The Last First Time

by Andrea Bramhall

  The words hung heavy and pregnant in the air, slowly giving birth to the thoughts Kate had been trying to ignore since she’d remembered what she’d seen. One thought led to another until she wasn’t sure which was real, which was imagination, and which was purely nightmare. No, that wasn’t quite right. Every single thought belonged in the realm of nightmares. He was a security agent. He had been screened, thoroughly. By many people, many times over his career. Agents like him had to have been in order to pass security clearance. Those guys read top secret files like the morning paper. They had to be cleaner than clean. Even if they were bastards. It was part of the make-up that made them able to do the job they had to do. They had to be focused like lasers on getting the mission accomplished and nothing else.

  “Sir, what if we’re seeing bad where there’s simply more going on than we’re privy to?”

  “Entirely possible, Brannon. Let’s face it, Porter and Mallam gave us jack shit in the way of useful leads or intelligence. What are you thinking?”

  “I don’t know. Is it possible they were put there to see what we learnt, more than to give us anything?”

  Timmons nodded. “Sure it is. But then why did he disappear? Why isn’t he still gathering intelligence from us? We’re learning more and more all the time.”

  “Porter’s still with you.”

  “Porter’s still with us.”

  “What’s he said about Mallam?”

  “Hasn’t worked with him before, but he’s heard a lot of good things about him. Up-and-coming young officer, from what he said. Given the current situation, security services have been trying to recruit more Muslims. Mallam was one of the first to sign up following the London bombings. Apparently, he’s done a lot of work undercover since then, infiltrating mosques, staying close to fellas suspected of radicalising youngsters and recruiting for IS.”

  Kate’s head was beginning to ache again.

  Timmons stood up. “Get some rest, the pair of you. You look like shit.”

  Kate chuckled. “And you wonder why you’re still single, sir?”

  He snorted. “Nope, I know it’s because I’m a grumpy old bastard with a buried six-pack and thinning hair.” He tapped his belly and buttoned up the coat he hadn’t even taken off. “Take the next day or so, read through the diary, and see what you find. Grimshaw’s working on more stuff, so we’ll see where we’re at.”

  She stood up to walk him to the door, and Stella stood up too. “Any chance I can grab a lift with you, sir? Save Gina having to go out again or call a taxi.”

  “Of course.” He dipped his head and strode purposefully out of the house.

  “I’ll be here by nine. Have the kettle on.” Stella plucked her coat from the peg beside the front door.

  Kate mimed kissy-faces at her as she slid it on her shoulders.

  “Piss off.” Then Stella slammed the door hut behind her.

  Kate sniggered and walked slowly back to the front room, wondering where Gina was. Probably gone to bed. The stab of disappointment at the thought wasn’t a surprise, though the intensity of it was. She didn’t want to miss saying goodnight to Gina. She didn’t want to leave the little things left unsaid. Those were the things people always said they wished they’d done differently when life went to shit. Well, life was pretty shit, and Kate was determined that she wasn’t going to regret the details.

  She climbed the stairs slowly so she didn’t spill the glass of water she wanted to take up with her, the thumping in her head increasing with each step. The door to the spare room was closed tight. She sighed and decided to put her glass down and then see just how quietly she could open that door and whisper words Gina would probably not even hear.

  But when she opened her own bedroom door, Gina was sitting on the bed, her back against the headboard, her knees raised in front of her, forearms resting on top of them. She looked so unsure of herself, sat in a long T-shirt and the loose cotton shorts she wore for bed.

  Kate wasn’t sure what was going on, but she didn’t want to disturb the beautiful picture that was Gina on her bed.

  Gina’s jaw and throat worked until words slid quietly past her lips. “I know you’re exhausted, and I know this is…well, I know we’ve not…I just…I don’t expect anything…I mean with us…” She waved her hand between them, her voice laced with the threads of love and fear in equal measure. “I could’ve lost you today.”

  “You didn’t.”

  “No.” She held out her hand. “But I don’t want to waste any more time.”

