The Lying, the Witch, and the Werewolf (Down & Dirty Supernatural Cleaning Services Book 4)
Page 18
I rest my head against Shit’s warm coat. Nico’s right, but—as usual—I don’t like it one bit. Shit is way safer at a cult where his kind is worshipped than he will be at a rally where he can quickly become a target. Still, it’s not easy to say goodbye.
“Be a good boy for Cassie and Mac, okay?” I say to Shit, and he licks my face, then runs over to my little pile of belongings. He rummages for a second, then produces my Thunderstick.
“Nice!” Mac says, eyeing it with glee.
Shit brings it to my feet, then gives me the most pathetic puppy face I’ve ever seen. “Oh my god, fine. Yes,” I say, nodding to him. “You can keep my vibrator.”
Shit yelps with joy, grabs the Thunderstick, and then trots out of the yurt, undoubtedly to share his new possession with his friends.
“Since we’re babysitting the Dalmanther,” Mac says, putting an arm around Cassie, “and ownership of the Thunderstick has passed to him, does that mean—”
“No,” I cut him off. “You cannot use my vibrator. I have my limits.”
“So do I,” says Nico, and his glamour falls away. Before me stands Nico, eyepatch and all. As much as I’ve liked looking at the blonde two-eyed Nico, I’m even more appreciative of real Nico when he’s back in front of me.
“Hey,” I say, like I haven’t seen him in a while.
“Hey,” he says back, with a small smile. “You ready to go?”
“Ready!” I say, but then looking down at myself and my ripped shirt, I quickly amend that. “Actually, I need to get changed first. Also, uh…how are we getting there? They magically vamoosed the chocolate trucks and we’ve got a few hours on the road…”
Nico shakes his head. “Hepa created a portal object for me when we thought you were in danger. Creating a portal takes a lot of magical energy. It nearly drained Hepa to create it.”
Nico reaches into his pocket and pulls out a plastic disposable flosser. “This is a one-way, one-use type of deal. Do you remember where the rally is taking place?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, still staring at the flosser. “But what is with Hepa and oral hygiene?”
“Paige…” Nico sighs, closing his one eye in frustration.
“It’s at the convention center downtown.”
Nico sighs. “Of course it is. Big venue. Lots of people. This is gonna be a real shitshow.”
“Not if we can stop it,” I say, and then turn to Nico. “Alright, let’s go.”
25
Traveling via magical portal sounds sexy and exciting. The reality is a bit different. First off, it’s cold—like Arctic winter cold. Secondly, the feeling of being nowhere in the midst of unending nothingness apparently disagrees with my stomach. The minute we pop into an alleyway, I lean over and violently retch.
Nico rubs my back in circles which feels so good I don’t want him to stop. Ever. Probably still the chocolate in my system.
Stepping away from him and over my pile of vomit, I look around to get my bearings. I realize with surprise that we’re only a block away from the convention center.
“How did you get us so close?” I ask Nico.
“I know this alley pretty well,” he answers. “I got pics of a client’s husband with a prostitute here. She insisted on seeing the place it happened herself and then wanted to re-enact the whole thing but with herself and me—”
“All right, enough,” I interrupt, not wanting to hear more. “I get it, we’re in a sex alley. A perfect transition from the sex cult.”
“Yeah, that’s sorta what I figured,” Nico says with a shrug.
Rolling my eyes, I head toward the street with Nico on my heels. We join the masses of people wearing Humans First hats and waving Humans First flags. Pretty much anything you can wear has HF emblazoned across it. We push our way along with the crowd.
While I look a little out of place in my hippy attire, Nico is nearly naked. He is getting more than his fair share of stares.
We pass a swag table and I grab him a Humans First hoodie. I toss it to him and he shakes his head. “Put it on,” I order. “And if you start to smell chocolate, try to resist.”
He begrudgingly pulls it over his head. Now at least the top half of him looks normal. Maybe people will think he’s wearing running shorts. I do a check to see if this might fly, which is to say that I take a good long look at Nico’s ass—and he catches me.
