Seeing Your Face Again

by Jerry S. Eicher

“Did you know this?” Saloma turned to look at Ida.

  Ida glanced away and didn’t answer, which was an answer in itself.

  “What else am I not being told?” Saloma asked, her voice breaking.

  “I’m not getting wed yet,” Lois asserted, ignoring her mamm’s question. “I hear Ida is doing that though. And to old Melvin Kanagy with his six children. What on earth is wrong with you, Ida?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with her!” Saloma snapped. “That’s the way of our people, Lois. Which is how Da Hah has taught us. We are to live sacrificial lives in the community. And what better task could one take on than caring for six young children who desperately need a mamm?”

  Lois turned up her nose. “So love has gone out the window, Ida? I thought you had it bad for Paul Wagler.”

  Ida said nothing.

  “I will have no such talk in my house!” Saloma ordered. “Ida is making a very wise choice. I was uncertain at the first, but Da Hah is clearly giving His blessing. I will not have you running Ida or her husband-to-be down. And with the way you’re living, you shouldn’t be casting stones.”

  Lois ignored the rebuke and addressed Ida. “Don’t throw love away, Ida! Please! I know I’m not Amish any longer, but I’m still your sister. I hate to see you throw away your life and accept chains in place of love.”

  Ida finally spoke up. “I love Melvin, Lois! I really love him. He’s kind and gentle. And his children will be a blessing to me, as I hope I will be to them.”

  Lois blew out her breath. “What a speech, Ida. Very dramatic. You must have spent hours working on that.”

  “I speak from my heart!”

  Saloma silenced them both with an uplifted hand. “Enough on that subject. We can’t expect Lois to understand the ways of our people since she’s rejected us. I only hope and pray that Da Hah will have mercy on her.”

  “He already has.” Lois’s face went into a pout. “There are many Christians out there, I’ll have you know. The Amish aren’t the only ones who love God. And Christians serve the same Hah you do.”

  “That may be,” Saloma allowed. “But it’s not for us to judge.”

  Verna cleared her throat. “Let’s not quarrel, please. Lois is here today, and Ida’s wedding is coming up soon. Let’s talk about more pleasant things.”

  “I agree,” Lois said. “Let’s talk about Ida’s wedding. Do I get to sit beside Ida as the witness for her side of the family? I’ll even do so with an Amish boy—since Doug probably isn’t considered gut enough.”

  “You’ll do no such thing,” Saloma replied. “You can possibly be a table waiter, but that is going a little far if you ask me.”

  “What does Ida think?” Lois had turned to face her sister. “Am I such spoiled goods that I can’t sit beside you on your important day?”

  Ida looked from Lois to her mamm, from Verna to Debbie, and then back to Lois again. She said nothing.

  “I take that as a nee, then.” Lois sat back, defeated. “Why do you have to be so hard on me? I’m only doing what I believe is right for me.”

  “Lois, I’ll ask Melvin,” Ida said.

  “You will?” A look of delight crossed Lois’s face.

  “Melvin will have the sense to say nee,” Saloma said. “Just like Daett and I do.”

  From the look on Ida’s face, Debbie wasn’t so sure.

  Lois must have read the same message and wisely didn’t press the point, other than adding, “I’ll even dress in Amish clothing—for the entire day.”

  “That would be a miracle!” Verna muttered.

  The conversation continued on about Ida’s wedding day.

  Eventually Lois announced that it was time she left. All four women walked to the front door with her and waved goodbye from the porch. Saloma sighed with relief as Lois drove her car out the driveway without the bishop’s buggy arriving.

  Thirty-Five

  Alvin paced the floor of his apartment. Outside the spring weather had warmed the streets. Gentle breezes brought the promise of fresh life and quickened his spirit as usual. It seemed so wrong that he wasn’t living on the farm. Such weather shouldn’t be expended on concrete sidewalks and paved roads.

  On the way home through the city, a thought had rushed through Alvin’s mind for the hundredth time this week. Oh how he longed to walk in the open fields at home, to feel the soft soil under the soles of his shoes, and to breathe in the bracing wind as it blew over the plowed ground. That was how spring should be met and enjoyed—near the land as a farmer. He was still one of them at heart. Then why was he still here, living and working in the city? Alvin had no reasonable answer.

