Falling With You: A Fractured Connections Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m working, Aiden.”

  “I know, but I figured you had your lunch break coming up like you said, so I brought you your favorite. You know, that curry you like?”

  For some reason, that just made me snap. I was tired, and everything was a little too confused in my head. So I said the first thing that came to mind, even though it wasn’t the best thing to say. “No, that was Allison’s favorite. Don’t be like this. Go back to the desk, or just go. I’m working, and I have to be professional. You’re not helping anything.”

  Aiden just looked at me, his face shutting down, He lowered his hand, his gaze hard, then gave me a tight nod and turned on his heel to walk away.

  Well, then. That could have gone worse. I could have shot him.

  “Everything okay?” Greg asked. I looked at my coworker and nodded, a pleasant smile on my face, even though nothing was going on in my brain right then that made me want to smile.

  “I’m doing great. Sorry about that. Unexpected guest. I have to go back to help Jefferson.”

  “Okay, just want to make sure you’re fine. You know…after everything.”

  I nodded and kept smiling. My perfect, peaceful smile that had nothing to do with the rage and confusion and anger and even a little sadness rushing through my mind just then. Because everybody here knew I had been attacked. They had seen the bruises, had seen the ring around my neck from where that man had held me against the wall. They didn’t know I was in therapy, they didn’t know that I was dealing with the emotional windfall of losing Allison and then hearing about Aiden and Allison and what they’d lost. They didn’t know any of that. But they did know that I had been weak at one point and had been hurt. And now I was trying to act strong and like nothing was wrong, even though everything seemed wrong just then. But I was fine. I was going to be just fine.

  “Thank you, Greg. I should probably get back to work.” I waved him off and went back to Jefferson. “Okay, Jefferson. How we doing with that cooldown?”

  He glared up at me before rising to his feet. I always forgot how tall he was compared to me, about the fact that no matter what happened, I felt like I was always in his shadow. Literally.

  “What’s wrong? Who was that man? Can I help? Do you need me to pound on him?”

  The thing was, coming from another of my football player patients? The comment probably would have been a joke. Jefferson? I didn’t know anymore.

  With the way that his brain worked now, he could literally go out and find Aiden and beat the shit out of him because he thought that Aiden was trying to hurt me.

  And, technically, it wouldn’t be Jefferson’s fault. Not anymore. It was just how his brain was newly wired because of one too many hits to the helmet.

  And it worried me.

  Jefferson put his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze, and looked down at me with an expression I had never seen before.

  I swallowed hard and gave him a smile then took a step back.

  “I’m fine. But let’s work on you, okay? We’re almost done today, and then we can work on our next schedule.”

  There. Perfectly professional. And not creeped out at all. Not worried that I had just fucked things over with Aiden.

  Right after I realized that I actually loved him.

  Great.

  By the time I finished with Jefferson and my next client, I was frazzled and really just wanted a drink. The thing was, I had been planning to go to the bar right after work to see Aiden and the others.

  Now, I just wanted to go home. Maybe I would go into the bar later when I wasn’t so angry and feeling dejected, but not now.

  Now, I didn’t know what to do.

  When I got home, I shot a quick text to my sister since I wanted to make sure she knew I might not be showing up to the bar and went straight to the freezer for my ice cream.

  The cats followed me, Runway sitting on top of the fridge, looking down at me like the empress she was.

  I waved at her, and she just huffed, going back to her little nap.

  Danger strolled into the kitchen, flicked his tail, and then went to his food bowl. While Moxie and Baby started wrestling right by my ankles. I just shook my head.

  “Well, if I fucked things over with Aiden, at least I’ll never be alone. I’ll have the four of you.”

  And didn’t that just make me want to sob?

  I couldn’t help but think of Diego, the little kitten who hadn’t had much of a chance until Aiden and I had shown up. And then I’d said yes to a date with Aiden to save little Diego’s life, even though I knew that no matter what happened, Aiden wouldn’t have really used Diego as leverage like that.

  But I had wanted to say yes, and Diego had given me an excuse.

  And if I had succeeded in pushing Aiden away like I feared I had just then, then that meant Diego would never meet my little clowder of cats.

  But I didn’t know what to think.

  I took out the carton of ice cream, flipped off the lid, and dug a spoon out of the drawer before taking a bite.

  “Caramel ripple really does save the world,” I said, looking down at my cats.

  Yes, I was a cat lady, and I was going insane. But I was just over everything just then. It was all a little too much. And I didn’t really know what to do.

  My door opened, and I glared at Violet as she walked in. “So, you just walk in whenever you want to now?” I asked. Violet just rolled her eyes, came into the kitchen, got out a spoon, and took my ice cream from me.

  “Hey. That’s mine.”

  “Whine a little louder, don’t you,” Violet said, closing her eyes and moaning. “Oh, you do have the best ice cream.”

  “You have the same kind in your freezer.” I stole my ice cream back and took another bite.

  “True. I always try to keep myself in stock, and Cameron’s keeping his freezer in stock for me, too. But your ice cream always tastes better. Probably because I’ve stolen it from you.”

  “I hate you.”

