My Christmas Boyfriend

by S J Crabb

  I shake my head. Major Wilson is a nice enough gentleman, but completely deaf and as old as the hills. He is sure to grate on Granny's nerves because she can't stand anybody old, as it reminds her of her own advancing years. I can foresee many an argument and as for the twins - I share Gina's wish. Those boys are trouble, with a capital T. The fact their father is away a lot, means they are out of control and unruly. I can see lots of walks in my future this Christmas, straight down to the village pub where they aren't allowed in the resident's bar.

  We all head off to change and I worry about the coming meal. Dad can't afford to wine and dine us and I sure can't afford to chip in, as Gina put it. Maybe I'll just pretend to be stuffed already and order a salad, with tap water to drink. That way I won't feel so guilty.

  We are soon on our way, in the minibus that my parents use for the other part of their business.

  Kirrin Cars is emblazoned on the side, advertising the bus service and tour company, that's very much my dad's baby.

  While mum revels at playing the role of Aunt Fanny with her guests, my father offers a taxi service or runs tours around the Dorset countryside. It gets him out of the house and a much-needed break from my mother.

  I sit next to Liam as we pile inside and dad slams the double doors shut.

  I look at him and pant inside. He looks amazing as usual. Totally out of place here, with his expensive clothes and movie star looks. He sees me looking and grins. His eyes smoulder and pull me in. I could drown in those eyes and lose myself forever.

  Shaking myself, I pull back to reality. I must stop these growing feelings from taking root. Liam will be gone for good in a few short days. I must picture him as Jason at all times if I am going to retain my sanity.

  After resisting mum's attempts to join her in a rousing Christmas carol extravaganza, we soon reach our destination.

  This can't be right! I look at Liam and he raises his eyes and his mouth twitches.

  Gina voices what we are all thinking. ‘What the hell are we doing here?’

  Seaview Retirement Community looms up in front of us and I share my sister's dismay. This can't be right.

  Mum laughs dismissively. ‘We have come to their weekly meet and greet. Your father and I are regulars and they serve a fantastic three-course meal, with wine and the odd sherry for £3.50. It involves the community and gives their residents the opportunity to mix with the outside world. I must say, some of these people have led extremely colourful lives. Come on it's such fun.’

  Gina isn't having it. ‘For god's sake mum, this is a nightmare. Why can't we just go to the nearest Pizza Express? I'm sure there's a voucher online we could use.’

  Mum looks at her and frowns. ‘Now, now, George. I didn't bring you up to be selfish. These people look forward to their weekly mingling's, and it's the least we could do, it is Christmas after all. There will probably be entertainment laid on as well. Where's your sense of adventure?’

  I can see that Liam is finding it hard to hold it together and my mouth twitches as I look at him. I knew it was too good to last.

  We follow them from the minivan and head inside. Gina wrinkles her nose and whispers.

  ‘This place smells. God only knows what mum was thinking, bringing us here. If I'd wanted to drink my food through a straw, I would have gone to shake-away. They have gone too far this time.’

  She stomps off, with an amused looking Dick beside her.

  Liam laughs softly. ‘Well, this is different.’

  I grin at him. ‘I did warn you. I am sorry by the way. If you ordered a cab and hightailed it out of here back to London, I wouldn't blame you.’

  Liam smiles and puts his arm around me and kisses the top of my head.

  ‘What, and miss Christmas with my new, super-hot, super-sexy, sex-crazed girlfriend, who lives life as an adventure? You must be crazy if you think I'm going anywhere.’

  I grin at him. ‘Well, don't say you weren't given the chance. You may regret your madness in agreeing to this.’

  He laughs and we follow the others into the resident's lounge.

  Seaview Retirement home is quite nice. There is a large Christmas tree in the corner and lots of fake presents wrapped up underneath. The residents sit around in high wing-backed chairs and there is a huge plasma TV, blaring out, Singing in the Rain, in black and white.

