Luci's Lullaby

by Leaona Luxx

  I take a step back, yanking the bottle from his hand. I spin and kick the hell out of the table, sending bottles and cans flying in every direction. I whirl around and throw the bottle full force against the opposite wall.

  People scatter, taking cover as they watch me self-destruct. “What the fuck is it? I thought this was what everyone wanted, right? Fame, fortune, and love.”

  “Hey, buddy.” David takes a wary step toward me. “It’s time, you’re getting worse.”

  “What? You don’t like this version? It’s all new and what you all wanted, right?”

  “Just call her, pick up the phone and call.” David holds his phone out to me. Every fiber in my being wants to do it, but there’s no reason to; she gave up.

  “He’ll do no such thing.” Sam enters the room, shutting everything down. “Go, leave us. Tell someone Alden needs more Jack and to clean up the mess in here.”

  “Fuck you,” I spit at her. “Wait, I don’t mean that. I would never and will never touch you. You do what you need to me, but you’ll never have more of me than you do right now.”

  “Look around, I do have you. She’s not here and she never will be—I own you.” Sam crosses her arms, smiling.

  “You better get this right—there’s only one woman who owns me, and you’ll never compare to her. Ever.” I storm past her, making my way to the stage.

  I slur my way through the first half of the show until I can burn off the alcohol. The second is better, but to be honest, it’s all a mess. I walk off the stage, going straight to my room.

  The guys beat on my door for hours, but I refuse to answer as I sit in the bathtub, breaking all over again. Without drinking, it’s easier to remember. I prefer to drink and forget.

  Days turn into weeks, blurring together to the point I can’t tell you what time it is, let alone a day of the week. I sleep all day, drink all night, and repeat.

  The pounding I keep hearing this morning is bouncing around in my head and driving me crazy. There’s enough shit in here without something else trying to take up space.

  I soon realize it’s the door, so I roll over and cover my head up. “It’s still day, go away!”

  “Open the door, Alden,” Aksel yells from the other side.

  I grit my teeth. “NO! Go away!”

  “We’re coming in, one way or the other.” There’s something familiar about that voice, it reminds me of someone.

  “Whatever go the fuck away!” I roar. “And bring back some Jack!”

  I hear a noise and then the door comes through the room. I sit up, squinting as Chord walks through it.

  “Don’t tell me you’re not opening the door for me. Get your fuckin’ ass up and get in the shower.” Chord glowers at me. “Aksel, watch for ‘It’ while we deal with this.”

  “Will do.” Aksel nods, heading out the door.

  I scrub my hand over my face. “Why are you here? To save me from myself? Too late, fix the door on your way out.”

  He walks over, sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. “I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.”

  “Do what? Who in the hell gives a shit about me? Go live your lives and leave me the fuck alone.”

  Walker strolls through the door, over to me, and they manhandle me to the shower. Tossing me in, clothes and all. The shower is turned on, and I’m held down under the cold water.

  “Get your damn hands off me!”

  Walker cocks his brow. “My wife is on her way up, I suggest you brush your damn teeth and mind your fucking manners when she gets here.”

  “I don’t have to do a damn thing,” I say as my resolve breaks thinking of Reese seeing me this way.

  “Is he dressed?” she says from the other room.

  “He has clothes on,” Chord replies, leaning against the sink.

  Reese steps into the room and breaks into tears. “Dear God. Alden, what are you doing to yourself?”

  “I’m living my best life.” I throw my hands in the air.

  “Get him the hell outta there.” She spins on her heels as Chord stands beside Walker.

  “What?”

  “Alden, shut up and get out!” Reese shouts.

  I glance up at Chord and Walker, “Help me up.” They get under each arm and pull me out. Chord tosses a towel at me. I scowl at them.

  “You ever get tired of me being right?” Walker shakes his head.

  I stomp out of the bathroom and drop into a chair across from Reese. She sets her phone on the table and turns it around. My eyes flicker from her to the cell.

  “Look,” she narrows her eyes, “see what your missing.”