  “No, you don’t. You love me. However, let’s talk.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Yeah, you do. Talk to me. What is up with you and Aiden?”

  “Nothing,” I mumbled around my spoon.

  “Lie.”

  “I’m not lying.”

  “You’re totally lying. I will get Harmony and Meadow here right now if I need to.”

  “No, you don’t have to. Plus, I’ll see them at the bar later or something.”

  “So, you are going to the bar?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “Talk to me.”

  I let out a breath and shook my head. “Some things I can’t talk to you about. It’s not my place to say.”

  Violet reached out and squeezed my arm. “Okay. That’s fine and perfectly legitimate. If you can’t talk about it, then that means it’s something going on with Aiden. But I know that face. I know you. Something’s going on with you, as well. Talk to me, Sienna.”

  “I made a mess of things.”

  “How did you make a mess of things?”

  “Aiden came to my office today while I was working, and I got all huffy and told him to leave.”

  “You were working. You’re completely allowed to get huffy if he showed up. I take it he did the normal Aiden thing and didn’t tell you ahead of time and just showed up because he was thinking about it?”

  “Pretty much. He said he was thinking about me. Which you know, is kind of sweet, but you know me. I have to be professional at my job.”

  “I totally get you. Cameron doesn’t come to my office because I’m a woman in science and as it is, I was already working with my ex-husband’s wife. I already had enough of a soap opera at my office. So, we don’t add the confusion of him coming there to see what I’m doing while I’m in the lab.”

  “Though he does go out with you when you go take samples,” I mumbled.

  “Yes, he does. When it’s just the two of us. And
it’s still a little weird, and I do my best to remain professional.” Her cheeks blushed, and I gave her a look.

  “Okay, sometimes we go off for a hike when I’m not on the clock and things happen, but you know, that’s just natural.”

  “Getting natural in nature, are we?” I asked, laughing.

  “Oh, shut up. But it’s different with you. There’s a bunch of men at your office, and you have to make sure that you’re the perfect professional. One that’s not too sexy but not too dowdy either. Not too happy but not too sad. In other words, you just have to be a woman living in this day and age.”

  “Nail on the head there. And Aiden showed up, and I was a little off. Plus, I always feel off when I’m working with that client.” I shook my head. “Nope, not going to talk about that. Not really allowed to talk about that.”

  Violet held up her hand. “Are you safe?”

  “I’m completely safe. I just can’t talk about anything else.”

  “Okay. Then I won’t ask. But if you ever feel unsafe, you need to go to Greg or someone. Now, back to what we were talking about. Aiden showed up?”

  “He showed up and said he was thinking of me, which is sweet. But it wasn’t the right place or the right time.”

  “And then what happened? Because there’s something else. I can tell.”

  “It’s silly,” I whispered.

  “If you’re feeling bad about this, then it’s not silly. You have legitimate feelings, and that means something. Talk to me.”

  “He said he brought me my favorite. Curry. But it isn’t my favorite. It was Allison’s favorite.”

  Violet winced and then held out her hands. “Come here.”

  “Are you talking to me or the ice cream?”

  She just glared at me, took the ice cream from me, and stuck it back in the freezer. Then she took my spoon, tossed it into the sink with hers, and then held me close.

  “I love you, Sienna. I love you so much. And I know this isn’t easy. It isn’t easy for any of us. I miss her so much, but with you dating Aiden now, it is a different layer, and I hope you know you can talk to me about it.”

  I laid my head against her shoulder. “I am talking to you about it,” I mumbled.

  “Are you talking to your therapist about it?”

  I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. I knew she could at least feel me. “Yeah, I guess I’ll talk to her about this, too. But it just annoyed me because he thought he was doing something so sweet, but it was for Allison. And it’s not like they’ve even dated recently. She’s not even here, even though she’s always here, if you know what I mean.”

  “I know.”

  “Of course, you know. It’s just stupid. I shouldn’t feel jealous, but I do. And then I feel sick that I’m jealous because she’s not here. She’s not here anymore, and there’s nothing we can do about it. And then there’s all this other stuff that I can’t talk to you about, but I know that Aiden’s eventually going to talk to Cameron and then you about it. I may be silly, but I just don’t know. It’s just a lot, and I can’t even breathe sometimes. I just don’t know what to do.”

  “Okay, first thing you’re going to do is not blame yourself.”

  “How can I not?”

  “No. You and Aiden are starting this new relationship. You are allowed to do this. It was never hoes before bros with us.”

  “Because we aren’t hoes?”

  “That, too. But we’ve always been conscious enough of our feelings to understand that sometimes we’re going to fall. I fell for Cameron again when I didn’t think I should. Harmony fell for Brendon, even though Brendon was friends with Moyer. The fact that you and Aiden are together is wonderful. And I do think that Allison would have been fine with it.”

  “I do, too,” I whispered, saying it for the first time. “I think so, too.”

  “Good. Because Allison was amazing, and she would have understood. You and Aiden need to get through that. He’s going to mess up. He’s going to mix up silly things like that because it was always the group of us. And, honestly, I thought you liked curry.”

