Embracing the Knight

by Langston, Jenn

  “I’ll go check on her.” Ian stood. Claire needed him right now.

  “Be gentle with her. After last night, now today . . . I just can’t imagine what she’s thinking.”

  Not knowing in what state he would find Claire, he made a point to ensure she heard him approaching. She didn’t move or in any way acknowledge his presence. Not a good sign.

  The sight of her ripped through his heart. Tracks of tears he’d expected, but her unfocused gaze left him hollow. Her brother’s warning stuck in his mind. The worst thing he could do was to act on his impulse to grab her to him and never let go. She needed him to be gentle.

  “Do you mind if I sit?” He refused to ask her how she was doing. When his father died two years ago, that was the first question on everyone’s lips. It had irritated him to no end.

  She wordlessly shifted over on the bench. Needing a connection to her, he captured her cold hand beneath his. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there like that but it didn’t matter. If this was what she needed, he’d spend his lifetime sitting beside her on the hard bench.

  “The last conversation I had with him was a lie.” Her voice sounded flat, controlled, matter-of-fact. “Do you suppose he’s up there right now wondering how he could’ve raised such a liar?”

  “No. I believe he’s looking upon you with pride. You have no idea how precious you were to him.”

  She scoffed. “Precious? No. Not me. Did you know that after we lied to him, he never wanted to talk about anything but you? I felt guilty every time, but he wanted to hear every detail about our betrothal. I’m not precious. I’m despicable.”

  “No, you’re not. He wanted to hear the details because you gave him a gift. It was like he wanted to make sure it was real.” He braved a soft caress along her wrist. “Claire, you did the right thing for him. He left this world with a smile. Do you think he would have done that if he was worried about what he was leaving behind? I don’t think so.”

  “You’re right.” She hung her head. “I just miss him so much.”

  Her sobs rocked her body and tore him up on the inside. Ian drew her against him, holding her while she cried. Restlessness settled inside him. The urge to get up and do something to fix this struck him. But, there was nothing he could do.

  He rubbed circles on her back while her tears ran their course. Being here for her meant everything to him. He just wished he could do more. As her hand slowly slid around his neck, he sucked in his breath.

  “Kiss me, Ian,” she pleaded. “Take this pain away. Make me forget.”

  Unable to deny her anything, he closed his mouth over hers, biting back a groan at the feel of her. He kissed her slowly, not wanting to push her too much or bring back memories of the previous evening. Against his will, his body reacted, needing much more of her.

  Her hesitancy worried him, but before long, she angled her body to a more advantageous position and slid her tongue into his mouth. He wanted to rejoice and couldn’t help but pull her closer to him as she moaned. The small proof she wanted him for more than comfort rushed fire through his body.

  Much too quickly his breeches became uncomfortable, and he had to pull back. As he stood and moved away from the bench, he caught her disappointment. He hadn’t wanted to do that to her.

  “I’m sorry, Claire.” His breathing came out ragged and he wasn’t sure how to make up for his retreating.

  “I know. There’s only so much you can take.” She tilted her head and looked at him curiously. “Did you know that I asked your mother how one lost their innocence?”

  Surprised, Ian coughed. Claire laughed lightly and he wanted to bask in the sound. This distraction was exactly what she needed today. He would do his best to keep her occupied.

  “Did she tell you?” Ian asked once his voice returned. He couldn’t imagine his mother explaining such a topic to Claire.

  She nodded. “First, she told me I should wait until my wedding day to learn, but it didn’t take much convincing for her to tell me.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.” He gulped at the way she watched him, like she contemplated asking him to act it out.

  “Some of the things she told me sounded rather unpleasant, while others made me . . . curious.”

  He clenched his fists, his fingernails digging into his palms, but he didn’t care. He had to keep away from her. He couldn’t handle this. The fire in his breeches scorched hotter than the one that had burned his back. She would be the death of him.

  “I do have one thing I want to ask.” Her tongue darted out and she wet her lips. His brain ceased to function. “How—”

  “Claire,” Carolyn called as she approached them. “The funeral furnisher is here and we need direction.”

  Claire walked away with her sister, but Ian remained outside. His hands shook and his hearing had dulled. He had no idea if Claire knew exactly what she had done to him. He blew a laughing breath. But, he’d learned of an excellent way to distract her.

  Claire sat in the dark room still draped in black fabric and stared at the empty space her father had left. She’d shed so many tears over the past few days, it was a wonder she had any left.

  The only bright light in her misery had been Ian. Her siblings handled their grief in a different way. Where she needed companions, they needed space. Ian had been the one there for her. He remained beside her for hours as she sat vigil, not speaking or touching, simply being a welcoming presence.

  “May I join you?” Carolyn stood in the doorway. “I can’t sleep knowing father is being put to his final rest tonight.”

  “Come. I can’t sleep either,” Claire admitted.

  “Are you holding up well?” Carolyn’s gaze traced her sister’s face as she sat.