  Kate stepped forward, taking hold of Gina’s hand as she set her glass down on the bedside table. She perched on the edge of the bed next to her, lacing their fingers together, then leant over and ghosted a whisper of a kiss onto Gina’s lips. “I get it.” And she did. In the past few days they’d come close to losing each other, and it had certainly helped Kate to realise exactly what she did and didn’t want. Apparently, it had done the same for Gina too. “There is nothing I want more than to make love to you, so please, please don’t think this is an excuse, but I have a headache.”

  Gina chuckled and threaded her fingers into Kate’s hair. “Poor baby.” She kissed the tip of her nose. “We’ve got plenty of time to get to that. Can I hold you tonight?” She looked so vulnerable, almost scared to ask for what she wanted, for what Kate wanted too.

  “How about we hold each other?”

  Gina’s eyes shone in the light coming from the landing. “You get ready for bed, then. I’ll just check on Sammy, and turn out the light when you’re ready.” She slipped off the bed and out of the room, Kate staring after her.

  The hinge of the door to the spare room creaked, spurring Kate into action. A quick change of attire. Her face washed—gingerly—her teeth scrubbed vigorously. Within a couple of minutes, Kate was sitting on the edge of her bed. Waiting.

  She didn’t have to wait long.

  Gina stood silhouetted in the doorway, hands braced against the wood either side of her. “You okay?”

  “Yea—” Kate’s voice squeaked. She cleared her throat and tried again. “Yeah.”

  Gina’s arm moved, and the light disappeared. Only the sliver of moonlight crept through the cracks in the curtains and danced across the carpet, turning everything to shadow. Soft footsteps across the carpet approached, and the gentle shifting of the mattress under Gina’s weight alerted Kate to her every movement.

  “Are you in?” Gina whispered, and the bedclothes rustled.

  “One sec.” Kate scooted around until she was under the duvet, laid flat on her back, with the covers pulled up to her chin. The mattress dipped, and Kate jumped at the soft touch of Gina’s fingers finding her arm.

  “Sorry.” She started to pull back.

  Kate grasped her hand, desperate to maintain the contact. “Just startled. Don’t go.” The words had barely left her mouth when Gina tugged on Kate’s arm to give her space to settle her head on Kate’s shoulder. She wrapped one arm about Kate’s waist and slithered her leg over Kate’s thigh, pinning her to the bed. And Kate had never been so thrilled to be unable to move. Tightening her arm about Gina’s shoulder, she pressed a kiss against Gina’s hair and sighed, content for the first time in…as long as she could remember.

  This was what she’d needed. Intimacy. Something she had sought and thought she’d found with Mel. But the first time she’d held Mel in her arms like this…it hadn’t felt anything like the way she felt now. She breathed in the apple fragrance of Gina’s shampoo, the coconut body lotion she used, and the lingering scent underneath it that was Gina and Gina alone.

  It was the first time she’d hold Gina through the night. And the last time she’d get to experience this first flush of intimacy. Because there would never be anyone else for her. Not now.

  “I won’t,” Gina whispered and dropped a kiss on the hollow between Kate’s collarbones, right at the bottom of her throat.

  Kate frowned. “You won’t what?”

  “Go.” She lifted her head, and
Kate sought her eyes in the dark, wishing she could see Gina’s face. “You said not to go.”

  “Oh, right.” Kate laughed with relief. “So I did.”

  Gina’s weight shifted on her body, and Kate felt her breath against her lips just before Gina captured them. It was a sweet kiss, a gentle kiss, one that was more promise than passion. A kiss that was perfect.

  “I’m never going anywhere.”

  Chapter 23

  “Morning,” Gina whispered, and Kate stirred beneath her.

  A smile danced on Kate’s lips as she turned her head. “Morning.” She squeezed Gina’s shoulders.

  “How are you feeling this morning?”

  “A little stiff, a lot sore, but the headache’s gone, thank God.”

  “Good.” Gina caressed her waist, her fingertips finding the velvety skin of her hip where her sleep shirt had ridden up during the night. She traced a lazy pattern and marvelled at how comfortable it felt to wake up like this. Like it was how they woke up every morning. Well, it damn well should be. It will be.

