Shame on It All

by Zane

  “Wow, this place is jam-de-da-damn-packed!” Colette blurted out. “You would think they were giving out free tickets to a Prince concert up in here.”

  “That’s the Artist Formerly Known as Prince,” the sistah directly in front of them turned around and interjected.

  “He was Prince when I first started feenin’ for his sexy ass way back in junior high school and he’s Prince now,” Colette stated, smacking her lips.

  The woman rolled her eyes and then turned back around.

  “What time are they going to open up the doors?” Harmony asked impatiently. “We’ve been standing out here in this heat for damn near an hour!”

  “In about five more minutes,” Fatima replied. “From what I hear, this show is well worth the wait and then some.”

  “It better be.” Bryce tapped her foot. “If I just want to see some dick, I can see that at home.”

  “Mmmmm, smells like fried chicken,” Colette commented, sniffing the air. “Making me hungry!”

  “That’s the group of women all the way at the head of the line,” Lucky informed her. “They have buckets of KFC, potato salad, and collard greens.”

  “For a damn dick-and-balls club?” Bryce asked with astonishment. “This is going to be a wild-ass night. I can tell that already.”

  Exactly five minutes later just as Fatima said, the doors swung open and they entered The Black Screw.

  “Di-zammmmm, I felt like OJ running through an airport trying to get up in this mofo!” Colette took a seat at their table, completely out of breath.

  “Who are you telling?” Bryce interjected. “I felt like a line-backer for the Dallas Cowboys. That one gurl with the fuchsia and black extensions almost got an ass-whupping for real.”

  “Ya’ll stop complaining,” Harmony insisted, knowing good and well she was better at lodging complaints than anyone else. “At least we got pretty good seats. Some sistahs are all the way in the back.”

  “True that,” Lucky agreed. “I can’t wait for the show to start. I hear it’s the bomb!”

  “Uh-oh, the lights are going down,” Fatima said. “Time for the dicks-and-balls show to begin.”

  “Bring them on!” Colette yelled, taking a long sip of her Long Island Iced Tea. “I’m ready to see some big-ass dicks!”

  The Black Screw was huge. It was a warehouse turned into a virtual fuck palace, and the men who were walking around serving the drinks all had enormous dicks. Bryce’s eyes almost popped out of her head. She was in love and all, but she avidly believed a sistah had a right to look.

  She was sitting there eyeing a brotha with nothing on but a black G-string and cowboy boots, who was bent over a table across the aisle from them taking the drink orders of some women, when LL Cool J’s “Doin’ It” blared out over the sound system.

  They all exchanged high fives and giggles when a fine brotha about five-eleven with cinnamon skin and a buff-ass body came out and introduced himself as the master of ceremonies. His stage name was Black Raw Silk and the name was fitting because his skin looked as soft as silk.

  One man after another took the stage and did his thing. There was no way any woman who even remotely loves herself some dick would not be drowning in her own pussy juice up in The Black Screw. There was a stage right smack in the middle of the club, like a boxing ring in the middle of an arena, with tables surrounding all four sides of it so all the women could get a little look-see. In addition, there were circular risers in the four corners of the club with male dancers, who had already performed and taken it all off, on them getting mad freaky. The shit was all that! They were so naked the only place they could put the dollars women tipped them was in their boots. Harmony noticed they were all wearing some sort of boots, mostly cowboy-style ones. Cash and carry, she supposed.

  The gurls got tore up by the third round of drinks, and by the fifth round they were all horny. Bryce was sitting there wishing she could get her hands on Troy’s ass right then and there because she would have fucked him like she hated him.

  Harmony wasn’t quite sure who was wilder, the male dancers or the women patrons. Some truly freaky shit was going on in that piece.

  Men had women bent over tables grinding their dicks up against their asses, they were palming tits, sucking toes, fingering pussy even. As for the women, they were even worse. The women were pulling their shit off, too, jacking dicks, riding dicks with their clothes on, everything except actual fucking, but then again, no one did a panty check or anything.

  Four wild things happened that night that freaked everyone the hell out. The first one was when a fine-ass brotha came over to their table and almost sucked the skin off Colette’s toes for a measly dollar.

