The Rest of My Life

by Sheryl Browne

  Sienna was behind the bar, her face so white and her eyes so huge, she looked like a little China doll. Adam felt a familiar kick in his chest as he saw her.

  Ignoring the mutterings behind him, he smiled uncertainly. ‘Hi,’ he said.

  Sienna smiled hesitantly back and stepped towards him, only to be ushered aside by the landlord.

  ‘I’ll deal with this, Sienna,’ he said, his not-overly-welcoming eyes locked hard on Adam’s. ‘Did you want something?’ he asked him brusquely, pulling himself up to his full height as he did.

  ‘A drink would be nice,’ Adam suggested, with a hopeful shrug.

  ‘Not here. You’re banned, Shaw. Find somewhere else to drink.’

  Adam watched him as the guy reached for a glass, wiping it demonstratively, his stony gaze fixed on him the whole time. Right, fine. Guilty until proven, obviously. Maybe he should share his good news. He might even get offered a congratulatory drink then. Yeah, not likely. Not worth it, he decided.

  He glanced at Sienna, wishing he’d braved her old man instead of coming here, where he really hadn’t been welcome anyway. Her father couldn’t do much more to him than had already been done, after all. ‘Talk later,’ he said, running a hand through his hair and turning to walk the gauntlet back to the door.

  ‘Piss off, Shaw. And don’t bother coming back,’ a member of his fan club imparted as he went.

  ‘Yeah, sling your hook in some other port,’ another lout shouted, hilariously, as Adam slammed through the exit, the jibes following him out right through the foyer.

  ‘Prats,’ he muttered, quickening his pace away from the place. It didn’t matter, he told himself. Apart from Nate, he’d been pretty much a loner for years anyway. He didn’t need anyone else’s company. As for the pub, plenty more boozers around, he thought, swallowing back his humiliation as a car, obviously from the pub, cruised past, the idiot thugs therein glaring aggressively at him.

  ‘Stuff it.’ He sighed and walked on, and then stopped, as he heard a familiar voice behind him.

  ‘Adam!’ Sienna shouted. ‘Wait!’

  Adam stopped walking and tried to compose himself. He didn’t want Sienna thinking his embarrassment was due to being thrown out of the pub. The fact that it had happened in front of her, humiliated her, too, was what was getting to him most.

  She didn’t say anything as she reached his side, just stopped and slipped her hand quietly into his. Adam didn’t speak. He actually didn’t think he could formulate any words to speak, right then. Instead, he squeezed her hand back as they walked on in silence. He hadn’t thought love like this was possible. Not for him anyway. He didn’t deserve her, though, did he? And she definitely didn’t deserve him.

  ‘Sienna …’ Adam stopped again. He loved her name, the way it rolled off his tongue. The vision of the amazingly sensual woman he knew her to be it evoked. ‘We need to talk,’ he said, turning to face her.

  Sienna looked at him. ‘I know,’ she replied, glancing down and then back up. ‘My dad’s staying at the moment, but we could talk as we walk.’

  ‘You’re better off without me, Sienna,’ Adam said quickly, determined to do the only decent thing he probably ever would in his life, before his courage failed him.

  ‘What?’ Sienna stared at him, her grass-green eyes wide with shock.

  Adam closed his own eyes and swallowed. ‘You need to find someone else, Sienna,’ he said firmly.

  Sienna pulled her hand from his. ‘I don’t want anyone else!’

  ‘Someone wholesome, decent,’ Adam went on, trying to look anywhere else than at her. ‘I’m never going to be any good for you, Sienna. I’m bad news. It’s who I am. Everybody knows it.’

  ‘I don’t care about everybody. I care about you!’ Sienna shouted, her cheeks flaming deep red, tears welling in her beautiful eyes.

  Jesus. Adam scrunched his own eyes closed. He couldn’t do this. It was killing him. It would kill him, slowly inch-by-inch, to live his life without her. And if he didn’t do it, he’d mess up her life as sure as God made little green apples.

  ‘I want to be with you, Adam,’ Sienna insisted, tears now spilling down her face, ‘don’t you see?’

  ‘But I don’t want you, Sienna!’ Adam said forcefully. He looked directly at her, working to keep his tone dispassionate, his eyes devoid of emotion, and his heart from cracking completely in two.

  Sienna blinked at him, bewildered, and then took a faltering step away from him. ‘Why?’ She choked back a sob.

