The Lazy Girl's Guide To Magic : The Complete Series

by Helen Harper

He froze, obviously startled to see me. ‘What … what are you doing here?’

  I gestured towards the cabin. ‘Filming.’

  He relaxed slightly although his lip still curled. ‘I might have guessed. I skirted round the perimeter and avoided the security guards but I thought all the action was taking place further downstream. There were a lot of cameras there.’

  Another team had probably set up camp down that way. ‘There are a lot of us about,’ I told him cheerfully. ‘Why are you sneaking past security to get here anyway?’

  ‘I’m not sneaking. All Scottish lands give right of way. It’s not illegal for me to be here.’

  I held up my hands. ‘I wasn’t trying to suggest it was.’

  He seemed slightly mollified. ‘I’ve lost another sheep,’ he said. ‘My…’ he hesitated ‘…my mum is getting pissed off. I thought I saw tracks leading down this way but now I’m not so sure.’ He glared at me. ‘All your lot have muddied everything.’

  Given he’d already told me that he wasn’t much of a tracker, I doubted it would have made much difference. All the same, I tried to look apologetic. ‘I saw a sheep over the other side of the river yesterday. It was on its own.’ It was probably not a good idea to tell him I’d decided it was an evil omen. Gareth was sensitive enough as it was, without thinking he might end up falling across another dead body.

  He cursed under his breath. ‘Bloody creature.’ He paused. ‘Thank you.’

  I curtsied. ‘You’re welcome.’ He gave me a half smile in response.

  I looked him over. I didn’t know him well but he certainly appeared healthier than the last time I’d seen him. Maybe those gym workouts had helped after all. I grinned to myself. Nah. Not a chance. It was more likely that the counselling sessions I’d helped arrange had done the trick. It might have only been a couple of days but spilling out your heart to a stranger could have a remarkable effect. It really did help to offload.

  ‘You look better,’ I told him.

  ‘I feel better,’ he admitted. ‘Thank you for your help. It’s made a difference.’

  I beamed at him. ‘Good.’

  He shoved his hands into his pockets. ‘I should get off,’ he muttered. ‘Your lot must be at the cabin, right?’

  ‘Right.’

  He wrinkled his nose. ‘I’ll cross the river further upstream.’

  That was probably a good idea. I was about to wave him off when another thought occurred to me. ‘Actually, Gareth,’ I said, ‘do you happen to have a phone on you?’

  ‘Yeah. Why?’

  I tilted my head and did my best to smile sweetly. ‘Do you think I could borrow it? Just for a moment?’

  ‘Where’s your one?’

  ‘I’ve been promoted to contestant. I’m not allowed any communication with the outside world.’

  Gareth raised his eyebrows. ‘What are we doing right now then?’

  ‘You’re not supposed to be here.’

  He considered this. ‘True.’ He reached into his pocket and tossed me his mobile. ‘There you go.’

  I grinned my thanks and quickly put in Iqbal’s number. My scholarly friend had better bloody answer. It took several rings and when Iqbal finally did pick up, he sounded particularly unfriendly. ‘Who is this?’

  ‘Ivy of course!’

  He breathed out. ‘Oh. I’ve been trying to get hold of you for ages. This isn’t your number.’

  ‘Nope.’ I remained cheery. ‘I’ve borrowed someone else’s phone. Is everything alright with you? You sound kind of … antsy.’

  ‘My supervisor’s after me,’ he said morosely. ‘He keeps threatening to pull my funding unless I show him some evidence of what I’ve done so far.’

  I winced. ‘Idle threats?’

  ‘Alas no. I think he’s serious this time.’

  ‘I’d offer to help,’ I said, ‘but I’m not sure I’d be much use to you. If there’s anything I can do though, let me know.’

  ‘Oh, I will, don’t worry.’ He sighed. ‘Anyway, I suppose you’re calling because you want to know what I’ve found out about that vial.’

  ‘Yep. It’s not easy for me to call these days so I’ve got to take every opportunity I can.’

  ‘Sounds intriguing.’

  I snorted. ‘More like hard work. The real world seems to be encroaching on both our lives.’

