Remember Me Now (It's Kind Of Personal #4.5 or #5)

by Anna Brooks

  He licks his lips — God, his lips — and bobs his head. “Okay. If that’s what you want. I don’t want to get in the way of an independent woman’s right to her own stupidity.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Bend over.”

  “Ugh.” I cross my arms and tap my foot. “Just go, Nik. I’m fine.”

  He shakes his head and disappointment rolls off him, which makes me feel … bad. Right before he opens his door, I holler his name. He doesn’t look at me but pauses so I know he’s listening. “Thanks for the offer. I appreciate it.”

  He dips his head in acknowledgment and starts the engine. I begin to walk away and wave when he passes. His headlights fade as they turn the corner, and I chastise myself for letting him get to me.

  A couple of minutes later, I’m home. I stick my key in the lock, turn it, and open the door before stepping inside. A foot appears in the doorway as I’m closing it, and I scream, pushing harder. A gloved hand curls around the door, and I back away scared shitless and head toward the back door desperate for an escape. Before I can get there, a hand is thrown over my mouth, and I’m pressed against the wall, my breasts crushed against the old plaster walls.

  I kick my feet and try to hit something, but my arms are wrenched behind my back and held in a strong grip. The leather of his gloves begins to burn on my skin, and when mixed with my tears, the flavor leaks into my mouth. With a foot between my legs, he kicks my legs apart and a sob tears through my throat.

  “You can take care of yourself, huh?”

  His voice hits me, and I freeze. Nik slowly removes his hands, and I fall to the floor and pull my knees to my chest, letting all the fear and relief pour through me. After a minute of choking cries, I feel his hands under my arms as he tries to lift me up. I push away from him and stand on my own, then shove him hard.

  “You are such an asshole!” I scream at him and hit his chest a few more times. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that?”

  “Because for some damn reason, I fuckin’ care about you.” He grabs my wrists and pins them to my chest. “Stop hitting me.”

  “That’s how you show someone you care? By scaring the ever-loving shit out of them?”

  “I was proving a point.” He has the nerve to look sorry, and I hate that he’s right. But I’ll never admit that to his stubborn, sexy ass.

  “Get the fuck out of my house!”

  “You have to realize sick fuckers exist out there who will learn your routine and follow you home then rape every hole in your body before they slice you open and leave you to rot.”

  I dry heave in my mouth and he lets me go again, only to bring back a bottled water from my fridge. “Here.” He twists the cap off and hands it to me.

  The cool liquid helps to calm me, and I pull out a kitchen chair and sit down. He leans on the wall he had me pressed against only moments before when I thought my life was about to be over.

  “I’m sorry, okay?”

  A humorless laugh gets stuck in my throat, and I shake my head. “Sorry?”

  “Listen, you’re a beautiful, single woman who works at a bar. You don’t think one of these days some drunk asshole is gonna see you walking home and do what you thought I was going to do? One out of every six women—”

  I push my chair away as his words just piss me off further. Who the hell does he think he is? “What are you, a fuckin’ cop or something? Take your statistics and shove them up your ass and get the hell out of my house!”

  He nods, realizing I’m not going to sit here and listen to his shit. “Lock the door behind me.”

  I turn my back to him and jump when the front door shuts, my nerves spiraling into a tightness I’ve never experienced before. He’s right; I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t be walking home alone. I’m in an area I don’t really know, and I leave a bar during the middle of the night.

  At one time, I didn’t have to worry about coming home to an empty house. Brad was there. He kept me safe … except for when he was gone, but even then, I felt safer just because it was our house and his truck sat in the driveway.

  This was supposed to be a fresh start and a new beginning for me to be independent for the first time ever. Now, I have a man who makes me feel, toying with my emotions on a level he doesn’t even understand.

  Too tired to even contemplate the shit storm of tonight, I head to my room and change into pajamas, but then realize I forgot to lock the door, so I turn back around and reach for the lock at the same time there’s a knock.

