Right Now

by Marie Hall

  Candy, his Botox-injected girlfriend, leaned in and I wrinkled my nose at the cloying scent of her sugary perfume. “So what kind of music do you usually listen to?”

  Zoe tensed up. Her fingers, which had been playing in my hair, were now stiff. It took two seconds for my slow brain to process why. Candy was looking at me like she was hungry and I was dessert. Licking the rim of her goblet suggestively, she batted her glitter-encrusted fake lashes.

  The woman looked like a hooker in her shiny black leather with peekaboo cutouts around her tits and lower back and the knee-high stilettos. Her hair was pulled back into a severe ponytail, making the slashes of her cheekbones stand out prominently. With her red lipstick and smoky eyes, she should have been working the corner. A girl like her would have done it for me before, but not now. Now there was only one woman that could and her orangey scent was filling my head, making it hard for me to focus.

  “Not this,” I said, keeping my answer short and simple, then turning my back slightly so that I could nuzzle the length of Zo’s bare shoulder. A memory came to me then, the night Ryan and Lili and I and some girl whose name I couldn’t even remember went to a coffee shop, and I’d seen Ryan and Lili laughing and hugging. I remember that night so clearly, not because I’d heard Lili sing and play the guitar for the first time or because my date had bet my money that Lili wasn’t good… but because I’d seen my cousin happy. He’d been content for the first time in years, and I’d sat there like some freaking stalker just staring and feeling a completely irrational surge of jealousy. Wishing like hell it’d been me instead. Not necessarily with Lili, but that sense of peace… I’d wanted that so bad.

  And right here, right now… I felt it. Hugging her tighter, ignoring the constant throbbing in my hand, I took a deep breath and let the peace wash through me, in me. God, I could get addicted to this. Being with Zoe, it didn’t matter where. Even in death’s lair, as long as I was with her, there was peace and I wanted more.

  She just strummed my back and let me breathe her in. I’d almost screwed everything up yesterday.

  “Candy,” Ryko growled loud enough that we could all hear it over the cacophony on the stage.

  “What?” She pouted, and I finally noticed that she’d still been leaning into me.

  “Just…” He sighed, then rolled his eyes and turned his back on us to study the stage. The mood around the table was immediately tense. Candy grabbed Ryko’s face and kissed him, and he pushed her away but eventually caved when she refused to let up. Then it was a full-on make-out session.

  It didn’t escape my notice that every once in a while he’d look Zoe straight in the eye. My caveman tendencies came out again and I slid my arm around her waist, yanking her in as tight as I could and glaring at him and letting him know in no uncertain terms that she was mine.

  Turning into me, Zoe wrapped her arms around my neck. “You don’t have to be jealous, you know.”

  My lips thinned.

  She flicked the tip of my nose with her candy-apple-red nail. “Really. It’s been over with him a long time.”

  Smiling broadly, she then straddled my thighs, turning her back to the stage and Ryko. She feathered her fingers across my jaw and leaned in to kiss me. I dug my fingers into the small of her back, greedily taking everything she had to give.

  The last twenty-four hours had been sheer hell, not knowing if we were done before we’d ever even had a chance to really set the world on fire. The reality that I might have lost her because of my tendency to self-destruct… I slipped my tongue past her lips. A throaty little moan spilled from her and the citrus scent of her body had my blood buzzing.

  I forgot everything when she touched me like this. When she gave me all of her, if I could only do one thing for the rest of my life, it would be this. Touching her, tasting her, feeling her small body pressed so tight to mine. The way she sucked my lip ring into her mouth, playing with it. It still hurt, but the pain only heightened the pleasure.

  When she pulled back, I could barely even remember my name.

  Honeyed eyes stared deep into mine. “Convinced yet?”

  She wore a pretty little flush, her skin shimmering with copper tones, and I shook my head. “Hmm… I don’t know, maybe a little more convincing.”

  She slapped my chest.

  I laughed.

  Grabbing my bad hand, she held it up gingerly to her lips and kissed the most swollen knuckle. I could flex it, so I knew I hadn’t done more than bruise it badly, but there was a question in her eyes.