  ‘We should form a commune and live in the wilderness where no one can bother us.’

  I looked around. The wilderness didn’t offer much in the way of creature comforts. One day in and what I wouldn’t give for some quilted toilet roll… ‘Somehow I think that would be even more like hard work.’

  ‘You’re probably right.’ At least Iqbal sounded a bit happier now. ‘Anyhow, who did you say was wearing that vial?’

  ‘Belinda Battenapple.’ At my answer, Gareth’s head jerked up. Maybe he was more interested in the celebrity goings-on of Enchantment than he made out. ‘I’ve seen it close up this time.’ I described it in more detail for Iqbal.

  When I’d finished, he hissed through his teeth. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘that answers one question.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘There was a good chance it was a decorative piece. I found reference to some necklaces which the Victorians used that contained mercury and were supposed to ward off evil spirits.’

  Intriguing. I put a lot of credence into superstitions, especially some of the more obscure ones. ‘Did they work?’

  I could almost hear his shrug. ‘Damned if I know.’

  ‘But you don’t think this one is decorative?’

  ‘Not the way you’ve described it now.’

  I waited for Iqbal to continue but there was silence on the other end of the phone. ‘Iqqy?’

  ‘Look, I might be wrong,’ he said finally. ‘But this is what some of my research uncovered.’

  Instantly wary, my fingers curled tighter round the phone. ‘Go on.’

  ‘It draws death.’

  I quashed down my sudden nausea. ‘Draws death?’

  Gareth looked even more interested. I gave him a tight smile and walked away, turning my back to stop him eavesdropping further. He didn’t need to hear this.

  ‘Yes. That’s why the different coloured threads you saw keep moving all the time. It’s constantly working. It’s like a well of magic which even a non-witch can use.’

  I swallowed. ‘What does drawing death actually mean?’ Somehow I doubted it was akin to Picasso scribbling a picture.

  ‘I was hoping you would know. I found three separate references to it, none of which were in English so my translation might be a little murky. One was Latin, one French and one Hindi. Each one roughly seems to mean the same thing – drawing death or pulling death in. It could be that Belinda Battenapple doesn’t know what she’s wearing. Or maybe she’s got some kind of suicidal impulse. It’s not even clear from what I’ve read that I’m on the right track – it could be something entirely different and completely innocuous. It might mean nothing, Ivy.’

  Or it might mean that she’s dabbling in necromancy. It seemed bizarre to think that she could have been responsible for what happened to Benjamin Alberts. If the murder was down to her, she was still wearing the vial now. Whatever her plans were, they weren’t finished yet.

  ‘That’s not good,’ I said.

  Iqbal registered my concern. ‘Are you in danger?’

  I thought of my strange hallucinations. It didn’t appear so. If touching the vial caused them, then they were purely accidental. Except everyone – including Belinda – now knew that I’d been seeing things. If she’d laid a trap around the vial to catch anyone who took too close an interest in it, she might well be on to me.

  I nibbled my lip. ‘I don’t know,’ I said eventually. ‘Probably not.’

  ‘Probably not? I don’t like the sound of that, Ivy. Maybe it’s time you left Winter to sort this out for himself.’

  I smiled at the mention of Winter. ‘He’d be lost without me.’ I paused. ‘Besides
, he’s promised to make sure I’m safe.’

  ‘Has he now?’ A faintly teasing note entered Iqbal’s voice. ‘Is he going to wrap his big arms around you?’

  With any luck. ‘I should go,’ I said hastily. ‘I’ve borrowed this phone.’ I could hear voices from down by the cabin. If I didn’t get back soon, there would be cameras after me trying to find out what I was up to.

  ‘Fair enough.’ Iqbal returned to serious mode. ‘But even if you do have Winter to protect you, keep a lookout. I don’t think my supervisor would believe me if I told him my best friend had died again and I had to go to the funeral instead of writing my next section.’

  Wait a minute. ‘Have you told him I’ve died before? As well as your grandmother?’

  ‘Got to go Ivy! Bye!’ He hung up.

  I rolled my eyes and returned the phone to Gareth, murmuring a thank you. It was definite now: Belinda Battenapple had just become the prime suspect.