  “As much as can be expected. And you?”

  Carolyn nodded. “We knew this was coming. The timing was the only party in question. Father and I said our goodbyes a while back, just to make sure we didn’t miss them.” She smiled. “We both cried, then we were able to move past it.”

  “You had no hope of his recovery?” The idea was unfathomable to Claire. “I honestly believed there was a chance he would pull through—like he had done many times before.”

  “Claire, you and I had such a different relationship with him. Your optimism helped him, as well as us, but he knew the truth of his circumstances.”

  Claire leaned her head on her sister’s shoulder, again feeling like the younger one. How had her sister grown up so much faster than she had?

  She didn’t envy Carolyn. She liked to believe in love and romance and the good in the world. Carolyn seemed to prefer the cold facts.

  “What are we going to do without him?” Another tear slid down Claire’s face.

  “The same as we always have. We will keep him forever in our hearts. Part of him will always live inside us, as will our memories of him. And, now that your fake betrothal with Lord Knightly is over, you are free to marry Lord Higgins and produce children. Father’s blood will live on.”

  Claire sat up straight. Since their father’s death, she hadn’t thought about Lord Higgins. She certainly wouldn’t marry him. She had no marriage prospects any longer.

  “I’m not going to marry the earl.”

  “Why not? We discussed the possibilities at length.”

  Swallowing, Claire wrapped her arms around herself. “I know, but I’ve discovered that we’ve been deceived by his character. He’s not a man I’d like to align my name with.”

  “Then it is settled. Have you decided on his replacement?”

  Claire laughed at the absurd thought, feeling close to hysteria as her throat began to clog. “It isn’t as easy as that. There are a great number of considerations to think about.”

  “Well, this season isn’t over and—”

  “No.” Claire
shook her head vehemently. “We are in mourning and I’m done with this season. At this point, I’m done with London altogether. I want to go back to Dailey lands.”

  Her sister let out a big sigh. “That sounds delightful. But, are you sure? Your husband search will take a huge setback.”

  “I don’t care anymore. Perhaps I’ll simply live as a burden on Gordon until my dowry is turned over to me. Then, I’ll live my days alone as a spinster.”

  “Then, perhaps we’ll be old and alone together. After all, I have no intention of parading myself around London next season. I do enjoy dancing, but here it seems to be done in excess.”

  “It’s not so bad. Well, not all of it.”

  The two of them sat together well into the night. Claire took the time to say her last goodbyes to her father. Knowing that everyone had a chance to offer last words brought her comfort. Her father was finally at peace. Deep into the night when she fell asleep, it was thoughts of him and how much he liked Ian that helped her drift to sleep.

  Claire leaned her head back in her chair and allowed her eyes to drift closed, her relief acute. Ever since her father’s death, entertaining visitors became more of a chore than an enjoyment. Would the constant string of sympathies ever end?

  “Are you done with your duties for today?” Gordon inquired as he poked his head in the room.

  She cracked her eyes open to peer at her brother. “I believe so. Would you care to join me?”

  “If you’re sure we will not be set upon by any other guests,” he commented as he sank down on the sofa.

  Tilting her head to one side, she thought about teasing him for avoiding their visitors, but decided against it. “Ian hasn’t been by today. I imagine he’ll be here before long.”

  A smile touched her brother’s face. “You really care for him, don’t you?”

  Heat rushed up her face in a wave as she shifted in her chair. “Of course. He is a friend of the family. Don’t you care for him, as well?”

  “Like a brother. Is that what he is to you? Another brother?”

  She bit her lip. She didn’t want to lie and she couldn’t stand the idea of telling him the truth. After all, he could go back and tell Ian how she felt.

  That made her wonder how Ian would react. Surely he wouldn’t be pleased. His offer of marriage had only been given to save her reputation. No. She couldn’t tell her brother the truth.

  “Is that what you wished to discuss?”

  “No.” He ran a gloved hand across the back of his neck. “I’m going to be leaving in the next day or two.”

  Claire stared at him, waiting for him to elaborate. His words could have so many meanings. Considering the way he watched her reaction, she assumed he didn’t mean his trip would be short. She straightened her back. It was time for her to be strong for her family.

  “Where you going?” Her voice came out shakier than she intended.

  “Possibly more than one place. My future is really unsteady right now, so I can’t say where I’ll be going, or even when I’ll be back.”

  “Have I done something wrong?”

  “Absolutely not,” he rushed to assure her, sincerity on his face. “Father told me to take care of something, and at the time, I was too stubborn to listen. I’ve heard him now.”

  She nodded, content that this was something he had to do for himself. “If you wish to talk about it, I promise to listen and not judge.”

  “That’s all right. I’m not ready for that.”

  “I understand. We will wait for you to return, but not here. Carolyn and I are ready to leave London. I think it’s time to return to the barony.”

  “What about the season? I thought you were set on finding a husband. You won’t get that in the country.”

  “Right now that has lowered in priority. I just think it would be better for both Carolyn and myself in the country.”