  ‘I’m a free spirit, Sienna,’ Adam said with a shrug, gulping back his own emotion. ‘I don’t want to be tied down.’

  ‘Oh God.’ Sienna clamped a hand to her mouth and then, dragging her wounded gaze away from him, she stumbled back another step, and turned away.

  He had to let her go. Swallowing hard, Adam willed himself not to go after her as she walked back towards the pub. Watching her go, he didn’t register the car cruising up behind him, until a door slammed, then two, three …

  Adam turned around as the fourth door slammed.

  Fuck! The louts from the pub, he recognised them immediately. And one of them, the ringleader, was wielding a chain.

  ‘Are you all right, sweetheart?’ the guy called past Adam to Sienna.

  Adam didn’t dare take his eyes off the guy long enough to look back.

  ‘What?’ he heard Sienna say tremulously. ‘Yes!’ she added quickly. ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘She doesn’t look fine to me.’ The guy glanced from her to Adam. ‘Does she to you, Matt?’

  ‘Looks a bit upset to me,’ Matt concurred, accusing eyes also on Adam. Adam took a step back, glancing past them to the little used country lane. Chances of getting past them, nil, he realised. ‘Go back to the pub, Sienna!’ he shouted.

  ‘Tasty little thing, isn’t she?’ the chain wielder observed. ‘Nice legs.’

  God, no. Adam’s gut twisted as he watched the guy openly leering at Sienna, running a hand over his disgustingly salivating mouth as he did.

  ‘Adam?’ Sienna said tearfully behind him.

  Risking a glance back at her, Adam shouted again, loud. ‘Go, Sienna! Now! Use your phone!’

  Making sure she was on her way, Adam turned back, moving quickly to block him as the letch with the chain took a step forward. One more step, just one in the direction of Sienna and Adam would kill him – and quite gladly do time for the bastard. ‘You’re not seriously going to take me on, are you?’ he said scornfully, baiting the guy and hoping to God he would take it.

  ‘You what?’ The letch’s eyes twanged incredulously back to his.

  ‘Don’t look as if you could fight your way out of a paper bag, mate,’ Adam said glibly.

  The guy gawked. ‘Is he having a laugh, or what?’ He glanced back at his mates, then back to Adam, disbelieving.

  ‘Do I look like I’m laughing?’ Adam said, deadly serious.

  ‘You are kebab meat,’ the guy growled, advancing towards him, cocksure with his chain in his hand and his ‘gang’ backing him.

  Good. Okay. That was exactly what Adam wanted. Quickly checking Sienna was within reach of the pub, he breathed slowly out. All eyes were on him. He was what they wanted. Purposefully, Adam took a step back, keeping them engaged, keeping them focussed. The letch kept coming.

  Guessing his suspect martial arts skills would be pretty useless against four, ergo he would be kebab meat if this didn’t work, Adam took the only option he could. Calling on all his skills from his rugby days, he waited for the guy to raise his arm ready to swing that chain – and then he went for him, diving for his midriff and bringing the man down so hard he almost spat out his lungs.

  Winded himself as he went down, Adam didn’t pause to draw breath. He moved, fast. Rolling sideways, scrambling to his feet, he leapt the five bar gate into a field in one, and then, praying his chest would hold out, he ran as if his life depended on it.

  Looking back only once, to check the bastards were where he wanted them, on his
tail, Adam regulated his breathing, and picked up his pace. The ground was good. Not too soft. Not too hard. Tricky probably, when he hit the ploughed fields beyond, but he could do this. He had to do this. He had no doubt his life did depend on it.

  ‘What the bloody hell’s going on?’ Nathaniel asked, ramming the passenger door wide to allow Adam to throw himself inside.

  ‘Is Sienna okay?’ Adam managed, panting hard and craning his neck to see the two persistent buggers who’d managed to keep up a fair pace with him slowing to a frustrated halt on the road.

  ‘I don’t know. You tell me. She was hysterical when she phoned. What in God’s name have you done now, Adam?’

  Adam sank back in his seat, breathing heavily. ‘What I’m best at, Nate,’ he said with a sigh, and tugged his shirt up to mop the sweat from his face, ‘getting people’s backs up.’

  Nathaniel glanced sideways at him. ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘I’ve been better.’ Adam leaned his head against the headrest and tried to get his breathing back to somewhere near normal. God, his chest hurt.

  ‘Well? What happened?’

  Adam shrugged. ‘Seems like there’s some people who would much rather I left town.’

