  He pounded his fist on the desk. “Did you come to meddle in my life or talk business?”

  Angus turned toward the door. “I’m goin’ to the high pastures to check on the beasties.”

  It irritated Kieran when the foreman referred to his kyloe as beasties. “Ach, get to it, man. I prefer your reports on the stock to you telling me how to manage my personal life.”

  Angus walked out muttering. “Aye, I’ll be goin’, though it’s nothin’ I wouldn’t say to my own sons. You’re wrong. You belong at her side.”

  As soon as the foreman left, Kieran headed to the barn and saddled the gray gelding. He needed a hard ride to clear his mind.

  Chapter Twenty-nine: Re-enter Adam

  Bonny was alone while Kari and Dan went to lunch. Hearing a noise, she turned and saw a face at the door which brought back vivid, if not pleasant memories.

  “So the ‘sleeping beauty’ has awakened at last.” Adam approached the bed with a bouquet of roses. “What happened to your watc
hdogs?”

  “What—why are you here?” The sight of him created uncomfortable feelings. She wanted Kari and Dan.

  “You’re not very welcoming, but I don’t deserve better. I came to see you in ICU, but they kept me away.” His short, brown hair and deep suntan stood in complete contrast to the handsome face with a light complexion and mane of red-gold curls she remembered well.

  “I don’t—love you.” She remembered loving arms, but they weren’t his.

  He dropped into a chair by her bed. “Bonny, I still love you. I want to prove I’ve changed.”

  “I—I love someone else.” A smiling face remained vivid in her memory. She struggled to remember his name.

  Adam’s disarming grin was familiar, but she also remembered the manipulation and deception behind it. “Where is this Scotsman of yours? If you’ve discussed marriage, why isn’t he here?”

  “I—he has a—a problem. We—love each—other.” She did not appreciate the way he referred to Kieran. Her mind retrieved his name as she realized she had twisted a strand of hair into a knot.

  “If he can’t put his problems aside when your life is in danger, maybe he doesn’t love you.” The insinuating tone was too familiar.

  Dan appeared in the doorway, barking like a drill instructor. “You don’t belong here, Lawson.”

  Adam focused on Bonny. “Let her decide for herself.”

  “She’s crying and it’s your fault. It’s wrong to expect her to deal with emotional issues now.” Kari pushed past Adam to her side. “There’s a long road ahead of her. She has a difficult time putting thoughts together and can’t remember everything yet.”

  Adam placed his tanned, muscular hand over her small, white one. “Think about what I said, Bonny. I’ll come back unless you prefer not to see me again.”

  “I—I love—Kieran.” If only she could stop trembling.

  “But does he love you?” He used that tone again. “I’d have gotten on the first plane.”

  Adam’s visit left Bonny feeling upset and agitated. With Dan at the Veteran’s Hospital, she and Kari were alone.

  “When Dan was hurt in—over there.” Finding the right words was such a struggle.

  “In Afghanistan, fighting in the war,” Kari prompted.

  Bonny nodded. “You—stayed with him?”

  Kari laid a warm hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t want him to die without me at his side. Why?”

  “You spoke with—Kieran. W—won’t he come? Doesn’t he—love me?” Her throat tightened.

  “Did he say he didn’t love you?” Kari scooted her chair close to the bed.

  “No. He loves me. I would—go if …”

  “Adam upset you, didn’t he?” Kari picked up a brush and smoothed her hair, making her head hurt when she tried to unsnarl a knot.

  “He asked me—to forgive.” The tears tumbled out in a flood. “I need Kieran.”

  Kari smoothed a curl away from her face. “He says he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. Honey, he was crying. I told him you love him.”

  “Let me call ...”

  Kari handed her the cell phone. “What if he says no?”

  Her hand was shaking. “I’ll know.”

  The phone rang and rang. When he answered, she said, “It’s me.”

  “Bonny?”

  “I need you—please?”

  “I’m sorry. You deserve better.”

  The line went dead. She laid the phone down and closed her eyes.

  “What did he say?”

  Bonny turned her face to the wall. The pain in her heart hurt more than the pain of her injuries.

  Kari jumped for the door to head Adam off. Once again, he ignored the sign asking visitors to check at the nurse’s station. He had confidence, a defiant air, feared in the courtroom and difficult on a personal level. “May I come in?”

  Bonny looked from Kari to Adam. “Yes.”

  “But …” Kari began.

  “I won’t upset her, I promise.” Adam held his hand up warning Kari, and pulled a chair close to the bed. “You seem so much stronger, ‘Bunny Rabbit.’”

  Bonny’s father was the only one to use that nickname. Putting her right hand to her throat, she shut her eyes. “Exhausted—hurting.”

  Memories of his warm, strong arms assailed her. However, the warm exterior still hid the same cold-hearted attitude which caused him to break their engagement. Those memories were too clear, but he said he loved her. He was here.

  “You don’t have any trouble remembering me, do you?” Adam’s voice was gentler than she remembered.

