Gravity (Free Falling)

by St. Pierre, Raven

  I snapped my head back toward Mrs. Hahn when she spoke. “Well, my son speaks very highly of your work. Are you going to pursue a career in the arts?” She asked.

  Things were escalating slightly between AJ and Mr. Hahn, so she didn’t have my full attention. “I suppose you could say that. I’m majoring in Interior Design.”

  Her eyes widened. “Oh, that sounds promising. What school will you be attending?”

  I again had to refocus my attention on our conversation which wasn’t hard because AJ and his father were no longer in sight. “Charleston University.”

  That’s a great school. It’s almost as difficult to get into as Westwood where Anthony’s going. His father was so proud when he was accepted. My husband graduated from there years ago. It was always his dream for his son to follow in his footsteps. He wants Anthony to one day take over the family business.”

  As she spoke I realized how much of a sacrifice AJ was making to follow me to Charleston. I could only imagine how disappointed his father would be when he found out that he wasn’t going to Westwood. It would probably crush him. I knew that AJ had to be aware of this, but decided that being with me was more important than pleasing his parents.

  Mrs. Hahn excused herself to check on dinner and I asked her to point me in the direction of the restroom before she left. She disappeared down the hallway and I crossed through the foyer down another long hallway toward the bathroom. On my way, I overheard AJ and his father talking loudly around the corner. I eased over to the wall and eves dropped after slipping my shoes off to keep them from hearing me as I moved in closer.

  “Son, I just don’t understand what it is about this girl. There are plenty of others out there.” His father’s words reopened a deep wound that hadn’t had much time to heal. My biggest fears were coming true. Mr. Hahn hated me. “What about Mr. and Mrs. Tanaka’s daughter Reina. Or there’s The Allen’s daughter right next door, Jennifer. She’s a nice girl and she comes from a good family.”

  “Dad, I love Samantha. I’m not settling for just any girl. And Jennifer’s not even Japanese, she’s white!” AJ replied. “Why do you feel she’s not good enough for me? Is it because she’s black? Is that it?”

  “Yes! That’s exactly it! They’re no good and I don’t want you with one of them!”

  “No good,” AJ repeated flatly.

  “Yes, son. They suck the very life out of society. You can do so much better. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you and I don’t want you to throw it all away over some girl. She’s got a pretty face, but who knows what’s hiding behind it. Don’t get so caught up in your physical attraction that you can’t think clearly.”

  AJ was silent. I would’ve given anything to see his expression. “Ahhh…..I see.” His father laughed to himself. “That’s what it is.” Apparently he’d just come to the conclusion that sex was the only reason AJ was so attached to me. “Anthony, take my advice. You don’t want to get too involved with this girl. I understand that physical love can be a powerful thing, but you can’t let that cloud your judgment. This girl is not right for you.”

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Sex has nothing to do with why I’m with her. She’s nothing like you just described. She’s loving, gentle, ambitious – all the things I’d think you’d want me to look for in a woman. But you’re so close-minded that you can’t see past her skin color.” He paused. “Until now, I’ve never been ashamed of being your son.”

  “Anthony, mark my words. That girl will let you down. And when she does you’ll have to come back and apologize. She’s no different from the rest of them and it’s just a matter of time before she proves me right.”

  “I can’t change your opinion of her, but I can tell you that as long as I’m breathing you will respect her. If I ever hear anything different I won’t even take into consideration that you’re my father before I react.”

  Mr. Hahn laughed again to himself. “It’s honorable to protect the woman you love, but before you turn your back on your family, be sure that the woman is worth the loss.”

  I started to run as I heard one of them coming my way, but then Mr. Hahn began to speak again. “Anthony. Don’t leave like this. There’s no reason we can’t enjoy the meal you mother has prepared for us. You wouldn’t want to let her down, would you?” There was a long pause. “We’ll finish discussing it later. No one has to even know that we had this conversation but you and me.”

