Dear Heart, I Hate You

by J. Sterling

  Pushing aside what he’d just said, I blurted, “Just tell me if I’m being an idiot.”

  “No, you’re being a romantic for once. You’re practically in a relationship with the girl already, but you can’t see it. Or won’t admit it.”

  Dropping my head in my hand, I closed my eyes and groaned. “We’re not in a relationship.”

  “You are. And to be honest, it’s perfect for you.”

  Confused, I squinted at him. “What are you talking about now?”

  Lucas rolled his chair a little closer. “Seriously, think about it. You two talk every single night like you’re a couple, but you don’t have to rush home to her because she’s not there waiting for you—”

  “Does this story have a point?” I interrupted.

  “Just listen,” he said with a scowl. “You’re way too busy right now for a chick who lives here. Could you imagine all the whining and the Why don’t you spend time with me? You’re too busy for me. I need you. I miss you. Come over. Where are you?”

  Lucas’s dead-on impression of a needy woman’s voice cracked me up, and I had to stop myself from laughing.

  “But with Jules,” he said seriously, “you can’t do any of those things, even if you want to. Instead, you can focus all your time and energy on work and volunteering, and it won’t change your relationship with her at all.”

  I wanted to argue the point with him, but it did sort of make sense.

  Warming up to where he was going with this, I asked, “What are you saying exactly?”

  “I’m saying,” he said, giving me an amused look, “that a girl who lives out of state is the perfect solution for a guy like you. It’s the best of both worlds, a relationship without all the pressure.”

  “Shit, Luc. That might be the smartest thing you’ve said all day.” I gripped his shoulder and squeezed.

  “I take offense to that,” he said, obviously joking. “I say a lot of smart things. You just don’t hear them.”

  “So I’m not being stupid by going to see her?” I asked again for the third or maybe the fourth time, because apparently I had lost my balls somewhere on my walk over to Lucas’s cubicle.

  He rubbed his temples like my questions gave him a headache. “No. You’re not. You want to see her, right? You miss her?”

  I looked around the empty office to make sure no one was within hearing distance, but lowered my voice anyway. “I miss her like crazy. And yes, I’m dying to see her.”

  “Then it’s not stupid, okay? So stop asking. It’s okay to want to be with someone, Cal. It doesn’t make you any less motivated or ambitious here.” He waved his arm to indicate the almost empty office space.

  “I know that,” I snapped at him.

  “Do you? Because I don’t think you do.”

  At that, I had to take a moment to let his words sink in. Lucas might be right—I might be so married to my work that I was afraid to let someone else into my life. Being taken seriously at work and having a personal life didn’t have to be mutually exclusive. Plenty of successful people were married or had a significant other.

  Lucas gave me an exasperated look. “Cal, if it’s permission you want to follow your heart for once, I’m giving it to you. Do it. Book a flight. You’ve got some vacation time. Go see your girl.”

  “Why do I even ask you for advice?” I huffed as I pushed off of his desk.

  “Because I’m your best friend, and I give good advice. Everything I say is golden and should be tweeted. And then retweeted,” he added with a big grin.

  Rolling my eyes, I walked away. “I don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about anymore,” I said over my shoulder as I headed back to my desk to grab my things.

  • • •

  Later that night, I fired off a text to Jules. I never knew how late she would be working since she tended to tailor her own hours around her clients’ schedules and the availability of any houses she wanted to show.

  Dream Lips: Are you home from work yet?

  Jules: Not yet. I have about another hour or so. Text you when I’m done?

  Dream Lips: Yes, please.

  Jules texted me right after I got out of the shower to let me know she was home. I dialed her number before I plopped down on top of my bed.

  “Hi,” she said, her voice breathy, and all it did was make me miss her more.

  “Hey. How was your day?”

  “Busy, but good. Yours?”

  “Same.”

  “I saw the market took a nosedive,” she said, and I laughed because I knew she only started following the market to see how my day was.

