Breathe Into Me

by Michelle Betham

  “Hey.”

  He swung around and threw her another of his wide smiles. “Hey, beautiful. Want some coffee?”

  She nodded and walked over to him, pulling him to her by his shirt collar. “Just not as much as I want you.”

  He’d no sooner pressed his mouth against hers than they were interrupted by the buzzing of the intercom at the gates, and Aaron sighed, pulling away from her. “We could ignore it?”

  Quinn shook her head. “No. You’d better go see who it is.”

  He backed away into the hall and Quinn turned her attention to the coffee.

  “Quinn, it’s Harry.”

  Aaron’s voice made her swing back around. “Harry? Why’s he coming here? At this time?”

  Aaron shrugged. “He just said he needed to see us.”

  “Us?” Quinn frowned as she headed out into the hall. “Why’s he need to see us?” She flung open one half of the huge double doors of their Beverly Hills home as Harry’s car pulled up outside, and she watched as he almost ran up the steps that led to the house. “Harry…?”

  He stopped on the doorstep and looked from Quinn to Aaron. “OK. I’m assuming neither of you have seen a newspaper or turned on a TV this morning, then.”

  “Huh?” Quinn’s frown deepened, and she looked at Aaron but he just shrugged.

  Harry raised his eyebrows and looked from her to Aaron again. “Well? Is somebody gonna do something here? And I know you’ve got numerous TVs in this house, so, let’s try switching one of them on, OK?”

  “Harry? What’s going on?” Quinn asked, following him and Aaron back into the kitchen.

  “Just switch the TV on, Quinn.”

  She did as he asked, and the second one of the most-watched morning TV shows in America flickered onto the screen she felt her whole world start to crumble around her.

  “They’re running it on an almost constant loop,” Harry said. “Have been since six-thirty this morning.”

  Quinn turned to look at him. “And you waited over an hour to tell us?”

  “I assumed you’d have either seen the TV, read a newspaper, looked at some form of social media, but, when I heard nothing from you I… I thought it best I come see you. Both of you. In person.”

  She turned to look at Aaron, his hand sliding into hers and she clung onto it. “Baby, I am so sorry…”

  “Hey, come on, this isn’t your fault, Quinn.”

  “Really? You think that, huh? This mess, it isn’t my fault?”

  “It doesn’t matter whose fucking fault it is,” Harry sighed, helping himself to a coffee. “What matters now is that we have to deal with it. All of it. Carter’s already on it, so, there’s a chance we can try and limit at least some of the fallout.”

  Aaron glanced at Harry, his hand still clinging tightly onto Quinn’s. “Are the press…?”

  “Outside? Yeah. So don’t expect a quiet ride to work this morning.”

  “Does Lukas know?” Quinn whispered, her eyes fixed on the TV screen as she watched secrets and lies being exposed for all the world to see.

  “Right now, Quinn, I don’t give a fuck about Lukas. He has his own people to deal with this, I’m only concerned about you.”

  “We’ll be fine,” Aaron said, pulling Quinn to him, kissing the top of her head.

  “Yeah, you will, because I’m dealing with it.”

  Quinn turned away from the TV to face Harry. “He’s married?”

  “Yeah,” Harry sighed again, taking a long sip of extra-strong coffee. “And it would seem that marriage is one hell of a messed up affair. I mean, Dawn Jenner never made a secret of the fact she was in love with Lukas Drake, but marrying him? To help him get over you? What the hell was she thinking?”

  Quinn looked back at the TV where a slightly over-made-up Dawn Jenner was being interviewed, spilling out all those secrets, telling everyone how she’d found out about Lukas and Quinn sleeping together, at his Venice home; how Aaron knew all about it, how he didn’t seem to mind that his wife and her ex were back in bed together. She was making it sound like the most twisted kind of love triangle. “How much do you think she knows, Harry?”

  “I really don’t know. Like I said, Carter’s working on it, but as far as we’re aware she knows nothing about Noah.”