  A few seconds later I heard them both walking toward me. I slid quietly into the bathroom and latched the door. I waited until I heard them pass by before I breathed. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I suddenly felt stupid for ever trying to impress them. Without speaking to me at all, he’d summed me up with one general term – no good. There was one thing that was for certain, I had to try my best to be myself and not let on that I’d heard AJ’s conversation with his father. I took a couple of deep breaths and sucked it up as I walked out of the bathroom with my head held high. I tucked my emotions in my back pocket and put on a happy face. As best as I could anyway.

  I rejoined AJ and his family in the living room and didn’t dare make eye contact with Mr. Hahn. AJ walked to meet me and led me back to the couch to sit next to him. There was an awkward period of silence before Mrs. Hahn stood and announced that she had to put the finishing touches on dinner. My eyes followed her as she walked out of the room.

  In my peripheral, I saw Mr. Hahn snap his head in my direction. “So…….Samantha. What do your parents do for a living?” He asked. I had half a mind to tell him that my father was a drug dealer and my mother was a prostitute. That’s what he wanted to hear right? I clenched my jaw as I resisted speaking the words.

  “My father’s a doctor with his own practice and my mother’s an elementary school teacher.” I couldn’t control my smug tone when I responded.

  He was visibly shocked by my answer. “Wow. That’s interesting.” I’ll bet it is. I smirked and then turned to look out the window at the falling snow. My goal was to ignore him to let him know that I preferred not to converse with him, but he didn’t seem to get the hint. “Are you planning to attend college? A local community school perhaps?” He asked with a smirk on his face.

  AJ turned his head sharply toward his father. No, actually I’m going to hair school to support my six bastard children while I wait for AJ to finish school and support me – that was what I wanted to say. “Actually none of the local schools appealed to me, so I decided to go to Charleston University.” I’d shocked him yet again.

  “Charleston’s a good school. Do your parents know someone on staff there who helped you get admitted?” He asked sneeringly.

  Relentless. “No, I was admitted based on my own academic merit. No, string pulling. No ghetto ‘hook-ups’ from Daddy’s homeboy Pooky from back in the day. Just me and my grades.” I smiled sweetly, masking my anger.

  By this point AJ figured that something was up and didn’t allow his father and I to finish our pleasant conversation. He grabbed my hand and pulled me from the couch. “That’s enough. Why don’t I show you my room.” As he took me away I looked back over my shoulder and saw Mr. Hahn staring at me with a mischievous grin on his face. I rolled my eyes and then turned around.

  When we reached the hall outside of AJ’s bedroom he stopped and leaned me against the wall. “What was that about?”

  “I tried to pretend, but I couldn’t do it,” I replied.

  His expression was questioning. “Pretend? What are you talking about?”

  I sighed. “I heard him talking about me AJ. I didn’t catch the whole conversation, but I heard enough to know that your father is a bigot and he hates me.”

  He watched me huffing and puffing in anger for a few seconds and then his eyes drifted to the ground. There was no point in him sugarcoating his father’s words for me. Mr. Hahn meant every bit of what he said exactly the way he said it. They were meant to be hurtful and he was successful in that task.

  AJ’s voice
was near a whisper when he responded. “Do you want me to take you home?” He asked as he continued to watch the floor.

  I assessed the hurt in his face and in that instant I decided to stick it out……for him. He wanted so badly for tonight to go well, but it fell apart pretty early in the evening. I had to do whatever was in my power to salvage the night even if the disaster wasn’t my fault. “No, I’ll try to behave, but that depends on his behavior too.” AJ’s eyes lifted as he met my gaze, pleased that I wasn’t ready to bail at the first sign of trouble. “I wouldn’t want to run out like that when your mom went through the trouble of making dinner and everything.”