  “You?”

  “I’m good.” She kissed Kate’s chin, then put her head back down on her shoulder. There was something else they needed to talk about, but not right now. She didn’t want the discussion of something…unpleasant to tarnish a place where she wanted only beautiful memories. Besides, there wasn’t time. So Gina sighed and said, “Sammy will be up soon, but remind me in a bit when she’s out playing to tell you about some stuff I found out yesterday.”

  “Everything okay?” Kate was frowning when Gina looked up again, her head lifted as high as she could.

  “It’s about the roses.”

  “Oh.” Kate looked relieved and dropped her head back to her pillow.

  “What did you think I wanted to talk about?”

  Kate shrugged and ran her fingers up and down Gina’s arm. “Maybe this.”

  “Really?”

  Kate didn’t say anything, just continued to stroke Gina’s arm and stare up at the ceiling.

  Gina propped herself up on her elbow. “Look at me.” She waited until Kate was watching her closely. “I love you. I want you. I want to be with you in every way, for every day of my life.” She ran her fingers over Kate’s belly. “I know this has been a really weird start to our relationship, and I’m sorry if I worried you when I said I needed to tell you something. But please believe me when I tell you that there is nowhere else I want to be right now, and I wish we could stay here all day.”

  Kate’s eyes sparkled in the early-morning light, and Gina knew they were both feeling the emotional aftermath of yesterday. She needed to break the tension, or they were both likely to end up crying.

  Gina decided to let her naughty self out a little and let her explore. She slid her hand up the centre of Kate’s tummy towards her ribs. “And one day, very, very soon, I intend to make you believe that.”

  Kate’s breath hitched as Gina traced the line of one rib up to her breastbone and then let the sides of her fingers graze the inner flesh of Kate’s breasts. She licked her lips and tussled with her own conscience. She hadn’t been kidding. Sammy would be up any minute, and that was not how she wanted to start the day. But the need to touch Kate was so strong. She wanted to lift that shirt and run her tongue across her skin, taste her, devour her. She wanted to run her fingertips a little further to the left and feel the nipple she could see had hardened under the fabric. She wanted to memorise the texture with her lips.

  “I believe you,” Kate groaned. “You have to stop looking at me like that.”

  “I don’t want to.”

  “Mum!”

  Gina let her head drop to Kate’s chest, her hand still resting on her breastbone. “Would it be wrong to string her up right now?”

  “No. Extenuating circumstances.”

  “Good to know.”

  “Mum!”

  Kate tapped her wrist and started to sit up, hindered dramatically by Gina’s body still draped across her. She laughed, but finally managed to roll Gina onto her back so she could sit up as Sammy threw open the door.

  “Whatchya doin’ in here?” Sammy had her hands on her hips, feet set apart, and a frown on her face. “I woke up and didn’t know where you were.”

  “I got sick of your snoring.”

  “Kate snores.”

  “I do not!”

  “No, she doesn’t.” Kate and Gina said at the same time. “Besides, Kate’s got a bigger bed.”

  Sammy studied it closely, then shrugged and jumped on it with a running leap, landing between the two of them on her back. She folded her hands behind her head and stared up at the ceiling. “You need a TV in here.” She wriggled her bum around and nodded appreciatively. “Nice.”

  Kate sniggered. “Glad you approve. Breakfast?”

  “You’re gonna cook breakfast?”

  She reached over and tickled Sammy’s ribs. “Coco Pops don’t require cooking. I can cope with them.”

  That made her giggle, and she tried to push Kate’s hands away. Finally escaping, she broke for the stairs. “I’ll let Merlin out.”

  “Put your slippers on if you’re going outside!” Gina shouted after her, not sure if she could be heard over the heavy pounding of Sammy’s feet. She grabbed Kate’s hand. “You okay?”

  “Are we going to tell her? About us?”

  “She knows you’re my girlfriend.” Gina cocked her head. “What else would you like me to tell her?” She smirked as Kate blushed.

