Land of My Dreams

by Norma Gail

  Watching him, they recognized in his anguish his deep love for Bonny. Eventually he explained why he broke the engagement and what happened on the flight over to change his life. Dan clapped him on the shoulder, congratulating him.

  Kieran rubbed one eye. “I’m a new man, thanks to God. I pray she’ll live to know I’ve changed.”

  On the seventh day following his arrival, as Kieran prayed aloud at her bedside, Bonny squeezed his hand. It continued throughout the day and started again the next morning when he returned. No one else experienced it.

  He phoned Kari. “I awakened from a catnap to increasing pressure on my hand. When I opened my eyes, Bonny was staring at me—she sees me.”

  He kissed her forehead and wet her face with tears of joy. “I’m here, lass. Tha gaol agam ort. Please pull through, Bonny? We can have a life together.”

  Bonny was out of Intensive Care and could sit in a wheelchair. The pneumonia and kidney infections were showing improvement. Her liver function studies trended toward normal, and her spleen showed signs of healing.

  Kieran leaned on the arm of her chair, stroking the shimmering red curls, so thin since her accident. Meeting his eyes, she asked, “Why didn’t you come?”

  Her unrelenting, green gaze challenged him, and he swallowed, gathering courage to answer. “I’ll regret failing you until the day I die. It took a while to admit I was wrong, but my love never wavered. I can share your faith and commitment now.”

  She wiped her eyes on the corner of the sheet as he cradled one small hand in his.

  “I felt trapped, Bonny. You and God stood on one side and on the other, my own pride and anger. I don’t deserve anything, but I ask your forgiveness.”

  Bonny brought his hand to her cheek. “I forgave you the second you left my house and prayed for you to commit your life to God, no matter what it required. If it meant my death, I would consider it worthwhile. You went back on your word too many times. I need to see changes proving your faith is real.”

  He put his hand over hers. “You will, I promise. God put a Christian flight attendant on the plane. She saw me crying and prayed for me. She traded with a friend or she would never have been on that flight. Bonny, I believe God has forgiven and healed me. Don’t say this is the end.”

  “Kieran, you don’t stop loving someone.” She paused. “I sent Adam away a couple of nights before Kari’s wedding. However, since the accident, he reminds me of the man I once promised to marry. It’s tearing me to pieces. I can’t make important decisions now.”

  It hurt to see the anguish in her eyes. “I understand, and I’ll stay here unless you ask me to go. Adam will arrive soon. I prefer not to see him, so I’ll leave now. Take your time, but believe me, I won’t wander away from God again. Tha mo gaol gu bràth.”

  Tears filled her eyes, and she clutched her throat as he touched her hand and walked out.

  “How’s my best girl today?” Adam carried flowers and a box of chocolates.

  “Why do you keep coming when I don’t love you?”

  He pulled a chair nearer, leaning over the bed rail. “I lost my way for a while, let my priorities slide. When I discovered you moved to Scotland, I panicked. When you refused my attempts to contact you, I understood for the first time how much I hurt you. It devastated me when you sent the ring back. After your accident, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to ask your forgiveness.”

  He sounded believable. “Can you keep missing work to sit here with me?”

  He laid his hand on hers. “I’ll stop at nothing to prove I love you.”

  She put her hand under the sheet to avoid twisting her hair into knots. “Regaining someone’s confidence doesn’t happen overnight. You betrayed me and destroyed my self-worth. I wasn’t thinking right when you first showed up or you wouldn’t be here now. You have to give me time.”

  The conversations with her ardent suitors made Bonny so upset she accepted when Kari insisted on spending the night. At three in the morning, she awakened in pain and remained awake after her shot. “Kari, would you stay with me for a couple of days and ask Kieran and Adam not to come? I need to pray and talk with you and Dan.”

  The next day she moved to a room with a view of the Sandia Mountains. The majestic mass of towering cliffs and jagged peaks reminded her of God’s power to make everything beautiful.

