Because It's Not Love

by Kitty Parker

  "Oh quit the act. You think your own mother doesn't realize when her daughter was out with a boy?"

  "Mom! Shh!" I dropped my bag and sat down beside her.

  "Where have you been and what did you do?" Mom demanded.

  I rolled my eyes and looked around, in case Nick came down from his room. "Mom, I love you. And yes I was with a boy but please don't say this to Nick. Please."

  "Why? He's not the over protective type of big brother is he? Well if he is then I'll tell him to stop—"

  "He's not mom. Just...don't say anything. Please?" I begged her with my pleading eyes.

  She went silent and nodded slightly afterwards. I thought that our talk was over, so I stood up and was about to go to my room when mom's voice echoed the room again. "Are you still a virgin?"

  I swear my face went as red as a tomato. Getting this type of question from your mother was...well, beyond embarrassing. I was close with my mom, yeah, but not this close so she could ask me if I was still a virgin or not. I stared at her for a while before I looked away. "Mom…"

  "Ah, I see. So who's the lucky guy?" She then frowned at me. "Please don't tell me you guys did it in a classroom? Though it's a really nice spot if I say so myself. Your father and I used to—"

  "Mom!" I threw her a horrified look before grabbing my bag, walking towards the hallway only to find Nick walking down from upstairs. He gave me a confused look, which was such a relief. It meant that he didn't hear what mom was talking about with me.

  I glared at him before I turned towards the stairs. "Don't even ask."

  "What's wrong with her?" I heard him ask mom as I walked up the stairs.

  "Well Nick, I was telling her how you were conceived in a classroom ages ago—"

  "Mom, no, ew!" I heard Nick yell before walking towards the kitchen.

  That was Mary Wilson for you. Mom would always tease on Nick and I on how she got pregnant at college and how grandpa hated her. When mom was kicked out of her house (Yes, pretty tragic) dad took care of mom. Somehow when Nick was born, grandpa forgave her and loved Nick like he was his world or something.

  I don't really know how the story was but all I know was that mom and dad were high school sweethearts and went to the same college together. Or more like 'Your dad was an asshole while I was the schools' slut'.

  Believe me, those were her exact words.

  * * *

  The next day at school went surprisingly...normal.

  You'd think that having a friends with benefits sort of thing with the most popular guy at school would be different—well that was what I thought. But no, he in fact decided to ignore me. Well, not completely, he would only smile at me when no one was looking at us. I know it was our own little secret, but I felt that he didn't want people seeing us together, like he thought I was some piece of shit that didn't have the rights to be hanging out with him.

  I groaned and shook my head, now I was beginning to think weird things.

  I haven't told Lisa about this but she kept on asking how Carson and I were doing. I just shrugged and told her that it was just those fling he was used to. She patted my back sympathetically which made me want to laugh.

  Time went faster than I thought and it was already a Friday night. Carson and I didn't really speak to each other at school this week which made me think that he was only playing with my feelings. I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this. God, I could be so stupid sometimes. Even though every day I didn't see him with many girls that much, which was kind of a relief (I guess), I still felt as if he was the one avoiding me now.

  When Friday night came rolling by, I had the urge to dress up and follow my brother to one of those crazy parties of Carson's. Of course, I didn't want it to be suspicious that it looked as if I was that urgent to see him. No, I still had my pride. But then again if Lisa wasn't visiting her grandparents now, she would probably be drag me to his house and I'd probably let her.

  So I decided to have a movie marathon of chick flicks in one of my many shorts to sleep in and one of my brother's old shirt with a pair of socks until my knees. It was just me in the house, mom was having an author's meeting (I never understood what author's would do together) and dad was having a night shift at the hospital, while of course my sweet big brother was partying with his so-called best friend. Partying wasn't my kind of thing anyway.

  I was watching the part of the movie where the female heroin was kissed by a stranger, a gorgeous stranger to be exact, when I heard a knock at the door. I paused the movie and stood up to see who it was. Dad always said to me not to open the door if there were any visitors at this time of hour, especially if you were alone, but I found my feet dragging me towards the front door.

