Family Ties (Hidden Secrets)

by Belden, P. J.

  "Whatcha reading?" Scott asked.

  "Second Chances by DL Roan." I answer flatly.

  It wasn't Scott's fault that his friend was an asshole, but I could feel him there too. I knew he was watching me. Stupid body.

  "What's it about?" Scott asked again.

  I could tell he was trying to strike up a conversation. I huffed and looked up at him and sure enough standing right next to him was Tobey.

  "It’s about a girl who is scared shitless and running from her past. She thought her life couldn't get turned upside down any further...She thought wrong because in her running she runs into the McLendon brothers." Turning my focus on Tobey, but still talking to Scott, "Guys should really think about using this book as a reference manual. This author has it nailed on how a man should treat a woman."

  "Oh really now," Tobey says, walking up to me, yanking the book from my grip. "You think that she has it down on how a man is to treat a woman? What would a woman know about that?" He said, flipping the book back and forth in his hands.

  "Well, for starters, being a woman... she knows how she wants a man to treat her so she writes them in that manner. No one's perfect, everyone has things they can work on, but her cowboys do...not like the one that stands before me."

  He throws the book back at me. "Yeah, well they probably don't have to deal with the know it all Mary like I do."

  Then he storms inside, slamming the door behind him causing me to jump. What the hell did I do? Staring down at my book, I wondered if there was even anyone out there for me. Maybe I was just meant to love this evil man, but never have the love in return. After all it would be what I deserved. I sighed as a cold chill began to claim my body.

  “He’s…”

  My head snapped up at Scott. “Don’t give me that he’s a good guy speech again. I’m done listening to it Scott! He may be a good guy to you, but to me he is…not! If you’ll excuse me, I need to finish your supper.”

  Walking past him, I went into the kitchen and finished up supper. Just as I was setting the table, everyone came into the kitchen. Joel and John were laughing about something as they sat down at the table. Tobey came in and sat in his seat. Without looking at him, I set everything on the table. Not a glance back or a single word said, I left the kitchen and went back to my room. I began to pack my bag. Thankfully, it didn’t take me long to gather my things. I think if it had, I may not have had the strength to keep going. Bag in hand, I walked down the hall. I stopped in my tracks when I heard Scott’s raised voice.

  “I don’t care! What the hell is your problem? You’re hurting her! Is that your plan? Or did you just turn into a major asshole overnight?”

  “Butt out of it Scott! I’m warning you.” Tobey said back with just as much hatred.

  They continued to fight back and forth. John and Joel were trying to calm the waters, but Tobey and Scott seemed to be in their own world. Well, I wasn’t sticking around to be the cause of a friendship falling apart and I wasn’t going to stick around to be his punching bag either. I’m already one person’s punching bag…don’t need to be anyone else’s.

  My mind kept replaying our moment, my one true moment of happiness. It was in that moment that I not only felt what I had been missing, but soon saw what I couldn’t have. I was nothing more to him than a roll in the sack. Laughing at myself, I am some kind of fool to think that a man like that, any man for that matter, would want someone like me around. I wasn’t high maintenance, but my career was. I was gone more than I was there, which is the reason I lived in a hotel when I wasn’t visiting home. I kicked a rock out of frustration.

  The sun was setting and the cool evening breeze had a bit of a chill to it. I was still only wearing my running outfit. Setting my bag on the ground, I dug around until I found the hoodie I was looking for. When I pulled out the hoodie, my notebook fell out and with it a folded piece of paper. I don’t know where it came from. Sitting down on the ground, I knew deep in my gut that this was going to be something I needed to read sitting down.

  Mary,

  I know what you are thinking and what you must think of me, but I had to leave. There is so much I want to tell you, so much I should say, but I just can’t do any of it yet. One day I hope you will understand what I have done and why. One day if you can find it in your heart to forgive me. It hurts for me to have to treat you this way. To pretend you do not matter to me at all, but I want you to know that you were the best thing in the world that ever entered my life. Before you I was lost and searching for direction, but with your bright smile and fun loving personality, I found where I wanted to be and where I wanted to go. If nothing else, you know that you have made me a better person than what I was before. It is because of you that I have had the strength to make it through the days that have followed one of the worst decisions in my life.

  I love you so much, Mars. So much more than you will ever know.

  Natty

  P.S. I have gotten every single one of your letters and cards. I will never forget you my friend. If the day should ever come that I can talk to you again, I hope you will give me that time to just explain…if nothing else. Take care of yourself and remember this one last thing…we will forever be a part of the circle…ying and yang…remember?

  At some point, she was close enough to put a letter in my notebook and I never saw it until now. I just got this notebook a week ago, so…

  “Oh God, she was at the meet and greet and I never noticed.”

  My mind was already putting pieces of the story together. Even without her having to say what was going on, I have a very strong suspicion that I know why she left without a trace so long ago.