  Gina is right, the place does smell. It's musty as they obviously don't allow the windows open and the smell is a mixture of stale food and bodily fluids. There is an artificial fragrance of air freshener, battling to disguise the smells, but all it serves is to highlight them even further.

  The place is quite busy with other poor misguided fools, here for the cheap food. It's very loud in here, as people raise their voices in conversation with the residents.

  Mum and Dad soon get swallowed up by a sea of their friends, who all appear worryingly quite at home here.

  A man shouts at us from his chair in the corner of the room.

  ‘Move out of the way, I can't see the TV. Bloody visitors, why don't you just bugger off and leave us in peace?’

  One of the uniformed staff members passes by and says loudly.

  ‘There's no need to be rude, Jack. These visitors have come to spend a little of Christmas with you. They are our guests and you should welcome them.’

  Jack just looks at her angrily. ‘Bloody Christmas. I hate it and all this tinsel is attracting the dust. My hay fever is out of control.’

  Liam catches my eye and grins. The staff member smiles at us apologetically.

  ‘I'm sorry, some residents get quite unsettled when their routine is altered. Some love it though as they don't often get visitors and it's like a breath of fresh air when the youngsters come.’

  I feel bad and look around at the people who now call this place home. I see a lady sitting across the room smiling at us warmly and I return her smile. She beckons me over and I find myself crossing the room to sit in the seat next to her. To my surprise, Liam goes and sits next to Jack; oh well, once again he has made a strange choice.

  The lady smiles at me warmly. ‘Hi dearie, my name is Willow, what's yours?’

  I smile happily. ‘I'm pleased to meet you Willow, I'm Annie.’

  She positively beams. ‘Annie, what a lovely name. I had a friend called Anne once. She was a princess you know.’

  I smile, as my heart sinks. This poor woman; locked in a delusional world. She has obviously lost her mind and I pity her.

  Willow smiles and leans forward. ‘You know, I wasn't always here my dear. I used to live in a palace. One day I was banished here and now I have many servants to do my bidding. The trouble is I can't find the King. He was to be my husband, but I think he went to war and may have been killed.’

  I just murmur politely. Oh god, this is awful. The poor woman. She must have lost it.

  Suddenly she laughs and punches my arm. ‘Your face my dear, it gets them every time.’

  I look at her in surprise as she grins. ‘Sorry, I couldn't resist. My name's Ruby and my family incarcerated me in this madhouse six months ago. For the first two months, they had my picture on the door, warning visitors against letting me out. Apparently, it's against the rules to go for the odd walk on your own. It's not all bad though. At least I get to meet some decent people once a week at these events.’

  I burst out laughing. ‘Well, you had me fooled. So, tell me, Ruby, if you hate it so much, why are you here?’

  Her eyes cloud over and I immediately regret my question.

  ‘My family wanted to move to Weymouth to a new build house. I couldn't manage on my own anymore, so they persuaded me to sell up and move in here. That way, they could move a little further away and I would be safe and looked after. Most of the time it's not so bad. I have my friend Milly, who I hang out with and my room is clean and bright. The staff are pleasant and organise lots of things to keep our minds active even if our bodies aren't.’

  She grins ruefully. ‘Don't get old my dear. It's not muc
h fun being the last one left when your generation drop like flies. It's better to live fast and die young. At least you'll be spared from a living death.’

  I feel sorry as I hear her speak. How sad. To think she is the last one left of her friends and is just waiting to join them. Now I feel more depressed than ever and hate myself for being annoyed at coming here. So, I just look at Ruby and grin.

  ‘Hey Ruby, fancy an adventure?’

  She looks at me and a spark ignites in her eyes. ‘What do you have in mind?’

  I grin. ‘Wait there; I'll be right back.’

  Quickly, I head off to find the staff member. ‘Excuse me, but do you have a spare wheelchair I could use?’

  She smiles and gestures to one in the corner of the room.

  ‘Of course, where are you going?’

  I wink. ‘I'm going to show Ruby a good time.’