  I avert my eyes. “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because you’re our brother too.” Chord sits beside me as he and Walker join us.

  What the fuck is that... a pain so deep in my chest, I clutch it. I can’t even look at them. “I don’t have a family.”

  Reese’s lip trembles. “What am I?”

  “A friend, you have your own family.” I glare at her as my chest caves and pain cuts through me like a sword.

  Walker leans forward. “Mind your damn manners. This girl has been by your side when no one else was. At least give her damn respect.”

  A thickness coats my throat as bile rises. I can’t help it, I have to do it. “Don’t lay that shit on me, she did as she damn well pleased.”

  “I did it out of love and compassion for you. You’re my brother too, or did you forget who’s always had your back?” Reese seethes.

  “Who forgot me because Charlee was around? When was the last time you came to my house? You came for Luci, not me. So go fool yourself into thinking you love me some more.” Her face contorts and she springs up from the table, running from the room. Walker’s face reddens. I hate myself for that, but I’m in protect this house mode.

  “You know what, after the nights she's cried over you, time away from her children, the times she’s put you first—this is how you repay her? Good damn job. She’s always been on your side and said you were a better man than this. Congratu-fuckin-lations on throwing away another person who loves you.” He stands, flipping his chair backward.

  I hang my head, hating that I’ve hurt Reese too. My heart slows to a crawl, I suppose that’s about right. I’m a dirty son of a bitch.

  “Listen to me, when I was lost and had no one else, who was in my corner? When people were telling me to give up on Sarah, on Silas, who had my back? Who kicked my ass when I wanted to give up?” Chord stands, walking closer to me.

  “I was,” I mutter.

  “I know you’ve lost people, I have lost people too. It gives you no right to die too.” His words make me sit up; is that what I’m trying to do?

  I shake my head. “I’m not trying to kill myself.”

  “Tell that to people who love you.” He glares at me. “Some of us would give anything to have the life you’re so willing to throw away. You don’t want it? Give it to me. Luci needs a dad, and I lost a son. You don’t want Charlee? Believe me when I tell you, someone will. She’s a damn fine woman.”

  “Shut the fuck up talking about them like that, about Silas like that.” I fist my hands.

  “Sarah’s the one who told me to tell you we’ll take her. We don’t get to hold our son, I don’t get to rock him to sleep,” he spits at me.

  “What am I supposed to do? I’m no good for them!” I stand, screaming as my chest aches.

  “You don’t get to choose for them! They decide if you’re good enough, not you.” He throws a bottle against the wall. “Fuck you, Alden. I’d give my life to bring Silas back. It doesn’t work like that!”

  “I KNOW!” I fist my hair. “I’d bring Cid back in a heartbeat if I could.”

  He shakes his head. “I’m glad he’s not here.”

  “What?” Rage fills me, and my pulse races through my veins.

  “He wouldn’t want to see you like this, wasting your life and throwing away the best damn things you’ve ever ha
d love you. He’d be so disappointed.” Chord hits the final nail in my coffin.

  “Fuck you! You have no idea what my brother thinks of me!”

  “You’re right, I don’t. But I can see what you think about yourself, and that’s enough for me.” He stalks toward the door.

  “I’ll never be enough for her, don’t you understand?” I spit at him.

  He throws a card down on the table. “We’re staying there tonight, plane leaves first thing in the morning. If you come to your senses, come find us.”

  I stand in the center of this room, stripped bare, and I know in my heart—he’s right. They’re all right. I’ve spent the last several weeks thinking about nothing but Charlee and Luci.

  I’ve thought about how many ways I went wrong and what to do to fix them. Here they are telling me I don’t care enough to keep trying. I’m afraid I’ll never be good enough.

  I walk over to the mini fridge and grab a bottle of Jack. I take a glass and sit at the same table my friends just sat at. I stare at each of the seats that were full of the people I love. Now, they’re empty and it all comes down to me.