  “You’re amazing. You know that?” He kissed me passionately for a few brief seconds before opening the door to his bedroom. It was nothing like I imagined it would be. I thought the walls would be blue and it would have that funny smell that boy’s rooms typically have. But it was nothing like that. There were no girly pictures on the walls, and no clothes all over the floor. Instead the walls were painted a deep shade of red. There were framed autographed photos of famous sports icons hung in an even row around the room. His bed was neat and there wasn’t a wrinkle to be found on his black bed spread. His matching glossy black dresser and chest of drawers were clear and uncluttered. There was nothing on top of them except for a few bottles of cologne, a lamp and a basketball. I was tempted to check under the bed for the clothes he’d hidden underneath it, but I had he strange feeling that I wouldn’t find anything. I sat on his bed and continued to look around. His room was almost as large as my parent’s master suite. He sat down next to me quietly and reached for my hand. I glanced over at him and saw that he was still stressing about the situation with his father.

  Mrs. Hahn’s voice floated up the stairs as she called us down for dinner. AJ and I both took a deep breath and walked downstairs and into the dining room. AJ pulled out my chair and then sat beside me. His father glared for a second and shifted in his seat uncomfortably. It was obvious that he disapproved of AJ being chivalrous, probably because he didn’t think I deserved it. His eyes narrowed slightly when I turned to look at him.

  Mrs. Hahn brought in the last few side dishes and then took her seat at the opposite end of the table from AJ’s father. Everyone sat still in silence until she spoke up. “Well, I guess we can eat as soon as you carve the turkey honey.” She said nervously to her husband. Mr. Hahn stood from his seat and moved toward the platter that was directly at my side, making him way too close for comfort.

  I turned my head away from him to avoid his gaze. While we waited, AJ poured my drink and sat the pitcher back on the table. He smiled at me reassuringly as he brushed a stray hair from my cheek and then laid his arm across the back of my chair. His father sighed aloud in frustration watching us interact with one another. AJ lifted his head and glowered at Mr. Hahn in anger. The tension was thick and heavy there in the dining room.

  We mostly ate in silence. Poor Mrs. Hahn tried desperately to keep up the entire conversation by herself, but she too gave up halfway through the meal. I helped her clear the table and load the dishes into the dishwasher while AJ and his father conversed in the living room. I would have given my right eye to be a fly on the wall and hear what was being said. After we put the leftovers away, she and I joined the men. When we entered, AJ stood silently with his arms crossed as he stared out the large picture window beside the couch. Mr. Hahn sat in a chair stiffly and silently. His face was pale and lifeless. His expression made me wonder what transpired in my absence. When he heard my footsteps his eyes turned quickly to me. I didn’t understand why his mood shifted. He’d already been unwelcoming toward me tonight, but now he looked angry enough to commit a homicide – and I’d be his victim of choice.

  He watched me as I crossed the room and stood beside AJ. When AJ felt my hands wrap around his bicep, he turned to face me and I could see that he was troubled, but I had no idea why. The sound of Mr. Hahn’s shoes scuffling across the marble tiles caught my attention in time to see him leaving the room hurriedly with his wife trailing closely behind him.

  “We should probably go before he tells my mom,” AJ stated flatly.

  I was puzzled. “Before he tells your mom what?” I asked.

  “He was saying some really terrible things about you and I blurted it out just to shut him up.” His nostrils flared angrily as he recalled the memory.

  I still didn’t understand. “What did you tell him?”

  “That I’m going to Charleston to be with you.”

  My mouth gaped open. I suddenly felt the same sense of urgency as AJ and moved quickly to the coat closet. We walked swiftly to the car and I couldn’t help but to frequently check over my shoulder as we drove at top speed down the driveway. He clutched my hand in his as we barreled toward my house. The snow covered trees were a blur as we sped past. I was still in shock that anything this entire night had even happened. We hadn’t really discussed how we’d go about telling our parents, but I know that this wasn’t the way either of us envisioned it. There were certainly going to be repercussions for AJ, but I couldn’t even guess what they would be. He didn’t seem to care and I let that comfort me for the time being.

  Any thoughts that I’d had in the past about our relationship being imbalanced faded away that night. He put himself out there on the line just as I had. It couldn’t have been an easy thing for him to stand up to his father to defend me, but he did it without any second thoughts.