  In fact, his mamm’s letter was still on the dresser unanswered. She’d be wondering what had become of him by now. Yet she probably knew him well enough to draw hope from his continued silence. Perhaps it meant he was thinking about the points she’d raised and didn’t want to rush into a decision. Mamm would know that, just as she’d figured out that his departure from the community hadn’t been done in the haste of the moment. It had happened after many years borne in silence under his daett’s strange ways. That and his doubts about his ability to love Debbie best in light of Paul Wagler’s claims on her.

  Now Alvin was beginning to wonder about things. Since he was out of the way, why hadn’t Debbie taken the opportunity to commit to Paul? Paul’s offer of a courting relationship should have been taken up by Debbie. A done deal. And yet, according to his mamm, that hadn’t happened. Debbie had turned Paul down. Was it because of her feelings for him? The thought staggered his mind. If that were the case, what must Debbie think about his leaving the community? No doubt she’d been shocked. She’d probably set her mind against him by now. What a mess! And now there was Crystal to consider. His feelings for her were growing, a fact he couldn’t deny. He even liked Brutus!

  Alvin winced as he looked out the apartment window. The traffic tonight seemed heavier than usual, the cars lined up almost bumper to bumper. Others must also be afflicted with spring fever and were out to enjoy the weather in the Englisha way—taking drives in their cars with the windows open. He had no desire to join them. Alvin had his own problems. The large one right now was what to do with his life. He was seeing more of Crystal each week, though mostly by her design. She arranged their times together, and he allowed it to happen. Could he get serious enough with Crystal to consider marrying her? That’s what his actions were boiling down to. When he thought of that, he couldn’t shut off his Amish way of thinking. Walks in the park were nice, and Crystal was nice, but where was it leading. He couldn’t quite see her as his frau. And he couldn’t quite see himself with an Englisha life in front of him after they said marriage vows.

  Perhaps this reluctance was something he still had to overcome. Alvin turned away from the window and went into the bedroom to change out of his work clothes. He was seeing Crystal tonight, and she’d sense his confusion, he was sure. Yet she continued to pursue a relationship with him. Tonight she’d invited him down to her apartment for supper. He had a feeling Englisha girls didn’t usually cook for their boyfriends—if that’s what he was to Crystal. But she’d asked him to show up for a home-cooked meal.

  Alvin pulled on a clean shirt as he considered the situation. Was he Crystal’s boyfriend? In a way he was, even if it had happened by default. And it had taken shape so easily. Was that something he ought to make note of? On the other hand, look how things had gone back home. Debbie had gone out of her way to pursue him. She’d driven past the farm even before she moved in with the Beilers. And Debbie and Verna had made the arrangements so he would be a table waiter with Debbie at Verna’s wedding.

  Although Debbie had told him these things, Alvin hadn’t been able to see it this way. Maybe it took Crystal’s attentions to bring clarity. Didn’t Da Hah work like this? Da Hah wasted no experience—even bad ones. There would even be some gut that would come out of his time spent in the Englisha world. Perhaps a lot of gut. Was it wrong to think such thoughts? He s
houldn’t seek to justify his mistakes by depending on Da Hah to bring gut out of them. And he shouldn’t be leading Crystal on. She was serious about him—unless he was totally misreading her intentions. He must decide what to do. He had to stay or leave. He couldn’t do both. And Mamm’s letter needed to be answered. And soon!

  Alvin left the apartment, making sure the door was locked behind him. He’d learned that from Crystal when she noticed he left his apartment door unlocked during their walks to the park.

  “You have to lock your door, Alvin. Always!” Crystal had chided.

  He had teased her. “I’m not from the city, remember?”

  “This is no joking matter!” she told him. “You have to change your ways.”

  And so he had. But could he change more? For Crystal’s sake? Change his life into that of an Englisha man inside and out? That could be the easiest choice. Crystal would love him, he was certain of that. And in time his feelings would grow even more for her. Whether they would reach what he’d felt for Debbie was something else entirely.