  “You did, huh? Stalking me again?”

  “Just your market. You okay, though?”

  “Yeah, it was fine. A few clients freaked out, but I calmed them down. It’s a lot of repeating myself with them, you know? Reassuring them and hearing them out.”

  “I get it. I’d freak out if it was my money. I wouldn’t want to lose it.”

  “That’s why I’m there. I move it around to minimize the losses, and I monitor everything so there are no surprises.”

  She sighed. “It’s so hot when you talk about work.”

  I laughed. “Sure it is.”

  “No, really. I mean it.”

  “Thanks, anyway.” I hesitated a moment before saying, “I was thinking about something and wanted to run it by you so you could tell me if you’re on board with it or not.”

  “Okay . . .”

  She sounded a little nervous and apprehensive, which wasn’t what I wanted at all, so I blurted, “I want to come out there and see you.”

  “Wait, you what?” she asked, her tone instantly changed into one of surprise.

  “Is that the wrong thing to do? If it is, you can say no,” I said, suddenly more unsure of myself than I’d ever been.

  Shit. What if she didn’t want to see me again the way I wanted to see her?

  “Say no? Are you crazy? It’s not wrong at all. It’s the greatest thing you’ve ever said. Come tomorrow. Come right now!” She laughed, that unselfconscious belly laugh that I loved, and said, “I miss your lips!”

  Relieved, I released a pent-up breath. “They miss you,” I told her, and then added, “I miss your body,” before I could stop myself.

  “It misses you too.”

  “So it’s okay if I come out there?” I asked again, just so my ego could hear her say yes.

  “Of course,” she said, and I wished I could take her in my arms right then so she’d know just how much I’d missed her too.

  “I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Cal, I’m so excited! When would you come?”

  Ready for that question since I had already looked at my calendar, I said, “I was thinking two weeks from this weekend, if it works with your schedule.”

  “Hold on. I’m checking,” she said as her laptop keys clicked in the background. “That works for me.”

  “Good. Does from Friday to Sunday work for you?”

  “Perfect.”

  “And do I fly into LAX or somewhere else?”

  “Yep. In and out of LAX is perfect too,” she said, and then practically yelled into my ear, “Cal!”

  I laughed. “Yeah, babe?”

  “I can’t wait to see you. Really, you have no idea.”

  Grinning, I said, “I’m pretty sure I have some sort of an idea.”

  “You are so getting lucky this time,” she told me, and my dick instantly hardened at the thought of my touching her again.

  When I quipped back, “Maybe I’ll come out tomorrow,” she laughed, but I wasn’t joking.

  My dick wasn’t, anyway. He was seriously ready to jump on a plane tonight.

  Devil in Pink Contacts

  Jules

  I couldn’t believe that Cal was coming out here to see me! Of course I’d wanted to see him ever since leaving Boston, but didn’t know if it would actually happen. I had no idea what it meant for us, but at this point I couldn’t have cared less. All I
could focus on was the fact that I would get to see those dreamy lips again and feel his arms around me.

  I dialed Tami’s number after Cal and I got off the phone, knowing that I was far too excited for a mere text message. I needed someone to be crazy happy along with me.

  “Hey!” she answered, the traffic noise in the background telling me she was driving.

  “I just got off the phone with Cal, and guess what?”

  “Um, he loves you? He can’t live another day without your sweet loving? He’s moving? What?”

  I shook my head as she rattled off crazy answers that I’d all but asked for when I suggested she guess. “He’s coming out here!”

  She whooped so loudly, the speaker cut out for a moment before her voice returned. “Shut up! Oh my God, when? For how long?”

  “He’ll be here in two weeks. Just for the weekend.” Lost in thought, I absentmindedly tugged at the fabric on my comforter. It felt like a dream.

  “Shit, Jules, are you dying?”

  “I’m so freaking excited, I feel like I could do anything right now,” I said with a laugh.

