NO LONGER MINE

by Shiloh Walker

  But her friend let it slide, drolly commenting, “You certainly know how to change the subject. So subtle. So tactful. You’ll have to face it sooner or later. Changing history or stopping time only works in your books. That doesn’t work in real life.”

  “No. It doesn’t. I have to go,” Nikki said softly, her eyes burning. She ached to talk about it. To cry about it. But she was afraid if she started, she wouldn’t stop.

  And then she settled back in her own chair as a heavy torrent of rain started to fall. No, she couldn’t change the past. But she sure as hell could keep from repeating it.

  Later that day, Nikki stood in front of the floor to ceiling windows in her living rooms, watching the wind whip through the trees. The rain had stopped and hadn’t started back up, but it would soon. The watery, eerie green gray light coming through the windows disturbed her. Tornado light.

  The knock at the door startled her and she silently prayed, Don’t be Wade.

  Nikki nearly threw her arms around Dylan’s neck as she opened the door to reveal her younger brothers standing there, arms laden with Chinese take out and movies. “Is this the best you two can do on a Saturday night?” she asked, trying to keep from laughing with relief. “Come and see your sister?”

  Without responding, Dylan pushed past her to set the food down, while Shawn displayed his movies. “We have Tango and Cash, Terminator One and Two, and Judge Dredd.” He tossed them on top of the TV before dropping on the sofa and propping booted feet on the coffee table.

  Dylan was emptying the bag as he announced, “I’ve got sweet and sour chicken, chicken curry, and chicken broccoli. Plus a whole mess of fortune cookies.”

  The brainless entertainment they had brought was welcome, the com­pany even more so. If she was lucky, the storm might pass before she had chance to think about it. But at least she wouldn’t have to wait it out alone. “Shawn, get your feet off my table. And Dylan, you call Dad and tell him you two are staying the night.”

  Shawn opened his mouth to object even as Dylan reached for the phone. But before he could even speak, Nikki silenced him with a look. “It’ll be after midnight before these storms pass. You two aren’t driving that late at night.”

  As she helped herself to the chicken curry, thunder rumbled outside the window. It was going to be a bad one. Outside the windows, lightening flickered across the sky. And it was far too dark for five o’clock in the middle of August. Nikki suppressed a shudder as thunder shook the mountain. “Pop in a movie, little brother,” she ordered as Shawn hung up the phone, sulking.

  Half past three in the morning, the credits rolled after Stallone had roared off into the sunset on his futuristic motorcycle. Nikki thumbed the remote and rubbed at tired eyes. Then she climbed off the couch, leaving Dylan to sprawl over the length of it. Stepping over Shawn’s prone form, she paused just long enough to pocket his keys.

  On the landing, Nikki paused, unable to see three feet outside the window. The first storm had passed after eight, but before ten, a second had moved in, followed by a third. Each had been more intense than the last. It was supposed to calm by dawn. Because she was so tired, her mind numb, she was able to leave the window without tears welling up in her eyes.

  In concession to her brothers, she donned a pair of boxer shorts styled pajamas before crawling into the king size bed. The sandwashed silk felt cool against her already chilled flesh and she quickly burrowed be­neath covers. The big bed felt so empty. Hugging a pillow to her chest, she turned her back on the light show going on outside her window. Rain beat against the windows and roof as she huddled in the middle of the big bed, shaking. Whether it was from cold or loneliness, she didn’t know.

  Closing her eyes, Nikki gave into the weakness inside her and wished for Wade. She wanted him there so badly, had he appeared, she would have forgiven him anything. She just wanted him there, holding her, keeping the painful memories at bay.

  A cynical voice reminded her that if it hadn’t been Wade, the memories probably wouldn’t be so painful.

  Her aching heart told her that she really didn’t give a damn.

  ***

  Thirty miles away, Wade was suffering as well. Rain brought back memories of the last time in the woods, something he hadn’t been able to put of his mind. Had it been because it was the last time? Was that what made it so damn unforgettable, what etched it into his mind?

  In the past few months, he had tried every viable way to get her to open up, to let him in. Everything from pleading to demanding.