  Perhaps when Debbie married someone else his feelings for her would go away. Surely she’d marry eventually, even if she’d turned down Paul Wagler. The other single men weren’t as forward as Paul, but Debbie wouldn’t lack suitors.

  Alvin arrived at Crystal’s apartment door and knocked.

  “Come in!” her muffled voice sounded from inside.

  He opened the door to find Crystal bent over the oven, billowing clouds of smoke filling the kitchen. Brutus peeked out from behind the couch, a mournful look on his face. The window was open, and a small fan was whirling on the counter. Alvin stifled a cough.

  A shrill noise filled the room.

  Crystal’s flushed face turned to look at him. “Turn off that smoke alarm, Alvin! It’s driving me crazy! Please!”

  Alvin reached over the door arch and disengaged the alarm. He stepped back and looked at Crystal.

  “Look at this mess, Alvin! I followed the recipe. I really did!” Crystal was waving her arms about in the smoke.

  Alvin kept a straight face. “What are you cooking?

  “Some stupid…pardon that expression…Amish dish. It’s something called ‘Yum-a-setta’ or something like that. Do you know how to cook it?”

  “No,” Alvin said, still stifling a smile. “I farmed at home. I didn’t cook.”

  “Obviously I don’t know how to make it either!”

  “It’s okay, Crystal.” Alvin smiled helpfully. “Here, let’s see if I can help.” He took a look at the brown substance filling the bottom of the pan.

  “No one can help with that!” Crystal wiped her brow. “This is unsalvageable. And it was all for you.” Tears gathered in her eyes.

  “You did this for me?” Alvin surveyed the kitchen with the humming fan and diminishing clouds of smoke.

  “Yes! I wanted to cook you a proper Amish supper. See?” Crystal pointed to a cookbook on the counter.

  Alvin stepped closer and flipped to the front cover. Amish Cooking at Its Best.

  “If you laugh, I’ll whack your head with it,” Crystal threatened.

  Alvin didn’t doubt her words. He continued to hide his amusement. At that moment what he really wanted to do was hug her and give her a kiss. She looked so sweet and sincere. She’d gone to all this trouble for him. But he hadn’t kissed her before, and starting now because of a disaster didn’t seem right. He glanced away. “Tell you what, Crystal. Let’s clean up and then go out to eat. My treat since you went to so much trouble to bless me.”

  A pleased look crossed her face. “Alvin, you’re such a gentleman! I’ll take you up on that offer. You pick the restaurant.”

  Alvin thought for a moment. “How about pizza? That place up on Chelten Avenue. The sign says the pizza is ‘Germantown style.’ Let’s give it a try.”

  “Let’s go!” Crystal splashed water into the pan, which sent clouds of steam into the air.

  Alvin hid his smile as Crystal moved closer to the window. She grabbed her coat and snapped the leash on Brutus. “He can’t go into the restaurant, but I can’t leave him in this smoky mess. I’ll tie him up outside while we eat.”

  Together they walked out of the apartment and rode the elevator down to the lobby.

  Not until they were in the street did Crystal speak. “You probably think me a total flop because of supper tonight. And I was so hoping to surprise you!”

  “You did! And I don’t think you’re a flop at all.” He gave her a warm smile. “I’m honored you wanted to do this for me. You did look pretty cute and funny all flustered and ruffled.”

  Crystal broke into a sly smile. “Go figure! Men like having their women at a disadvantage.” She tugged back hard on the leash as Brutus surged forward. Crystal appeared pleased though. Brutus almost pulled her off the sidewalk.

  It occurred to Alvin that even dogs liked to be out in the wonderful spring weather.

  Crystal glanced at him a moment later. “Alvin, may I ask a favor of you? I know I said you could pick the restaurant, and pizza does sound great, but could we go to the lounge down the street? To Delmar’s Place?”

  “Sure!” Alvin didn’t hesitate. This was his chance to do something for her. The supper fiasco had rattled her spirit. The other place would have sandwiches from the sounds of the name, and that was gut with him.

  When Brutus slacked off on tugging against the leash, Crystal reached over to take Alvin’s hand.