  “Damn, Baby!” Bryce hollered out over the loud thumping of the music. “I would’ve just given your ass a dollar. How in the hell could you suck them nasty-ass, crusty toes of hers for any type of money?”

  They all busted out laughing, but the brotha kept sucking on Colette’s toes like they were baby-back ribs.

  “That’s mad nasty,” Fatima added. “When you get done, you can suck my ass out while you’re at it. There’s five bucks in it for you!”

  They all cackled but the brotha looked up like he was contemplating the deal.

  Colette threw her head back and ignored them all. She had dreamed of having her corns sucked on many a night and she was basking in every single second of the ecstasy.

  “I can’t take this shit.” Bryce got up from the table. “I’m about to go find the little girls’ room. Maybe this nucca will be through eating the crust from between her toes by the time I come back.”

  While brotha man kept sucking, another fine-ass nucca named Loverboy took the stage. One of the women up front lost her fuckin’ mind and leapt up on the stage to attack his ass. Bryce shook her head while she made her way past the crowd to the ladies’ room, laughing at the woman, who outweighed Loverboy three to one. She bent over and assumed the position for him to hit it from the back.

  He lifted her skirt and started grinding his dick onto her ass from the rear but promptly moved away and held his nose. All the women fell silent, feeling a bit embarrassed for the sistah since it was apparent her coochie was less than kosher. That is, until they noticed that her white bloomers were stained from front to back with something brown.

  “Damn.” Harmony chuckled. “Hasn’t she ever heard of wiping her ass?”

  The woman got up from the stage and resumed her seat, hiding her face from the room of people who fell out laughing at her skank ass.

  Bryce got turned around on her way back from the ladies’ room and ended up going down a hallway that had a bunch of neon signs hanging outside various doors. There was a room called The Red Light District. Bryce heard some slow jams coming from it and decided to be nosy, which was nothing new.

  She peeked through the curtains and didn’t know whether to run away or try to join in. There were four couches, one on each wall, and male strippers were getting their freak on with female patrons. They were doing more than freaking. They were straight up doing the nasty and Bryce became voyeuristic. She watched one sistah deep-throat this brotha’s dick and decided the woman could put that transvestite from the warehouse to shame. Another couple was doing the sixty-nine and yet another one was fucking like a pair of wild beasts.

  Bryce watched until she was at her breaking point. Five more seconds and she would have knocked one of the bitches to the curb to get her some. She went back out to the main room of the club, panties soaking in pussy juice and all. She knew right then and there, Troy’s ass was in for it that night. Not even crying “Uncle” would save his ass.

  By the time Bryce returned to the table, the nasty-ass toe sucker had moved on from sucking Colette’s toes to sucking the breasts of some sistah who was sporting at least a 40DDD.

  “Thank goodness that mofo quit sucking them nasty-ass toes of yours,” Bryce said to Colette. “That shit was making me sick to my stomach. That’s worse than eating chitterl
ings.”

  “Fuck you, Bryce.” Colette giggled. “Your ass is just jealous!”

  “Whatever!”

  Bryce looked at Harmony and Lucky and they both had that I’m-ready-to-go-home-and-fuck-the-shit-out-of-my-man expression on their faces.

  “Colette, you about ready to roll? It’s late.”

  “Hell naw,” she replied. “They have a brotha getting ready to come out called Mandingo. I’ve always wanted a Mandingo-looking brotha to turn my ass out!”

  “What the hell is a Mandingo?” Fatima asked, yawning from the effect of alcohol and looking like she would fall asleep five seconds after her head hit the pillow.

  “A Mandingo is a brotha with a big-ass dick,” Lucky stated. They all laughed. “And I do mean a big-ass dick!”

  “Well, we shall see,” Harmony countered. “If it’s too big, I wouldn’t fuck his ass anyway.”

  “Shit!” Bryce yelled. “As far as I’m concerned, the bigger the better.”

  Black Raw Silk announced Mandingo and he came strutting out on the stage seductively to “You Are Not Alone” by Michael Jackson.