“Still blaming it on the chocolate?” he asks in a knowing tone, almost like he’s reading my mind.
I throw him some evil eye and sticking my nose in the air, reply in my haughtiest tone, “My only interest in your body is that it blends in with everyone else’s.”
We’re almost to the entrance and I wonder how the hell I’m going to get inside. We pass another table and I stop dead in my tracks. It’s manned by Adorra and Kama. Hairy Underwood sits on the table, overseeing the endeavor with a Humans First baseball cap on his head, as if this disguises his supernatural nature from the crowd.
I can’t believe Kama would bring him here and put him in danger; this crowd would tear the old guy apart on principle. But then I notice people patting his head as they pass by and someone at the back of the crowd near me says, “That’s the way to take care of the supes. Stuff and mount them.”
He and his friend yuck it up at that, and for a moment I’m tempted to say screw them all and just go home. These assholes don’t deserve my help. Let them eat chocolate. And they definitely will, because Adorra and Kama are pressing bars into outstretched hands.
And people are eating it up. Literally.
“This is absolutely the best chocolate I have ever tasted,” one man says.
“Can I have another bar for my husband?” a woman asks.
“This is divine!” someone says, pushing past me.
“No!” I shout and run forward, slapping the chocolate out of a man’s hand and then rushing the table.
“Ow, you hippy bitch. What the hell?”
“Don’t eat the chocolate!” I shout. “It will kill you!”
I’m now face to face with Adorra and Kama. “Nonsense,” Adorra says. “It’s perfectly safe.”
“Tell that to the people who died,” Nico says, blocking the line from grabbing chocolate. “From poison!” He has his hoodie pulled up over his face so he can’t smell the chocolate.
“Hey buddy, move out of the way,” a man yells at him. Nico turns and gives him his not fucking around look and the man backs away. “Sorry bro. You go ahead.”
“I know about the belladonna.” I swallow hard, wondering what poor innocent Adorra decided to experiment on.
Adorra’s eyes narrow. “You idiot. I did one small experiment with belladonna and then realized it was too risky and threw the bar away.”
“But I found them,” Kama trills from beside her, looking slyly pleased in her vague sort of way. “I gave them to my lovers who especially pleased me…” She frowns. “It didn’t agree with their tummies.”
“No, it didn’t,” Adorra agrees with a sigh. She turns her attention back to me. “Not that it’s any of your business, but by the time I realized what had happened, it was too late. Was it a tragedy? Yes, of course it was. But it was also an accident. We would never harm another living creature.”
”I miss them,” Kama says sadly. “They knew how to please me.” She starts throwing the chocolate bars over our heads to the waiting crowd.
I stare at Kama and then back to Adorra, wondering if I should believe them. But it all seems to fit. Still, it’s not like this candy bar handout isn’t still wrong in a hundred different ways.
“We know what the secret ingredient is,” I tell them. “Incubus semen. What’s the plan if it’s not to kill these people? Embarrass them by making them have an orgy in the streets?”
Adorra shakes her head. “I had hoped you would shape up, Paige, but I really don’t think you’re Together We Come material.
“I don’t want to be in your stupid cult!” I shout.
Adorra gasps. “We
are a social movement, Paige! And if you had one iota of sense you would know that we would never make anyone do anything against their will.”
“It’s working!” Kama yells, clapping. “Our plan is working!”
I look around, but no one is dying, no one is screwing in the streets. The man next to me —who just gulped down his candy bar— stops suddenly. “I really desire cake.” He turns to the woman next to him, presumably his wife.
“Honey, let’s go get a cake and eat it in a hot tub.”
“But...the rally…” she trails off. “Oh, let’s go get a cake then find a hotel room. I desire to feel like a dirty whore!” She claps her hand over her mouth. “I can’t believe I just admitted that,” she tells the people around her.