  Aaron gave Quinn’s hand another squeeze and she looked up at him, and she smiled a small smile but she was scared. And she was angry, because this shouldn’t be happening; this wouldn’t be happening if she’d just walked away from this movie, like Harry had wanted her to. Like she should’ve done.

  “Come on,” she said, pulling herself together because this was not going to break them. She and Aaron, they were stronger than this. “Let’s go.”

  “Hang on, Quinn. We need to talk about this first.”

  She looked at Harry. “What’s there to talk about?”

  “You slept with Lukas Drake, and the whole fucking world knows that now. All those rumors that were flying around, you’ve given them weight, proved them right…”

  “Those rumors weren’t true…”

  “No, but nobody’s gonna care about that, Quinn, because this just backs up all the crap. And no one… no one, kiddo, is gonna leave you alone now. They’re not gonna leave any of you alone, and the fact all three of you are working together for the next few weeks, Jesus, this is like fucking heaven to all of them out there. As far as they’re all concerned you three are the only thing this town is concerned with right now, so you are gonna be hounded wherever you go. You know that, don’t you? I mean, you’re not some wet-behind-the-ears starlet who doesn’t understand the way this place works, so be ready, Quinn. For the shit that’s about to happen. For the questions and the assumptions and the strain it’s gonna put on your marriage because it is gonna put a strain on your marriage. And I need you both to understand that. They are gonna pull you apart, scrutinize your every move and even if you both turn up on-set this morning claiming to be more in love than ever before everyone is just gonna think you’ve been told to say that. That you’re just putting up this front for the media. Are you ready for those accusations?”

  “Harry, come on…”

  “No, Aaron, I need to make sure you both get this. This is one fucked up scenario we’re dealing with here, even by this town’s standards, so I need to know that you understand what could happen.”

  Aaron looked at Quinn, and she nodded, closing her eyes as he kissed her gently. “We’re gonna be OK, baby.”

  “Jesus…” Harry sighed, raking a hand back through his graying hair. “I’m not getting that either of you understand…”

  “We understand, Harry, all right?” Quinn’s tone was sharp, but despite what Harry thought, she understood completely what was happening here; what they were going to have to face for what could be months now. She understood. But she also knew that this was a fight she and Aaron could win. Putting Lukas Drake behind her wasn’t going to be quite as easy as she’d first thought it was going to be, but she could do it. And if she had to play this fight out in public to prove to the world that she was over him, then that’s exactly what she’d do.

  Twenty

  “Where is she?”

  Harry swung around and stared at Lukas’s hand as it gripped his upper arm. “She’s in her trailer. Now, do you want to let go of me?”

  Lukas dropped Harry’s arm and swept a hand back through his hair. “I need to talk to her.”

  “No, what you need to do is keep this professional. You hear me? You do your job, you get this movie made, and you try to ignore all the shit that’s currently hitting the fan. Jesus, Lukas, what the hell were you thinking? And please – please tell me you didn’t tell her about Noah?”

  Lukas felt a pull on his heart at the mention of his son – the baby he hadn’t even known existed until a few weeks ago. But it hurt like it had only just happened. “Give me some credit, Harry.”

  “So, what have you told her, huh? She got anything else up her sleeve? Some other ticking time-bo
mb just waiting to explode?”

  “We rarely spent any time together, Harry. I mean… I don’t… I don’t even know why I did what I did, I just – this is what she does to me. Quinn. I needed a distraction, something to try and make me forget…”

  “I can’t believe I’m hearing this. This isn’t a fucking game, Lukas. Did Dawn deserve any of that? Or do you just make a habit of destroying women’s lives?”

  “Dawn knew exactly what she was getting into, I didn’t force her to do anything.”

  “Do you even understand what a sick set up that was? Hmm? Do you actually get that? And you didn’t think that, one day, she might actually get tired of all the crap? That this might actually happen?”

  “I was stupid. Naïve. I didn’t think this through.”

  “And finally we agree on something.”

  Lukas held Harry’s gaze. “Is Quinn… Is she OK?”

