Seeking the Future

by Brenda Kennedy

  I don’t think I slept at all. I can only think of how truly blessed I am to be marrying my best friend. I try hard to not think of Connor, the night before my and Connor’s wedding, the wedding day, and the nightmare that haunted me over the next two years. Now that I have my memory back, I understand why amnesia took hostage of my mind. My feelings for Chase are so much deeper than what I ever felt for Connor.

  “Can’t sleep, kiddo?” Dad asks, sitting on the chair in my room.

  “I can’t. A lot has happened in a short time.”

  “It has, but it’s been in the making for a long time.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It was bound to happen sooner or later. The way you felt about Chase. It was only a matter of time before you openly admitted it.”

  “You knew how I felt about him?”

  “Your mother and I suspected it. I often wondered if Chase’s vision was 20/100. He certainly couldn’t see what others saw.” He laughs. “Your eyes are the most honest part about you.”

  “They are?”

  “If I ever want to know if you’re telling the truth, I just have to look in your eyes.”

  I think back on my childhood and he always knew when I wasn’t forthcoming. “Is that how you knew I took the car without asking?”

  “That, and the scratch on the side.”

  “Always a dead giveaway.”

  He laughs, but his mood changes. He shifts in his seat before running his hands through his thick black hair. “I need to know, Ava. Are you happy?”

  “I am.”

  “No second thoughts running through your beautiful head? No worries that this won’t work out or that…”

  “He’s not Connor, Dad. Chase is a good man.”

  “I know he is. But I need you to promise me that if anything ever changes, you’ll tell me.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  “Good. Then you should probably know that Chase and I already had a talk and he knows that if he ever hurts you, he’ll soon be joining Connor in the dark depths of hell.”

  “You said that to him?”

  “I may have also mentioned the word ‘castration.’”

  I cringe at the thought. “And he still agreed to marry me?”

  “He didn’t flinch at my promise. I just want you to be happy.”

  “I know, but do you know what would make me happier?”

  “What’s that, kiddo?”

  “To have you and Mom retire and move to Savannah.”

  He laughs. “I’m sure Chase would like having a meddling mother-in-law living next door.”

  “I can hear you,” Mom yells from the other bedroom. She laughs and I hear the patter of her feet walking closer to the room I’m sleeping in. She climbs in the bed with me and says, “Should I just cross sleep off of my to-do list for today?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” She yawns. “Sleep’s overrated.”

  “You wouldn’t mind living in Savannah, would you, Mom?”

  “No, I think it’s a great place.”

  “See Dad. You should buy a house and retire. I think’s it’s time you relax and enjoy life some.”

  “We’ll see, kiddo. Let’s get the wedding out of the way first.”

  Since I’m hiding in the room so I don’t risk running into Chase, we order room service for breakfast and lunch. Skylar spends the day with Mom and me, while Dad leaves and spends the day with Drew and Chase. After my shower, there’s a knock at the door. Standing in the doorway is a nail technician, a makeup artist, and a hair stylist.

  “Hi, we’re here for the Emerson/Murphy wedding.”

  “That’s us,” Skylar yells from behind me.

  The trio walks into the suite carrying totes and pulling a cart on wheels. “You did this?” I ask, shutting the door behind them.

  “I won some money last night after everyone went to bed, so this is my wedding gift to you. Happy wedding day,” she laughs.

  “Thanks, this is awesome.”

  “Drew should be here shortly with the ingredients for mimosas and some chocolate-covered strawberries.”

  “I always did like him.”

  “Yeah, me, too. Now let’s get our pamper on, shall we?”

  Chapter Three: Wedding Day Bliss

  Chase

  I sit in the small holding room near the side entrance of the hotel in a black tux. I told Ava I had a chapel reserved for our wedding ceremony. But once she agreed to marry me, I knew she deserved so much more than a scripted performance in a wedding chapel. I had to call nearly everyone I knew to pull this off, and I owe Barton my life. He knows someone who knows someone at the Bellagio and was able to make this happen.