“What is happening?” Nico asks.
“I desire to wear women's underwear,” another man says. “The nice stuff.”
“I desire all these supe men I’m always shouting about hating.”
“I desire a cold drink and a hot porno,” a woman adds.
Kama is jumping up and down with Hairy, hugging him to her chest. “This is glorious!” she shouts.
I turn back to Adorra. “This was the plan?”
Adorra nods. “It was Hairy’s plan. Kama told us all about it. Make hateful people face their desires, admit them aloud. We’ve been tweaking the chocolate formula for years.”
I look to Nico, who looks more amused than upset by this information. He lifts an eyebrow as if to say, I told you so. If the chocolate makes you come face to face with your desires, than Nico and I admitted last night what we’ve been dancing around for years: We want to fuck each other silly.
People around us are shouting out more desires and the crowd is dispersing as people wander off to find something that they really want. A few are left, holding signs and shouting that they desire a pure human society because supes scare them and make them feel inadequate. At least they’re being honest.
“Oh, we got a couple of live ones!” Kama says as a couple begin to have sex on the sidewalk.
“I desire to have sex outside,” the woman says.
“I desire to have an audience,” the man shouts.
So, some inappropriate sex, but not nearly what I was expecting.
“You...you never wanted to kill anyone?” I ask again, to be absolutely clear. Kama is now dancing with Hairy, twirling him around. She giggles gleefully.
“No. We don’t want to kill anyone.” Her voice has a weird inflection when she says we.
But somebody else does…?
“Giselle!” I shout. “What is she up to?”
“My little sister only desires one thing, and that’s the love of an unworthy man. I asked her to join the community, where people are not so hung up on ideas of monogamy and marriage.”
“Brent cheated on Giselle?” I ask, the truth dawning. “And now she’s going to kill Brent? How? Tell me.”
“I don’t know. She just wanted us to create a little distraction, so I provided her with the chocolate.” She looks to the convention center entrance. “I don’t know how it’s going in there.”
“Shit, shit, shit,” I say, rushing to the double doors.
“Paige, are you sure you want to go in there?” Nico asks.
“I’ve got to save Brent,” I shout and I can’t believe those words have come out of my mouth.
“You’re not coming in here,” a security guard says. “Not with all that hullabaloo going on. This guy isn’t even wearing pants!” He points to Nico.
“You don’t like chocolate, do you?” Nico asks.
“Never touch the stuff,” the guard agrees. “Is that what all this is? Tainted chocolate?”
Nico nods and pats his chest in a weird way. It takes me a second to realize he’s reminding me about Seamus’ necklace. The one that glamours you to look like someone else. I hold it and think Giselle thoughts.
I walk toward the doors as the guard turns back. “Wait a minute!” he shouts. I tense, ready to get tackled but the guard reaches past me, grabbing the door handle. “Let me get that for you, Mrs. Anders.”
“Thank you,” I say tightly.
Inside, I pass a man staring at himself in the mirror, saying over and over that all he desires is himself.
I don’t have time to stop and make sure every person I pass is okay. I have to find Giselle.
I have to save my psycho ex’s life.
26
Brent was meant to give a speech, so I make my way to the stage. Sure enough he’s at the podium, but there are also about twenty women on the stage, including Giselle—the real Giselle.
“You think I wouldn’t find out?” she shouts. “Or do you think I’m that much of a doormat that I wouldn’t care?” All the women around her are attractive in the same way, short skirts and high heels. Are they models hired for the convention?
Brent wipes his mouth with his sleeve and I can clearly see he’s been at the chocolate. “What do you want from me?” he shouts. “I married you. I married you even though I desire another woman.”
“You seem to desire any woman with a pulse!”
“I want you, Brent,” one of the women says. A few of the women echo her statement. “I desire you.”
“You said you would marry me!” one of them shouts.
Another says, “Me too! Then I had to read about your wedding to someone else online!”