  Chapter Fifteen

  When I got back to the cabin, I ignored the fact that Barry had reappeared and was throwing me suspicious looks at my prolonged absence. The others were up and ready. Harriet was clutching an envelope and looking more animated than I’d ever seen her. ‘We have our first challenge!’ she cried.

  Despite the gravity of all that was going on, I still felt a small thrill ripple through me. This might be the new improved Highland Survival edition, but Enchantment still followed a set course. Teams. Tasks. Challenges. Voting. And the challenges were where it was really at. They almost always involved magic in some form or another and were completed by pairs or individuals. The winner was automatically protected from being voted out. Everyone else, regardless of their team, then decided who deserved to go.

  The genius of it was that if you tried hard and won, you were safe. If you tried hard and only almost won, there was a great big target on your back. As the teams changed between every challenge, however, it wasn’t always wise to get rid of the strongest contestants because you might want them on your side for the next round. Everything was a gamble. But, hey, so is life. Besides, this was the one time when I could be sure that everyone was present – not just the contestants and Armstrong and Trevor Bellows. Belinda would be there too. And Winter.

  At that moment, I wasn’t sure what pleased me more. Did I want a torrid love affair or did I want to catch an evil murderer? Both, of course, but given the choice between the two it was a tough call.

  We were transported upstream, past the spot where Lou and I had ‘borrowed’ the boat, and on until the river became too narrow to navigate. There was no further sign of Gareth so I assumed that, despite his assertions regarding rights of way, he’d decided the safest way to retrieve yet another lost sheep was to avoid the camera crews and anyone related to Enchantment. Frankly, those animals seemed considerably more trouble than they were worth.

  For my own part, I took advantage of the journey to work on my people skills. I sat at the front, next to Harriet. If I could bring her round to my side, my life would get a whole lot easier. I’d probably find it easy to inveigle my way back into Mike’s good books simply by flashing some more cleavage at him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I still have some standards, even if they were slipping considerably with all this work I kept having to do.

  ‘Listen,’ I said. Harriet turned her head away, as if resolving not to look in my direction. ‘I didn’t mean to get you into trouble when I altered your clothes. I was just trying to help you out.’ I pointed down at my ridiculous garb. ‘I paid the price. That woman definitely got her own back on me.’

  Harriet sniffed. I supposed it was better than complete silence.

  ‘And about the putting you to sleep thing yesterday? I probably shouldn’t have done it but it worked out well in the end, right? We weren’t the last team to arrive because we didn’t receive any extra disadvantages. I know if we’d gone for the shelter that Mike wanted, it would have taken us hours.’

  ‘He is a bit of a knucklehead,’ she admitted. Hurray! I was getting somewhere. ‘But not as moronic as you for doing so much magic that you began seeing things.’

  Arse. ‘That’s never happened to me before,’ I said, ‘but you’re right. Hopefully this challenge won’t involve much energy. I wonder what Trevor Bellows has devised for us.’

  Her lip curled. ‘Assuming he has the time in between everything else.’ The disdain in her voice, not to mention her expression, immediately piqued my curiosity.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Harriet raised a sarcastic eyebrow as if it were patently obvious what she was talking about, but I was still drawing a blank. ‘Oh. I keep forgetting you weren’t here at the start,’ she dismissed, before turning away once more.

  I ground my teeth. Bellows might not be my immediate focus but that didn’t mean I was going to forget about him. It was still possible that the bloody pentagram in his trailer was a warning designed solely for him. Winter hadn’t yet discovered any hidden meanings or the purpose behind the pentagram, but it remained pertinent.

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, doing my best to chivvy her along and encourage her to open up more. ‘I feel like I really missed out. I love a bit of gossip, though. What’s Bellows been up to?’

  Harriet kept her eyes averted. ‘I’m no tattle-tale.’

  Oh, for goodness’ sake. She’d already brought up this little titbit so pretending to be close-lipped now was pointless. But it was clear that she would refuse to say anything else about the matter. I’d just have to find someone else to fill me in.

