The Last First Time

by Andrea Bramhall

  Gina wasn’t sure how she felt about how quickly Sammy had taken to Alison, but she smiled anyway. Sammy didn’t need to know how mixed her feelings were on the subject of her own mother. “Why don’t you give her a call and see if she wants to come to the beach with us and Merlin? We can go down to see the seals, if you like, and that’ll give Kate some time to rest after yesterday.”

  “Mum,” Sammy’s voice was small, and she sounded so much younger than the brash nine-year-old that normally ran her ragged. “Is Kate gonna die?”

  Gina’s eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. “No! God, no! Why on earth would you think something like that?”

  Sammy scuffed her toe on the carpet and shrugged.

  “Talk to me.” Gina wrapped her hands around Sammy’s waist. “Come on, what made you think that?”

  “She was blowed up.”

  “Blown.”

  Sammy sighed aggrievedly. “Blown.”

  “Yes, Kate was in an accident at work, but she’s fine. She’s not going to die. She’s going to be with us for a long, long time.”

  Sammy scrutinised her closely, seemingly watching her every muscle twitch and tic for signs of deception, her eyes narrowed, her lips pursed, and her head cocked to one side. She was a human lie detector. She held out her hand, little finger up straight. “Pinky swear?” It was Sammy’s most solemn oath.

  Gina hooked her little finger around Sammy’s. “Pinky swear.” Now was as good a time as any, right? “So, while we’re talking about Kate, how would you feel about you and me moving in here with her?”

  “We already ’scussed this.”

  “Discussed.”

  “Well, we already did. I said yes.”

  “What if we weren’t just talking about living here for Christmas? What if we moved in with Kate forever?”

  Sammy’s eyes widened. “I’ve got my own dog!” She started dancing around in place. Well, dancing might have been a generous term for the form of bum wiggling and arm waving that was going on, but still, Sammy was happy with her form of self-expression, so Gina was happy to roll with it.

  Just as Gina had suspected, Sammy’s world was easily made a wonderful place. “Very true,” Gina said, “but there’s something else too.”

  Sammy stopped ‘dancing’ and put her hands on her hips. “What?”

  “It’s about the sleeping situation—”

  “You can’t make me sleep on the washing line. I Googled it, it’s abuse.” She wagged her finger in Gina’s face.

  Gina had once threatened this in the wake of a particularly, no, spectacularly bad night trying to sleep next to the snoring that seemed to reverberate from the fires of hell and emanate from her little girl’s mouth. The threat might have been a slight error in judgement, looking back now, but at the time, it had seemed entirely logical.

  “No, I wasn’t thinking of that as a solution.” She grasped the wagging finger, lest she lose an eye to it. “I was thinking that since Kate’s my girlfriend, I’d sleep with her.”

  “Like last night?”

  “Hm,” Gina mumbled, thinking more about the promising morning than the night before.

  “Okay. Can Merlin sleep wiv me then? I worry that she gets lonely.”

  Right, Merlin gets lonely. “If she wants to.” Gina wasn’t convinced that the dog would voluntarily sleep with Sammy, but she didn’t want to crush the child. She’d have plenty of boyfriends, or girlfriends, in the future who would do that. On second thought, no she wouldn’t. There would be no boyfriends touching her little girl!

  Sammy dropped to her knees next to Merlin, wrapped her arms around the dog’s neck, and dropped kisses on her head. “You can sleep wiv me now, Merlin. You don’t need to be all on your own anymore.” Sammy threw Gina an impish look. “If Kate’s your girlfriend, does that mean you wanna sleep wiv her so you can do sexy-times?”

  Pulled out of her nightmarish daydream of Sammy getting a boyfriend and growing up, Gina found herself pushed straight into her real-life nightmare of Sammy asking about sex. Shit, when did she learn about sexy-times?

  “Erm, what do you know about sexy-tim—about making love?”

  Sammy shrugged. “Dad used to have the woman from the pub stay over sometimes for sexy-times. She made lots of noise, and it made it hard to get to sleep sometimes, but Dad was always happy in the morning, and she looked funny with sticky-up hair, and her lipstick was all over her face.” She giggled and put her hand over her mouth. “And she didn’t have no cloves on.”