  We pulled up to my house and sat there in the car. I was hit with the realization that we had no place to go where our love for one another would be accepted. At school we endured constant ridicule. I wasn’t welcome in his home and he wasn’t welcome in mine. It was almost like the very forces that flung us in one another’s path was working equally as hard to pull us apart. Worry set in at the thought of him leaving me because the odds seemed to be against us. It’s easy to love through the thin, but the true test is making it through the thick. I tightened my grip on his hand as we sat there in the loudest silence I’ve ever heard in my life. It crossed my mind that his thoughts may have been aligned with mine.

  “I meant it,” he said softly enough that I barely heard him speak at all.

  “Meant what?” I asked quietly.”

  “This doesn’t change anything – doesn’t change how I feel about you.” My eyes lifted to meet his as he continued. “I don’t care if the people around us never get it. If it comes down to just being you and me, then so be it.”

  My heart felt heavy in my chest as I stared at him. We kissed and I stopped worrying about anything for that brief moment. Every bit of doubt floated away. After I released him he came around to help me out of the car. We paced toward the house and I kissed him one last time. Before I could put my key in the door, AJ stopped me. “No matter what happens from here, don’t ever forget what I just told you,” he said as he stared intently into my eyes. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but it didn’t sit well with me. I watched him walk back to the car and then he drove more slowly than usual down my street.

  My parents were sitting on the couch in the living room holding one another watching ‘It’s a wonderful Life’. I knew they were curious as to why I’d returned home so quickly, but I really didn’t feel like talking about it. Not then. Not ever. My mother turned to look at me and saw my vacant expression. She was getting up from her seat, but I motioned for her to stay where she was. “I’m fine mom. I just need to lie down. Can we please talk about it later?” I asked breathlessly. She didn’t respond verbally, but her eyes told me that she understood, watching me as I thudded up the stairs.

  I showered again just because I needed to relax. After throwing on a warm pair of pajamas I climbed into bed and turned on the television. My phone was on the nightstand and I checked it to see if I’d missed a call from AJ while I was in the bathroom. Nothing. I needed to know what happened when he went home…..if he even bothered to go back. His phone rang twice before someone picked up. “Hello?” I asked. The n
ext second I heard the dial tone. I wasn’t sure what happened, so I tried again. The phone stopped ringing and then I heard a dial tone just like the first time. This wasn’t a mistake. My guess was that his parents had confiscated his cell phone to block communication between AJ and me.

  There was still another week and a half of Christmas break left which meant that I wouldn’t even be able to see him at school. There was no way I could go that long without at least being able to talk to him. As I panicked I dialed his number for a third time. I was startled to hear that the voice on the other end of the phone wasn’t AJ’s.

  “Yes,” Mr. Hahn said with a hint of irritation in his voice.

  I hesitated. “I need to speak with AJ.”

  “I’m afraid that’s not going to happen. My son won’t be in contact with you anymore, and you shouldn’t bother calling. His phone is now, and will continue to be in my possession.”

  I didn’t know what to say. “You can’t keep us from being together. Whether you accept it or not, AJ loves me and there’s nothing you can do about it.” I was desperate to break his resolve even if only a little – enough to let me talk to AJ briefly.

  “I’m sorry, but I won’t stand by while you ruin Anthony’s life. He’s going places and he doesn’t need you holding him back.”

  AJ must have entered the room at that precise moment. It was hard to make out anything he was saying except for the long stream of curse words. Mr. Hahn was silent for a few seconds while AJ ranted wildly. And then……dial tone……again. I dropped the phone on the bed and tears began to roll down my face. This was possibly worse than the way my father had responded to AJ when they’d met. I couldn’t shake the impending sense of doom that was closing in on our relationship, and it didn’t feel like there was anything I could do about it.

  I didn’t sleep at all that night. I lay there in absolute darkness and wept until the sun rose. My pillow was wet with tears, but I didn’t have the strength to lift my head and turn it over. I stared at my phone fervently hoping that some way, somehow, AJ would call. But he never did.