  “Oh, she’s just fine, Lukas. No, seriously, she is. She’s dealing with it. With Aaron by her side.”

  Lukas turned his head away for a second, sticking his hands in his pockets, aware of another commotion concerning press and paparazzi going on over by the cordons at the edge of the set. Security had had to be increased after this morning’s revelations, and keeping the crowds of people who’d turned up wanting to see what fallout this was going to cause on-set at bay was becoming a nightmare. But he was trying to carry on as normal. He didn’t have much choice. The studio had already had a word, made their feelings very clear, so he just had to grit his teeth and get on with it, even though he was more than aware that the bosses and the money men were all but clapping their hands at everything that was happening. There was no such thing as bad publicity as far as movies were concerned, and in their eyes this was something sent from fucking heaven to put this movie at the forefront of everyone’s minds.

  “I need to see her, Harry.”

  “You’ll see her on-set.”

  “Jesus, Harry, come on! This concerns me and Quinn, and I think I…”

  “She’s with her husband, Lukas. Because, y’know, this involves him, too. And if anything, Aaron has been dealt the worst possible hand in all of this so, you leave them alone, OK? Just do your job.”

  Lukas watched as Harry strode off in the direction of Quinn’s trailer, and for a second he did nothing. He didn’t move, didn’t even breathe, he just stood there. It was like his mind had suddenly gone blank, he couldn’t put a thought together. Couldn’t work out what to do next. And then he pulled his phone out of his pocket, hit Dawn’s number, and let his anger take over. He was just going to take this? Really?

  “What the fuck are you playing at?”

  “I did warn you, Lukas.”

  “Do you have any idea what you’ve done? The kind of crap you’ve caused?”

  “I take it she didn’t come running straight into your arms. But then, if I was married to Aaron Rogers I’m not sure I’d trade him in for a twisted prick like you, either.”

  “You had no need to do this, Dawn. We could’ve talked…”

  “When, Lukas? Huh? Do you want to tell me exactly when that conversation might have taken place? Because, it’s really difficult to talk when I never fucking see you.”

  “I told you I would’ve come over…”

  “Too late. It was too late. I could live with you dreaming about her. I could live with you wanting her, fantasizing about her, I could live with all of that when it was inside your head. But seeing you with her – actually seeing you together, that was different. That was the end. That changed everything…”

  “Dawn, please…”

  “The photographs are about to be released. Everyone’s going to see you and your ex-wife together, but, y’know, seeing as you and her started your whole relationship fucking in front of the world, this shouldn’t be too much of a shock for anyone, really. Should it?”

  She hung up and Lukas closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall, taking a long, deep breath. He’d anticipated this. He hadn’t wanted this. All he’d ever wanted was Quinn, back in his life. He’d had her, back in his bed, and he’d just let her go. And now this – something that could guarantee she’d never be his again. Or something that could guarantee that coming back to him was the only possible outcome…

  ***

  Quinn knew what it was like to put on a face that screamed everything was OK, really, it was, while underneath her world was falling apart. She’d had enough practice. She’d just thought the days of Lukas Drake causing her to go out there, in public, and pretend he wasn’t affecting her were over. But she was good, at operating on auto-pilot. She’d done it so many times it was almost a default setting.

  “You all right?” Harry asked, closing the trailer door behind him and handing Quinn a mug of tea, which made her smile. She always drank tea when she was stressed or tired or upset, and Harry had never forgotten that.

  “I’m fine. Thanks, for this.”

  Harry dismissed her thanks and sat down on the couch opposite her, clasping his hands together between his knees. “The photographs – we tried to stop them getting out there, but we were too late. Carter did all he could, and he’s still trying, but in this age of social media…”

  “It’s OK, Harry, really. Dawn is obviously set on causing the most damage she possibly can, and it’s also obvious she’s releasing whatever information she has in waves. I get that now. So, I guess we’ve all just got to sit tight and wait and see what she throws at us next.”