Oh shit. These are all the women that Brent has screwed on the side. This is turning into an episode of Jerry Springer. I make my way closer to the stage, trying to find an escape route for Brent.
“I don’t want any of you!” Brent shouts. “You’re all only good for a quick screw.”
That is not the right thing to say. The women start to close in, one gnashes her teeth. This is not looking good.
He turns to Giselle. “I only married you for my career. And that didn’t even work out. You have a half-sister who’s a witch in that stupid sex cult! You married me under false pretenses!”
“Oh, like when you lied about loving me and honoring me until death does us part? When I found out what Adorra was up to with the chocolate, I knew it was my chance.”
“The rally is a disaster. I’m never going to recover from this.”
“No, you’re not,” Giselle says. “Because I desire revenge.”
“Revenge,” a woman agrees. Then a few more chime in. “I desire revenge.”
I slowly make my way up the stairs to the stage. If I grab Brent’s attention now, we can make a run for it. But then he says something that stops me in my tracks.
“The only woman I’ve ever truly desired is Paige Harper,” he says. His mic makes my name echo through the conference center.
Giselle’s face turns to vinegar. “I know you’re weirdly attached to that cleaning lady piece of trash. I’ve never understood it! You wouldn’t even fuck me until after you guys broke up.” I always wondered if Brent had cheated on me. I guess in his own sick twisted way he really did love me. A sad, selfish love.
Brent nods. “I know, it never made sense to me either. On paper she wasn’t good enough for me. But I couldn’t get enough of her in bed.”
I wince as this is once again amplified by the microphone.
Giselle rolls her eyes. “I’m sure she was a demon between the sheets. Meanwhile, you treated me like shit. These are just the women I could track down that you’ve been with since we started dating. How could you do this to me?” she spits.
One of the women steps forward and smacks Brent across the face. He looks shocked, but quickly recovers, turning and pushing her to the ground, hard. She goes down like a sack of potatoes, her ankle twisting in her five-inch heels.
Shit, this is going downhill fast. I have no doubt that this many women can do some real harm to Brent, but he’s not going to go down without a fight. And as a one-time Navy Seal, he’s got a lot of fight in him.
I dash to his side. “Brent!”
He looks at me, confused. “Giselle?”
He blinks hard. “Paige?”
An angry woman approaches, swinging her purse like a medieval mace. I push Brent out of the way, but he still gets a good smack to the temple. He stumbles back and I push him to keep going, heading off the stage and down the stairs.
“Paige, what are you doing here?”
“Saving your unworthy cheating ass,” I tell him.
We get to the hall and I take the charm off my own neck and put it on his, thinking of the first face that comes to my mind. Nico.
It’s the normal version of Nico, eyepatch, dark hair. I take his hand and in this form, I’m not repulsed. He leans in to me. “Paige. I’ve missed you. I desire you so much.”
I push him against the wall as the first of his women runs past us. She glances our way but since Brent currently looks like Nico, she just keeps going. Brent puts an arm around my waist and I step away.
“Look, just because I don’t want you to die doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you for almost killing me, and being just a horrible person. I don’t desire you. I don’t want to be with you. I barely want to stand next to you.”
“But you’re the only person I’ve ever truly loved,” he tells me. It’s so strange to have those words—Brent’s words—coming out of Nico’s mouth.
“That’s the chocolate talking,” I tell him as several more women rush by.
Finally Giselle comes striding out. “Find him,” she shouts, then glances at us.
“What are you two doing here?” she asks.
“I…” But I don’t have to explain because Brent, looking exactly like Nico, steps forward and punches Giselle right in her pretty little face. She falls backward, her limbs askew. I should feel satisfied with Giselle being punched, but I’m just disgusted.
I grab the charm from around Brent’s neck and the glamour disappears.
“That asshole stole Nico’s face!” comes a familiar high-pitched shriek from behind me. I turn to find Shauna glaring at Brent...from a distance. He has a magic spell to keep her from getting close enough to do him harm.