  She laughs and looks at me gratefully. ‘That's kind of you. Ruby's a sweetheart. She doesn't get many visitors, but always manages to stay happy and upbeat.’

  I grin and wheel the chariot to my lady.

  As I pass Liam, I'm amazed to hear Jack laughing loudly. Liam catches my eye and winks and my heart melts. What a guy!

  I pass Gina and Richard, both sitting stiffly either side of a woman crocheting. Gina sends me the 'help me' look. I just laugh and rush back to Ruby.

  Her eyes light up as I help her into the wheelchair. ‘Where are we going?’

  I wink. ‘Take me to your room Ruby. I'm your fairy godmother and you shall go to the ball.’

  Ruby squeals with excitement as we head off.

  We travel down a clinical corridor where dusty silk flower arrangements reside on wooden tables. The curtains look as if they stem from the seventies and slatted blinds disguise the outside world.

  Ruby directs me to her room and I'm pleased to see it's just as she described - warm and cosy.

  There is a single bed, covered in a pretty duvet. One cupboard holds her meagre possessions and there are photos on every surface. I walk around the room, looking at them with interest.

  Her whole life appears to be contained within the silver frames. Ruby, as a young, beautiful woman, laughing and happy. There is a wedding picture, where she smiles into the camera, with her husband standing proudly by her side.

  Later, there are the family pictures, of happy times on holiday with friends and loved ones. There are up-to-date ones, of her family and grandchildren. If these photos are anything to go by, Ruby has led a very happy life.

  She sees me looking at them and her eyes soften. She gazes at me wistfully.

  ‘Where has that time gone? When I see the photos through your eyes, I can recall every second of what I was doing in them.’

  I smile and point to her husband. ‘He's handsome, you were a lucky lady.’

  She giggles happily. ‘Albert, or Bertie, as I used to call him, was one of a kind. We met when I came to Dorset to work. I was a Nanny for a lovely family at the time, and he was their gardener. We fell in love and soon had a family of our own. We stayed working for the family though and just had a cottage in the grounds. They were happy times.’

  I put the frame down and look at her with interest. ‘What happened to him?’

  Ruby just smiles sadly. ‘He died when he was in the army. It was just after the war and he was on National Service. He was posted to war-torn Germany and unfortunately, like so many before him, he never came back. The children were very young, so didn't miss him half as much as I did.’

  I look at her sympathetically. ‘How did he die?’

  She suddenly laughs which takes me by surprise. ‘Appendicitis. Not quite the hero's death, but every bit as devastating.’

  She points to a picture of her family. ‘I have two sons who remind me of him every day. They are my pride and joy and would have been his too if he had lived to see what they became.’

  As I look at the photograph, I see two men who look very successful, dressed smartly in suits. They are standing next to two, very plain looking women, who look uncomfortable posing for the camera. I point to the photo. ‘Are these your daughters-in-law?’

  Ruby nods. ‘Yes, they've all been married for close on thirty years each. Two more boring women you could never hope to meet.’

  She laughs, as she registers my astonishment. ‘They were both born with no sense of humour. In fact, they are so straight-laced, I'm afraid to speak lest I say something offensive.’

  She regards me carefully and smiles. ‘Word of advice Annie. Don't lose your inner child. Enjoy life and don't take it too seriously. Do what makes you happy and live life to the full. You can't re-wind a moment in life, so make every second count. Don't tread the same path as the majority and shoot for the stars. It passes by in a flash and there should be no room for regrets when you pack your bags and move into old age.’

  Her words strike a chord within me and just for a moment, we stare at each other with complete and total understanding. Then, I shake myself and grin.

  ‘Right then, we have a party to go to if I'm not mistaken. You need a smear of lipstick and then lead me to your most outrageous gown.’

  Ruby laughs happily and rummages around in a drawer. She pulls a lipstick from it triumphantly and proceeds to smear her lips with the brightest red rouge.

  Spying a bottle of perfume on the side, I hand it to her and she sprays it liberally. ‘Got to disguise the smell of old age somehow. I'm not talking of mine though, have you smelled how stale the air is in here?’