  I caught a glimpse of my reflection from the mirror in the hallway; my hair was wild, I looked like I could use some sleep and the shirt I was wearing had many stains on it. I wrinkled my nose. Nonetheless, I ignored my appearance and opened the door slowly. When I saw who it was, I blinked my eyes.

  "Carson?"

  He didn't answer me, but merely shoved the door open and slammed it shut, bringing his arms around my waist as his lips landed on mine with hunger I could sense. I was shocked at his sudden presence here but found myself wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him back.

  I felt my feet flying as I felt him lifting me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pushed me to the nearest wall. The feeling of him pressing onto my crotch felt surprisingly familiar and wonderful. I gasped as he moved his hips slightly and buried his head on the crook of my neck. I was gasping and moaning at the same time as I tried to question out my thoughts.

  "W-why are you here?" I managed to ask as he sucked on my neck.

  He stopped what he was doing and glanced at me. "Why weren't you at the party?"

  "You know I hate parties." I wiggled my hips to feel him and got a low growl from him. I grinned widely.

  He was now walking up the stairs, taking me in his arms. I chuckled and held onto his shoulder tighter. I guess he already knew that nobody else was in the house except me.

  "Aren't you supposed to be hosting your own party?" I teased him as he kicked my bedroom door open. How the hell did he know this one was my bedroom?

  "My brother's in town, he'll take care of it," He said and shrugged.

  "Cameron's in town?" I asked eagerly, because we all know, Cameron was just as hot as he was. "Can I see him?"

  "Why do you want to see him?" I heard the sound of jealousy in his voice.

  "Ooh, somebody's jealous." I teased him and kissed his cheek. I smiled and whispered, "He's not the one from the Malloy family who's going to have sex with me right now, is he?"

  I got a toe curling kiss as he placed me on my bed. "Babe, I'm the only Malloy you'll be having sex with."

  I laughed and played with the hem of his shirt. He crawled his way on top of me and started to nibble on my lips while his hands did the exploring on my body. The way he was touching me made me go wild. His lips trailed down my neck and he bit it gently and seductively altogether. He tugged my shirt and I quickly took off of it through my head and was surprised when he grabbed onto my breasts as soon as it welcomed his sight.

  I never really liked wearing a bra at night, so how happy did he feel when he saw how ready I was for him. His thumb brushed my right nipple and I let out a moan that was suddenly captured by his mouth. I sat up straight for a while to take off his shirt, and boy did I feel turned on. His wonderful chest was glistened by the light from the moon that came through the window and I couldn't help but to admire his well sculpted body. He was like a wonderful nude statue.

  I lift my hips up as he took off my shorts without looking away from my eyes. The way he was looking at me captured my soul; he was looking at me with pure hunger, like a beast who wanted to eat me alive. I didn't know when my underwear was off me but all I realized was the feeling of his warm fingers trailing on the warmness of my body, the private part of me that seemed to be screaming for his longing touch.<
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  "Carson?" I panted as he opened my legs widely and took a look of me. His big hands were on my knees as he sat in front of my parted legs, looking at my now visible naked body with desire. My face heated as I realized he was now able to see me very clearly. He could see how swollen I had become just by his magical fingers. I felt my body twitching as he softly grazed his fingers on me and teased it open to see a better look of my body.

  "Yes?"

  He looked into my eyes and slowly lowered his head towards my—oh wow. I could feel myself heating up as his eyes was glazing on my face while his tongue gently touched my burning core. I moaned and closed my eyes at the electrical energy he was blistering.

  "You...can't be too long...here. Somebody...might be...home...early—oh boy." I felt his magic fingers again. My breath quickened as I felt two of his fingers entering me slowly without notice. I moaned so loud this time that it surprised the both of us. He smirked at me and kept on entering me so fast with his fingers that I thought I was about to die of pleasure.