  “Clothes.”

  “Fine, clothes.”

  “Okay, is that all?”

  Sammy shook her head. “Simon Parker at school says his mum has sexy-times wiv the milkman, and the coal man, and the butcher, to keep the bills down. But when Patty Smith asked him what sexy-times was, he said it was kissing and hand-holding. But I don’t think that’s right, cos kissing and hand-holding wouldn’t make the pub lady make all that racket. And when I held Dad’s hand, he wasn’t happy in the morning like he was after sexy-times. So it must be different. And John Carter said his dad called it bonkin’ and that that was where ’im and ’is brother came from. And that don’t sound like kissing to me. What’s bonkin’?”

  She’s nine! I shouldn’t need to cover the birds and the bees yet! Gina tugged Sammy to sit on her knee. This’ll be easier if I can’t see her eyes. Maybe. She swallowed. “‘Bonking’ is a terrible name for something that can be very lovely.” She licked her lips. “When two people love each other very much, they want to show each other how much by making love. Kissing is part of it, and hand-holding, but you’re right, there is more to it. Sometimes, when a man and a woman make love, they can make a baby.”

  Sammy twisted around in Gina’s lap to look at her curiously. “How?”

  Technical or fluffy?

  “Does it happen when a penis kisses a gyna?”

  What? I mean…what? “A gyna?”

  “Yeah…you know…” Sammy pointed between her legs. “A gyna.”

  Technical it is then. “A vagina. And who told you about penises and gyn—vaginas?”

  “Kiera Walsh’s mummy and daddy are having a new baby, and they told her that when her daddy’s penis kissed her mummy’s gyn—vagina it made a baby.”

  Well…how much more detail did she need at nine? “There’s a bit more involved, but, essentially, yes. That’s what happens when a man and a woman make love and make a baby.”

  Sammy frowned. “Does that mean you and Kate are going to make babies? But you’re both ladies, so where do you get the penis from?”

  A peal of laughter from the doorway caught Gina’s attention, and she turned her head to see Kate leaning against the door. Her eyes were wide, but there was a huge smile on her face and her eyebrows were almost at her hairline. “Been there long?”

  “Long enough for this to be educational.” She held up the bottle of milk. “Ready for some Coco Pops, squirt, or do you need more time with your mum?”

  “Yay! I’m starving.” Sammy hopped off Gina’s lap and sidled past Kate, grabbing the milk bottle as she went. She ran back down the stairs with her ever-present shadow, Merlin, at her heels.

  “Be careful with that one. Don’t let Merlin near it.”

  “I won’t.”

  Kate crossed her now-empty arms across her chest, smirking. And Gina focused on that little grin to stop herself thinking about how she was only wearing a towel. It didn’t work. So she tried to focus on the fact that Kate had seen her wearing less than the towel only a few short days ago. That didn’t seem to matter either. A mix of nervousness and excitement settled in her belly.

  “Well, it’s been a while, but she certainly knows how to get down to brass tacks.”

  A cushion from the bed made a handy projectile. Gina threw it at her, the towel slipping about her breasts as she did. She caught it before exposing herself, but not before Kate started laughing.

  And then started running down the stairs.

  * * *

&nbs
p; When Gina was dressed, she trotted down the stairs and overheard Sammy and Kate talking.

  “So, you’re okay with me being your mum’s girlfriend?”

  “Yup.” Her spoon clattered into her bowl. “Does that mean I have to call you mum too?”

  “Erm, no, you can just call me Kate, just like now.”

  “Hm.” The spoon clanked again. “Oh, I was supposed to see if Grandma wants to go to the beach wiv us.”

  “Then give her a call.”

  The raucous scraping of wood against tiles was followed by the heavy slap of feet as Sammy ran into the other room. Gina could hear her speaking within seconds and took her seat at the table next to a slightly shell-shocked-looking Kate.

  “Still want us to move in?”

  Kate sniggered. “It was worth it for the gyna-kissing conversation I overheard.”

  “Stop, or you won’t be kissing any gynas anytime soon.” Gina covered her mouth with her hand as soon as the words were out, and she stared at an equally surprised-looking Kate. “I didn’t say that.” Gina’s face burned. “You did not hear that.”