  I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard footsteps approaching behind me. I knew it would be Scott, coming to tell me not to leave and give Tobey the satisfaction…blah blah blah. I stood up and shoved the hoodie back in the bag. I had a feeling I was going to be working up enough of a sweat now that my hoodie would not be needed. Grabbing my bag, I began to run.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Tobey

  I had to ride out and check fence lines, so I didn’t go back to Mary and pull her into my arms. It wouldn’t be fair to her if I did that. No doubt in my mind what she means to me, but that doesn’t erase the fact that I am sitting here with a plan to ruin her. How could I ruin her now? It was as I was checking the hundredth section of fence when something occurred to me. Making a detour, I jump three sets of fences before I started approaching the barn. When I approached the window, I watched Scott and Mary talking. I had no clue what they were saying, I was no lip reader, but I didn’t like how close Scott kept standing to her. Him and I will be having words later that is for sure.

  Looking at her face, it wasn’t as bright as it was this morning and it wasn’t glowing as it did when she came apart underneath me. My resolve was set. I tied my horse to the post with water and feed then jumped in my truck. Half an hour later, I was at the local library where I sat at the computer pouring over every bit of news information about the things that my family told me. Why I didn’t do this before agreeing to do something like I had was beyond me, but I’m doing it now.

  My heart prayed that there was no truth in their stories. I’m not sure if I could handle their stories being true. There were articles upon articles on what my family talked about. There were so many different points of views and tales. It also included some from other members of my family. After hours of scouring over everything, nothing my family had told me checked out. How could someone lie about that shit?

  Jumping back in my truck and heading back to the ranch, my head was a mess. So many different thoughts, questions ran through it. All of it was jumbling together and making no sense. I kept going over what I read and then comparing it to what I was told. Before I knew it, I was pulling up in front of my house again. Just as I got out, Scott walked up.

  “Where’d you head off to?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yeah, actually it does.” He sneered
.

  “Why?” I questioned, frustrated.

  “Because you are hurting a really good person. And why? Because your rotten lying ass son of a bitching family that has not contacted you until now, says she’s evil. You should start paying attention to the world around you because for once having a paper or a television might have helped you here.”

  Instead of laying into him, I bit back my rage and started up the steps only to find Mary looking sexy as hell reading on my mother’s porch swing. Even I didn’t sit on that swing. My mom, while she was alive, never let anyone on there. I told Mary to stay off it, but here she is sitting on the damn thing. This small thing mixed with the clusterfuck I have going on in my head right now has caused my mouth to continue to spew the venom at her as she starts talking about the book and men. When I realize what I am doing, I leave and slam the door behind me.

  Once I am alone in my room, I pace up and down the room trying to sort everything out in my head. After giving myself a bigger headache, I ask myself the one question that is the most important.

  Does what I read today change things?

  Damn right it does! I am no longer on the revenge trek any more, but what I didn’t know was how to make it up to Mary so we can get past everything. Could I even do that? Or had I screwed this up so bad that I wouldn’t be able to fix anything?

  When I heard the guys come in, I knew supper was ready. I decided whatever happened, I was at least going to talk to her. Let her know that I am not the ass I was today. She deserved an apology. When I walked into the kitchen and saw yet again, she wasn’t eating, I scowled. There is no way she keeps eating while she cooks or even if she does, it can’t be enough to sustain her. But when she left the kitchen with no talking or even looking at me, I knew that I may have already caused enough damage to lose her completely.

  Just as I was about to stand up and go after her, Scott starts in on me. He wants to think he knows everything, but he doesn’t. He tries to pretend that he is there for me, but right now I don’t think he is. After he spouts off one fucking thing too many, I stand and deck him before he can blink.

  “Dude, what did you do that for?” Joel says in shock.

  “Did I hit a nerve asshole?” Scott grunts as he gets up off the floor.

  “You better watch it. I’m not in the mood today!”

  “I won’t. You fucked her and then kicked her to the side like some whore.”

  My fist connected with his stomach and he grunted from the blow. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that!”

  “I am not saying anything other than the way you treated her! Is that all she is to you? A celebrity fuck?”

  “Scott…” I growled.

  “No, I want to know. Why sleep with her at all? Why? So you can what…make her cry?”

  “No!”

  “Then why?”

  “I love her!” I yelled right into his face.

  The shock on Scott’s face was enough to break my rage. I stumbled back into a chair and sat, dropping my head in my hands.

  “You what?”

  I sighed. “I love her, man.”

  “Then why are you being a dick to her?”

  I ran my hands through my hair and tried to figure out a way to tell them. None of them would be happy about it. Hell, I’m not happy about it.

  “I need to go talk to her.” I said as I headed out of the kitchen.

  Knocking on her door that was slightly ajar, “Mary? I need to talk to you.”

  When I heard nothing in response I opened the door. My heart immediately sunk and I ran down the hall screaming at the guys that she left. She didn’t have a car, so she can’t get too far. I wasn’t worried about that. It was the fact that it was starting to get dark. I ran past my truck not even wanting to take the time it would take to get in, start it and drive.

  After a few moments, I could see her sitting on the ground. The closer I got I watched as she gathered herself and took off running. Dammit! There was no way I’m going to let her get away. Kicking up my pace a little more, I managed to catch her by her arm.

  “Don’t touch me!” She screamed as she whirled around to face me.

  “Mary, please. I need to talk to you.”