  Bonny spent the time away from her suitors, reading her Bible and praying. She could voice the tumult of thoughts and feelings roiling through her heart and mind to Kari and Dan. “I spent ten years with Adam. We have a history, and he admits he made a mess of things. On the other hand, Kieran is the sweetest, most gentle man I have ever met. He seems sincere in his new faith. I can see the changes in him. His whole demeanor is different.”

  “Bonny,” Kari said, “I like Kieran. Dan and I both do, but Scotland is so far away from everything you’ve ever known.”

  “Hold on,” Dan interrupted, “you shouldn’t let your feelings about her moving far away enter into things, Kari. This isn’t about what we want. It’s about God’s will for her life. Bon, I could trust Kieran with your heart and your life. He’s an honest man, simple and straightforward. Only you can decide if moving 4000 miles away to become the wife of a sheep farmer is a change you can make. Give it some time. You’re not going anywhere for a while.”

  Three days later, Dan called both men. “Bonny says you may keep her company, but not mention the future. She won’t discuss love or marriage right now.”

  They celebrated Bonny’s move to rehab with a dinner from La Placita, a restaurant in Old Town.

  It required effort, but Bonny convinced Kari and Dan to take their long-delayed honeymoon to Hawaii. “I can handle them. Please have them both here at the same time to listen to my plan. Then take your wife on your honeymoon and enjoy each other.”

  They all gathered in her room that evening, Kieran and Adam standing in opposite corners like boxers.

  “I’m not a prize with you two as competitors. You’ll treat each other as Christians should, and if you press me for decisions, I’ll banish you both.”

  Listening to her, Dan put his hand on her shoulder. “That’s my Carrot-Top. Now I can leave in peace.”

  “You go, girl.” Kari kissed her cheek before she left.

  Bonny closed her eyes, praying the time with her two sparring knights would reveal her heart and God’s will. She was anxious to go home, to her own home in the mountains.

  The first day Kari and Dan were gone, Adam arrived with flowers and food from Chez Bob, a small French restaurant they had enjoyed together. He walked straight to her chair and kissed her on the cheek.

  In a stern voice, she said, “No more kisses.”

  “But Bonny, I used to greet you with a kiss.” He sounded both puzzled and pleading.

  “Everything’s different now.” She was determined to hold them both at bay. “And about the nickname, no one but Dad has ever called me ‘Bunny Rabbit.’ Don’t use it again. Please act like a friend and allow me to recover.”

  His eyes widened in surprise, and the corners of his mouth turned down. “Come on Bon, with you back home I should have home-turf advantage.”

  “This isn’t a courtroom or a football game, Adam, and there is no advantage.”

  The next day he arrived with a Scrabble game and a couple of movies, and she recognized his reluctant acceptance of her terms.

  Kieran was the complete opposite of Adam. He offered to pray, and she heard power in his prayers. He attended church alone and spent hours shopping for books and studying. “The Christian book store was lovely. I bought books to read and a Bible study to do at the hotel. It’s not very green here, but the weather is amazing, and Sandia Peak is incredible. I see why you love it.”

  “I told you it had a beauty all its own.”

  He laughed, and his hand brushed hers, but then, as if remembering her request, he pulled it back and continued his stories of life outside the hospital walls. “I understand now why you complained a
bout learning to drive on the wrong side of the road. I remember you telling yourself to look right and turn left, so I tried it in reverse. It helps.”

  Bonny laughed. “I was so scared to venture into traffic. I considered staying in the parking lot.”

  When he left, she closed her eyes and tried to calm her thoughts. His eyes drew her, and his voice enthralled her. When Janet called the next day, Bonny said, “His love is as wild, adventurous, and romantic as the mountains, glens, and rushing burns of the Highlands. A quiver flows through me when he enters the room, but can I trust that his wavering belief and deception will resolve after a life-changing encounter on the plane? How can I know he’s really changed?”

  “Take it slow, Bonny. Make him prove he means it. You’re right to be leery. This is your future you’re talking about.”

  The next morning, Kieran arrived with a copy of Great Expectations, a box of Scottish toffee, a bottle of sunscreen, and two big straw hats.