  Dad and Mom flew in for the wedding. They’ve been vacationing in the south of France. They never wanted children and as soon as I was old enough to go to boarding school, they took off and continued their life, childless. I hold no ill feelings toward either of them. I met some amazing kids and thankfully, their parents took a liking to me. My parents took care of me financially, and I was thankful for that. I had my family’s money, and my friends’ parents provided the nurturing and love I didn’t get from home. I don’t feel too bad about my upbringing. But maybe my upbringing was one reason why I was reluctant to tell Ava I love her. That is something I definitely feel bad about. Since I know what not to do, I’m in a better position to give Ava everything she needs and wants.

  Ava asks and expects nothing from anyone. So, starting today, right this minute, I vow to make her life amazing — as amazing as she is, if that’s even possible.

  “Chase, they’re ready,” Marshall says.

  I stand and inhale deeply. I’m not nervous, but I am fearful about screwing up my wedding vows. I think it’s impossible to verbally tell Ava how I feel about her, so I vow to show her for the rest of her life how much I love her.

  I walk out into the courtyard that overlooks the water show. The ceremony must be perfectly timed and everything has to go as planned for this to be executed. I want this to be something Ava will feel in the deepest part of her soul for years to come.

  I follow the white runner sprinkled with red rose petals to the front of the podium. Mom, Dad, and Claire are our only guests. I wouldn’t have cared if it were just Ava and me present. I wait, staring at the entrance and waiting for my bride to appear. When the door opens, I watch as Drew escorts Skylar down the makeshift aisle before taking his spot beside me as my best man.

  The music plays, announcing my bride. I stand straighter and taller. Ava and her dad walk toward me to the sound of the traditional “Wedding March” from Felix Mendelssohn’s music for A Midsummer Night’s Dream. She’s wearing a white Cinderella-style, princess ball gown, with a sweetheart neckline. She’s holding two red roses. I squint my eyes to try to see her face hiding beneath her veil. It’s futile.

  I step forward to greet my bride sooner than I’m supposed to. I hold her hands, expecting her to be shaking but she’s as calm as I am. When you know something is right, I guess calmness settles within your core. The preacher doesn’t ask who is giving the bride away because Claire and Marshall aren’t giving her to anyone. Ava is freely joining her life with mine. Marshall takes his seat beside his wife, and Ava and I move the few feet to stand in front of the podium.

  We didn’t discuss wedding vows, but I already had the words embedded in my heart. I just needed the right time to say them to her.

  Ava goes first. She faces me as we hold hands. “Chase, the feeling hit me the moment we first made eye contact. It was so immediate and powerful—far deeper and inexplicably beyond any calculation of time and place. You can’t describe a feeling like that. You also can’t replicate it or force it. You just let it flow in and around you. You follow where it takes you, and I cannot wait to love you every day for the rest of my life.”

  I swallow. This is really happening. There’s no way I can compete with her words. Now it’s my turn. “Ava, I see these vows not as promises b
ut as a privilege. I get to laugh with you and cry with you, care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk beside you, build with you and live with you. But mostly, I get to celebrate your triumphs, and I cannot wait to love you every day for the rest of my life.”

  I try to peek beneath her wedding veil and she swats my hand away. I reach into my breast pocket and remove the wedding bands. I chose our bands and now I wish I had checked with her before making the lone decision on which rings to get. I chose the gold and diamond infinity matching wedding bands because I’ll be in love with her forever. When I finally place the ring on her finger, she seems pleased with my decision.

  “I love it,” she whispers.

  Finally, I’m instructed to kiss my bride. I lift her veil and reveal my beautiful bride. “You look absolutely stunning,” I say. She blushes. I lift both of her hands and step back to admire the full package. She’s breathtaking. I spin her around so I can see her from all angles. Everyone laughs, except Ava and me. Now I understand why she hid her beautiful face beneath the veil; I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on anything else. When she completes her turn, I bring her to me and kiss her.