  Nikki remained firm. Polite, distant, and if he could believe her, unin­terested. But he didn’t believe it, it was just the facade she put in place. From time to time, it slipped, letting him see the raw hunger in her eyes, the need. Nikki still loved him, still wanted him, but she held back, unwill­ing to trust him.

  But Wade was being patient.

  Hell, I’m being a damn saint, he thought derisively.

  Vivid pictures of laying her down on his huge oak bed had driven him to the couch for the night. But sleep was no where to be found. Rain beat against the house as he lay there, unable to sleep, his body tormented by the images his mind wouldn’t let go.

  What is she doing? Is she awake, like I am? Hungry? Too damn hungry to sleep? He wondered what she slept in. Once he had known the answer to that. Nothing. Nothing at all. The few nights they had spent together, she had slept in his arms, her warm body pressed to his without a single barrier between them.

  Groaning, Wade flipped to his back and kicked the sheet off the couch. He was hot, his body aching. Every muscle in his body was rigid with tension, and his aching erection pressed painfully against the fly of the old cut offs he wore. Damn it, his cock was so damned hard, he hurt with it. And nothing would relieve it, except sinking his length into the hot, wet warmth he knew he’d find between Nikki’s thighs.

  He had half a mind to leave the house, drive the half an hour to Nikki’s and wake her up. Abby was spending the weekend with her grandparents and he wouldn’t have to worry about her. He could simply get in his truck and drive, be there before dawn.

  “Stop it,” he snarled, pressing the heels of his hand to his eyes.

  But the image continued to flicker through his mind, taunting, teasing.

  Would she welcome him? Half asleep, Nikki would be less likely to remember that she wanted to hate him. He could simply cover her mouth with his and then her body, pulling her beneath him and burying himself inside her before she even had a chance to catch her breath. Before she could wake up enough to remember that she wanted to hate him.

  And then he would keep on loving her, keeping her from thinking. Could he do it long enough for her to forget that she wanted him out of her life?

  Maybe. For a little while. Would it be long enough to bind her to him and keep her from slipping away like she wanted?

  “Sonovabitch,” he whispered through clenched teeth. Why did he torture himself like this?

  Why keep remembering how sweet she smelled, how soft she was? How perfect she fit against him? If he just thought of it, he could feel her smooth skin under his mouth, and he could remember how she felt under him, over him…the snug glove of her sex gripping his cock as he sank deep inside her.

  Damnation, why did he do this?

  Because he couldn’t stop himself. Everything reminded him of her. The rain reminded him of that last time. Rising with the sun made him remember all the sunsets and sunrises they had watched together Tucking his little girl in at night made him wish his woman was there with him.

  My woman…Nikki was his. She had been from the beginning and nothing had changed that.

  Fuck. I need her…

  And if he was in this shape, maybe Nikki wasn’t much better off.

  It was that thought that had Wade rising with the sun yet again, driving into the horizon.

  * * *

  Nicole stood on the porch, leaning against the column, her silk clad arms wrapped around herself to ward off the slight chill of the
early morning. Her eyes stared sightlessly into the sunrise, her mind troubled.

  The stormy weather had passed, leaving a breathtakingly beautiful morn­ing, one that made her feel even emptier inside. A cold chill had settled over her body, one that ran gut deep.

  Wade…

  He haunted her thoughts, her dreams, her every waking moment seemed to revolve around him. She was going out of her mind.

  And she was tired of fighting him, fighting herself. Maybe…

  “Have you slept?”

  She looked over her shoulder to see Shawn padding onto the porch, run­ning a hand though tangled hair. His slid an arm around her shoulder, offering body heat and silent comfort. Too cold and lonely to deny either, she only smiled and said, “A little. Not much.”

  “Bad dreams?” he asked.

  Ducking her chin, she mumbled an answer that was half fiction, half reality.

  Teasingly, Shawn asked, “Or were they a different kind of bad dream?”

  Scowling, a blush rising up her cheeks, she punched him in the gut and moved away. Quietly, she said, “It stormed nearly all night.”

