Reckless Abandon

by J N Owens

  “Yes, I want. I want all the time I can get with you.” So that’s that. He comes in and follows me to the bedroom. He fucks me again in the bed, long and slow. He worships me from head to toe. Then he takes me again in the shower fast and hard, holding me up against the wall. I wake him in the middle of the night rubbing my ass on his cock, he slides inside me, pulling my leg over his hip. He rocks back and forth slowly until I come around him then he releases inside me. We fall back asleep instantly, without moving from that spot with the mess between us and all. He wakes me in the morning with his hard cock pressing into my back, I reach around my back to rub it. He rolls me over, settling between my legs and slides inside me again. We make love most of the morning. At this point, we are both starving, and finally decide we have to leave the bed.

  We spend Saturday at the pool drinking and eating. Saturday night we do it all over again. When he falls asleep, I just watch him. I get up and go into the bathroom and take a long shower. I just soak under the hot water and think. I let the water just run over me. I don’t know how I feel right now. I don’t know what I am going to do. I never had this kind of chemistry with anyone. I thought I did with Scott. He is really the first man I have ever had any real relationship with. I had somewhat of a boyfriend in high school where we went to prom and messed around in the back of his civic. We both were nerdy, and gangly and kept knocking our braces together. He fumbled with the condom and barely got the puny thing he called a dick inside me, but at the end of the night we both had officially lost our virginity. Then there was the other guy in college which wasn’t too memorable. However, other than that, I have only had my longest relationship with Hal, my trusty vibrator.

  I am terrified. What if what I am feeling, still isn’t the real thing? What if he isn’t feeling it either? He said he does. He has not been shy about how he feels. But what if it’s all a lie? What if I am a terrible judge of character? I have all these feelings, I don’t know exactly when they started, or how, but I think they are real. I think I could probably love Noah. I even think that deep down I always have, and that has been my problem all along. That’s crazy. Right? I’m crazy. I have officially lost my mind. All this crazy with Scott has made me go absolutely nuts, he has made doubt myself and my instinct, that’s it, that’s exactly what it is. Or maybe I am just confused because I have made myself think I wanted this for so long. I would be happy to stay here just like this and never leave. I could absolutely be happy like this. I didn’t have that with Scott. I always felt something was off. Oh God, I am so confused. But he is the one who said he is already looking for a job near me. So, maybe I am over reacting. I take a deep breath and turn off the shower. All this overthinking is exhausting.

  The next morning, I wake up slowly, the sun is bright peeking through curtains. It is going to be a beautiful day in southern Florida. Noah is wide awake, propped up on his elbow looking down at me. “Good morning sunshine.”

  I give him a bright smile,

  “Good morning to you too.”

  He leans in to kiss me and I back away putting my hand over my mouth, “Sorry, morning breath. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  I make my way to the bathroom and brush my teeth and relieve myself. Also, it gives me a chance to look in the mirror, because I was never a very peaceful sleeper and look pretty rough in the morning. My hair is crazy, and I have wrinkle lines on my face, I tend to end up flat on my face. Shit, how does he think this is at all charming? Sheesh. Well, he has already seen it now. I walk out back to the bed, climb in and cuddle up to him. He wraps around me and kisses me gently. It’s such a sweet kiss, I can taste the goodbye in it. I can feel the lump in my throat. I don’t know why, I have literally spent all of 5 days with this man, and I feel like it’s a lifetime. It must be hormones. Maybe it’s that time coming on, that has to be it. I am not this emotional. He pushes my hair off my forehead, and kisses it.

  “I don’t want to get up from here, but I have an early flight. I have to get to my room and get packed to head out. I will call you. Then, we can maybe see about me coming down sometime or having you up. Is that OK? Or is that completely presumptuous of me?” he is smiling as he runs his hand down my cheek. I smile back at him.