  He knew her so well, it showed in everything he did, and she laughed out loud. “What do you have in mind? The therapists hardly give me a break. ”

  “At the first opportunity, I plan to escort you to a lovely, wee patch of grass for a bit o’ sunshine to put the bloom back in your cheeks.” His accentuated brogue made her laugh. “You need fresh air. I can’t believe this dry, sunny weather.”

  “Oh, hou lovely.” She mimicked his accent, making him laugh also. “I’m so thin and pale. The therapist said you can come along and learn the right way to help me in and out of the wheelchair.”

  His eyes narrowed, his lips set in a serious expression. “I don’t need lessons. I’ll lift you. Why, you weigh less than one of my sheep.” He flexed the muscles in his work-hardened arms.

  With mock irritation, she said, “Kieran, I need to do this myself. Until my arm gets strong enough for crutches, I’m bound to this wheelchair. I refuse to stay trapped in it one minute longer than I have to.”

  The corners of his shining blue eyes crinkled—the well-remembered predecessor of the smile she loved. “My plan is better. It’s been too long since I’ve held you in my arms.” His eyes hinted at far more than the words themselves.

  A quiver ran through her at the enticing thought of being in his arms, but ... “Too much has happened. I need time to see where God and my heart lead. You have to accept it.”

  His blue eyes clouded as she spoke, revealing the depth of guilt and pain her words evoked. “I’ll wait as long as necessary. It’s my fault.”

  After an hour of reading Dickens under an umbrella on the patio, she grew tired and relented, allowing him to lift her back into bed. He held on longer than necessary. But, it felt right to be in his arms, even for a moment.

  The two men avoided each other with a plague-like abhorrence. Kieran departed before five, finding the sight of Adam so repugnant he left plenty of leeway. They alternated on the weekends.

  One day, Adam arrived with flowers and began describing his weekend outing with the high school boys at church. “I thought of you when we climbed Battleship Rock on Saturday, Bon. We had a lot of fun. I know how you love the Jemez Mountains.”

  Pleasant memories flooded her mind. “I had a lot of fun as a kid at church camp there. How I would love to climb Battleship Rock and see the river flowing below again. I remember climbing a hill up behind Camp Shaver and holding a communion service with hotdog buns torn into bite-size pieces and small cups of grape juice. Fun times.”

  Old memories came flooding back as he spoke. This new Adam held a fresh appeal. “You’ve changed during our time apart.”

  He leaned forward in his chair, a spark in his eyes and new eagerness in his voice. “God’s changing the way I handle my law practice and everything else in my life. Sometimes it’s not crucial to win the case. It’s more important to help the parties reconcile, because it’s right, not for the fee.”

  It was surprising to find herself enjoying his visits. He represented her first love, home, and old friendships. The pleasant memories, suppressed for so long, returned in vivid detail. Even if she did still love him, was he worthy of it?

  Seeing Adam striding right toward him in the parking lot jolted Kieran out of his musing. He should have remembered that the last time Adam flew back from Phoenix, his plane landed early. The days when Adam was out of town were ideal for Kieran and Bonny. He stayed later than usual, talking with freedom and unrestrained enjoyment as they had in Scotland, before their world fell apart.

  He said a polite hello without stopping, but Adam grasped his upper arm. “Why don’t you go back to your sheep, Scotsman? You’re not needed here.”

  “I received a personal invitation from Bonny.” Quelling the impulse to jerk his arm away, Kieran measured his words with care. “We’re getting on rather well.”

  “There’s no way a sheep farmer can hold a candle to the life I offer.” Adam sneered.

  He was treading on dangerous ground. If Adam intended to bait him with sarcasm, he refused to step into the trap. “I have far more than a sheep farm to offer. If you mean quantity, I can provide anything she needs or desires. As far as quality, she knows I can fill those needs.”

  With the attitude of a schoolyard bully, Adam said, “Bonny and I have a long history together. She has friends here, and it’s home. Romantic flings happen, but when you return, reality sets in. Why prefer your smelly little sheep farm when she has me close to home and friends?”