  Laughing, I look around me. ‘Ok, what about something glitzy to wear? Do you have a bright scarf or a necklace that you could wear?’

  She winks and whispers, ‘No, but my neighbour does. She won't mind me borrowing her silver, sequined, bolero jacket. It won't be the first time.’

  She beckons me over. ‘Come on, wheel me next door and we'll pick it up on the way.’

  Shaking my head, I look worried. ‘Are you sure? I mean, it feels wrong going to someone else's room and just taking something without permission.’

  She just winks again. ‘Listen, dear, when you get to our age most of your possessions have either been sold or given to the family. We are all the same and so share what we have to make it seem as if we have more. Ellie won't mind at all. In fact, she headed off to her family Christmas wearing my best Burberry coat. She owes me the jacket at least.’

  I shrug. ‘Well, if you're sure. If the police are called then I'm dobbing you in, ok!’

  She laughs. ‘Where's your sense of adventure, Annie? I thought I'd met a kindred spirit in you.’

  Laughing, we leave the room in search of stolen items.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  By the time we return most of the residents and the guests are sitting down to eat. I look around and laugh as I see Gina and Richard either side of crochet woman. They look bored out of their minds and I can tell Gina is finding this whole thing extremely irritating.

  Ruby sees me looking and whispers. ‘That girl doesn't know what she's missing out on.’

  I raise my eyes. ‘What do you mean?’

  Ruby grins. ‘Ava used to be a high-class prostitute. She's had more men than I've had hot dinners and the stories she tells would make your hair curl. Look at her now, Annie. She sits here most days and crochets teapot covers. I mean, who even uses a teapot anymore? I love listening to her stories, they make me feel alive.’

  I look at Ava with a renewed interest. I would love to hear what she has to say, wow!

  Ruby pulls at my arm and points to a gentleman sitting next to a woman who is engaging him in conversation.

  ‘See Robert over there? He used to be a well-respected Captain in the Navy. He's been to more countries than any of us and the stories he tells are fascinating. What you see around you, Annie, are people who have lived interesting and colourful lives. They may be near the end of them but they still have so much to give. If you just take the time to listen to their stories, you would be amazed. If you then compare them with
your own you would probably be found sorely lacking.’

  She shakes her head sadly. ‘Nobody wants to ask though. They come here out of a sense of duty and obligation. One-hour tops and they can pat themselves on the back before going back to their normal lives. Meanwhile, we are left here with just our memories and tales of a life well spent. Like I said before, Annie, don't get old, or if you do, make sure that your stories are the best ones in the retirement home. You owe it to yourself to live the best life you can.’

  I guide Ruby over to the last two empty seats in the room with tears in my eyes. How she has opened my eyes today. As I look around at the people in the room I can see what she means. The conversation is polite and stilted and the residents ignore their guests who look bored with one eye on the time. They are missing out on so much by not delving into the lives of the people next to them.

  I see Liam laughing at something Jack says and my heart leaps. As he catches my eye he grins and a shiver runs through me. Ruby whispers, ‘He's a fine man, don't let him go. I can tell he's a good one. Jack is difficult, and it's the first time I've seen him speak to a visitor, let alone laugh with them. Your guy must have something special because Jack is a good judge of character.’

  I just smile and pick up my knife and fork. If only I had that option.

  Surprisingly, the food is very good. I mainly chat with Ruby but on the other side of me is a gentleman called Cyril. He used to own a chain of pubs and the jokes he told made me blush. Gosh, no wonder my parents are regulars, who knew this place would be so much fun?

  After dinner, we head back to the lounge where the staff have invited a band to play. The songs are from the fifties and my heart lifts as I watch the memories flooding back into the faces of the residents as the singer takes them back in time.

  Liam joins me and puts his arm around my shoulder and whispers, ‘I've had a good time, surprisingly. Jack was a rogue and you wouldn't believe what he used to do.’