  “Of course, I want you to call. I would probably go into some kind of depression if you didn’t.” I try to make light of it, when inside I feel like my heart is being crushed because this man is leaving, and I have no idea when or if I will ever see him again. “We can make plans to see each other again. I am not looking forward to you leaving this room either.” And that is the absolute truth. He kisses me again and it tastes bittersweet. I hate goodbye kisses. But somehow, he makes it feel good. He makes it feel less like goodbye, and more like a kiss full of promises. I feel his heart, I can taste the future on his lips. I will see him again. He finally pulls away, getting out of bed and making his way out of the room.

  I just lay there feeling bad for all of 5 minutes. When

  I finally decide I can’t be that girl, I make myself get up and get dressed. OK, that’s not completely true. Stacey makes me get up and get dressed. Her body builder, stripper, ball player, whatever he has finally left after their 3-day sex fest. She storms into my room and tells me to get off my ass, get over myself. I can always count on her to put me straight. She doesn’t pull any punches. She was very clear when she told me in no uncertain terms that what happened this weekend would never leave our hotel suite.

  “What happens in Miami stays in Miami,” she says with a wink.

  “That’s Vegas, Stacey.”

  “Actually, it’s wherever you make bad decisions. It’s all about perspective, biatch.” She is such a wordsmith.

  We make it to the airport and because I don’t feel like listening to a bunch of nonsense and I am in a horrible mood I pay to upgrade our tickets to first class. I don’t normally worry about flying coach, especially on short flights like this one but today, right now I need the extra room and the free booze. Stacey is super excited about it too. So, we watch some stupid romantic comedy and drink ourselves into oblivion on our way home. By the time we land in New Orleans we are feeling the champagne we drank. We call a cab to take us straight home. I am so glad to be in my home, but I am still feeling sad. What if I never hear from him again? What if it was all just an act he was putting on? Maybe he was pretending, but why? Alright, I have to stop this. I have to get it together. I have to move on and let this go. If he calls, he calls. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t.

  14

  Finley

  After a long trip, my house has never looked or smelled or felt so good. I walk through my front door and all of a sudden there is a body right in front of me wrapping me in a hug and screaming. Its disturbingly female and scares the living shit out of me. There shouldn’t be anyone in my house. After a half a second the shock of it goes away and I realize it’s my sister that has me in an alarmingly tight hold. And now she is bouncing up and down while still squealing.

  “Layla, your hurting me. I’m quite drunk and I’m going to throw up if you don’t stop bouncing me like that.” The bouncing stops, she steps back and starts laughing.

  She looks at me,

  “What are you doing drunk on a Sunday night? You have work tomorrow. That’s not like you. Where have you been, anyway, you hoe?”

  “Whoa, who are you calling a hoe? I was away at a conference in Miami, you know this. Why are you here scaring the fucking shit out of me? I could have shot you.”

  “No, you couldn’t have. Your gun is upstairs and the other one is in your car. You can’t take it on a plane,” she says rolling her eyes.

  “If you knew I was on a plane then you knew I was gone, so why did you ask where I was? What the fuck is wrong with you?” I sit down completely tired of this conversation already.

  “I came over a couple days ago to check your mail and water your plants for you, and that crazy ex-boyfriend of yours was here. He almost ran me down coming out the front door when I was coming in. You
should definitely get your key back from him. And probably tell him you don’t want him here, also remind him y’all are broken up.” She acts like she is pissed over that while she lights her cigarette.

  “I didn’t give him a key. Why would I give him a key to my house? We didn’t date that long. That’s crazy. What did he say he was doing here?” The news that the asshole was in my house sobers me up quickly. I have no idea what he was doing at my house. Come to think of it, I didn’t get any of his crazy messages this week, but I felt relieved and hoped he finally got the message. Now, I’m thinking otherwise.

  “You didn’t? What the fuck sis? He was inside your house. Not on the porch just looking. He was inside, inside. Like a total fucking creeper. Do you want to call the police?” She is sitting up a lot straighter now and completely wide eyed.