  As soon as we are introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Chase Braxton Murphy, I kiss her again. The fountain lights up, the water sprays and dances to the song “A Thousand Years.” Ava watches in amazement, and I watch Ava; I can’t take my eyes off of her. As soon as the song is over, the display of fireworks begin. Ava’s face lights up, not from the lighting, but with happiness. Her eyes sparkle and her face glows.

  “I love you more than life.” She looks at me and brushes away the single tear that escapes my eye. I’m not ashamed to cry, and I’m not ashamed to show her how much I love her. “There’s isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”

  I watch her as the fireworks continue over our heads reflecting off the now calm water of the fountain. She looks up at me with a serious look on her face. “I have something for you,” she says. I watch as she unties a wedding band from the silk ribbon on her small bouquet. She slides the wedding ring onto my ring finger. It’s a wide solid-gold band that complements the band I bought to match hers. “This is because I should have married you first.” She cries and I wipe the tears from her cheek. “I love you more than you could ever imagine.”

  “Ava, I will always love you.”

  After the fireworks, Mom and Dad congratulate us and Dad hands me an envelope before leaving. They have a flight to catch and they’re worried they’ll miss it. I tuck the envelope in the breast pocket of my tux. I already know the envelope holds a check for a significant amount of money. I call it a guilt-free gift. It’s their way of feeling less guilty for not being here for me. Whatever helps them to sleep better at night. I’m sure Ava and I will find good use for the money. I do wish they would get to know my new bride.

  After the fireworks and while we’re still outside, the water show starts back up again. This time the water sways to the sound of “I’m Proud to be an American.” It’s just as powerful as I remember. The lights in the fountain light up red, white, and blue. Drew stands at attention and his eyes glisten with unshed tears. Skylar stands next to him with her arm wrapped around his waist. Remembering his injuries during combat, I imagine this is more meaningful to him than to any of us. Ava, Claire, and Skylar sniffle.

  “That was something,” Marshall says.

  “You truly have to see it to believe it,” Drew says, wiping his eyes.

  We have dinner in a private dining room at the hotel. Marshall and Claire pre-ordered everyone’s meal so the salads are waiting for us when we’re seated. Ava smiles a lot, and I can’t recall a time when I’ve seen her so happy. I move my finger and admire both wedding rings. Since Ava placed them both on my finger, I don’t have the heart to take either of them off. So, I’ll be a man who wears two wedding bands. Why? Because my wife loves me twice as much as anyone else’s.

  Our dessert is a small two-tier white cake with a bride and groom topper.

  “Sorry, it’s all they had at the last minute,” Drew says.

  “It’s perfect.” Ava beams.

  Ava and I stand to cut the cake. I was expecting a small tiny piece that we would feed each other, but Ava has other plans. She cuts the cake in full-sized pieces. Picking up as much of the piece as she can with her fingers, she gets a mischievous grin on her face.

  “That’s how you want to play?”

  She nods, taking a stance like she’s getting ready to tackle.

  “Okay.” I also pick up a large piece of cake. When a crumb falls, I pick it up off the table and eat it. “Mmm, this is good.”

  Skylar counts and on three Ava shoves it in my face and up my nostrils. I not so graciously smear it on her face. Everyone laughs and we stand there trying to lick the cake off of our mouths.

  “This is good,” she says.

  I step forward and swipe my finger across her cheek collecting as much icing as I can before eating it.

  “That’s mine, get your own,” she teases.

  Marshall and Claire make a toast to the happy couple and Skylar and Drew toast to a long and happy life. Marshall hands Ava an envelope and tells her he has something to show her. I know what it is, but I was sworn to secrecy.

  “You didn’t have to get us anything for our wedding.”

  Claire smiles. “It’s not really a wedding gift, just something we wanted your opinion on.”

  “Do you know anything about this?” she asks, looking directly at me. Promising I would never lie to Ava, I only do what I know to do. I raise both hands and shrug my shoulders. I also shake my head. That’s not considered lying, is it?

