Surrendered Hearts

by Carrie Turansky

  “How does it look?” Julia called from the other side of the curtain. “Can I come in?”

  Jenn gasped. “Just a minute.” She grabbed the matching jacket and slipped it on. The translucent organza wouldn’t completely hide her burns, but at least they would be a little less noticeable. She tugged on the three-quarter-length sleeves, pulling them down as far as possible. Then she checked the mirror one last time. “Okay, you can come in.”

  Julia pulled back the curtain. “Oh, wow, you look great! That color’s perfect for you.” She stepped inside the fitting room and let the curtain fall back.

  Jenn stared at Julia, and her stomach tumbled. She looked stunning in the strapless dress, minus the jacket. Her smooth, golden-tanned skin glowed against the bright blue fabric, and her shapely figure filled out the dress in ways Jenn never could. A little vine of envy wrapped around her heart, squeezing out all the joy she’d felt moments before.

  “Turn around.” Julia’s blue eyes sparkled, their color perfectly matching the shade of the dress. “Let’s see how it looks in the back.”

  Heat burned Jenn’s face as she rotated under Julia’s inspection.

  “Oh, let me help you with the zipper.”

  Jenn froze, and a queasy lightheaded feeling washed over her. She didn’t want to take off the jacket and show anyone her scars, especially perfect Julia, but there was no way around it. They couldn’t do a final fitting without zipping the dress up all the way. Keeping her back to Julia, she slid the jacket off and laid it on the bench.

  Julia zipped her up. “There. Let’s see how it looks now.”

  Jenn slowly turned around, steeling herself for Julia’s reaction.

  Julia’s gaze traveled over her, flickering for just an instant at shoulder level, but her smile never faltered. “It’s perfect. You look beautiful.”

  Confusion swirled through Jenn, and she ducked her chin. How could Julia say that? Didn’t she see the way her ugly scars screamed for attention?

  Julia stepped closer and touched Jenn’s arm. “I mean it, Jenn. You look lovely.” Her voice grew softer. “Don’t worry about your shoulder. No one will even notice.”

  “But it looks awful.” Tears flooded Jenn’s eyes. “I don’t even like to look at it.”

  Julia took her hand. “Hey, beauty is more than perfect skin, or shiny hair, or a great figure. It comes from who you are inside, in your heart. It shines out through your eyes and your smile. And that’s what touches people and draws them to you.” Julia squeezed her hand gently then let it go.

  “I don’t feel very beautiful on the inside either.” Jenn’s voice came out like a cracked whisper. She reached up and brushed a tear from her cheek, feeling like a fool for crying. Now Julia would know her scars weren’t just on her arm and shoulder, they were burned deep in her heart and mind, telling her she could never be beautiful again.

  Julia’s eyes shone and a soft smile played on her lips. “God loves you, Jenn. He wants to give you that kind of beauty that never fades or changes. It comes from a heart surrendered to Him.”

  A familiar longing stirred inside Jenn. She tried to grab hold of what Julia meant, but she felt like it slipped away. “I don’t understand.”

  “You will.” Julia looked in the mirror with her. “He’s already working in there.” She gently tapped the area over Jenn’s heart. “I can tell.”

  Julia’s words warmed her, like a tiny flame of hope catching fire and burning brighter. Could it be true? Did God still care about her even though she’d turned away and refused to acknowledge him for almost ten years? Before she could form an answer, doubts rose and quenched the flame. “I don’t see much evidence of God working in my life.”

  “Well I do. He brought you here to Vermont. He gave you a job at the gallery. You’re here to share Wes and Lauren’s special day. And that’s just the beginning.”

  Jenn pressed her lips together and looked away from their reflection. Julia seemed to think God was behind everything that happened in life. But she’d only mentioned the good things. What about all the painful, difficult experiences Jenn had gone through? How would Julia explain those? Was God behind them, too?

  “I’ll be right back.” Julia pushed aside the curtain and stepped out.

  Jenn sat on the bench, her thoughts drifting back to her conversation with Lauren a few weeks ago. She’d said God could bring good out of even the worst times. Maybe Jenn should ask her more about that. Perhaps Lauren could help her sort out these painful questions and figure out how to reconnect with God.