  “Lay, I don’t know. What should I do?” I ask looking around my living room. “I think I should definitely call the police.”

  “Shit, I’d read that motherfucker the riot act, with my Sig pointed at his nut sack. No way would some shit eating swamp rat get away coming in my house while I wasn’t home. And then I would call the police. You know, to let them know that I shot that motherfucker.”

  “Yeah. I thought he had finally gotten the message because he hasn’t called or text me all week. Now I find out he was in my house. What the fuck? What would he be doing here? Do you think he came more than once?”

  “I don’t know, but I definitely think we should call dad. Then we call the police.” I nod. She grabs her phone and sends a message hopefully to dad. “So, he was still messaging you before you left? And he knew when you were leaving?”

  “Yeah, he texted and called up until the day I left. I never answered back. I deleted them all and ignored all his calls. He knew when I left too. I don’t know what to do. You don’t think he is dangerous, do you?”

  “That is a good question. I am definitely leaning towards hell yes.”

  I just look at her, not knowing what I am going to do next, when my phone starts ringing. The sound of Toto’s Africa startles me out of my daze. I have a weakness for 80’s love songs. I pull it from my purse and Noah’s name is lit up on the screen. I give my sister a quick glance and she is looking at me with her eyebrows raised, obviously waiting for me to answer it.

  “Hey, how was your flight? Did you make it in okay?” I ask, and I have to admit, I’m so relieved he called.

  “Hey yourself, and yes I had good flight. How about you? You make it in and get settled?”

  My mood is immediately softened when I hear his voice. I instantly feel better, lighter, and happier. He has an easiness to him; he isn’t gruff or rushed. And nothing with him seems forced. His voice is soft like butter on a warm biscuit, that’s the best way I can put it, it just melts right through every pore of my body.

  “Yeah I did. I actually upgraded Stacey and me to first class, so we watched a cheesy movie and got wasted on cheap champagne. We were pretty drunk when we got here. Luckily, we didn’t drive to the airport, so we were taking a cab anyway. But I’m good now. My sister was here when I got home and scared the shit out of me. She was waiting in the dark and jumped out at me. Aren’t sisters are the best?” I tell him laughing. He laughs with me.

  “I wasn’t going to call so soon but I hated leaving so suddenly this morning, I didn’t want you to think I was just running out on you. I really enjoyed our time together. I wasn’t expecting to have such an amazing time at a seminar, but you definitely made it a week to remember. I honestly don’t think I have ever had so much fun at a conference. And I meant what I said about seeing you. I meant what I said about everything, Finley. I wanted you to know that.”

  I let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding and look over to where Layla is. She is looking at me and trying to sigh what looks like, do you have chickens in your pocket? What the fuck? I shrug and hold my hands up to say what the fuck are you asking me? And she gives me a shooing motion with her hands.

  “Noah, I don’t know what to say. That is something I really don’t hear that often. I have to be honest with you, I told you before that I have had a crush on you for a long time. But when we left, I was afraid I wouldn’t hear from you again. I let my brain go crazy with thoughts of what if’s. So, saying that you calling this soon is a good thing, is a huge understatement. You made the week go by way too fast, and one that I will never forget. So, when are coming to New Orleans?”

  Layla is looking at me with the what the fuck face. I have so much explaining to do.

  “Well, I really just wanted to call you to see if you made it in okay, but wow. I really can’t tell you how happy that makes me to hear you say that. Speaking of New Orleans, when I got home I had a message asking for an interview next week. So, I was hoping to get to see you when I’m there.” I know I am smiling from ear to ear.

  “See me? Seriously? Noah, you have to stay with me. How long are you going to be here? I don’t want to miss a single minute of time while you are here.”

  “I didn’t want to presume anything, but I really was hoping you would say that. Okay, it’s late, I will let you go. But I will call you this week, and we can talk about my trip.”