  “Fine!” I fill the glass to the rim, setting the bottle down. I stare at the damn glass for hours, never touching it. I begin to spin it, thinking of how my life has spun out of control.

  “Cid, what should I do?” I beg for any answers I can get because I ain’t got a damn one. I’m sitting here without a family, a friend, love and my career is tanking because I can’t admit—I hate it.

  I face off with the glass of Jack the entire night; he’s the only friend I have right now, and he lies to me. “But isn’t that what you want, lied to about how great this is and once you make it big, you’ll fix everything?”

  I lay awake until dawn reliving every moment over the last six months, and not one time can I remember my family not being there for me. “I’m selfish and an idiot.”

  I stand, crossing the room, and pick up the card Chord left. I yank it off the table and rip it up. The second it falls to the ground, I know I’ve made another mistake. I’m too damn stubborn and hardheaded to realize they came here to help me.

  “What if she won’t talk to you? What are you gonna do then?” I walk back over and fall onto the bed. I watch as the hours tick by, knowing what I should be doing.

  “What am I doing? I must be good enough, Charlee told me she loves me.” Looking around, I see nothing that means a thing to me. Everything I want and need is back down Highway Seventeen. In Cherry Grove where my friends are, where my family lives.

  “I’ve gotta catch them.” I run after them. Rounding the door, I come face to face with who I am right now.

  “Samantha.”

  She starts clapping. “What a wonderful show of love and friendship. Bravo!”

  “How do you know?” I grind my teeth.

  “I know everything I need to about you and don’t forget it.” She curls her lip.

  I cross my arms. “You know nothing about this.”

  “I own you, just like I do Aksel,” she sneers.

  My heart beats for the first time in weeks, and I can hear Charlee’s voice telling me I’m better than this. I’m still not convinced I’m a good man but Charlee thought I once was. I hope I can do it again, I need her to believe in me.

  “Sue me, I’m done.”

  “I will, and you’ll be done in this business forever.” She curls her lip.

  I shrug. “If I don’t have them, I don’t want anything.”

  I hustle past her to the elevators. They finally open and I hop on, closing them as fast as possible. I left all my things back there and believe it or not, I’m not even sweating my guitar.

  I run to the first cab I see and toss money in the window. “Grand Hyatt DFW. There’s an extra hundred if you can make it in ten minutes.”

  The driver takes off and in twelve minutes, he’s pulling into the circle of the hotel. I take a hundred because he damn well deserves it. I jump and pop my head in the front window.

  “Here ya go, man. Thanks!”

  “But I missed it.” He looks at me quizzically.

  “I’m getting my family back, they’re worth it.”

  I run into the hotel as fast as I can. The doors open, and I pray I’m not too late when I punch the floor. It feels as though it takes forever to get there, but as soon as the doors open, I run for my life.

  I pound on the door and get no answer. I check my phone and see I should still have time. Running back to the elevator, I push the buttons a hundred times, but they’re going down. I take off down the stairs, doing my best not to fall and break my neck.

  “You’ve got to be shitting me, I gotta start working out again,” I pant as I double time it.

  I burst through the doors outside in the parking lot. I spin in circles, looking for everyone. Nothing. I must have missed them. I bend over, releasing a wail.

  “Are you okay?” a voice asks. I glance up to find Chord, leaning against the wall.

  I struggle to catch my breath, holding my side. “I got… a stitch… in my side… from running.”

  “Why didn’t you take the elevator, asshole?” He chuckles as I flip him off.

  “Couldn’t… in use…thought it was you.” I gulp for air.

  “It’s always something,” Chord sniggers.

  “Nice one, pal.”

  He bends over, looking me in the eye. “Dude, I thought you played country music?”

  “I do,” I say breathlessly.

  “Well then, you gotta quit living like a rock star.” He laughs as I stand, my breathing leveling out.

  I reach for his hand. “Thanks for waiting.”

  “Not a problem.” He points over his shoulder to Reese. “Now, that’s a problem.”