  Once he dropped his pants, Bryce recanted her words. “On second thought, no fucking way! That mofo’s dick is tooooooo damn big!”

  All the rest of them were speechless. None of them had ever seen a man with a dick that big anywhere. Not in porno movies, not any damn where.

  The DJ cut the music off and silence befell the room as if Mandingo were Houdini about to do his infamous escape from a sealed water tank. Apparently, all of the other women in the club who were regulars knew what to expect, but not the Whitfield sisters and their crew.

  None of them could believe their eyes when Mandingo, whose dick had to be at least two feet long, sat down on a steel folding chair, lowered his head and started sucking his own dick.

  Fatima was half-asleep and drunk as all hell. Harmony was mesmerized. Bryce was trying to figure out whether Troy was that flexible, Lucky was sick to her stomach, and Colette was turned the fuck on. No one said a damn word until he had sucked himself off in his own mouth.

  “Damn, I’ve heard of men jacking off, but shit,” Bryce said with disgust. “Time to roll!”

  “I agree.” Harmony nodded. “Let’s get the hell out of here. This is too damn wild!” Harmony grabbed Fatima’s arm and yanked her up off the chair. “Let’s go, sistahgurl!”

  Lucky sipped down the last of her rum and Coke and got up to follow them out.

  Bryce stood up and looked over at Colette. It was obvious she didn’t plan on budging. “Come on, Colette, damn! I have to get home to my baby!”

  “You all go ahead. I’m going to stay awhile longer,” Colette replied.

  “You sure about this?” Bryce felt guilty about leaving her there alone. “I rode here with you and I should probably ride back with you.”

  “No, it’s cool.” Colette smiled up at her. “I’m straight. Harmony, can you give Bryce a ride home?”

  “Sure thing.” Harmony glanced at her watch and was anxious to get home so she could get some before Zachary fell into a deep sleep.

  Bryce headed for the door. “Aiight, Colette. I’ll holla at you tomorrow.”

  23

  Mandingo Dick

  Bryce reached over Troy’s chest to grab the phone. He was snoring like all hell, as usual. Bryce made a mental note to get some earplugs like peeps wear to motor speedways. She loved her some him but his snores sounded like something out of the twilight zone.

  “Hello,” Bryce said sheepishly, still exhausted from hanging out at The Black Screw half the night and fucking Troy the other half.

  “Bryce.” She heard a woman’s faint voice on the other end, but it was too hard to make it out at first. “Bryce, I need your help, gurl.”

  She finally recognized Colette’s voice, then glanced at the digital alarm clock. “Colette, it’s five in the damn morning. Why are you calling me so late?”

  “I need your help,” she repeated in a raspy voice. It reminded Bryce of how her own voice got distorted when she would talk to Troy through the bathroom door while she was taking a shit. So she asked, “Colette, are you taking a shit? You better not be calling my house at five o’clock in the morning while you’re sitting on the damn toilet.”

  “Not exactly,” Colette replied. “It’s something like that though.”

  Troy’s snoring hit a plateau and Bryce couldn’t hear. She knocked Troy’s leg off hers so she could get up out of the bed.

  After she hit the carpeted hallway, she held the receiver back up to her ear. Colette was moaning. “What do you mean by ‘not exactly’? You’re either taking a dump or you aren’t!”

  “Mmmmmmmmmm, you remember…,” Colette blurted out, then paused like she was straining to get a turd out.

  “Colette, I may not be an expert on your bathroom etiquette, but you sound like you’re taking a shit to me. A constipated shit at that.” Bryce’s patience was wearing thin. “Look, I’m taking my ass back to bed. Give me a holla when you finally get that elephantine bomb to drop.”

  “Nooooooo, don’t hang up!” Colette pleaded.

  “Colette, my pussy is sore, my lips are sore, and now you’re making my ass sore with all these shitting sound effects.” Bryce smacked her lips and rolled her eyes, for her own benefit alone. “What’s wrong? Are you drunk or something?”

  “Not anymore, mmmmmmm.” Colette moaned. “You remember that stripper from the club, Mandingo?”

  “How in the hell could I forget him? He sucked his own mofo dick in front of a room full of women.”