  “Alright, Noah. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight Finley.” I beam as I hang up. I look up and Layla is staring at me.

  “What the fuck is going on?”

  “Well you know the doctor I worked under during my residency. We kept in touch over the years and worked together on some cases a few different times. Well, he was doing one of the seminars this week. Lay, I swear to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, he is the most amazing person on the planet. He is brilliant, absolutely brilliant. He is gorgeous, and nice, and funny. Men like him just don’t exist. There has to be something wrong. At least that’s what I told myself all week. He is a fucking maniac in the bedroom and the bathroom and the swimming pool. And, oh God, his tongue should be outlawed in all states. It should be a sin what he can do. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with me right now, its withdrawals. I have never felt this great and then so sad and guilty.”

  “Way to go sis. I am so happy for you. I am so glad you are finally living your life. Finally getting out there and showing a little reckless abandon,” she says as she starts to laugh. Then it’s like a lightbulb goes off. “Wait, is the same one, the one nighter from your last night of residence? The one you have gone on about? Your Mr. Right? Him? Please tell me it’s him.”

  I look at her with my eyes low and bite my lip.

  “Yeah, that’s him. Layla, I don’t know what to think, this week was so incredible. The things he said, it was like being in another world. He is too good to be true sometimes. I just kept telling myself that it was just for the week and to enjoy it. But now he is saying it’s more, he wants more. And I know, it’s not like me, but maybe that’s what’s been wrong with me my entire life. I have done things the logical way and not listened to my heart enough. I haven’t lived at all. I have always thought things out and used the practical side of my brain to make all my decisions. Maybe if just once I used my heart, I wouldn’t be so damn lonely. I don’t know, all I do know is that this week, with Noah, I felt something I never felt with Scott. I felt amazing, loved and cherished. Scott always acted like he wanted me to feel those things. I did try to feel that with him. Maybe that’s why I rushed with Scott. Maybe that’s why I overlooked all the little things, and big things that were wrong with Scott.” I give her a questioning look, waiting for her to agree with me.

  “I get it, I do. I completely understand where you’re coming from. We all saw it in Scott, we saw how he was. We just waited for you to see, and to stop making excuses for him. We couldn’t make you see it.”

  “I know, I see it now. When I am with Noah, it’s so different. It’s easy and comfortable. I mean I don’t even know how to explain it anymore. I guess I always felt like it was just missing something, you know, well besides the obvious crazy. Being with Noah made me realize what
that was. It was chemistry. It was that spark, it was that knowing it was right. Every time I was with Scott, I had this feeling something was off. Like I was missing something. You know how when something is staring you in the face, but you can’t see it. Or like when you’re running late and you know your forgetting something and you stand there trying to figure it out, but you can’t, you just can’t put your finger on what you’re forgetting. Then like 3 hours later you remember. That’s how this is. I have been feeling like I’m missing something. Then Noah walked out to that pool in Miami and I was like, there it is, that’s what I’m missing.” Layla just stares at me.

  “I have no idea what you are talking about. But I am happy for you.” She says with a slight giggle.

  “Well, I am going to call the dick head in question and see what he has to say for himself. Ugh. This sucks the biggest dicks.” I pick up my phone and dial his number. I am not looking forward to this conversation. It rings a few times before he picks up, he must be asleep already.

  “Sara, what the fuck, do you know what time it is?”

  “Um yeah actually, it’s 10:15 and this isn’t Sara. Sorry I woke you. It won’t happen again.” I hang up. My phone rings back immediately.

  “Fin, I’m so sorry. I was asleep, I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you called. I have been trying for weeks to get you to call me.”

  “Yes, I know you have. I got all your messages and calls. I just don’t really have anything to say to you Scott. I thought I was pretty clear on that. The only reason I am calling now is because I want to know what the fuck you were doing inside my house. You knew I was gone and knew damn well I was in Miami. So, what the fuck were doing here? And how many times did you come here?”