  "Could you just shut up?" His voice was low and husky that it made me even hotter than I already was.

  I nodded and bit my lip. Before he could go any further with his lips and fingers, I grabbed his hair and looked down at him. "One more thing Carson."

  He groaned before he looked up at me. "God, what is it?"

  I grinned. "I'm the one on top this time."

  He chuckled and I couldn't help but feel his warm breath on my wet skin.

  "Well we'll just see about that," he growled before unbuckling the belt around his slacks.

  Bathwater

  Carson watched the way she peacefully slept and wondered how a girl could possibly look beautiful both awake and asleep. He reached out to caress her cheeks, making a slow pattern as he watched her taking deep breaths in her peaceful slumber. He felt her stirring slightly before a pair of blue eyes gazed at him thoughtfully. Was she already awake this whole time? He stared into those mesmerizing eyes for a while before letting out a sigh. "I have to go."

  Maggie held his gaze as her hand found its way around his fingers on her cheek. She took a deep breath. "Stay."

  It was barely a whisper, but he did manage to hear her. He shook his head and started to move his thumb across her jaw line. "I can't."

  Carson saw the flash of pain in her eyes as he felt himself stiffen. It wasn't as if he was rejecting her…it was just complicated. Wasn't this just about sex anyway? Carson sighed. Why was this so messed up? And why did it feel so wrong seeing the hurt in her eyes? Wasn't he used to seeing girls beg for him? Hasn't he always turned them down easily without another glance? Wasn't he known as the guy who threw women like trash so simply?

  After debating on what to do, he sat up straight and got off the bed to put on his clothes back. He knew that this wasn't the right thing to do…but damn it, it was too fast for him. He kept on repeating in his mind that he wanted her for her body, only her body, as he put on his shirt and was now fully clothed. Carson walked away and headed towards her bedroom door without even sparing another glance towards her way. "I'll see you on Monday."

  He didn't know why he was being such an ass. Being with Maggie made him feel weird and gave him thoughts he never had to deal with before, because every time she was beside him, all he wanted to do was to keep the big smile stay on her face. Carson cursed as he drove back to his house in silence. Nothing could get out of control; this was only friends with benefits anyway. It was just sex and he wanted to keep it that way.

  He stopped his car and looked outside the window. Music was blaring and colorful lights were streaming out with people filling the house–maybe a little too much. He stepped out of the car and walked inside the noisy resident. He rolled his eyes, whenever his brother was in charge of a party, it would go out of control.

  It was like a tradition having a party at the Malloy resident. Their father, being a busy doctor, was never around the house nor was their mother who went back to England after their parent's divorced. The separation happened when Carson was about 7 years old and at that time, he was confused why his parents didn't share the same room anymore. Little did he know, her mother cheated on his father.

  Travis Malloy loved Jennifer Blakeley with all his heart and was shocked when he found the woman of his life having sex with another man. He was devastated, and since then he would bury himself into a pile of work. He was that busy in the hospital, it felt as if the hospital was like another home for him. Of course, after the divorce with his his ex-wife, he had many women to pleasure him. He was, after all, a good-looking man. But none of them made took his breath away the way Jennifer did, so he never remarried then.

  Carson spotted his older brother flirting with three girls on the couch. He walked over to them and nodded at Cameron. His brother, being 3 years older, had a brighter shade of brown on his hair and eyes darker than himself. They didn't look much alike, except for the fact that all the ladies were fond of their handsome presence.

  "I can't believe I graduated to leave parties like this!" Cameron lifted his beer to his lips and drank full of it.

  Carson chuckled and sat himself on an empty chair. After minutes of drinking and talking with people around the house, Carson found himself flirting with a girl on the dance floor. The way she grinded her hips onto his turned him on very much. His drunken state of mind wanted to screw her very hard, but the sober part of him kept on reminding him of Maggie. And he didn't like it one bit.

