House Divided

by Peel, Jennifer

  We walked toward the shops in silence. I almost just asked him to take me back to the hospital, but I knew that would hurt his feelings, and I already felt like I had done enough of that tonight. I was just going to make this shopping trip quick. I would grab a few of the bare essentials I needed and a few outfits without trying things on, and I would come back later on my own. I wasn’t really in the mood to shop anyway. I didn’t pay too much attention to what I pulled off the racks. I had a feeling I would be returning several pieces, but I needed to get away from Brady; the tension was palpable between us.

  Brady barely made small talk with me as we made our way through several stores. I thought, it’s better this way. It hurt and it was uncomfortable, but at least now he would see it could never work between us. That ship had sailed long ago. Actually, I don’t even know if it would have ever even left the port. We were just young and naïve, thinking we could ever really be together.

  The only levity that came in our conversation was when I needed to go into Victoria’s Secret. I don’t think he was even paying attention as we began to walk in. I stopped him with my hand. “Sorry, I have a rule about my underwear, on or off. If there wasn’t a pastor involved in our relationship status, you don’t get to see it.”

  At least he somewhat smiled, but it was short lived. “You know I’d be willing to get a pastor involved.” He turned and walked off.

  I kicked myself inwardly. I should have chosen my words better. I was just trying to be lighthearted. So much for that. I almost cried as I picked out my stupid panties and bras. I decided this was the last store. I needed to get back to my aunt’s house. No, what I really needed was to get as far away from Kaysville as possible.

  Brady was waiting for me when I walked out. I hated seeing him so sullen. It wasn’t like him, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I told him I was done and thanked him again. He carried my bags, minus the pink one, back to his truck. I let him help me in without any hesitation. It was the least I could do. The ride back to the hospital was painfully silent. He parked next to my car and retrieved all of my packages and bags and placed them in my trunk for me. He was ever the gentleman.

  He walked me to the driver’s side of my car, but before he opened the door for me, he unexpectedly wrapped me up in his arms and kissed me. I didn’t even think, I just responded. It just seemed so natural and right as he pulled me to him. He kissed me with such intensity that I forgot that breathing was an option, or a necessity, and that I shouldn’t be doing this. After a couple of minutes, his hands found their way to my face and he held it gently as the kissed slowed. Kissing him was better than I had remembered, but it opened a floodgate of emotion. I can’t tell you how many times I had dreamed of Brady kissing me again over the years. The tears came, and I remembered why, no matter how much I wanted this, and no matter how amazing it was, I shouldn’t be doing this.

  I pushed him away and I began to shake and cry harder, and not because of the cold outside. Brady tried to take me back in his arms, but I wouldn’t allow it.

  “I can’t do this, Brady.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yes it matters! Just tell me why. But don’t tell me it’s because of the rules, Ellie. You and I both know those don’t matter anymore.”

  That was it. He was going to hear me out.

  “Oh really, Brady Jackson? I guess they only matter when you want them to. When it allows you to leave me and break every promise you ever made to me. Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through the last ten years?”

  He wanted to answer, but I was on a roll. The floodgates had been opened.

  “After you broke up with me, because of the rules, Brady, I thought for sure it was just temporary. We would go back to school and we would figure it out together like we always had. But then, there you were … with her. And now I find out that you would take her word that I had been seeing someone behind your back.”

  “It wasn't her,” he interrupted.

  “I don’t care who it was! How could you not know me better?” I didn't give him a second to answer. “Not only were you with her, but you acted like I didn't even exist. Do you even know how that made me feel?”

  He didn't even try to answer, so I continued ranting. “I thought I would go away and it would get better, but it didn't, because I had to hear about you everywhere and see you and her everywhere. And as hard as a tried, I couldn't get over you like you had gotten over me. Then I watched you get engaged, to her of all people. Did you know that I was watching the game where you got hurt, and I cried because I still loved you and I could see the pain you were in and I knew you would never get your dream to play in the NFL? I hated that, even though you couldn't care less about me. I still cared about you! And no matter how many times I’ve tried to move on with someone else, I haven’t been able to. So, Brady, don't tell me the rules don't matter. You say you want to try again, but I'm still an Eaton and your parents hate me. I saw it in their eyes yesterday. And your daddy didn't look well at all, so will you use that as an excuse again the next time you leave me?”

  Brady looked dumbfounded. I don’t think he knew what to say or do. And although I was still shaking and crying, I felt a little lighter. Maybe I should have gotten that off my chest a long time ago. I don’t think I’d ever said any of those things out loud. Even after it first happened, I suffered mostly in silence. I cried a lot, but I tried to do it in the privacy of my own room. Sometimes Aunt Lu would hear me and she would come in and hold me like a child, but for the most part, I tried to deal with it on my own.

  As we stood there, just staring at each other, I think I began to shiver from the cold. I don’t know why I just didn’t get in my car and leave. I guess part of me was waiting for Brady to say some magic words to make it all better, but they never came.

  He just took off his coat and wrapped it around me and helped me in my car. “I’ll follow you home to make sure you get there ok.”

  I handed his coat back. “It’s not necessary. Thank you.”