  “No …” His tall, athletic build, the deep brown eyes, flecked with gold, and his movie star looks stood in stark contrast to Kieran’s rugged and fair features.

  “Don’t you have a smile for me? I’ve missed it.” He leaned toward the bed and grasped her hand. His manicured nails and soft palms felt so different from Kieran’s chapped, rough callouses.

  Dear God, what is happening? I want Kieran.

  His lips parted in a smile. She had grown used to the tender expression in Kieran’s sky-blue eyes. Adam’s expression suggested possession and conquest.

  “How much longer will they keep you in traction?” His question brought her back to the present. She freed her hand and straightened herself in the bed.

  “Two weeks?” She turned to Kari for confirmation.

  “Yes, they’ll put your leg in an external fixation device, and take your arm out of the cast also.”

  “I can’t wait to move—around.” She shifted position, attempting to ease her weary backside.

  He laughed. “I’ll bet. You’re not one to sit still for long.”

  “They say I have …”

  “Pneumonia.” Kari spoke up. “Nothing serious yet. How’s your law practice, Adam?”

  He answered Kari, his eyes remaining on Bonny. “I’m pleased, considering I’ve been on my own for such a short time.”

  “You’re on your own?”

  He squirmed, turning his eyes to the window. “They, uhh—they fired me for dating a co-worker. I lost very few clients, which helped.”

  “They fired you because of Vanessa?” Kari asked.

  He reddened. “Yes, I—uhh, ruined the best thing in my life. I kept my land, but I lost the Beemer. I’m living with my parents, attending their church, and getting biblical counseling. I work with the high school youth group. I needed to slow down and get my priorities straight. It hasn’t been easy.”

  “Those are—big changes.” Adam’s intensity made Bonny uncomfortable. When Kieran’s eyes met hers, she felt like melting, melding together, becoming one in thought and emotion.

  “I lost everything important. God, you, and my self-respect. It requires a lot of changes to get right with God when you make as big of a mess as I did.” He stood to leave. “Thank you for seeing me, but I won’t overstay my welcome.”

  “Thank you,” Bonny said.

  “I want to visit again.”

  “I tire fast.”

  “I’ll come back soon.” He smiled at Bonny, bowed his head toward Kari, and left.

  “Bonny …” Kari warned.

  “I need to talk to Kieran.” The emotions roiled inside her. Kari had to understand.

  “Bonny, are you certain? He wasn’t willing …”

  “He needs to—believe I still love him.”

  “Bonny …”

  “Now.”

  Kari dialed the number, waited for the international call to go through and handed the phone to Bonny, who motioned her to remain close enough to hear. He answered in a voice laced with panic. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s me, Kieran.” She waited as the sound of her voice registered.

  “Bonny?” How she longed to hear his deep Scottish burr. Her heart began fluttering at his first word.

  “I need you. Tha gaol agam ort.” She waited for her words to sink in.

  “You’re doin’ better then?” Joy, concern, and love were all there.


  “I have pneu—pneumonia. Kieran—it’s not—right without you.”

  “I’m sorry. You deserve more.” His words sounded tentative, and his voice too soft. She heard ragged breathing, and a sob.

  “I need you. I’m afraid.” She said it slow so he understood she meant it.

  Silence again.

  She struggled to make the words come out right. “I want you, mo gràdh.”

  “No, I can’t …”

  “Remember …” Tears streamed down her face, clogging her throat. “Please.”

  “A bheanachd, mo chridhe, mo gràdh.”

  She must be rubbing her throat red. She forced herself to stop, but he hung up. She handed the phone to Kari as the gut-wrenching sobs began. “Shhh, hush now,” Kari said. “We’re still praying. God’s still in control.”

  “He won’t let God or me in, Kari. You—hear.”

  “Was that Gaelic?”

  She rubbed at her eyes with a corner of the sheet, and turned her face to the window. “A bheanachd, mo chridhe, mo gràdh. It means—a blessed farewell, my heart, my dearest love. Kari, it can’t—be over.”

  Chapter Thirty: Crisis

  “Why didn’t you call? I deserve to know they put her back in ICU.” Adam rushed out of the elevator, his face pale, eyes wide with alarm.

  Before he finished tongue-lashing Kari and Dan, Dr. Clark came through the double doors. “It’s serious. She has a blood clot, or pulmonary embolus, in her right lung, and the pneumonia is worse in both lungs. The kidney infection isn’t responding to the antibiotics. Infections in two major organ systems and an immune system compromised by the trauma and her poor liver function create a very bad scenario.”

  “How bad?” Dan loosened Kari’s grip on his arm, rubbing the dents made by her fingernails.

  “Any embolus is life-threatening. With the infections it’s doubly so. She’s at high risk for developing a systemic infection, something we call sepsis. We’re using two of the strongest antibiotics we have. The next thirty-six to seventy-two hours are crucial.” His pager beeped and he silenced it, focusing on Dan and Kari. “You should notify everyone important. I’ll let you know when we get the test results.”