  Kieran knew he should walk away, but an irresistible force made him continue. “I can assure you, what lies between us is real. We helped put each other’s world back together and developed a strong love and respect for each other. She didn’t get respect from you, and I didn’t humiliate her when she was hurting and vulnerable. One other thing, I’m proud of my heritage. Referring to me as a Scotsman as if it were a slur, is equivalent to me putting you down for being an American, or a lawyer.”

  Adam’s lips curled into a sardonic grin. “I made a mistake—you made a mistake, but when it comes to offering her a life, she’s better off here. Leave her alone, Scotsman.”

  Kieran turned and walked away. Dear God, keep her from doing something she will regret.

  “How’s the patient today?” Adam walked in with roses and Mexican food takeout from an airport franchise. “You’re beautiful even when they say you’re sick.”

  “Thank you.” She straightened up in the bed. “How did your trip go?”

  His eyes glinted with pride as he shrugged his shoulders. “A piece of cake. People will sue over anything. I met Kieran in the parking lot. Was he in a foul mood with you?” He turned toward the window. “Nice view.”

  It was easy to see he was avoiding her eyes. “Kieran, angry? You started something, didn’t you?”

  Adam’s voice took on the smooth tone he used when surprised by unexpected testimony in court. “You set the ground rules, Miss Bryant, in no uncertain terms. He doesn’t want me near you.”

  She pointed her finger at him as if chastising a child. “I know you, Adam Lawson. Did he say he doesn’t want you near me?”

  He glanced toward her, but not at her. “Something about me not respecting you and how much he has to offer—garbage. He’s only a sheep farmer, Bon. What do you see in him?”

  She felt the nudge of suspicion. He was too nonchalant. “Kieran doesn’t behave that way. What difference does it make that he’s a sheep farmer? He’s worthy of my love. He knows how to give of himself and ask nothing except love in return.”

  Adam touched her cheek with his fingertip and lowered his voice. “You haven’t known him long. Didn’t Kari mention he had mental problems?”

  That insinuating tone was so annoying. “He experienced some depression related to the death of his wife and baby, which is normal. Adam, he wouldn’t confront you unless you provoked him. You do love to bait people.”

  He set the Styrofoam container of Mexican food on the table. “You’re quite the cross-examiner. Watch yourself. You’ve known me far longer.”
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  “So I know what to watch out for.” She tried to sound as firm as possible, pulling the plastic utensils out of their package and pointing them at him. “Evade my questions if you want, but I can imagine what happened. It’s upsetting for you not to keep your promise to behave as a gentleman. I prefer being alone tonight. Now leave, please.”

  She waved him away.

  Adam reminded her of a spoiled child straining to avoid punishment. “Why blame me for your Scotsman’s jealous temper?”

  “Quit calling him ‘Scotsman.’ I explained the rules, and I don’t appreciate your attitude. Now leave.” She turned away and Adam stamped out.

  Kieran arrived carrying a bouquet of daisies while Bonny was eating breakfast the next morning. Dark circles under her eyes, pale cheeks, and a listless manner gave evidence of a sleepless night. Kneeling at her chair, he laid one hand on her upper back. She was a wee rickle of bones. It was amazing she had the strength to hold herself upright. If Adam appeared now, he wasn’t certain what he might do. “What happened, hen? You’re all peely wally.”

  Her eyes filled, and she reached for a tissue. “What happened between you and Adam?”

  Icy hands wrapped themselves around his heart, his mind racing for the right words. He preferred not to say anything unkind, but he had to tell the truth. “We ran into each other in the car park—parking lot. Jealousy got the better of us both. A wee stramash, nothin’ more.”

  “‘A wee stramash?’ Kieran, we once promised each other honesty.”

  He pulled a chair close beside her, reaching out to brush a bright curl from her eyes. “He suggested I return home since you’re out of danger. He says you deserve better than a sheep farm and ‘a romantic fling.’”

  “Who started the conversation?” Her voice sounded tired and weak.

  “He did.” Kieran guarded his words. “He questioned why I waited so long to come. I admitted to my mistake, and then I became angry.”