  Julia returned wearing her organza jacket. “Why don’t we both wear the jacket for the ceremony, then, when it’s time for the reception, you can decide if we take them off or not. Either way is okay with me.”

  Jenn stood. “You don’t have to do that. You look great without it.”

  “It’s more important to me that you feel comfortable and enjoy your brother’s wedding.”

  Jenn blew out a deep breath. “Okay, thanks.” How could she have been envious of Julia? She was sweet and caring, and she obviously wanted to be her friend.

  “How’s it going in there?” Lauren called. “Ready to show me your dresses?”

  Jenn nodded to Julia. She pulled back the curtain, and they stepped out.

  Lauren stood in front of them wearing her shimmering white wedding gown with a softly scalloped sweetheart neckline, beaded straps and bodice, and a flowing A-line skirt. More beading swirled along the hem.

  Jenn’s breath caught in her throat. “Oh . . . wow, you look amazing!”

  Julia grabbed Lauren’s hands. “Wait until Wes sees you. You’re going to knock him right off his feet!”

  Lauren laughed, and her cheeks glowed pink behind her cinnamon-tinted freckles. “You really think he’ll like it?” She picked up the skirt and turned so they could see the back. “Look at the train.” She smiled as she looked over her shoulder.

  “It’s beautiful.” Julia straightened Lauren’s veil. “You look like a princess.”

  “Thanks.” Lauren floated around and faced them again. “How do you like your dresses? Do they fit okay?”

  Jenn ran her hand over the smooth satin fabric. “I love the color, and the jacket is perfect.”

  “You both look great.”

  For the next few minutes the girls laughed and talked as they took turns standing on a raised platform. The woman who did the alterations checked each dress one last time for any final adjustments.

  When it was Julia’s turn, she smiled into the mirror catching Lauren’s reflection. “I can’t wait to see Wes and Bill in their tuxes. Did you decide on the blue cummerbunds or the black?”

  Jenn’s ears perked up at the mention of Bill’s name. She hadn’t seen him since the day he’d brought her the puppy. He hadn’t called either, not even to check and see how little Sophie was doing.

  She didn’t understand it. He’d been so wonderful on the Fourth, and then, two days later, he seemed happy to see her and eager to give her the puppy.

  Had she said or done something that pushed him away? Maybe she shouldn’t have hugged him. But he hadn’t seemed upset about it. In fact, he’d welcomed her into his arms.

  So, if the hug wasn’t the problem, then it had to be the kiss on the cheek. She should’ve known that would make him uncomfortable. He obviously didn’t want more than friendship, and that little peck must have crossed some invisible line and sent up a red flag for him.

  What did she expect? He’d made his feelings clear. And how many times had she told herself the same thing—she didn’t want a romantic relationship right now. Her life was too unsettled . . . but lately her heart had been tugging her in a different direction. Could he have sensed her growing feelings? Was that the problem?

  “Jenn?”

  She blinked and looked up at Lauren. “Sorry, I missed what you said.”

  “It’s almost four. We better change. There’s still a lot to do to get ready for Tilley’s party.”

  “Oh. Rig
ht.” Jenn took one last glance in the mirror. It didn’t matter how pretty she looked in this dress, with or without the jacket. The only person she wanted to impress wasn’t going to give her a second look.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Bill stepped up on the porch at Long Meadow and knocked at the back door. Clutching a gift bag in one hand, he looked through the screen, but he didn’t see anyone in the mudroom or kitchen.

  Tilley had told him he didn’t need to knock, but the prospect of running into Jenn unannounced made his palms sweat and his heart bang out a wild rhythm.

  Maybe he ought to just leave Tilley’s birthday gift on the kitchen counter and hightail it back to his truck. He huffed out a disgusted breath. He was not going to let his misguided feelings for Jenn ruin his friendships with everyone else.

  Lately he’d felt like a lonely outcast as he tried to avoid Jenn, which also meant staying away from Tilley, Lauren, Toby and most of the time, even Wes.