  Alvin was sure he now looked the part of being Englisha. Here he was walking down the street with his Englisha girlfriend. Only he wasn’t really Englisha. Not in his heart. And he doubted whether he ever would be. And was Crystal his girlfriend?

  Crystal seemed to have no such doubts. She beamed up at him until Brutus lunged forward again. Her merry laugh rang out as she let go of Alvin’s hand and ran to keep up with her dog.

  Alvin sprang into a sprint and quickly caught up with them.

  “At least I’m getting my exercise!” Crystal said, and her laugh sent pleasure all the way through Alvin.

  But what right did he have to enjoy her company? None, if he were truthful with himself. Not if he refused to consider asking her to wed him. Alvin pushed the thoughts away.

  Crystal had slowed down, and she pulled Brutus to a halt in front of a small restaurant. “Here we are!” she announced. “Thanks for agreeing to my choice. I know I don’t deserve it. I know we should be going to the best restaurant in town—one much better even than pizza to ease the shock of you seeing me in that smoky kitchen.”

  “It’s okay,” Alvin said as he glanced through the glass windows of the restaurant. Several people inside were sitting on bar stools drinking from beer bottles or were having what looked like hard liquor-type drinks. Crystal had brought him to a bar. The thought burned all the way through him.

  She noticed his hesitation. “You don’t mind too much do you?” She clung to his arm for a moment. “I really need this…after that experience.” Crystal’s glance flew back toward the apartments. “And you are coming into my world, aren’t you?”

  He couldn’t back away from this. Alvin knew that. This was Crystal’s night, and he was in the bann anyway. What more harm could be done?

  He nodded.

  A pleased look filled Crystal’s face. “Thanks. I knew you’d understand.”

  Alvin kept his gaze on the floor as they walked inside.

  Thirty-Six

  When they were seated at a table, Alvin glanced around and then picked up the menu the hostess had given him. He squinted at the words in front of him. It was so dark in here. He saw a waitress rushing around between tables and knew she would soon want to take their order. He glanced over at Brutus tethered by the front door. He was lying down and resting his head on his paws.

  All around him were clear signs of things he’d heard of but never seen. Men and women were seated at the small bar. Most of them cradled dark bottles, wine glasses, or tumblers with their hands as they chatted with the person next to
them.

  Alvin involuntarily shivered. How had he gotten himself into this situation? It had been to please Crystal, he reminded himself. And doing that still felt like the right choice. His friend had suffered a traumatic experience when she attempted to cook an Amish supper for him, so he owed her this much at least. But going to a bar remained a problem no matter how hard he tried to tell himself otherwise. And what bothered him most was how comfortable and at ease Crystal seemed. From the smile on her face, this was a part of her life—and a right comfortable part. This was a side of her he’d never seen.

  But then he knew little about Crystal. Alvin had been open about his prior life, even to the point where he’d told Crystal about Debbie. But she had never returned the favor. Maybe it was time now. If this was the life she was used to, he needed to know.

  Crystal reached over to hold his hand. “Is this place bothering you, Alvin?”

  He didn’t look at her. “A little.”

  “Just relax. It’s lovely, really. You’ll like it.” She breathed a long sigh. “It feels so good to just kick back and forget the battle I lost in the kitchen.” A slight shudder ran through her. “Thank God that’s over.”

  When he remained silent, Crystal squeezed his hand. “Alvin, please. I’m sorry, but I did try. Don’t I get credit for that?”

  Alvin smiled a bit. “Yah, thank you. But perhaps you shouldn’t have tried. You’re not Amish, and it wouldn’t be right to expect you to cook Amish.”

  Crystal looked hurt. “I did it because I knew how much it would mean to you.”

  Alvin looked away. Did home cooking really mean that much to him? Yah, he did miss gut cooking. He hadn’t been able to fix a decent meal for himself in the months since he’d left the community. All his food was slapped together the best he could.

  Just then the waitress approached. “Good evening, sir, and to you too, Crystal. Will it be your usual tonight?”

  Alvin noticed Crystal didn’t hesitate at all. “Yes, that sounds good, Betty. And I think Alvin will want the roast beef sandwich.” Crystal gave him a quick glance, and Alvin nodded.