  “Sis, it’s been three years,” he whispered, tucking her again against his side, resting his chin on her crown. “You can’t spend the rest of your life hiding in your room with the curtains pulled every time it rains. You need to let go.”

  He was right. She knew that. A grown woman just couldn’t run to her room and hide every time it stormed. And she had spent most of her night, tossing and turning and thinking about Wade, not Jason. But she hated the rain.

  “Letting go isn’t the same as forgetting, Shawn. And it’s not that easy to do either.” She would have said more, but the sound of a motor silenced her Her shoulders tensed and her gut clenched violently. She knew exactly who it was driving up her mountain when the sun was stilling hugging the eastern horizon.

  Damn it. Not now. “I can’t deal with him right now,” she whispered harshly.

  * * *

  If Wade was startled by the shiny black classic Mustang in the drive, he was absolutely shell shocked at the sight of Nikki standing half naked in the arms of a blond man who held her all too closely, his shirt hanging open. Both were mussed and sleepy eyed. What in the hell was she doing in the arms of another man when it wasn’t even seven in the morning?

  Bad enough she spent months with that jerk-off. But now she was with somebody else?

  This is the fucking last draw, baby. Get ready for a show down, he thought furiously as he climbed out of his truck, murder on his mind. If she thought she could go running to another man, she had another thought coming. Gonna kill that bastard. Who in the hell does he think he is, touching her like that, holding her like he as a right to, he thought viciously as he took the steps in a single bound.

  Nikki stood there sleepy eyed, hair tumbled, face slightly flushed, as if she had just climbed out of bed after a night loving. Ready to tumble right back into bed for some more.

  Over my dead body.

  First Dale Stoner, and now this. Cuddling up to the chest of another blond bastard, and it didn’t look like she was in a hurry to leave either.

  And here he had been imagining her aching to see him. He closed the distance between himself and the bastard he in­tended to kill with his bare hands.

  The soon to be corpse ran a hand down a silk covered back and ducked his head to whisper in Nikki’s ear. Probably suggesting they go back inside once their visitor was gone. His body practically vibrating with rage, Wade stood motionless as Nicole stepped forward, leaving the blond’s arms and staring at Wade with blank eyes.

  She stood quietly, her eyes calm, without a trace of guilt or remorse.

  Wade could feel it as his heart tore apart, spilling over with bitterness and anger. It didn’t even matter to her, that he had found her in the arms of somebody else.

  Damn you, he thought, clenching his jaw. Don’t you know you belong with me? In my arms.

  She should have spent the night with Wade, and he damned well oughta be the one who was holding her as the sun rose into the clear blue sky. Instead she had with another man who even now was laugh­ing at him.

  And then Wade’s black eyes met the greenish hazel eyes of the stranger and the rage drained out of him. Hazel eyes, exactly like Nikki’s. And a squared, tougher version of Nicole’s soft rounded features. A face so similar to Nicole, they could have identical, except where she had curves, he had only angles.

  The youngest Kline. The only one he hadn’t come across in the months he had been in Monticello.

  “Shawn,” he said, his voice slightly hoarse from the residual emotion that had almost eaten him alive. The young punk had grown into a man Wade barely recognized. Formerly long hair was cropped close to his nape, and long sinewy, almost bony arms had thickened with muscle

  Okay, so maybe this isn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done. He should have stayed home where it was nice and safe. And lonely.

  Now Shawn looked absolutely delighted to Wade, a wicked gleam lighting his eyes, an unholy smile curving his mouth. Gently, Shawn moved his sister to the side and stepped closer, until he was toe to toe with Wade, all but snarling at the shorter man.

  Pride kept him from moving back, even though he knew in a fistfight with Shawn, he was sure to lose. Wade may be able to hold his own in a fight– but Shawn had damn near written a handbook on streetfighting. Wade had seen the results of his handiwork, and they hadn’t been pretty.

  The only one who had ever held his own against Shawn was his older brother, Dylan.