  Harry frowned. “We are dealing with this, Quinn. Carter, he’s the best there is, you know that, and he’s doing all he can…”

  “I know. I know he is, and I am more than grateful, but it’s out there now, isn’t it? I mean, how can we deny actual evidence that I was sleeping with Lukas Drake? We can’t, can we? The proof is there, for everyone to see. Including Aaron.”

  “Those photographs were taken without your permission.”

  “I have photographs taken without my permission every day, Harry.”

  “That situation was private, Quinn. And we will get them pulled, eventually.”

  “What does it matter now, huh? They’ve been out there long enough for everyone to see, and I can’t deny what happened. I cheated on Aaron, with Lukas. I proved everyone right. I lived up to the rumors.”

  “How did Aaron take it?”

  “Seeing his wife splashed all over the media having sex with her ex-husband? Oh, he took it on the chin, Harry. He’s absolutely fine with it.”

  “Quinn…”

  “He’s OK.” She sighed, raking a hand back through her hair. “He’s taking it how you’d expect him to take it, although, I have no idea how he’s getting through today’s filming.”

  “He’s got no scenes with Lukas today, and apparently Jake’s directing all his stuff for the next day or so. Everyone’s been real quick to deal with this. To try and limit the damage…”

  “Is that deliberate? Jake taking over Aaron’s scenes? Is that because of this…?”

  Harry shrugged. “I don’t know, to be honest, but I’m assuming so.”

  Quinn took a sip of tea and looked down, her hands clasping the mug as she stared down into the strong, dark liquid. “I thought Aaron and I really had turned a corner, after everything that had happened. I mean, this morning, things were so… We were so happy, Harry. And then this. And I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know how we move forward, now.”

  “You and Aaron need to talk, there’s no doubt about that. Maybe when you get home, tonight…”

  They both looked up at the door as Lukas walked in, and Harry stood up, immediately holding out a hand to stop him coming any further inside. “This isn’t a good idea, Lukas.”

  “I need to talk to Quinn.”

  Quinn stood up too, gently touching Harry’s arm and he lowered it, looking at her. “Are you sure?”

  “Avoiding him only fuels the fire even more, Harry. Everyone knows what we did, so hiding away is a bit pointless now, isn’t it?
”

  Harry looked at Lukas. “We’re trying to deal with this, all right? So don’t make the situation any worse than it already is.”

  Quinn waited until Harry had left the trailer before she turned her attention to Lukas. “Did you know she was going to do this?”

  “Of course I didn’t. Jesus, Quinn, if I’d known…”

  She sat down on the arm of the couch, her eyes never leaving his. “Married, huh?”

  “Quinn, please, I can…”

  She held up a hand. She didn’t want to hear it. She just wanted this to be over. “Explain? Is that what you were going to say? You can explain? This?”

  “I was messed up, Quinn. OK, I was sober – I was clean, I thought my head was sorted, you know? When I came out of rehab. But I was still messed up, over you. And when I heard you and Aaron were together…”

  “This is my fault?”

  “No, baby… No. I was just… I never stopped loving you…”

  “Oh, you did, Lukas. You did. Every time you walked out of our home to party like some adolescent teenager; every time you never came back. Every time you were Christ knows where sleeping with Christ knows who and not giving me a second thought, you stopped loving me. It was me who never stopped loving you, because I was living our life. I was there. All the fucking time.”

  “Quinn, I’m sorry…”

  “That’s just a word to you, Lukas. It doesn’t mean a thing when you say it because I’ve heard it so many times before.”

  “Quinn…”

  “Don’t… don’t, touch me. Don’t.”

  “If I could turn back the clock…”

  “Oh, Jesus, do you want to pull out another cliché?”

  “What do you want me to say, Quinn? Huh? What do you want me to do?”

  “I want you to not be here, Lukas. I want this not to be happening, because I don’t understand…” She stood up and leaned back against the wall, her fingers clenched in her hair, the frustration building. “I want you to not say the things you say to me.”

  “Why?” He took a step forward, moving that little bit closer to her and she didn’t stop him. She was too exhausted, too tired, to stop him. “Why, Quinn?”