  When Lauren called yesterday and invited him over for Tilley’s birthday dinner, he told her he’d stop by after dinner to bring Tilley a present. Spending the whole evening with Jenn would be too difficult, but he couldn’t resist seeing them all for a little while.

  He pushed open the screen door and stepped inside. “Anybody home?” The little puppy he had given Jenn raised her head and trotted across the mudroom toward him. He knelt and scratched behind her ears. “Hey there. How you doing?” The puppy wiggled with delight and circled around his feet. Bill chuckled and rubbed the silky hair on her back.

  “Bill?”

  Recognition flashed through him. His hand stalled, and he looked up.

  Jenn stood in the kitchen doorway, her wide hazel-green eyes full of questions.

  “Hi.” Suddenly his mouth felt dry as chalk.

  “I wasn’t sure if you were coming.” She glanced around the room, sounding as uncertain as he felt.

  “Yeah, I uh . . . wanted to bring Tilley a present.” He stood and faced her. A thousand other things he wanted to say circled through his mind, but he remembered Wes’s warning and held them back. He glanced down at the puppy. Help me out, Lord. I feel like a fish out of water.

  “I named her Sophie,” Jenn said softly.

  He swallowed, and new strength flowed through him. Lifting his head, he met Jenn’s gaze. “You must be taking good take of her. She looks great.”

  “I can’t believe how much she’s grown.” Jenn stepped over a baby gate they’d set up to corral the puppy in the mudroom. She held out her hand. “Come here, Sophie.” The puppy ran to her, and Jenn scooped her up in her arms. She laughed as Sophie squirmed and snuggled up close. “You’re a little sweetheart, aren’t you?” She kissed the dog on top of the head and then held her up so she could look into her face.

  Bill grinned, his heart lifting. “Looks like you two are getting along pretty well.”

  “We are. She has a playful personality, but she’s not too hyper.” She looked up at him. “She cried a lot the first couple nights, so I let her sleep in my room. That seemed to help her settle down. I guess she just wanted to be close to me.”

  Bill nodded, fighting off a surge of longing. He knew it was crazy, but he wished he could trade places with the dog, even if only for a little while.

  Jenn gave the puppy another kiss then set her down. “Come on in. You’re just in time for dessert.”

  He followed her through the kitchen and dining room and into the living room. Wes and Lauren greeted him. Toby jumped up from his spot on the couch and ran to slap Bill’s hand and give him five.

  “It’s good to see you, Bill.” Tilley stood and welcomed him with a hug. “We’ve missed you.”

  Bill exchanged a quick glance with Wes. “I’ve missed you, too.” He handed Tilley the gift bag. “Happy birthday.”

  Her old blue eyes twinkled. “What’s this?”

  “I guess you’ll have to look inside and see.”

  Tilley chuckled. “Let me get you a piece of cake first.”

  “No, that’s okay. You go ahead and open your presents.”

  “I’ll get it.” Jenn hopped up and crossed to the dining room table. She cut him a thick slice of chocolate cake and scooped out a big spoonful of vanilla ice cream to go with it.

  His mouth watered as she handed him the plate. “Thanks. This looks great.”

  “You’re welcome.” She sent him a sweet smile, then sat down across from him in an overstuffed chair that faced the couch.

  “Open my present first!” Toby jumped up and handed his great aunt a medium-size square box wrapped in the Sunday comics. He hopped from one foot to the other watching her turn the box around in her hands.

  “Toby, settle down,” Lauren said. “You’re going to jump on aunt Tilley’s toes.”

  “Okay.” Toby stopped bouncing and leaned on the arm of Tilley’s chair.

  Tilley shook the box. “Hmmm, what could this be? Maybe it’s a motorcycle or inflatable underwear!”

  Toby giggled. “No, it’s not that. It’s a—”

  “Shhh, don’t tell.” Wes winked at Toby. “Let her open it and see for herself.”

  Bill grinned and took a bite of cake. This is what he missed, the warmth of family and the fun of sharing moments like these.

  Tilley opened the box and took out a bee hive-shaped cookie jar. “Oh my, look at this! What a fun idea. Did you pick it out for me?” Toby nodded, and she kissed his cheek. “Thank you, sweetie. We’ll have to make some cookies to fill it up.”