  She didn’t ask me how it happened, but I knew she wanted to. My mind kept flashing to all the countless times Lili had wanted to know and all the times Ryan had kept it from her. And how, in the end, she’d left because she couldn’t stand the silence. My heart sank and my hands shook.

  Suddenly the music shifted, and instead of the hard, crunchy riffs I’d been hearing all night, now there were pipes and something that maybe sounded like a lute. I don’t know, not like any sound I’d heard in a concert before, that was for sure. Made me think of Norse gods and Thor’s hammer and thunder and lightning.

  She gave me a broad smile and then twisted in my lap—a second later she was turned around and then leaned back and whispered into my ear. “This is Tor’s band.”

  And I breathed a sigh of relief because I didn’t have to face “the talk” yet. I rubbed the small of her back, curving my palm around her pert rear. Marveling the entire time at how right this felt.

  I saw Tor—it was hard to miss him with his flame-dyed goatee and impressive stature. He was sitting behind a drum kit that looked unlike any I’d seen before. Gray and tan fur draped the body of the drum and the top of it had the cracked, yellow look of dried skins. He was also wearing an impressive set of horns on his head, not to mention he’d gone shirtless, exposing the intricate knot-work tattoos on his chest and arms.

  A woman stepped onto stage, slim and dark-haired, wearing a crazy dress that looked like a rainbow had decided to throw up on her. A blinding array of colors draped her petite body, but the second she opened her mouth I stopped looking at her clothes, bespelled by the ghostly quality of her voice.

  I hadn’t held out much hope that the music would improve at all tonight, but Fok (which I’d found out earlier meant fog) had me changing my mind. What I found most surprising was that others seemed just as entranced by the ethereal quality of the music as well. The entire club was calm, leaning forward as if to catch each note dripping from the stage.

  “Wow,” she said again. “They really have improved. Tor told me they’d found an honest-to-God panpipes player and a new singer. No wonder he wanted me to show up tonight. They’re amazing.”

  The haunting melody of the pipes along with the strings had the fine hairs on the back of my neck standing on edge; it was an almost-eerie sound. The kind you expected to hear seconds before a Viking invasion.

  “Actually, I think I could sleep to this.” I brushed my nose against the nape of her neck.

  “Alex,” she said, and since she rarely used my real name, I cocked my head, my mind at complete attention.

  “Yes?” I swallowed hard, almost afraid of what I might hear.

  She turned so that she was sitting with her legs to the side of me now. Framing my face, she just looked at me, her eyes searching mine. “Thank you.”

  I wanted to ask her why she was thanking me, what I’d done, but I didn’t want anyone else listening to our conversation. This was between me and her.

  Grabbing her knuckle, I kissed her, wishing like hell I could do so much more. Wishing Doc hadn’t told me that I used sex as a crutch, that I used women as a way to forget. I didn’t want to forget anything I did with Zoe. I wanted to hang on to her. Maybe even forever. She made me forget, she made me smile real smiles, laugh real laughs… I could think and breathe and be me when she was around. And that was perfect.

  She was perfect.

  ~*~

  Zoe

  Walking up to my townhouse, I not
iced the porch light was off. Which meant Jamie was still with Angel. I hated that she was with him, hated that she couldn’t see him for the slimeball he was, and just hoped that at the bare minimum he was treating her good tonight.

  Then it occurred to me how ironic that thought was considering I wasn’t even sure I could trust the guy standing in front of me. Much as I wanted to.

  A sudden gust of wind rattled the leaves of the only tree in the lot.

  Turning, I leaned against the door. I’ve never been a small girl, but when I was around Alex, he made me feel petite. “Do you want to come inside?” I asked, realizing this might still be a mistake.

  My heart tripped at the look he gave me, full of heat and fire and one hundred percent predatory male. A shiver stole through me, made my insides quake and my blood run hot, hot, hot. He stepped into me and I wet my lips, my back already wedged against the door with no space for me to retreat. I was trapped.

  Resting his forearm on the door just above my head, he leaned over. “I want to be wherever you are.”