  ‘But didn’t you tell them the charges have been dropped?’

  Adam smiled wryly. ‘Somehow I don’t think they were in the listening mood, Nate.’ He hesitated, glancing warily at his friend. ‘One of them is the brother of someone I, er …’

  ‘Shagged,’ Nate finished, with a despairing shake of his head. ‘So he was defending her honour, was he? How very valiant of him,’ he added cynically, unusually for Nate.

  ‘Looks like they’re standing in line. I’m guessing there are a few more blokes around here who’d like to take me aside and point out the error of my ways after the thing with Sherry. Mud sticks, I guess.’

  ‘So you are going to move on then?’

  ‘Yep. As soon as.’

  ‘And Sienna?’

  ‘It’s over.’ Adam ran his hand over his neck, recalling Sienna’s wounded expression as he’d casually informed her he didn’t give a damn about her. He didn’t think he’d ever forget it. ‘I told her I didn’t want to see her again.’

  ‘Right.’ Nathaniel emitted an exasperated sigh. ‘Way to go, Adam. That has to be the shortest relationship in history.’

  ‘Not for me,’ Adam reminded him drolly.

  ‘And that’s the truth, is it? You really don’t want to see her again?’

  ‘What do you think?’ Adam glanced at Nathaniel, who probably knew him better than he knew himself.

  ‘I think you’re a prat, but that aside, why, for pity’s sake? You obviously care about her.’

  ‘More than,’ Adam admitted, swallowing back a tight lump in his throat.

  ‘So why?’

  ‘Because I’m no good for her!’ Adam pointed out the obvious, frustrated. ‘I’m a complete waste of space. You of all people should know that. And now this. Those bastards could’ve done anything. I couldn’t have fought four of them off if they’d decided to go after Sienna. Anything could have happened. She deserves better, Nate. You know she does.’

  ‘Right.’ Nathaniel drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. ‘You don’t choose who you fall in love with, unfortunately,’ he said, after a second.

  Adam sighed despondently. ‘I know.’

  ‘So that’s it, then. You’re just going to go.’

  ‘Like I said.’

  ‘Whatever.’ Nathaniel shrugged. ‘You’ve obviously made up your mind. Word of advice, though, Adam, unless you want to explain to her father, I’d make yourself scarce tonight. His daughter’s upset and I suspect if he finds out why, he might just be looking for blood.’

  ‘He might have to join the queue,’ Adam joked, half-heartedly.

  ‘So where do you want me to drop you?’ Nathaniel asked.

  ‘My car, I suppose. I’ll find somewhere for tonight, and then …’ God only knew.

  ‘What happened?’ Lauren asked, holding Sienna’s hand as her sobs juddered to a stop.

  ‘Four men,’ Sienna managed, in between hiccups. ‘They followed Adam from the pub.’

  Standing over her, arms folded, Sienna’s dad raised an eyebrow. ‘Adam?’

  ‘Adam,’ Lauren repeated, with a weary sigh.

  ‘The obvious-by-his-absence father, I take it?’

  ‘One and the same,’ Lauren supplied.

  ‘I thought they were going to kill him!’ Sienna dissolved into a fresh bout of tears. ‘They were vile to him, sneering at him in the pub, tripping him up. It was just awful.’

  ‘Yes, well they haven’t killed him,’ Lauren assured her. ‘Nate rang to say he picked him up on the road.’

  ‘He made sure I was safe.’ Sienna ran a hand under her nose. ‘He just stood there, waiting for them to do whatever they were going to do to him until I was out of harm’s way. One of them had a chain! God knows what they would have done if they’d caught him.’ Sienna shuddered at the thought. With his already cracked ribs, Adam would have stood no chance at all. ‘It’s so unfair. Why can’t they just leave him alone?’

  Lauren handed her a tissue. ‘I’ve no idea. You’d think they’d let up a bit now the charges have been dropped. They’re obviously just idiots with nothing better … Hell!’ Realising she’d said too much, Lauren clamped her mouth shut, her gaze drifting worriedly from Sienna to her dad.

  ‘Charges?’ he repeated, his jaw tightening demonstrably. ‘Explanations, Sienna!’ he barked, his tone brooking no argument. ‘Now, please! And make sure it’s the truth, young lady, because I’ll find out anyway.’