  “It’s just me.”

  I hold a hand to my heart and steady my breath before I open the door. Nik looks at me in my flannel pants and tank top then shoves his hands in his back pockets and kicks a pebble on my stoop.

  “What?” I’m tired, he scared the shit out of me and, and … just, him! How can someone I just met drive me this crazy already?

  “I just wanted to apologize again. That was really out of line, and I shouldn’t have done it, but I was worried about you. The world is not as pretty of a place as you think it is.”

  Chapter 5

  Nik

  I can’t believe what a bastard I am. Lisa doesn’t even look mad at me anymore; she looks hurt. The rebellion that normally glares back at me is now a stare of uncertainty. I’d rather have her avoid me because she feels something for me than have her hate me because I’m a prick.

  She puts a hand on her hip and shakes her head. “You think I don’t know that? Do you think I haven’t lived through a hell so deep I questioned whether I’d be able to crawl out? That I don’t know how fucking cruel the world really is?”

  “I overheard you at the restaurant.”

  “I know. And I don’t want your fuckin’ pity. I just want you to stay the hell away from me because I can’t …” She wipes under her eyes then crosses her arms across her chest. “I want to, God you make me want to, but I just can’t, Nik.” Her whispered words are the final straw, and I pull her into my arms. She’s saying the words, but there’s no resolve in them.

  Her body shakes, and I lift her up and kick the door shut behind me. “I’m fine,” she says against my chest through her tears as she holds on to me.

  I walk us over to her couch and sit down with her across my lap. I hold her head against me and run my fingers through her hair. “Shh.” I kiss her temple and her eyes lower, exhaustion finally overcoming her. Once she falls asleep, I hold her for a little longer just because I can. Because this is how it’s supposed to be.

  I can’t believe I let my fuckin’ dick take over and practically assaulted her in the stockroom earlier. But damn if she wasn’t the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. And she fits so perfectly in my arms as if she was born to be there. I can’t even imagine how she’d feel wrapped around my cock either. If just holding her feels so right, I don’t even want to think about more because my balls will probably fall off.

  And with that thought, I know I need to get out of here. I turn and roll her off me and grab a blanket from the back of the couch to cover her with. With her eyes closed, she reaches for my arm and pulls me down then kisses my cheek. “Love you, Brad.”

  * * *

  The next month goes by with Lisa and me working a lot of opposite shifts. I didn’t want to ask Meara what was up with that because I didn’t want to seem like I noticed, but I noticed. Not only have I hardly seen Lisa, but when I do, her eyes are completely empty.

  I’ve come to terms with the fact that she’s not ready for any type of relationship, no matter how casual. So as hard as it is for me to accept it, I do. I’d like to at least be there for her, be a friend, but she won’t even allow that.

  I’m at the gym running on the treadmill when my phone goes off, and I immediately hop down and grab my keys to leave.

  “You out already?” Pierce questions as I’m about to walk out the door.

  “Yeah, take it easy, man.”

  I speed off in my car and head south to the outdoor shopping center where there is another hosta
ge situation. It takes me twenty minutes to get there, and as soon as I arrive, I pull on all my gear and look around for a good angle. Like the last situation I was involved in, the suspect has a woman shoved under his arm with a gun to her head.

  A grassy area off to the side will be the perfect place, although it puts me in his sights if he looks into the distance. I lie on my stomach, and only a second passes before I look through my scope. The hostage’s head is down, her dark hair a shield that I wish could really protect her. No. He jerks her head up, and Lisa’s eyes, filled with sheer terror, reflect back at me through my lens. “Fucking motherfucker.” I look again and squeeze my eyes shut, nausea coiling in my stomach. When I look again, I realize I’m hallucinating. I swallow through the tightness clogging my throat and try to detach myself.

  It’s not her, but fuck, she looks just like her … I’m losing my damn mind.