  “You’re leaving.” They turned in unison to see Ian standing in the doorway. His shocked expression registered, but the tone of his voice disturbed her more. “How long ago did you decide this?”

  “I think I’ll let the two of you discuss this without me.” Gordon quickly left the room without another word.

  Ian crossed the room until he towered over her. So close she could feel the heat of his body. She twisted the fabric of her skirt, unable to look him in the eyes. She couldn’t handle the anger she knew would be there.

  “Several days ago,” she admitted.

  “Were you going to tell me, or had you hoped I would remain ignorant of your plan until you were gone?”

  She gulped. “I wanted to tell you, but the time didn’t seem right.”

  “You want me to remain here.”

  As he sat in the chair beside her, his eyes didn’t leave her. Looking deep into the sea of green, she was lost. The hurt reflecting there killed her. She touched his arm.

  “That’s not what I want,” she blurted without thinking. “You have been such a true friend. I don’t know what I would have done without you this past week. And I don’t know what I will do without you in the future.”

  A smile teased his lips. “Then you want me to return to the country with you? Will you welcome me at the manor in the same way I’ve been welcomed here?”

  She laughed at the anxiousness on his face. “Of course, you silly man. You are always welcome with my family.”

  Without warning, he took her face between his hands. After a hard kiss on her lips, he stood and crossed the room heading for the door. He’d only just arrived, and she wasn’t ready to let him go just yet.

  “Where are you going?” she demanded.

  “To make the necessary arrangements. My mother certainly needs prior warning, as does my staff. You should probably do the same.”

  “Ian,” she called out, drawing him back to the door. The hopeful look on his face made her want to cry. She loved him so much. “Thank you.”

  He inclined his head, then disappeared through the door to see to the arrangements.

  What had she done in her life to be awarded with Ian as a friend? Or, had she done something bad enough to be condemned to having him only as a friend? She gulped. Either way, she relished the opportunity to have him in her life.

  Chapter 13

  Ian had only been back at Knightly for a few days, and already he was faced with issues. Not only were there constant tenant disputes, but the theft his mother told him about was still continuing.

  Apparently, the thief had managed to sneak into the manor while they were down to only a few trusted staff members, and the magistrate had been unsuccessful in his attempts to discover their identity. This time his father’s favorite quill pen was gone. It had always been prominently displayed on his desk. Ian couldn’t remember a time when it had ever left the room.

  A knock at the door brought his butler announcing Lady Abernathy and her daughter, Lady Ellie. A sigh escaped his lips. She was the third woman to bring her charge to visit him. It seemed the news he was in residence and searching for a wife had already spread to the country.

  “My lord,” Lady Abernathy greeted as soon as he entered the drawing room. “We are delighted you have returned home. Please allow me to present my daughter, Lady Ellie.”

  “A pleasure, Lady Ellie.” He inclined his head.

  “Very much, my lord.” The girl’s eyes held suggestions no well-bred young lady should know.

  Uncomfortable with her perusal of him, he cleared his throat. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

  Lady Abernathy pulled out a missive. “We wanted to personally welcome you to a small gathering we are hosting in two days’ time. Lord Abernathy and I have invited most of the families in residence, and seeing as you have recently returned, we wanted to extend the invitation to you and your mother.”
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  “Thank you.” He accepted the offered letter. “I shall look into our availability. Since Lady Knightly has taken on chaperone duties for Miss Ashford, Mother’s schedule is unknown to me.”

  “Yes. I heard the girl had returned not long before you did. Our invitation will certainly extend to your mother’s charge, as well.” Lady Abernathy’s face didn’t lose its smile, but her eyes didn’t hold it.

  “I’ll be sure to pass that along.” Infusing his voice with finality, he hoped the ladies would get the hint.

  “Wonderful, my lord. So, how did you find London? We would appreciate any bits of news you could share.” Lady Abernathy settled back in her chair.

  “I apologize, but I haven’t kept current with the latest gossip.”

  Anger flashed through the lady’s eyes, but she immediately regained her smile. “Idle gossip doesn’t interest us, either. I suppose my question would be better suited for your mother.”

  Ian nodded. “Of course. Now, if you would excuse me, I have a pressing engagement I must see to.”

  “Certainly, my lord.” Lady Abernathy lifted her ample self from the chair, then gave her daughter a determined look.

  The girl cleared her voice. “Lord Knightly, I’ve heard your estate has magnificent gardens. Is that true?”

  He nodded with an indulgent smile. “My mother enjoys tending to the gardens and we have a very accomplished team to assist her.”

  Before she could open her mouth, he knew exactly what would be next. In the future, he would ensure his mother attended all calls with him, whether she was included in the invitation or not.

  “I’d dearly love to see them one day.”

  “I’m sure it can be arranged. Lady Knightly takes pride in her work and would be honored to give a tour. I’ll let her know she should get in contact with you when she returns from her outing.” He smiled as if completely unaware of her tactics.