  “I most certainly did.” Kate wrapped her hands around Gina’s waist and pulled her close. “And I’m looking forward to it,” she whispered into her ear, then kissed it and pulled back.

  “Oh God.” She buried her face in her hands and ignored the wickedly sexy laugh that bubbled from Kate’s throat. She slapped the letter from George on the table to distract them both. “Here, read that, and stop laughing at me,” she said with a pout.

  “Gran said yes. Do you want her to pick us up or meet her there?” Sammy yelled through the doorway.

  Gina leant her cheek on her hand. “If she doesn’t mind picking us up, that would be great.” She heard Sammy convey this to Alison and turned back to Kate.

  “Are you happy to go and meet him?”

  “Yes. I can give him the letter, and it’s over and done with, then.”

  “Then you should go.”

  “Will you come with me?”

  “What about Sammy?”

  “I’ll find a babysitter.”

  “Then I’d love to.”

  “I’ll let George know I won’t be alone.”

  “Good plan.” She handed the letter back to Gina. “Speaking of plans, what’s the young madam organising through there?”

  “Ah, trip to Brancaster Beach with my mother. I thought we could take Merlin with us and see if I can tire them both out.”

  “Merlin and your mum?”

  “Funny.”

  “I try.”

  “Try harder.”

  “Ouch.” Kate sipped at a glass of orange juice and offered some to Gina. She shook her head.

  “I thought it would give me and Mum a chance to talk a bit more and give you some time to rest, or whatever it is you need to do after Timmons’s visit last night.”

  “It’s just a bit of reading.” She checked the clock on the cooker. “Eight forty. Stella said she’d be here about nine to get started with it.”

  “Okay, well, we’ll get out of your hair as soon as Mum gets here.”

  “You don’t have to go out, you know?”

  “I know. But I need to check on things at the campsite, and I need to try and get rid of some of that child’s energy.”

  “What about the stuff you said we needed to talk about? The flowers.”

  “It’ll still be there later, when Sammy’s in bed.”

  “You sure?”

  Gina was sure she didn’t want to talk about it if she didn’t have to. “Positive.” She smiled and turned as the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it.” Sammy ran through the room and opened the front door as Gina walked up behind her and put her hands on her shoulders.

  “Mum! That was quick.”

  “I was on my way out already when Sammy called.”

  “Oh, we’ve interrupted your plans. I’m sorry.”

  Alison held up her hand and waved away her apology. “No, I’d much rather spend the day with you two than fighting my way around the supermarket. I’ll order online and get it delivered. Much easier.”

  “Well, in that case, good plan.”

  “And great timing.” She smiled over at Kate. “Hi, you okay?”

  Kate nodded. “Hard-headed, Alison.”

  “I’m sure. I’m glad you’re okay, though.” Alison frowned at Gina. “You look…excited. What’s happened?”

  Gina giggled. “I’m going to a fancy dinner tomorrow.”

  “Oo. Night out, ladies?”

  “Hm, something like that.” She winked at Kate and handed Sammy her coat. “I’ll tell you all about it while we’re walking on the beach. Sammy, get Merlin’s lead and her ball.”

  “Sounds intriguing.” Alison said as Sammy scampered away.

  “It is.”

  “Mum, can I have a jam butty before we go?” Sammy yelled from the front room.

  Gina closed her eyes and shook her head. “You’ve literally just had your breakfast. You can wait till lunchtime.”

  “But I’m hungry. I’m wasting away.”

  Alison and Kate both tried to stifle their laughter, and Gina raised her eyebrow at the very poor attempt. “You’re not wasting away. You’re eating me out of house and home. Get a bag of crisps. You can eat them in the car.”

  “Yes.” Sammy fist-pumped the air. “And that’s how you conduct a negotiation.”

  Laughter filled the room, and Gina put her head in her hands. “Bloody kid’ll be the death of me one day.”

  Alison wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “But at least she’ll make it fun getting there.”

  * * *

  Brancaster Beach was deserted. The white sand stretched as far as the eye could see, meeting the sky at the horizon in one direction and the sea in the other. The low-hanging winter sun glistened off the water and reflected back at them. Soft snow clung to the marram grasses in the dunes and the rocks that held back the sands at the beach’s entrance. Clouds billowed in the sky, heavily pregnant with more snow just waiting for the right moment to cast their frozen offspring to the earth.