  Boneless fingers took the keys from my purse; I could barely stay standing, my knees felt so weak. When he rested his hands on my hips, I sucked in a sharp breath.

  “Alex?”

  I’m not sure what I was asking him, or if I was even asking him anything. But I needed him to tell me what was going on. I knew what I wanted. But what did he want? Unlocking the door, I tried to pretend that my hand wasn’t shaking a little.

  Soon as I opened it, I flicked on the hall light. I didn’t even get a chance to drop my purse before I was shoved up against the wall, his hands were all over me, and I was all over him. My leg wrapped around his waist, and the hardness pressing into my thigh was delicious agony.

  “I can’t stay away,” he murmured. “Can’t. Just. Can’t.” And in one swift move he slammed the door shut while slipping his tongue between my lips, and I couldn’t think anymore.

  I didn’t want to.

  I’d wanted this from the first day he’d walked into my shop. Wanted him all over me, devouring me. Wanted to be seen.

  He wasn’t gentle, but then, neither was I. And mixed in with all the hot, greedy need was anger. He’d asked for forgiveness, a second chance, and I’d given it to him, but it still bothered me. I wouldn’t be human if it didn’t, and some small part of me I wanted him to feel that.

  Ripping the buttons off his shirt in my haste to get him out of his clothes, I sank my nails into his back and dragged them down. He hissed, bowing into the pain, but then growled low and wicked.

  “Misaki.” His Texas drawl was exaggerated, a drugging sound against my heated flesh, and all I could do was laugh.

  Hiking me up, forcing me to wrap both legs around his hips, he nipped and licked his way down my throat. I banged my head back, causing Jamie’s beloved art deco wall clock to drop to the floor with a loud bang.

  His hands were rough as he forced my skimpy club dress over my head. I hadn’t worn a bra and the moment his gaze latched on to my breasts, his eyes widened and then narrowed as he palmed me in both hands.

  “God,” he groaned and gritted his teeth. “We have to stop. We have to—”

  “You’re right.” I nodded but then grabbed his head and drew him back to me, kissing and nibbling my way across his jaw and lips. “We shouldn’t do this.”

  He nodded and his hand worked its way agonizingly slowly up my ribcage, making goose bumps dance in its wake. “Tell me to stop,” he panted, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth and pulling a hard groan from deep inside me.

  “Mmm.” I slipped my hands into the pockets of his jeans. “This is stupid. So stupid. I don’t trust you,” I admitted between drugging kisses, “but I can’t—”

  “Stop,” he finished. His strong fingers were in my hair, making the flower drop to the floor. He was massaging my scalp and in my daze I suddenly remembered the talk.

  Grabbing his face, I forced him to pull away from me. I was breathing so hard it felt like I’d just finished an hour of yoga. “Alex, before we do this, I have to know.”

  His eyes closed and he nodded as if he knew what I was getting ready to ask.

  “I’m clean, Zo. I was just tested.” He looked down, nostrils flaring, before turning back to me. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

  I frowned and went suddenly cold. Ready to pull away and tug my dress back up.

  “No.” He shook his head. “I’m just sorry. For everything. For treating you like shit, for doing what I did…” He scratched the back of his head, and I pulled my dress up because the fire was dying down, and I realized that Angel and Jamie could possibly be in her room and could very likely hear us.

  Getting myself together, I grabbed Alex’s hand and pulled him to my room, not speaking a word until I closed the door behind us.

  He stood in the center of my eccentrically decorated room, eyeing the length of it before taking a seat on the edge of my bed.

  I slipped my heels off, then ran my fingers across Xian’s fur before leaning against the door. There was a moment of tense silence, pregnant with questions and unspoken fears. I felt like I was on the precipice, the edge, of something big. You know when you’re at the beginning of something that might just be epic and great? There was fear behind the adrenaline though, and suddenly I wasn’t sure I was ready for this.

  Scrubbing his jaw, Alex threw himself back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I waited a second before asking, “What are you thinking?”

  Rolling his head to the side, he looked at me. “What are you thinking?”

  “You first.”