  He put the coat right back on me and looked at me like he wasn’t in the mood to hear my objections. I’m not sure if he was mad at me or if he just thought I was crazy, but I knew one thing for sure. This was the end for us.

  I shook the whole way home, even though I had the heat blasting and Brady’s coat on. I wasn’t sure how to feel. I wasn’t someone to normally have emotional outbursts. I had been schooled on how to look and act like everything was coming up roses, even when you landed among the thorns. Tonight I was tired of pretending the thorns felt good and like I hadn’t been torn up by them for years.

  Brady followed me to the entrance of the house and as soon as I entered the gates, he drove off. I started to cry again. I knew we could never be together, but it killed me to say goodbye again. I should have never bargained with my aunt. I should have made her come to Atlanta with me. Coming back to Kaysville was a huge mistake.

  Chapter Eleven

  Doris was already gone, thankfully. I’m sure I looked frightful. I drug all of my bags up to my room and then just sat on my bed and cried some more. I pulled Brady’s coat tight around me and drank in the smell of it. I had always loved the way he smelled, well except for after football practice and games, but even then I didn’t mind too much. I loved when he would come off the field, pick me up, spin us around and then kiss me. It was thoughts like these that had gotten me into trouble for the last ten years. Why couldn’t I just be a normal person and move on from my high school boyfriend? I felt like those crazy people they have on talk shows. And that kiss tonight wasn’t going to help the situation any. When he kissed me, my first thought was, “Finally.” I had been kissed by plenty of men over the years, but they had never compared to being kissed by Brady. I don’t know if I could explain it, but when Brady kissed me, all felt right with the world, and I felt like I was his world.

  I was so exhausted, I only kicked off my shoes before I curled up on my be
d, wrapped in Brady’s coat, and fell asleep. I awoke early, and I reluctantly took off Brady’s coat. I got a garment box out of the closet and placed the coat in it. I wrote a short note:

  Dear Brady,

  Thank you for the use of your coat and for being there for me yesterday. I will always remember your kindness.

  I wish you the best.

  Sincerely,

  Elle

  I almost naturally wrote “Love, Ellie,” but I stopped myself. I quickly got ready and took the box and note down with me and asked Doris if she would please deliver it to the bank. I didn’t know what other way to get it to him that didn’t involve me seeing him. I guess I could have given it to Kendra, but I didn’t want her to ask any questions. I needed to cut all ties with the Jackson family. The only thing I would do was read to Caroline’s class, and that was only because I had already promised to.

  Doris surprised me. She sat next to me and held my hands. “Do you want to talk about it, Miss Ella?”

  “Talk about what?”

  “That Jackson boy, of course.”

  I laughed lightly. “You know he has a name, right? And he’s definitely not a boy anymore.”

  “Sorry, Miss Ella, that’s what Ms. Eaton calls him and I’m just used to it.”

  “It’s ok, Doris. Thanks for the offer, but I think he’s the last person I should talk about.”

  She squeezed my hands. “Oh Miss Ella, you still love him.”

  I tried not to cry. “I almost can’t remember a time when I didn’t.”

  “You know, I was always rooting for the two of you.”

  “Does my aunt know that?” I smiled.

  She waved her hand back and forth. “This Eaton-Jackson nonsense has gone on long enough in this town. I was always hoping the two of you would bridge the gap once and for all. And I’ve never seen two kids more in love than the two of you.”

  “I thought so too, but I was just young and naïve. Brady fell in love with someone else and his parents would have never accepted me.”

  “Oh Miss Ella, my mother-in-law never liked me, God rest her soul, but that sure didn’t keep me and my Cal apart. And as far as Mr. Brady being in love with that girl, I don’t know. I saw them around town, and it sure didn’t look like it to me.”

  “Then why did it last so long? And they were engaged.”

  “Honey, I can’t answer that. Have you asked Mr. Brady?”

  “No, I just yelled at him.”

  She smiled at me and patted my cheeks. “Well, he probably deserved it.”

  “Thanks, Doris. I’ve missed you.”

  Her eyes were suddenly wet. “It’s never been the same since you left.”

  I hugged her and got on with my day. She fed me well, once again, and then I was off to see that aunt of mine. I had already called this morning, and I knew she was doing well, but I still wanted to get there and see her myself. Even though she was sick, I just needed my momma this morning. Talking to Doris was lovely, but sometimes a girl just needs her mom.

  Before I went to see my aunt, I found my nice doctor friend who was still lying through his teeth about being an Auburn graduate. I had several boxes of books and dolls arrive that morning before I left. I owed him for being such a good sport, and I wanted to talk to him about visiting the children’s ward and donating some books and dolls.

  Dr. Sandstrom was as gracious as ever. He even took me down to meet the pediatric ward coordinator, and they were more than happy to have my donations. They even asked me to come in and read to the kids that Friday. I was happy to oblige. I needed to do something for someone else. It was the best cure for feeling sorry for yourself. And admittedly, I felt pretty sorry for myself. I would probably be having a pity party for me, myself, and I right now if my aunt wasn’t in the hospital. It still might have been on the agenda for tonight.