  “After you guys left, I started kicking it with him and we ended up leaving the club together. Mmmmmmmm, damn!”

  “Gurl, you must be crazy, fucking around with him. He could fuck a mule and have five or six inches left over.”

  “Trust me, I’ve learned my freakin’ lesson.” Colette’s moans started again, growing in intensity. “Gurl, you’ve gotta come get this nucca off me.”

  “What do you mean ‘off you’?”

  “He was drinking a lot and he, mmmmmm, passed out cold with his dick in my ass.”

  “Holy mother of Ex-Lax! You let him ram that two-by-four up your ass?”

  “Yes, you’ve got to come get it out.”

  Bryce fell out laughing. “I love you like a sister, but you’re on your own with this one.”

  “Bryce, don’t laugh. This is some serious shit.”

  “HAHAHAHAHAHA! You can say that again!” Bryce couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of the statement.

  “See, your ass is dead wrong for this!” Colette yelled into the phone. “I can’t lay here like this forever!”

  “Aiight, aiight, where are you?” Bryce bounced up against the hallway walls, trying to keep herself from bursting out laughing again.

  “I’m at Raoul’s Starlight Motel. Mmmmmmmm, please hurry!”

  “Where in the hell is that? Sounds like some seedy shit to me. No pun intended.” Bryce giggled.

  “It’s on Route 69, right across the street from Raoul’s Midget-Breeding Farm and right around the corner from Raoul’s Hamburger Heaven, Home of the Famous Quarter-Ouncer Burger.”

  “Get the fuck out of here!”

  “I’m serious! Hurry up, Bryce! We’re in Room 12—The Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Suite.”

  Bryce couldn’t hold in her laughter another second. “Aiight, gurl, I’m on my way!”

  “You coming for real? Mmmm, dammmmnnn!”

  “Yeah, I’m coming but you’re going to owe me big time for this. I sincerely hope you didn’t eat any corn for dinner, ’cause this could get messy!”

  Bryce hit the reset button on the cordless and immediately dialed Harmony’s house.

  Once Harmony answered, she cut straight to the abbreviated version.

  “Listen up! Colette got that Mandingo nucca’s plywood dick stuck up her ass out by some midget farm, so go get Lucky and meet me in the parking lot of the IHOP on New Hampshire Avenue in Takoma Park!”


  “Holy mother of Ex-Lax!” Harmony yelled in the phone.

  “My thoughts exactly! Now hurry up and get your ass moving!”

  No sooner had Bryce pressed the off button on the phone and headed in the bedroom to get dressed when it started ringing again.

  “Colette! I’m coming, damn!” Bryce listened for a brief moment. “No, Harmony, I don’t have any film in my camera so you can take pictures to sell on the Internet. Sick ass!”

  After driving around in circles for almost an hour, they finally spotted some midgets sitting in a sandbox and drinking Thunderbird outside a shady-looking motel. The sun was almost up.

  “Damn, look at the pygmies!” Lucky exclaimed. “Where did all these midgets come from? You sure this isn’t Willy Wonka’s crib?”

  While they were getting out of their car, Bryce pointed to one of them. “Hey, that one over there in the Fisher-Price jumper is the same one I almost slapped with my knee at that house party.”

  They all busted out laughing while they found the motel office and went inside.

  Harmony started pressing down on the call bell repetitively. She was already impatient for two reasons. One, because Bryce had made her get up so early, and two, because she wanted to hurry up and see that Mandingo nucca’s dick up someone’s ass. His dick was like the eighth wonder of the world and she was anxious to witness such a feat with her own two eyes.

  Lucky became immediately enthralled in a Godzilla movie that was on the raggedy-ass black-and-white television with a hanger in the place where the antenna used to be. She giggled at the movie, which had been made in Japan, because the people’s lips were moving at a different speed from the voice-overs. She loved those kinds of movies but had no idea they still came on since the invention of premium cable channels.

  Bryce was too busy checking out the furniture. Everything was small-scale. “What is this place? A motel or a day care center?”

  Harmony laughed. “Hell if I know, Sis, but they need to hurry up.”