  I snorted, shaking my head. “Not really. It wasn’t my favorite. It was always Allison’s favorite.”

  “But you liked it. Sort of. At least you ate it with us. Maybe that just got confused in Aiden’s head because you know…it has been a few years. And he’s a chef. He likes cooking, things happen. So, what you’re going to do is you’re going to go to him, and if he gets all grumpy, you’re going to explain to him that when you’re at your place of work, there needs to be boundaries and rules. And then you’re going to talk about food. Because he loves food, and I know you do too, and you’re going to find something that can be yours together and not something that’s also mixed up with Allison. But you need to talk with him. Don’t do what I did and not talk and then miss out on so much.”

  “I love you.”

  She smiled at me. “I know.”

  “You’re not Han Solo,” I mumbled.

  “Well, he did shoot first, after all,” Violet said, rolling her eyes.

  And so I laughed and held my sister close. Because I was being silly, and I just needed to talk it out. But that meant I needed to confront Aiden. Which was sometimes my favorite thing, and sometimes made me want to bash my head against the wall.

  But hiding from my feelings hadn’t helped before, and it wasn’t going to help now. So, I just had to do it.

  Even if it hurt.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Aiden

  I hated people. There, I said it. For a man who owned one-third of a bar and restaurant, that probably wasn’t the best thing for me to be thinking.

  But my head hurt, and I was just pissed off at the world. So, yeah, I was going to hate people. A lot of people.

  I stalked around the kitchen, banging pots and pans and ignoring the worried looks of my staff. They should have been used to my attitude by now. Apparently, I had an anger management issue.

  So, fuck everybody. Fuck everybody and their dog.

  I paused, wondering why the hell I’d thought that.

  I just needed to focus, needed to work, and I needed to get all thoughts of Sienna and whatever the fuck had happened earlier out of my mind.

  I was such a fucking idiot.

  I shouldn’t have gone to her. Shouldn’t have thought I could just take part of an afternoon to see what she was up to.

  And I probably should have brought her the right fucking meal instead of what I’d thought I remembered was her favorite. No, I’d just made a colossal mistake and brought Allison’s favorite meal instead of Sienna’s. Could I be any more of an idiot?

  I honestly hadn’t meant to make that mistake. I’d thought I was on the right track. I’d truly thought that curry was what she liked to eat. But instead, I had mixed her favorite up with Allison’s, just cementing the fact that I wasn’t good at relationships. I wasn’t good at anything. Except for cooking. I could do that. I was a goddamn chef, and I was going to act like it.

  And that meant being quirky was fine. Because Sienna expected that of me.

  “Hey, there’re people out here looking for you,” Beckham said, leaning against the doorway.

  “I’m not in the mood to deal with people,” I growled.

  “Don’t really care. They’re out here, and they asked if you were here, and I said yes. So, be a good little boy and go talk with them.”

  I glared. “Shut up.”

  “Oh, yes, that’s a great comeback. But, come on, you can take five minutes before the big rush starts and talk to these people. They said they met you at a hockey game or something.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. Oh, good. People I had to talk to. I couldn’t wait.

  “We’ve got it, Aiden. You’ve been in such a mood that you’ve been faster than usual getting everything done. Just let us take over for a minute.”

  I glared at my staff and then shucked off my apron and put it on the hook. “Fine.”

  “And if you act like a pe
tulant child any more, I think I’m going to have one of your brothers slap you,” Beckham said. I flipped him off then sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Sorry. I’m in a mood.”

  “You don’t say.”

  “How has no one ever punched you before?” I asked.

  “No one wants to hurt this pretty face,” Beckham said with a wink, although something did pass over his eyes when he said it. I wondered what the hell that meant. But I had my own problems, and the fact that Beckham was sometimes a broody asshole and sometimes a sarcastic one wasn’t something I could deal with right then. He acted like the rest of us, so I couldn’t really blame him.

  I walked out to the bar where Olivia and Derek were sitting, Derek tilted to the side, so Olivia’s chair was right between his legs. They were looking at each other as if they were the only two people in the world, and I couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy.

  I didn’t remember when I had decided that I wanted that with Sienna, but it’d just happened. We just had this thing, and then it’d turned into me wanting her in my life. But I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when. Should I be able to?

  I didn’t know. Maybe that was part of the problem. But I looked at the way Derek and Olivia were with each other, and I realized I wanted that. Yes, I wanted that, but maybe Sienna didn’t. Perhaps I was the one who wanted too much. Just like before. After all, I’d had to use a kitten to get Sienna to date me. Maybe I wasn’t good at this. I already knew that she was better than I was, and she was slumming it to be with me, but I hadn’t known it would hurt like this.

  But I was getting ahead of myself. I would just push that away and talk to these two.

  “Hey. You came,” I said, clearing my throat.

  “It’s a nice place,” Olivia said, smiling.

  “You mentioned it, and we thought we’d stop by. But you’re probably getting busy. You don’t have to be out here too long.”

  “No, I have a few minutes.”

  Beckham chuckled under his breath and went back to cleaning the glasses. I flipped him off discreetly under the bar. Apparently, not discreetly enough since Derek started laughing.