  Before Shawn could even open his mouth, Nikki had planted herself between them, shoving them apart with strong, slender hands. “Don’t even think about it, little brother,” she admonished. “I’ve never needed anybody to fight my battles for me and I’m not starting now”

  Shawn replied, “All I want to do is make good on a promise I made myself.” And he sidestepped to face Wade once more.

  “No.”

  Flashing a cocky grin, Shawn promised, “I won’t kill him, sis. Just maim him a little. Make him remember not to mess with a Kline again.”

  Without blinking, she stepped hard on Shawn’s instep, reminding Wade that she, too, had grown up in those west Louisville slums.

  “You mean little bitch,” Shawn yelped, hopping up and down on his uninjured foot.

  “You watch your mouth,” Wade snarled, brushing past Nikki in an attempt to bust the arrogant brat in the mouth. He had almost succeeded when Nikki moved again, this time planting her entire five foot four inches in front of him, and snapped, “Don’t even think about it. What in the hell are you doing here?”

  Gingerly setting his foot on the ground, well aware that it would be bruised within a few hours, Shawn snapped, “He’s here so I can kick his ass, of course.”

  “Watch your mouth,” Wade repeated “You still haven’t learned how to show your sister any respect.”

  “And you did?” Hazel eyes flashing, Shawn asked, “Who are you to lecture me on how to treat anybody? At least I had the decency to not go making a woman any promises I wouldn’t keep”

  Nikki didn’t even hear Wade’s snarled reply. She was turning to go inside. Let them beat the hell out of each other. She didn’t want to hear about it or think about it.

  But apparently, other things were planned. Dylan had come outside without being noticed. With an ease that came from years of rough housing with Shawn, he deflected the first punch and before anybody could blink, he had Shawn trapped in headlock he had little hope of breaking, unless he wanted his neck broke as well.

  “What’s up?” he asked calmly, as though every morning he stepped in the middle of a soon to be blood bath.

  “Lemme go, you sonovabitch,” Shawn panted. His face was red with anger and effort as he twisted uselessly to try and free himself. “All I’m gonna do is rearrange his pretty face a little.”

  “Did she ask you to?”

  “No, but so what?” Shawn grunted, swiveling his hips, tr
ying to jerk free. “You can’t… tell me…that you never wanted to…do it yourself.”

  Casting a wistful glance at Wade, Dylan said, “If she wanted it done, she’d do it herself. She doesn’t need us to do it” His wishful eyes clearly made Wade aware that all Nikki needed to do was say the word.

  Nikki stood silently, her eyes empty and flat. Her silence told Dylan all too much It had been months since the girm-eyed man from Nikki’s past had shown up, and he had yet to leave. Which only told him that Nikki really didn’t want him gone. But God help him if he hurt her again.

  God would be the only left who could help him.

  “Damn it, lemme go,” Shawn demanded

  “Sure,” Dylan drawled, letting go suddenly and with a shove that had Shawn sprawling in the grass in front of the porch.

  Young pride bruised, he leaped to feet, ready to battle with both of them only to come up against the heel of Dylan’s hand, and go sliding on his butt again. “Damn it, why in the hell are you knocking me around for?” Body smeared with mud, eyes flashing. “I ain’t the bastard who went and knocked—”

  “Shawn!”

  The strident demand stopped Shawn in his tracks and he dropped his head. “Aw, hell,” he muttered, climbing to his feet. “Can’t even beat the shit of a guy any more. Nobody used to look twice when I got into a fight.” Gingerly, he moved up the steps, tossing Wade a look that said, Just wait. And then he was gone.

  Dylan lingered a moment longer, asking silently if he should stay or go. Wade began to wonder if he wasn’t going to have to do battle with one of them after all. But, finally, after long moments of silent communication, Nikki just shook her head at him and told him, “Make sure he cleans up the mud he tracks in. I’ll be in soon.”

  Dylan shrugged, and turned on his bare foot to go inside, casting one long unreadable glance in Wade’s direction before shutting the door quietly behind him.

  As he watched her, Nikki wrapped her arms around her middle, a tiny shiver wracking her body. She met his eyes and just gave him a flat, blank stare. “What are you doing here, Wade? It’s barely seven.”