  I can’t look at the hostage, so I do what I came here for. “You’re clear for the shot.” My head buzzes after the words come through my ear, and I pull my hand away from the trigger for a second to shake the nerves out of it. When he presses the gun harder against her head, she winces and leans away from the pain, but he leans with her. I scoot my body to the left to get a better angle and take a deep breath before putting my finger back on the trigger.

  “Move, motherfucker. You piece of shit, move.” I follow his movements, but he’s too close to her for me to get a shot off. He spins around in a circle and starts screaming. “Suspect’s anger is escalating.”

  I rip the earbud out and readjust my grip then focus on the bastard. He holds the gun away from her for a second, waving it around the crowded store. He’s still too damn close to her and too mobile for a clear shot. When he puts the gun back to her head, he pauses for a moment, and I take advantage and fire. A hole appears between his eyes and the woman screams before he collapses to the ground. She steps away from him and runs toward the police.

  I quickly look away and gather up my things then hustle to my car.

  In lieu of decompressing at the lake after I finish my paperwork, I go back home and take a hot ass shower then grab a beer and fall down on my couch. Needing a distraction, I turn on ESPN and before I get too comfortable, I get up and grab a couple more beers. A few hours later, there’s a knock on my door, and I begrudgingly get up to answer it.

  As soon as there’s a foot open, Lisa slides in and points at me. “It was you.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t what me.” She storms in and slams the door behind her. “You were there today. You were the one who shot him. I saw it on the news.”

  Fuckin’ media must have got video of me. Fuck. I pretend to be surprised by what she says. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Really?” She pushes past me and walks down the hallway.

  When I see she’s headed toward my room, I chase after her. I don’t get there in time because she’s already reached in my nightstand and pulled out my Glock. She laughs then sets it on my bed. Then she opens two of my dresser drawers and reaches in and pulls out my Sig, setting that on the top of the dresser.

  “What’s your point? I like to have protection.”

  “Yeah, okay.” She walks back past me and the silverware clangs around in the drawer in the kitchen. By the time I get there, she’s got another of my guns out and is setting it on the counter. “Protection?”

  Fuck. “Yeah.”

  “Why are you lying to me?”

  “I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are. I know it was you. I saw you. You think I wouldn’t recognize your fucking eyes?”

  Her fists tighten, and I step closer to her. “You thinkin’ about my eyes?”

  She backs up and bumps into the counter. Instead of an answer, she licks her lips and grabs the edge of the granite that’s pressing into her back. When I’m an inch away from her, I stop and tilt my head. “What else do you think about, Lisa?”

  Her eyes trail up from my chest and connect with mine. “Nothing.”

  “Hmm.” I reach past her and grab the gun. With the back of my hand, I pat her hip so she scoots to the side and then I put it in the drawer.

  “Want a beer?”

  “Sure.”

  I graze her wrist when I hand the longneck to her and her eyes shoot up to mine, the confusion and fire burning bright. “I know, baby.”

  She sits next to me, and I toss the remote at her, but she leaves the channel where it is and leans back in the couch. “Why were you there?”

  “Lisa …”

  “I saw you.”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  “The truth.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to know.”

  “Oh, I see.” I kick my feet up on the coffee table and dangle my beer from the tips of my fingers. “You finally decide to stop ignoring me, so I should be thankful and kiss your ass, right?” I close my eyes and lean my head back. “I was just doing my job.”

  “Your job.”

  “Just leave it alone, all right? Nobody knows, so I’d appreciate it if you kept it that way.”

  The couch creaks, and as I’m opening my eyes, she straddles me and grabs the sides of my face to slam her lips to mine. The heat between her thighs rubs against me, and before my dick gets too hard, I push her away, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. If I had a choice, I’d hold her in my arms to reassure myself that she’s really here, that she came to me. And then I’d claim her and mark her so deep she wouldn’t be able to run … because she wouldn’t want to. “Don’t start something you can’t finish. I’m not in the fuckin’ mood.”