  “That’s adorable,” she said, her tone sugary sweet.

  “Don’t tease me.”

  “I’m not. This is awesome. I can’t believe I get to finally meet this guy,” she said before stopping abruptly. “Wait! I do get to meet him, don’t I?”

  I hadn’t thought about any of the logistics yet. Would it make Cal uncomfortable to meet my best friend? What if he thought I was moving too fast? I hated not knowing where we stood and didn’t want to ask him in case it pushed him away. The last thing I wanted was for Cal to feel pressured and call this whole thing off.

  “I don’t know,” I said, bracing for her reaction.

  “You don’t know? Give me one good reason why I can’t meet him!”

  “Because I haven’t even thought about what we’re going to do yet,” I said. “What if meeting you freaks him out?”

  “Why? Because I’m so awesome and hot? I know, it’s intimidating.”

  I laughed. “Yes to all of those things. But what if he thinks meeting my best friend is moving things a little too fast?”

  “If he thinks that, then he’s an asshole, Jules. Seriously. I want to meet him. We’ll go out one night. Either to dinner or to a club. Shit, two weeks, you said?”

  When a tapping sound started up in the background, I scolded her. “Do not text and drive, Tami!”

  “I’m not!”

  “I hear you. You’re the most distracted driver I know. Pay attention to the road!”

  “Shut up. I was just looking at my calendar. And I was at a red light.”

  “Liar.”

  “Just be quiet. My calendar says we have that VIP party at Colossal. You invited me as your plus-one, so I have to come. And you’d better get Ron to make it a plus-two.”

  Shit. One of my clients, Ron, was a big-time nightclub owner in Hollywood, and he was hosting an invite-only event. We’d worked together on three separate properties over the years and had developed a friendship. He would definitely notice if I blew him off, although I was fairly certain he wouldn’t be mad at me for it, but I didn’t want to be the kind of person who promised she’d show up to a private event and then bail. At least I knew making my invite a plus-two wouldn’t be a problem, so I was thankful that wouldn’t be an issue.

  “You’re right. Looks like we’ll hit Colossal on Saturday. And you guys will meet. Please don’t embarrass me,” I pleaded, and she giggled.

  “Be thankful I don’t own any pictures of you as a little kid, or I’d be busting that shit out. ‘Oh, Cal, this was when she took the scissors and cut her own hair. Don’t you like the way it’s longer on the left side than it is on the right?’”

  How the things that Tami thought about even popped into her head, I’d never know.

  “I’m suddenly thankful I didn’t know you in high school, Tam. Just don’t wear your pink contacts. Please.”

  I rolled my eyes at the thought of her ridiculously colored lenses. The pink ones creeped me out whenever she wore them. The natural brown color of her eyes mixed with the pink and created a light red effect. She looked like the devil, or at least someone who was possessed by him. I had a hard time looking her in the eye when she wore them, always thinking that she was hexing me, or trying to figure out ways to steal my soul.

  She laughed hysterically. “I won’t, but that would be fun just to see you freak out all night long. I could chase you around the club, and Cal would think you were a lunatic.” She kept laughing. “It’s so tempting.”

  “I’ll disown you and make sure you’re on the no-entry list for all of Ron’s clubs. I swear.” I tried to sound serious through my own laughter.

  “Don’t blackball me in my own city! Okay, okay. No pink. I promise.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

  Her laughing finally stopped. “Hey, I’m almost at the gym. Can I call you back?”

  “No, go on. I just wanted to tell you that he’s coming out.” Excitement rippled through me again as thoughts of Cal being here consumed me.

  “And Jules?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m really happy for you.”

  I bit my lip, blushing like a schoolgirl. “Me too. Can’t wait for you to meet him.”

  “He better not suck!” she said. “’Bye!” Then she hung up on me.

  My best friend was insane. Certifiable.