  “Yes!” Toby hopped up and down again reminding Bill of a rabbit with too much caffeine.

  Lauren laid her hand on her son’s shoulder and asked him to give Tilley the next gift.

  Bill settled back on the couch, intending to watch Tilley, but his gaze drifted to Jenn. She wore a blue flowered skirt and a white shirt made of a silky-looking material. The shirt had long sleeves, but she’d rolled them up to her elbows, showing her slim wrists. He felt certain he’d never seen her wear that outfit before. She looked great, very feminine and appealing.

  She looked up, and her gaze connected with his. She smiled again, her eyes shining with a happy light.

  His heart clutched, and he quickly shifted his gaze away. What he really wanted to do was walk across the room, take her in his arms, and tell her how much he’d missed her. He doused that thought and fought to focus on the conversation between Tilley and Lauren.

  A few minutes later, after Tilley had unwrapped all her gifts, Lauren offered everyone refills on coffee.

  “Can I have some more cake?” Toby sent his mother a pleading look.

  “I think one piece is enough, but you can have a little more ice cream if you want.”

  Toby smiled and nodded. Lauren spooned out another small serving for him.

  Jenn set aside her empty dessert plate. “Oh, I almost forgot, I have some good news.”

  “What’s that?” Tilley asked.

  “A reporter from the newspaper called. He wants to interview me.”

  “Wow, that’s exciting.” Lauren settled on the couch next to Wes.

  A shadow of concern filled Wes’s eyes. “What’s his angle?” Wes was cautious of the media since the distorted story of his imprisonment in the Middle East had been splashed across national news magazines.

  “He wants to write an article about me and take pictures of the furniture I’ve been painting.”

  Lauren set her coffee cup on the end table. “How did he find out about it?”

  “His wife came in the gallery earlier this week. She’s the one who bought the pie safe.”

  Bill’s brows rose. “You mean the one we got at the flea market?”

  Jenn nodded. “I guess he liked it, too, and now he wants to bring out a photographer and write a story.”

  “Great!” Lauren beamed. “So when’s he coming?”

  “Tomorrow at two. I hope that’s okay. I should’ve run it by you first.”

  “No, it’s fine. It’s your interview.”

&nb
sp; Jenn glanced at Bill as she got up. “I’ll be right back.” A couple minutes later, she came downstairs and handed Bill a white envelope. “This is your part of the money from selling the pie safe.”

  He stared at the envelope for a second then shook his head. “I can’t take this, Jenn.”

  “But we agreed to split the money.”

  “All the work you put into it is what made it valuable. Please, keep this.” He put the envelope in her hand. “Use it to buy another piece of furniture or some more paint.”

  A slow smile lifted her lips, and appreciation glowed in her eyes. “Okay. Thanks. I’ll reinvest it in another project.”

  He felt his heart swell. If only he could make her happy like that every day for the rest of his life.

  But the truth rushed in, blowing away the dream. There was no chance of that happening unless God did a miracle in Jenn’s heart.

  Did he have the faith to wait for that? Was that what God wanted him to do? He didn’t see many changes yet, just a few hints that her heart might be softening. But wasn’t that what faith was all about . . . waiting and believing even though you don’t see the answer yet?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Jenn reached into the backseat of Lauren’s car and pulled out the round metal container of brownies. She glanced across the parking lot at the nature center. Would she find Bill working in his office, or would he be off in the woods leading a group of children on an outing?

  She’d planned to call before she drove over, but when she picked up the phone, her courage melted away. She decided it would be better to just show up. That way she wouldn’t have to hear the indifference in his voice.

  She straightened her light-green shirt and brushed a piece of lint off her beige Capri pants. A shiver passed through her even though it was a warm, sunny day. Why was she so nervous? This was just a friendly visit, a chance to reconnect and ask Bill for a little advice.

  She scoffed at herself as she crossed the parking lot. It was more than that, and she knew it. She missed him terribly, and ever since the night of Tilley’s birthday celebration, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him. She was almost certain she’d felt a special connection between them that evening.