  “I mean, I guess if last night was just…you know…if it was just last night, then I guess…I mean she’s only nine, so…”

  Gina sat up and turned, giving Kate her full attention. “Last night wasn’t just last night. I’d sleep in here with you every night, if you’ll have me.”

  Kate whimpered at the double entendre but didn’t say anything.

  “I meant every word, Kate.” She took hold of her hand and kissed her knuckles. “I know you asked us to stay for Christmas, and I und—”

  “I only said Christmas because I was too gutless to ask for what I really wanted.”

  Gina visibly swallowed. “And what was that?”

  “I want you here. With me. Every day. Both of you. I want to wake up with you and go to sleep beside you and argue about who’s helping Sammy with her homework or picking her up from school. I don’t want you to go back to your house. I don’t want this to be my house. I want it to be ours.” She surged forward and pressed her mouth to Gina’s.

  Gina pulled back ever so slightly and whispered, “I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.”

  “I really couldn’t care less.” Then her lips were on Gina’s in a bruising kiss that had Gina moaning breathlessly as Kate pushed her onto her back and trailed a hand up her side.

  “Kate! Merlin spilled the milk again!”

  Kate growled as she broke this kiss and rolled off Gina’s body. “Shouldn’t she be in school today?”

  “I’ve decided to keep her home. After everything that’s happened and how she was last night with you, I just want to keep an eye on her for a few days.”

  “You’re a really good mum.”

  “Hmm. Tell her that the next time she accuses me of abuse for not giving her junk food.”

  “I will.” She pressed her lips to Gina’s again.

  “Kate! It’s dribbling on the floor!”

  Kate broke the kiss and shouted, “Coming” as she stood up.

  Gina sniggered. “Welcome to the Temple family,” she said as Kate reached the door.

  Kate looked back over her shoulder. “The Brannon-Temple family.” Then she was gone, and Gina stared up at the ceiling again, grinning.

  “Brannon-Temple, huh?” She mulled it over for a minute. “I think I could get used to that.”

  * * *

  “Mum, the postman’s been,” Sammy yelled up the stairs as Gina wrapped a towel around her body.

  “Okay. Pop it on the table for Kate. She’ll open it when she gets back from the shops.” M
erlin’s milk spillage hadn’t left them enough for breakfast.

  Sammy appeared in the bathroom doorway with Merlin beside her. “Does Kate have to go to work today?” She handed the post envelopes to Gina. “There’s one for you.”

  “Oh, thanks.” Gina riffled through until she found the handwritten envelope addressed to her. “And no. She’s going to stay home for a couple of days.” She slid her finger under the gummed flap and pulled out the page inside.

  “Cool. What’re we doing today?”

  “Well, since you’re staying home from school now, I thought we could spend some time together. What would you like to do?” She unfolded the page and scanned for the name at the bottom. George Boyne. “Bloody hell.”

  “Mum! You have to put a pound in the swear tin.”“Right,” she agreed without listening to Sammy. She was too busy trying to read the words across the paper.

  Dear Miss Temple,

  Thank you for your letter. Patricia O’Shea is indeed a name I am familiar with. From a considerable time ago, but, yes, I knew her. I don’t know what she could possibly have for me after all this time, but I am willing to meet with you, as I am curious. I hope you might be able to tell me what has happened to my old friend.

  I realise this is short notice, but as my curiosity is piqued, I would like to get some answers quickly. If you don’t mind. I’ll be travelling to Norwich on the 16th for work purposes and wonder if it would be possible for us to meet then. I am staying at Morston Hall, near Holt, and have taken the liberty of reserving a table for dinner for us. They seat at 7.15pm. If you can’t make it, please call me and we can arrange an alternative.

  Yours curiously,

  George Boyne.

  “You’re not even listening to me.” Sammy’s voice broke through her concentration.

  “I’m sorry, Sammy. I was reading. What did you want?”

  Sammy tutted and rolled her eyes. “I said can we go and see Grandma today.”