  “Oh really, well I don’t want to listen.” She said as she turned to walk away.

  “Mary please. Just let me explain,” I pleaded.

  “Explain what? Why you’re an asshole? Or is it why you seem to think that you know everything? You think you're just the ranchiest rancher there is don't you? Well, I have news for you... you're far from it. Open your eyes a little and realize sometimes people don't tell you the truth because they are afraid of how it will end. You my friend are far from the ranchiest one and soon I'll prove it to you, schmuck!”

  Without thinking, I took her face in my hands and crushed my lips down to hers. It was fierce and rough, but I was at my wits end. She wasn’t going to let me talk. After a few more moments, she kissed me back. It was only then that I broke the kiss and rested my forehead on hers.

  “I’m sorry, Mary. I was scared; overwhelmed with the feelings I have for you. That was the best moment in my life, Mary. I know saying sorry isn’t going to make up for what I have done, but I hope you can forgive me.”

  “It-it was?”

  There was no need to reply. Instead, I leaned in and claimed her lips once again. This time it was tender, loving…the way she deserves. Part of me hopes she can tell what she means to me through this kiss, the other is afraid she doesn’t feel the same. Trailing kisses down her neck to her shoulder, I buried my face in the curve of her neck just breathing her in.

  “Please don’t leave. Give me a chance to show you that the way I acted today was not who I am.”

  Mary pulled back from my hold and gathered up her backpack. I held my breath. She had every right to turn and walk away without looking back. Lord knows I deserved nothing less after what I’ve done to her, the way I treated her. She looked up at me and I couldn’t read her face.

  “You really hurt me, Tobey,” she said, barely above a whisper.

  “I know and I can’t tell you I’m sorry enough. This is all new to me. I’ve never been around someone like you before.”

  She shivered slightly. Mary crossed her arms over her chest and rocked side to side. I couldn’t stand here, why she was freezing just to argue my point.

  “Please let me take you back and we can talk privately. Then, if you decide you still want to leave, I’ll take you wherever you want to go. Deal?”

  She nodded her head and began to walk back toward the house. I wish I had the forethought to bring my jacket, but I was more concerned in finding her than what the temperature was outside. Tentatively, I reached my arm over to wrap around her waist. When she didn’t jump away from me, I pulled her closer to me trying to keep her warm with my body heat.

  Arriving back at the house, I made the guys leave. They protested and Scott had to ask Mary if she was sure she didn’t want him to stay. It got on my nerves bad, but I bit my tongue. Though I was definitely going to be talking to him tomorrow, no matter what happens tonight.

  While I waited for Scott to leave, I started a fire in the fireplace. Soon we were alone and I was locking up the house. I walked back in the living room to find her standing in front of the fire. The glow of the fire was the only light in the room and she looked beautiful in it. There hasn’t been a moment that I haven’t found her either beautiful or sexy.

  Walking into the room a little bit, I was unsure of how to start the conversation. Just as I took a breath, Mary beat me to it.

  “All my life, I have dealt with men only wanting me for my money, fame, or connections. Men, who I thought cared about me turned out to have used me. So for a long time, I played that. I had fun, played the field, had one night stands, or flings…But I found myself wanting more,” she turned around facing me.

  The glow from the fireplace did little to mask the sadness I saw in her eyes. It broke my heart knowing that I was the
very reason that look was there. I held my breath as she continued.

  “But then I met you. I thought my time had finally come. That you were the first person that cared about me and not my career. Then we shared a moment that I have never had before and then…you treated me worse than anyone has ever treated me before. At least all those other men that I’ve slept with, they didn’t pretend to have interest in me just to get me in bed. You…you did. Was it all an act? Did you just want to sleep with me?”

  I moved further into the room. “No. No, it wasn’t like that at all. I’ve had a lot going on. When Scott came to the door…I panicked. I thought it was best for you that I pushed you away. I wasn’t faking interest Mary. I…Do you believe me?”

  She threw her hands up in the air. Mary shifted over and flopped down on the couch. Without waiting for her to respond, I moved over and kneeled between her legs. Mary stared down at me curiosity shining in her eyes.

  Taking her hands, “I ran after you Mary. I begged you to come back. Why would I have done any of that? If sleeping with you was all I wanted wouldn’t I have just let you go?”

  She sighed heavily. Lifting her sad eyes to meet mine, I thought I saw a glimmer of something else them. “No, I guess not. Tobey if I give you a chance to redeem yourself…”

  “I won’t let you regret it. I promise you will get the real Tobey. The Tobey you had in the beginning, that was the real me. Please.” I begged.

  Holy shit! I was begging. Wow!

  She started nodding her head and started to say ‘yes’, but I was already crushing my lips against hers. Releasing her hands, I cupped her face as I kissed her passionately. Partly hoping she could feel what I just couldn’t say right now. Feeling her hands tangle in my hair and her kiss me back, I picked her up and carried her toward my room.

  As I started down the hall, she began to grind against me. Leaning her against the wall I pressed against her squeezing her ass as the kiss intensified. She moaned softly and released the sexiest moan I’ve ever heard. A moan of my own slipping out, I kissed my way up to her ear.