  It was hard to reconcile the crazy girl I knew with her alter ego who practiced law and won most of her cases. Unlike Best Friend Tami, Lawyer Tami was neither fun nor happy. She didn’t wear contact lenses in crazy colors, or mermaid-length extensions in her hair. No, Lawyer Tami was a bulldog who hated losing.

  I only hoped she didn’t pull her tough-girl routine on Cal when she met him. Then again, I was pretty sure he could handle her, and that she’d most likely melt at the mere sight of him.

  Even she wouldn’t be able to resist the power of those damn lips.

  • • •

  My daily texts from Cal now included a countdown. I opened my eyes the following morning to a message that read:

  Dream Lips: Good morning, beautiful. 13 days!

  Absolute giddiness surged through me as I responded.

  Jules: 13 days!!!

  This was going to be the best and the worst countdown in history—the best because of what we were counting down to, and the worst because thirteen days suddenly felt like an eternal string of twenty-four-hour periods that would never end.

  Thankfully, work kept me busy with house showings and new property listings that popped up every day. Staying busy kept my mind distracted and occupied so I didn’t slip into a Cal-induced countdown coma. Or at least, it tried. He was a powerful force, that boy from Boston.

  I’d kept in touch with Robin from the conference and could practically feel her excitement when she responded to my email about Cal’s impending visit. She wrote something inappropriate, reminding me that I was living for the two of us now, and not only did it make me laugh, but it made me miss her as well. She also offered me a job every other day, in case I wanted to “come land that man before she left her husband for him.”

  During a break between showing properties, I pulled into a liquor store parking lot and sent Cal a text. I hoped he would respond quickly so I didn’t have to come back later.

  Jules: Do you have a favorite bourbon, or do you love them all?

  Lucky for me, he responded right away.

  Dream Lips: Blanton’s Original is my favorite. Plus, I collect the tops. I know; I’m a nerd.

  Jules: The tops? No clue what you’re talking about, but thank you! ’Bye!

  I wanted Cal to have something at my house that he loved, and I figured bourbon would be a good place to start. Plus, we had a little history with the stuff, and I’d grown a soft spot for it somewhere between learning to drink it properly in that hotel lobby and now. Not that I’d probably ever drink it on my
own, but still.

  With absolutely zero bourbon knowledge, I scoured the liquor store’s bourbon aisle and found more selections than I ever knew existed. I found Blanton’s almost immediately, the unique bottle a standout from all the rest. Instead of being tall, it had a rounded bottom that was both intricate in its design and stylish, while still looking classic.

  Once I’d paid for a bottle, I tossed it onto the passenger seat of my car and opened the photo app on my phone so I could scroll through the pictures of us together for the millionth time. As always, I smiled at how happy we looked. Those photos never got old, no matter how many times I stared at them before bed each night, or how many times I pulled them up during the day. They never failed to make my heart flutter and my pulse race.

  Only thirteen more days until Cal would be here. How would I ever make it until then without going totally crazy?

  I had to chuckle at the thought as I drove along the Pacific Coast Highway on the way back to my office. No, Cal and I hadn’t known each other long, but it didn’t seem to matter when I thought about how he made me feel. I could pretend I didn’t look forward to our nightly phone calls, but that would be a lie.

  And now I looked forward to them even more. Knowing I’d get to see him soon changed things for me. It gave all our communication a little more meaning, as if there was a light at the end of the tunnel. A light and a pair of dream-worthy lips.

  My phone rang inside my car, startling me. I was surprised to see Tami calling at this time in the afternoon. She was usually either in court or prepping for it.

  “Hey,” I answered.

  “Hey, yourself! I just got out of court.”

  “Already?”

  “The judge is puking in her chambers. I’ve never seen someone’s face turn green before, Jules. Sure, they make cartoon characters do it all the time, but I thought that was just for fun. I didn’t realize it was a real thing.”

  “You’re disgusting.”

  “I know. Listen, I wanted to come over. How late are you working tonight?”