  He sighed. “I’m thinking that I want you so bad. But you’re different, Zoe.” Sitting up, he patted his chest, the spot right above his heart, and there was the darkness in his eyes again, and that was what finally brought me to his side.

  I liked the way he said it. I knew this thing happening between us was fast and new and so sudden it was scary. I joined him and framed the curve of his jaw and smiled softly.

  He grabbed my wrist as if he were hanging on for dear life. “You’re different.”

  And I understood what he was saying. He was telling me I wasn’t just some lay. My brain kept urging me to go slowly, but my heart spoke louder. It was telling me right now might be all I had.

  I’d never been like this before. Never wanted someone as powerfully as I did him, but when I thought about it I realized this wasn’t new for me. I’d wanted Alex for years. I’d wanted to know him, be with him. I didn’t want to be scared anymore. Even if tonight was all we had, I didn’t want to be scared.

  I didn’t speak; I just let my heart do the talking. Slipping the dress off my shoulders, I opened myself to him the only way I knew how.

  His breathing hiked and then he was rolling over me and I felt his heaviness rest upon my thigh. Alex was slow and tender, taking his time with me. Each touch and whisper of breath helped to allay my fears and questions, he was so tender and gentle, and I wasn’t used to this kind of sex.

  Because it wasn’t sex. This felt like so, so much more. Like a promise, a whisper of a future that I desperately wanted.

  Every kiss felt like a seal, and then he was grabbing a condom and moving inside me and it was perfect. This was perfect and I tried not to think about tomorrow or the next day, because right now I was happy.

  And that was all that mattered.

  Chapter 11

  Alex

  “Have you put into practice what I asked you to last week?” Doc asked me over the rim of her cat-eye glasses. She was dressed in a blue wool skirt and jacket, every inch the professional.

  I shifted on the lime-green, paisley-patterned couch. “Well.” I scratched the back of my head.

  She smiled softly, scratching a note into her notepad. “I’m assuming that’s a no?”

  I chuckled, remembering Zoe’s soft moans and how she had caressed my ear, the way her hands had grabbed me and shoved me deeper. My heart rate tripled and I coughed, shifting again. “Yeah, definitely
no.”

  “And how do you feel about that?” Her brown eyes were piercing, not judging me, but looking deep inside, seeing the truth and wanting me to bring it out, to share it with her. To trust her enough to tell her the truth she already knew or very likely suspected.

  I sighed. “I know what you said.”

  “What was that?” Grabbing a tall glass of water sitting on her desk, she took a sip, then replaced it exactly where it’d been.

  Drumming my fingers on the armrest, I shrugged, giving myself a minute to think. “That I use sex as a way to forget,” I finally made myself say it.

  “Do you disagree?”

  Sometimes I hated the way she answered me with a question. “What do you think?”

  She shrugged. “It’s not for me to say. I tossed out a theory, which you seemed to agree with at the time. Tell me, Alex, did anything happen with your family, more specifically your father, before you had sex with Zoe?”

  Dammit. I clenched my jaw, feeling the anger start to stir like a hornet’s nest. “It’s not like that. I really like her. I think maybe…” I paused, not sure what I was saying, what words were getting ready to spill from my lips. I didn’t love her. I wasn’t sure I was capable of that with anyone other than Ryan, Lili, and Javier. Letting people in, it hurt. Made it too easy for them to get under your skin, make you feel things you didn’t want to. Made the pain of their betrayal so much sharper.

  I wanted to be around Zoe. All the time. I wanted her scent all over me. Her smile tossed my way. I wanted her with everything inside me. But that wasn’t love. Right?

  “What happened, Alex? I feel like you’ve been skirting this issue since you came in here. We only have half an hour left.” Her smile softened her words. “I feel like I’m talking to a skittish puppy—your feet have been shifting, your eyes, your hands. All of which tells me we’re not talking about what’s really bothering you. So what is it?”

  Scrubbing my jaw, I dragged my sweaty palms down my jeans. “Yeah, he came to see me. At my job.”

  She nodded and scribbled again. The sound of her pencil scratching against the paper felt like a loud boom in the utter stillness of the room. “And how did that make you feel?”