  My aunt was alert when I entered her room. She still looked frail, but she had a little more color to her. The doctor said she should be in a regular room by tomorrow and hopefully home by the weekend. I sure hoped so.

  I noticed a large floral arrangement with several types of white flowers including, roses, spray roses, oriental lilies, and alstroemerias. It was gorgeous.

  “Who sent the flowers?”

  “That Jackson boy.” Her voice was still raspy from being intubated during surgery.

  Of course they were from him. He needed to quit being wonderful.

  “Are you ever going to call him Brady?”

  She looked at me and narrowed her eyes. “Do I have a good reason to?”

  “Other than he has a first name and he’s not a boy anymore?”

  “It will take more than that, sugar.”

  Ok. I didn’t want to talk about him anyway.

  “Are you alone today, Ella Lu?”

  But, it looks like that wasn’t going to happen.

  “Yep, always and forever it looks like.” Yes, that was very dramatic.

  I sat down next to her and held her hand.

  Her eyes were full of concern. “What happened?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You’re not a very good liar, Ella Lu.”

  “That’s not true. I lied to you for over a whole year once, don’t you remember? You don’t know how sorry I am for that still.” I have paid heavily for lying and breaking the rules.

  “Ella Lu, I’m sorry I made you lie.”

  I looked at her inquisitively. “What?”

  “You heard me. I should have never made that rule. It was unfair to you and even that Jackson boy.”

  “In the end, you were right. I should have stayed away from him.”

  “Sugar, what happened last night?”

  “Oh, just a bunch of built up of anger was unleashed.”

  She smiled almost evilly. “You finally let him have it?”

  “You could say that.”

  “So what did he say?”

  “Not a thing. But it makes no difference. Jacksons and Eatons aren’t meant to be together.”

  “Ella Lu, do you still love that Jackson boy?”

  I put my head down and laid it on the side of her bed. “Oh, what does it matter?”

  I felt her touch my hair. “You didn’t answer the question, sugar.”

  “Yes, I still love the stupid man.”

  I heard her try and laugh at me, but she didn’t have it in her yet. “So what’s the problem? You love him, he loves you.”

  I lifted up my head and looked at her. “How do you know that?”

  She touched my cheek. “I asked him.”

  “Why in the world would you do that?”

  She didn’t answer me. I learned the art of delay and divert from her.

  “So what’s the problem?”

  “Really? Are you kidding me? Do they have you on some mind altering medication?”

  “I’m completely lucid, Ella Lu. Do not sass me.”

  “I’m not sassing you, I’m just very confused. You hate Brady Jackson and you never wanted us to be together, now all of sudden you do? Why?”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  I put my head back down and sighed. Why couldn’t she ever just tell me what I wanted when I wanted? Oh, I knew eventually she would. That’s how she worked, but it was awfully frustrating right now.

  “Well, let’s start with he lied to me, left me, got engaged to a bimbo, oh and his parents loathe me. Are those good enough reasons?”

  She didn’t say anything for a while. She just stroked my hair, and I was content just letting her. Part of me wanted to curl up on her bed with her like I was a girl again and let her make it all better. Unfortunately, not even she could make this one better.

  “Let’s plan a trip for as soon as you can travel,” I said after several minutes of silence.

  “Sugar, look up at me.”

  I obeyed. She looked at me with eyes full of tenderness. “You can’t run away from this.”

  “But it’s over. There’s nothing to run away from.�
�

  “Sugar, I don’t think it’s over for you or for that Jackson boy, and I think you both deserve a second chance without the previous constraints.”

  I laid my head back down again and almost cried. “How could it ever work?”

  “Well, sugar, that’s something you and that boy will have to figure out. You just need to decide if it’s worth it and if he’s worth it.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Well, that was the million dollar question. Was Brady Jackson worth it? I had too many unanswered questions to know for sure, but after last night, they were probably going to stay that way.

  We spent the rest of the day discussing which place I should write my next book about. I had three destinations and plot lines in mind. It was between Sydney, Tokyo, or Rio de Janeiro. My aunt liked my Sydney story line the best because it surrounded the Opera House there. I told her we could work up some story boards while she stayed in the hospital. She seemed to like the idea.

  By evening she was tired and I was too, and I really didn’t want to eat hospital cafeteria food for dinner; lunch was enough. Doris had told me she would leave something for me to warm up. I really did need to get a cook in Atlanta. I said my goodbyes and headed home. On the way home, I contemplated the conversations we had about Brady. It was still perplexing to me that my aunt, of all people, wanted me to give Brady a second chance. I still wasn’t ruling out the possibility that I’d been pulled into a parallel universe or that I was in a coma. I wished she would come clean about her motives, or about the so called information she had come across about the two of us, but I knew she wouldn’t until she was good and ready, or until her plans either worked or failed.

  I walked straight back to the kitchen when I got back to the house. Something smelled fabulous. I found a crockpot full of cheesy potato soup and, to top it off, a loaf of freshly made bread. So, maybe Kaysville wasn’t all bad. I returned the emails I had been neglecting all day while I ate. I was a great multi-tasker. After dinner and my distractions, I felt that pity party coming on.