  Oh God. Sienna closed her sodden eyes. ‘Burglary and assault,’ she whispered hoarsely. ‘But he didn’t do it!’ She looked beseechingly at her dad. Her dad looked as if he was about to self-combust. ‘He didn’t, Dad. I promise he didn’t. There’s proof he didn’t, I swear. Some woman gave Adam a key to the place he was supposed to have broken into, and then her husband found out and they said he was there illegally, and then they beat Adam up and—’

  ‘Stop.’ Her dad held up his hand. ‘I think I’ve heard enough.’ His tone was now troublingly quiet. ‘Tea, I think, strong and sweet.’ He nodded to himself and headed from the lounge to the kitchen.

  ‘I thought they were going to kill him, Lauren, I really did.’ Sienna turned to Lauren. ‘Everyone’s been so bloody awful to him.’

  ‘Your dad probably will kill him, if you keep crying,’ Lauren whispered. ‘Stop, for goodness sake. I’ve told you he’s fine. Nate said—’

  ‘He finished with me,’ Sienna blurted.

  ‘Address, please, Sienna!’ her dad boomed up the hall. ‘I think it’s time I made Adam’s acquaintance.’

  Praying to God that Adam’s lights not on meant he really wasn’t at home, Sienna watched through the window as her dad hammered on Adam’s door. The gongoozlers were just going to love this. Poor Adam. She really should hate him now, with a vengeance. She didn’t understand him, probably never would. She’d been on the verge of telling him about the baby, too, now she’d done the test. Thank God, she hadn’t. The hard look she’d seen in Adam’s eyes had been crushing enough. She didn’t dare imagine how he might have looked if he’d thought she was trying to trap him in some way. He’d hurt her so badly. Her heart ached, physically, but she didn’t want Adam to be hurt anymore.

  ‘Nate’s going over to him,’ Lauren said, giving her a nudge and easing the window wider.

  Sienna felt a huge surge of relief. If anyone could dissuade her dad from doing Adam permanent damage, Nathaniel could.

  ‘He’s not in,’ they heard Nathaniel venture, standing a safe distance off.

  Sienna’s dad turned to glare at him. ‘And you are?’

  ‘Nate Brooks, Marina Manager,’ Nathaniel introduced himself. ‘I saw Adam go out earlier. I doubt he’ll be back tonight.’

  ‘Just as well he’s not in,’ Sienna’s dad growled. ‘He’ll be mincemeat when I’ve f
inished with him.’

  ‘Not a lot of him left to mince,’ Nathaniel imparted, with a dispassionate shrug.

  ‘Is the man a complete prat, or what?’ Her dad turned to Nathaniel, his expression a mixture of furious and confounded.

  ‘Er …’ Nathaniel diplomatically declined from answering. ‘Do you fancy a drink?’ he asked instead.

  ‘I don’t drink, thank you.’ Finally concluding no one was at home, Sienna’s dad climbed agitatedly down from Adam’s boat.

  ‘Ah, right.’ Nathaniel nodded. ‘Me neither, much. I have some excellent Earl Grey or Assam tea, though, if you fancy a chat over it, about a certain prat you’re obviously keen to have a word with.’

  Chapter Fifteen

  Moving on seemed like the sensible option, his only option. Also the easy option, Adam had realised. Running away, as he usually did, pushing people away – and hurting people along the way. He’d worked hard to keep the past in the past, shut it off; pretend it never happened. But it had happened. Lily-Grace was a reminder of that: a tiny, fragile human being, her whole future ahead of her, whose feelings around her parentage might shape who she was. If he could do one thing to prevent her going through life with the kind of self-doubt that comes from thinking you might not have been wanted, loveable enough, good enough … If he could do anything to allay the kind of hurt and the emotional loneliness that went with it, then he owed it to Lily-Grace to at least try.

  Checking his watch, he glanced again at the doors from the cubicles into the hospital waiting area, and then got nervously to his feet as Nicole swung through them, looking not overjoyed to see him there. ‘Nicole, hi.’

  ‘Adam?’ Nicole regarded him incredulously. ‘What on earth are you doing here?’

  ‘Apologising.’ Adam shrugged, hopefully.

  Nicole folded her arms, her look now disparaging. ‘Again,’ she said, her voice loaded with cynicism.

  ‘Look, Nicole, I am sorry.’ Adam ran a hand through his hair, realising how glib a word sorry really was. ‘I didn’t mean not to turn up. I—’

  ‘Without a word or explanation as to why you didn’t,’ Nicole cut in, angrily.