  He moaned loudly when her hand found its way to his thighs and over to his arousal crotch. He didn't even know what her name was–but damn it he was getting turned on. The girl kissed his jaw and trailed soft kisses down his neck. Carson couldn't help but to trail his hand underneath her short skirt. He felt the soft fabric of her underwear and slowly tugged them down her legs. The girl stopped his hands and laughed at his attempt to undress her in public. "Come on, take me to your room."

  Carson cursed to himself as he grabbed the girl's arm towards the stairs. Sure she was hot and he wanted to fuck her like mad…but the thought of having sex with Maggie a few hours ago made him feel guilty. He shook his head quickly, why the hell did he care about her anyway?

  He was about to take the girl to his bedroom but suddenly stopped. No girls were allowed there; it was his only place where he liked to be alone. Well, of course, except for–

  He shook his head again.

  "What's wrong?" The girl looked up at him and touched his cheek lightly with her palm.

  Carson looked down at her. "Not in my room."

  "Why?"

  He shrugged his shoulder and looked away. "No reason."

  The girl looked around and spotted a couple coming out from a bathroom down the hallway. She tugged Carson along and brought him there. Once they were inside the bathroom, she kissed him roughly as she jumped in pleasure. Carson did what he intended to do; he was about to get laid again. As he took off his pants and licked the girl's breast, he didn't know why but he felt as if this was somewhat wrong.

  * * *

  It was a Sunday evening and Carson was relaxing on his bed when all of a sudden his friends barged in. John sat on his bed, Dean sat on a beanbag chair while Nick stood there looking at his lazy friend who was only wearing his boxers on his bed. Nick raised his eye brows at him.

  "We need to hang out," he stated.

  Carson waved his hand around. "We are hanging out." He said as if it wasn't clear enough for them.

  John rolled his eyes. "We mean out for some fresh air. Let's go to the mall and pick out girls."

  "Yeah let's do that!" Dean agreed enthusiastically. "Let's pick out girls who aren't from our school. I want something different, like an Asian–or a redhead."

  Carson couldn't help hold his breath at the imagination of a girl with light redhead popping inside his head. He closed his eyes. "Then go ahead, I'd like to stay in my room."

  Nick sat beside him on the edge of his bed. "What's wrong man? You never say no when it comes to g
irls."

  "Not in the mood, I guess." Carson shrugged nonchalantly. He then continued, "You guys could go without me, you know?"

  "But you don't hang out with us anymore." John joined in.

  Carson scoffed at him as he placed his hands behind his head. "What are you talking about?"

  "Friday night; I saw you went out in your car when your party was being hold."

  He raised his eye brow towards Dean. "…So?"

  "You're keeping secrets." Dean then pointed out, "You don't have secrets."

  Carson raised his eye brows at this.

  Nick shook his head. "The point is we feel like you're hiding something away from us."

  Carson and Nick made a long eye contact. It felt as if Nick knew what was happening between him and Maggie...but really? The friend for benefits thing was only a week now. Nope, wait, it was less than a week. Only a few days and Maggie had the magic to make Carson feel like shit after he slept with another girl. It was driving him nuts.

  The two guys stared at each other, both of them trying to read each others mind. The first time Carson met Nick was in freshman year of high school. Their friendship wasn't the one since they were little babies, but the time they met each other, something clicked and they had a strong bond. They were best friends since then, and having to keep a secret from Nick–and to think it had to do with his sister–made Carson feel uneasy. Friendship was always important to him.

  Dean gave John a confused look about his two best friends. John just shrugged.

  Carson took a deep breath. "Look guys, there's nothing going on."

  Nick eyed him doubtfully before giving him a small smirk. There was something going on, he knew it. He could tell by the way his best friend was looking away now. Nick felt kind of offended that his best friend didn't trust him enough to tell whatever was happening with him. Carson always told him everything; he even enlightened Nick with how his parents got divorced when he was only a kid. What was he keeping to himself? If he didn't want Nick to know, then there was only one thing that Nick could think of. Maybe it had something to do with…