  Unfortunately, there wasn’t time to move to the back of the boat and question Lou. It was already pulling into the side and I could see crowds of people gathered in a grassy field to the right. We were ushered off before being directed towards our positions. I tried to edge back slightly to engage Lou in conversation but I received an angry hiss from Barry. I’d have ignored him but for the fact that one of the medics ambled over to check I wasn’t still going loopy from too much magic. This whole investigation would be a damn sight easier if people didn’t keep getting in my way.

  Various bits of equipment were being checked over. As far as I could tell, the producers had set up some kind of open-air torture for us involving ropes, climbing frames and mud. I wondered whether the government knew that a reality television show was flouting the Geneva Convention.

  I submitted to the medic’s ministrations while eyeing the obstacle course with trepidation. Maybe I could plead illness. ‘Actually,’ I said, ‘I’m still feeling a bit weak. I think I should sit this one out.’

  He frowned at me. ‘You seem fine.’

  ‘This isn’t the sort of medical problem you usually deal with. This one is magic related so, although I might look alright on the surface, there could any manner of problems going on inside me.’ I leaned in a bit closer. ‘Spells are dangerous.’

  ‘Mm-hmm.’ He turned his head and motioned to someone in the crowd. When I realised it was Trevor Bellows, I couldn’t resist another peek at Harriet but she was deep in conversation with Lou and Mike. Something about faking an argument so the other contestants wouldn’t think any worrisome alliances were being formed. I rolled my eyes.

  Bellows, with his pretentious purple robe flapping around his ankles, strode over. ‘What seems to be the problem?’ He pulled up his sleeves, which was a pointless effort because they were so baggy they immediately fell back down round his wrists again. ‘If it is within my powers to help then I shall.’

  The medic pointed at me. Barry, apparently sensing that something was up, also came over. This was a lot of attention considering all I was trying to do was weasel my way out of the challenge. ‘This one says she’s still feeling ill and wants to sit out the challenge.’

  Bellows’ mouth twitched. I instantly got the impression that he’d be absolutely thrilled if I didn’t participate. ‘The wellbeing of our contestants is paramount!’

  Tell that to Benjamin Alberts. I gave Bellows a weak smile. ‘I don’t want to be
any trouble but I don’t want to collapse mid-challenge either.’

  From the corner of my eye I spotted Winter look up from a conversation with Mazza. There was a frown on his face as if he knew exactly what I was up to. I glanced away hurriedly.

  ‘Well,’ Bellows said, ‘if you’re not up to it, it’s essential that you don’t take part. We can get you on a train and back to civilisation in no time.’

  Arse. ‘I’ll probably be okay by tomorrow…’

  He shook his head. ‘Oh no. We want to make sure you don’t do yourself serious injury, so we’ll have to withdraw you from the show. Of course,’ he added with a smile, ‘we don’t permit anyone to hang around the set if they have no reason to be there.’

  Without realising it, I’d played right into his hands. The smarmy bugger was smarter than I’d given him credit for. ‘I’ll soldier on,’ I said.

  Barry looked anxious. ‘I think that would be best.’

  ‘Anything for my lovely producer.’

  ‘We can’t have you getting sick,’ Bellows interjected.

  ‘I’m fine, Trevor,’ I told him. ‘I’ll be brave for the sake of Enchantment.’

  Something like annoyance flashed in his eyes. ‘You’re such a trooper.’ He turned on his heel and stalked off.

  ‘He really doesn’t like me very much,’ I murmured.

  Barry chuckled. ‘Is it any surprise? You can do the sort of magic he can only dream of. And you’re not in the Order so he can’t dismiss you. You’re competition for our Trev and he knows it. He’s on the outs as it is, and if everyone else thought about it they’d realise you could replace him.’

  ‘I’m a contestant,’ I protested.

  ‘If you win the show, or even if you do well, there’ll be a contract in your hands the next morning. Trevor Bellows is old school. Viewers enjoy seeing some fresh blood.’

  I considered this, finally feeling some sympathy for Bellows. It couldn’t be easy thinking that there were incomers on all sides trying to steal your job from under you. Although surely he must have made enough money by now to sit back on his laurels and enjoy all that a quiet life had to offer.