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” She smiles and opens the envelope. Inside is a folded piece of paper. When she unfolds it, she looks confused. “This is nice.” She shows everyone a picture of a pale yellow cottage-style home with a white picket fence and “haint blue” color shutters and doors.

  “Your dad and I are thinking of buying it and having him retire sooner rather than later. Do you like it?”

  “I love this place. This house is a short drive from the inn. I drive past it every time I go to the store.” When she realizes they are seriously considering moving to Savannah, she squeals, “You’re moving down the street from us?”

  She stands up and hugs and kisses her parents.

  “We didn’t buy it yet, Ava,” Marshall says.

  “You’ll call tomorrow to make an appointment to see it, right?”

  Claire says, “Actually, we already looked at it.”

  “Then you’ll call tomorrow to place a bid on the house.” It’s not a question, but an order.

  “Yeah, I guess we will,” Marshall says.

  Ava

  Chase carries me across the threshold of the honeymoon suite. My eyes follow the trail of red rose petals leading from the front door to the bedroom. The room is lit up with candles casting a soft glow throughout the room. He secures the door before he carries me into the bedroom. On the white duvet is a heart made from more red rose petals. Candles are also lit throughout the bedroom. There’s a tray of fresh fruit, cheese and crackers, and chocolate-covered strawberries sitting next to an ice bucket holding champagne, bottled water, and fruit juices.

  Chase slowly lowers me, never taking his eyes off mine. “You are absolutely exquisite.”

  How can a girl not melt at those words? “Thank you.”

  He removes the clasp that’s been holding my hair up, and my hair falls into a curtain over my back and shoulders. I can’t move. His eyes have me pinned in place. He twirls me around as he stares at me. I don’t think anyone has ever looked at me the way he does. When I make a complete turn, he lowers his head as he claims my mouth with his. We’ve never made love before and this is something I’ve wanted since I got my memory back. He fingers my zipper and gently and ever so slowly slides it down the length of my back, as if he’s unwrapping a piece of fine china. As if in slow motion, Chase ghosts his fingers up my arms and wa
tches the dress slowly fall from my body, gathering into a pool of white tulle and satin at my feet. Holding my hands at arms’ length, he admires my body in appreciation with lust-filled eyes. In a deep husky voice, he says, “I’m going to worship every inch of your beautiful body.” And he does.

  The next day we stay in bed, order room service, and make love. It’s been a wedding night to remember. He says things to me only a man in love could say. He doesn’t promise me things he can’t keep. He doesn’t promise me the moon and the stars or unicorns and rainbows. He does promise to be true to me and to love me every single day of my life. He promises me to never hurt me and to forever be my best friend. He also promises me bumps in the road and curvy turns in a not-so-smooth ride that he’ll try to smooth over as quickly and efficiently as he can. And you know what? I believe him.

  He opens up the envelope from his mom and dad, and I’m surprised at the amount of the check.

  “Unless you need this, we’ll bank it until we decide what to do with it,” he says.

  “No, I don’t have anything I need to purchase.”

  He folds up the check and puts it in his wallet. “We’ll make the deposit when we get home.”

  At dusk, we decide to have dinner with our family and friends.

  “We have some news. I’m not so sure Chase will think it’s good news, though,” Dad says.

  “You got the house?” I squeal.

  Mom says, “We got a call a little while ago, and they accepted our offer.”

  I look at Chase and he’s smiling. “That’s great news. I guess that makes us neighbors.” He reaches his hand out to my dad.

  “Not meddling neighbors either,” Mom says. “I promise to give you your space. I just want to be able to see my daughter from time to time.”

  I know that when I was married to Connor I wasn’t allowed to see my parents or anyone else for that matter. And this is Mom’s way to make sure that I’m all right. I wonder if the fear she feels will ever go away. Chase is not Connor; I feel it down to my core that he could never hurt me. Hopefully, Mom will see it in time, too.