  Her answer is to remove her shirt, and when she reaches behind her back to take off her bra, I flip her so she’s under me. I’m not a saint, and if this is what she needs, then who am I to deny her? “You sure you wanna do this?” I use my index finger on each hand to toy with her nipples. They eagerly rise, and she presses up and grinds herself on me.

  “Yes, I’m sure. Fuck me, Nik.”

  I pinch her nipples and she moans, the sexy sound coming from deep in her throat. Without wasting time, I pull her jeans and underwear down at the same time and drop to my knees to eat her. The second my lips touch her bare pussy, her hips shoot off the couch. I move with her, letting her ride my face as I suck on her clit and add a finger into the mix, pumping it in and out of her to get her ready for me.

  “Holy shit, Nik.”

  Instead of responding, I nip at her and add a second finger. She tightens around me and screams, her sweet flavor filling my senses and entwining through my nerves. Not wanting to miss any of it, I replace my fingers with my tongue and clean her up.

  Her lashes flutter open and she smiles, a sight that makes my lips twitch.

  I take my shirt off and pull my wallet out of my pocket to grab a condom. As I’m unzipping my jeans, I ask her again, just to make sure she wants me like this. “Good?”

  “So good.”

  After I slide the latex on, she rolls to her stomach, but I want to see her. “Turn over, baby. I want you lookin’ at me when I’m inside you.”

  Her hair shakes back and forth. “It’s okay. Just fuck me.”

  I drop back so my ass is on my heels, take the condom off, and toss it on the couch so it lands by her face. She whips her head back. “What are you doing?”

  “Not doin’ you like that.” I pull my jeans up and reach down to grab my shirt off the floor.

  “Like what?” Her soft voice is laced with confusion.

  My arms land on the couch on either side of her head and her eyes chase mine as I memorize every inch of her beautiful face this close-up. I slide some strands of her hair between my fingers before tucking it behind her ear. “I want you to know it’s me inside you. Your eyes will be on mine, and when you come, it’ll be my name on your lips because I’m the one who made you feel like that. And I won’t have you pretending otherwise.”

  Chapter 6

  Lisa
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br />   He thinks he knows. He thinks he can read me.

  “You think you know me?” I pull my shirt on sans bra; he can have it as a parting gift.

  “In this case, I do.”

  “Well, you’re wrong.” I pull my jeans back on and grab my shoes, then stalk to his door barefoot. “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Oh, yeah?”

  I turn back around. “Yeah!”

  “Keep tellin’ yourself that, Lisa.”

  “I’m not telling myself anything, Nikolas.”

  He laughs, and the bastard’s face is even more handsome when he smiles, damn it. “I know more than you think.”

  “Oh, like what? Super-secret sniper man can read minds now too?” My arms flail as I yell at him. “Tell me. What the fuck am I thinking now? Please.”

  “You’re pissed as hell because you know I’m right. You’re mad at yourself because you’re trying to avoid a relationship again, and as much as you pretend to deny it, you know you want more than sex with me. But most importantly,” he reaches over for my purse and hands it to me, “you’re furious because your stubbornness ruined your chance of getting fucked tonight.” My mouth falls open as he lightly grabs me by the shoulders and turns me toward his door then pats me on the ass. “See you at work tomorrow.”

  In order to keep some of my dignity intact, I march out and make sure to slam the door to show my distaste. I throw my shoes and purse in the passenger seat of my mom’s car and peel out. My mom let me use her car until tomorrow because she went away with a few women for a quilting retreat overnight. Thank God, I don’t have to deal with his stubborn ass lecturing me about walking.

  I’m still livid by the time I get home, and when I make it to my bedroom, I throw myself on my bed and pound my fists on the soft pillowtop. He’s right. And he knows it. I know it. I’m just too damn stupid to admit it.