  I twist my mouth. “Yeah, I see that. Do me a solid, come save me if Walker starts beating my ass.”

  “Oh, hell naw. That’s your mess, I’m too pretty to get this face jacked up.” He winks, stroking his chin.

  I roll my eyes and start toward Reese. She’s holding on to Walker, crying. I have never made this girl cry and always swore to kill anyone who did, including her big hulking man.

  I stop a few feet away. “I’m sorry, Reese Cup.”

  “Nope, not good enough.” She peeks up at me. “Please don’t ever do this to me again!” She almost knocks me down running over to hug me.

  “I know I have so much to make up for. I promise to be the best man I can be.”

  “You already were, you just didn’t see it.” She latches onto my neck and hugs me hard.

  Walker slaps me on the back. “Now, you need a real shower.”

  “And a toothbrush.” Reese holds her nose.

  “I also need a job and a ton of money, because Sam is suing me.”

  “Don’t worry about Sam, she messed with the wrong person’s kid,” Chord snickers.

  “Huh? What’s going on?”

  “One is after her and I guarantee, she won’t be around for much longer.” Chord waits for me to fist bump him.

  “I heard that.” I frown as a sharp pang hits me in the center of the chest. “I need to see Luci. I hope she hasn’t forgotten me.”

  “She hasn’t, but first, we’ll need to pry her from Charlee’s arms.” Reese grins.

  My frown deepens. “Why is she in Charlee’s arms?”

  “We have so much to tell you but first, shower and food,” Chord says, fake punching me.

  I stop, holding up my hand. “How did y’all know to wait?”

  Chord grins like a shit-eating possum. “We saw you running through the lobby.”

  “Fuck you all.” I flip them off as we all laugh.

  I walk into my apartment, and I’m immediately overcome with the scent of my girls. Memories crash back in like high tide on the beach. I muster the courage up to walk through the house and look around.

  I push the door to Luci’s room open, and I’m blown away by what I find. Shades of pink, gray, and charcoals. A mobile made from music note
s and guitars hangs over her bed. A pillow with sheet music on it sits in the rocking chair.

  A silhouette of a little girl floating in the air with record balloons to the left of the door. A pink tie-dyed flower made from sheet music on the closet door and behind the crib, a wall of sheet music with the word, Lullaby, written across the top.

  “Charlee Rae, you incredible creature you.” My heart rockets, sending sparks flying through my body.

  My bedroom is spotless, nothing like I left it. Just as I turn, something gets my attention overtop the bed. I flip the light on and see they’re not the same pictures. A set of three hang in their place.

  As I walk closer, I see a guitar in one. I step closer, and it takes my breath away. It’s Luci, propped up on my acoustic guitar, her hands under her chin with a pale pink blanket.

  I gaze at the other one, a picture of Luci and me. Her back against my chest, and I’m kissing the top of her head. She’s so incredibly tiny, I barely remember her this way.

  The final picture is Luci laying on the curve of my guitar. Her hands tucked under her, she’s sleeping as it sits on its side. My body shakes as a tingle spreads through my chest.

  “Stunning. Completely breathtaking, sweetheart.”

  I turn and hurry back through the house to look for others. I find so many of us. Me bathing Luci. One of her in my guitar case. One of her in a tutu and pearls. There’s also one of Luci, finger in her mouth and blue eyes piercing me.

  But when I go back into her room, I see there’s one I missed. One is of Luci laying on her side, Cid and Shelley’s wedding bands in her hand. It knocks the breath from me, and I take a step back.

  It’s then, I spot the final photo. It’s the three of us in bed. I have my cheek on Luci’s head and she’s holding onto Charlee. Luci and I are asleep, but the look in Charlee’s eyes as she gazes at us speaks volumes.

  “She’s pretty amazing, isn’t she?” Chord says from behind me.

  My voice breaks as I try to speak. “Did y’all know she did all of this?”

  “She stays here every other night so Luci can be home as much as possible. Reese gave her a key,” Chord says as I begin to feel overwhelmed by her love and dedication.