  Turning left at the clubhouse and away from the site of Kate’s last case, Gina slipped a pair of sunglasses over her eyes and launched the ball for Merlin and Sammy to chase. Sammy was, in Gina’s opinion, far too interested in Kate’s Skeleton case, and she was determined to steer her away from the old bunker where the remains had been found. And the police tape that fluttered in the wind as a morbid reminder.

  “So, this stranger wants you to meet him tomorrow for dinner in a swanky restaurant to talk about a woman you knew for five minutes before she died. Is that the long and short of it?”

  Gina smiled at Alison’s succinct summary of the situation. “You forgot about the letter I’m going to give him, that I can’t give him the real one of, just a copy, because the real one’s evidence.”

  “Oh, yes. Sorry I missed those crucial details,” she said.

  Gina turned her head and caught the smirk on her mother’s lips. It was jarring for her. This Alison was so different to the woman she’d grown up with. She had a sense of humour that Gina recognised in herself but had never seen in her mother before. Trying to reconcile the two women in her head was going to take some time. But she wanted to take the time to do that. And as Jodi had said, the only way she could move on was to let go. She had to get to know Alison as she was, not as Gina expected her to be. She smiled as she responded, “Exactly. Crucial.”

  “So what are you going to do with Sammy?”

  “Well, I was going to ask you if you wanted to spend the evening with—“

  “I’d love to.”

  Gina grinned. “Thought you might, but I don’t want you to think that I’ve only asked you here today—”

  “To butter me up?” Her mum laughed.

  “Something like that.”

  “No, I don’t. And I’d love to look after Sammy. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you’d ask.” She turned aw
ay and tried to hide the fact that she was sweeping tears from her cheek. “Thank you.” Her voice was thick and raw with emotion.

  “No, no, no. Thank you.” Merlin deposited the ball at Gina’s feet, and she launched it towards the water again. “You’ve no idea how hard it is to find a babysitter for that little monster.” She called out loud enough for Sammy to hear.

  Her daughter turned around with an offended look.

  “A monster? Sammy?” her mum piped up, playing along. “Never. She’s an angel.”

  Sammy grinned and threw Gina a ‘see-I-told-you-so’ look before running after Merlin again.

  Alison touched Gina’s arm. “If you want, she could stay overnight. If you and Kate want…” she faltered, her cheeks turning red. “Well, if you’d like some time alone together. Just the two of you.”

  Gina knew her cheeks had turned just as red as her mother’s, but she was a grown-up now, and it wasn’t exactly a shock to Alison—her mother—that she’d have a sex life. Alison knew Kate was her girlfriend after all. And as far as she knew, they were sleeping together while Gina was staying at Kate’s. While she didn’t seem totally comfortable with discussing Gina’s sex life, Gina was pretty sure it was more about the newness of the situation than anything else. She hoped. “Kate and I…we, erm… Well we haven’t been together very long.”

  Her mum nodded. “When she came to see me about the embezzlement she was investigating at Brancombe House, I looked her up.”

  Gina laughed a little incredulous. “You Google-stalked my girlfriend?”

  Alison blushed but nodded with a big, unrepentant grin on her face. “Yup. I like to do my homework.”

  Gina remembered all the times her mother had tried to drill into her brain that knowledge was paramount to making good decisions in life. The more one knew, the more one learnt, and the better able they were to cope with the curve balls life inevitably flung at everyone. Often with a catapult.

  “I remember that about you.” Gina smiled tentatively. “It’s nice to know that some of my memories were of the real you, not the you that you had to pretend to be to protect yourself.” She frowned. “I’m not even sure that made sense.”

  “It did.” She chuckled and slipped her hand around Gina’s arm. “Is this okay?” She squeezed Gina’s arm to indicate the subject of her question and carried on when Gina nodded. “To be honest with you, Gina, I didn’t know how much of me was me back then. So I guess it makes sense that you’re questioning your memories now. Depression is a horrible thing. People describe it as this black hole or a cancer of the emotions, but that isn’t how I remember it.” She went quiet, staring out to sea as they walked arm in arm.