Myth-Fortunes m-19

by Robert Asprin

  I remembered the shadow cast upon the curtains in Diksen's ball of water, and realized that the woman had the silhouette of a Necrop. "Does his mother live with him?"

  "Oh, yes. He would not have it any other way. What a good son. Any Necrop would be proud to call him hers. He is a veritable Te-di!"

  I knew the Aegistian word for soft, cuddly person. "That's not how he struck us," I said. My bruises had been healed by the Necrop magik, but I remembered vividly where they were. The Dorsals had pummeled me thoroughly.

  "Oh, well, he will only be harsh upon those he feels have slighted Maul-De," Aswana said. Groups of people were leaving their seats to take papyrus sheets and reed pens from a scribe. "Look, they are beginning the scavenger hunt. O Skeeve, will you be my partner?"

  "I suppose so," I said, without enthusiasm.

  "It lacks yet another hour or more until we can take you home," Aswana said. "Please. It is so seldom we have visitors from the surface!" She gave me such a winsome look that I relented.

  "All right," I agreed. She ran to get the list, and we set off.

  We left the palace and entered the city's main street. Other teams started out ahead of us, but zipped off into side streets, leaving only a few on the main thoroughfare. I was surprised how gaudy everything was. The buildings had been painted all over with glyphs and pictographs. Except for merchandise hanging up outside the shops or in the windows, I could never have guessed from the exterior what any of them sold. The Necrops loved bright colors and brilliant white. They were the liveliest people I had ever seen who looked as if they had been dead for centuries. There was a tavern or an inn on every corner, beaming with lamps. The barmaids did a brisk trade in mugs of beer. Each establishment was full of people singing and dancing and laughing.

  And drinking. A sozzled Necrop staggered out of the nearest and almost into my arms.

  "Happy days, friend!" he cried. He patted me on the back and staggered for support from lamp post to statue to planter to lamp post down the street. Aswana smiled after him. She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to one side of the road to consult the list.

  "We are to find the painting of a tomb of a Ghord who serves ice cream to the Ancients," Aswana said,

  consulting the glyphs on the unrolled papyrus. "This way! I know where that lies!"

  I followed her past many squared and triangular buildings.

  "Are these tombs? I thought they were houses."

  "Our houses are side by side with those who have passed," Aswana said cheerfully. "We feel less lonely knowing they are near us. We also give homes to those who fell through the sands but were not as lucky as you, O Skeeve. Like that one."

  She pointed to a small building indistinguishable from the houses to either side, except that the door and windows were sealed up. Statues stood outside every building, some with their left feet forward, others with their right feet ahead. This house had the figure of a Ghord with his left foot out. I could only imagine what Deveels would have thought of wasting so much real estate. I already knew what my fellow Klahds would feel about it. I shivered as we went past.

  Two blocks further down, Aswana swung to a halt at a wall that had been painted white, then decorated with figures. The Ghords tended to carve their inscriptions, while in Lower Aegis, where no sandstorms would scour them off, the Necrops painted theirs. As Aswana had said, a Ghord with the head of a hawk stood with his hands up, as if he was pushing the golden dish full of multi-colored scoops toward a host of elderly Ghords with fancy hats. Aswana offered our list to the painted figure. Its flat hands reached out of the painting like those of a paper doll and inscribed a glyph on our list.

  "That's one," Aswana laughed. "Now we need to find a tribute to the Ancients that directs its energy downward. What can that be?"

  I looked around, feeling that I wasn't going to be much help in this game. Then I spotted it. Attached to the high, sandy ceiling was a structure that looked exactly like the one that Diksen had built on the west side of the desert.

  "Is that a pyramid?" I asked, astonished.

  "Yes!" exclaimed Aswana. "That is the first of the great dynastic tombs, dating back many thousands of years. Our kings and queens abide eternally in them."

  "But it's upside down," I said. How did it keep from falling? Was it growing there? "Diksen built one just like that, but right side up."

  Aswana grinned at me. "Point down is the normal way they are built. Only Diksen would think of building one with the point up. He is so funny! It will get buried in the sand that way, and no one will ever find it! These can never be lost."

  "There's more than one of them?" I asked, looking around.

  "There is one for every dynasty. They are all over Necropolis. You will see more of them as we continue our scavenger hunt. See-Ker's is out in the countryside at the far edge of the city. Someday he will join his ancestors in it, but in the meantime they are enjoying it as a picnic spot. It has a good view of the city!"

  "How big is this city?" I asked.

  "Oh, enormous," Aswana said. "It would take many days to travel from one edge to another."

  I did some mental calculations and realized that Lower Aegis must be as large as Upper Aegis. Hard to

  believe, but it must be true.

  "Why has no one up there ever mentioned this country to us?" I asked.

  Aswana looked sad. "They never come here. I think they are ashamed of us."

  I was sorry to have brought her mood down. "Well, I think that has to be our second clue, don't you?" I asked, brightly. "Come on, let's go add it to our list!"

  "O Skeeve, you are so kind!" Aswana hugged me in her bony arms. She got up and started running toward the upside-down pyramid. I followed her, feeling a little cheered up myself.

  The painted figures all turned to look at us as we left.

  It took a couple of hours to collect glyphs from all the locations on the list. At the sound of a horn blaring through the stone-lined streets, Aswana and I returned to the royal palace. The contestants regrouped in the royal hall and turned in their tally sheets.

  The king's vizier stood forward to announce the results with the help of a couple of trumpeters.

  "The first place goes to Er-Rand and Ma-kna-lee." Everyone cheered as a pair of male Necrops stepped forward. The king looped gold medals around their necks. "In second place, the visitor Skeeve and Aswana."

  "Oh, Skeeve!" Aswana squealed, delighted. "I never guessed we would do so well!"

  "It's all you," I said, grinning in spite of myself. "I wasn't much help."

  "Oh, but you were!"

  "I have silver medals for you both," the king said, beckoning us forward.

  "Thanks, your majesty," I said, bowing low, "but the only reward I need is to get back up to the surface."

  See-Ker smiled. "Then we shall go. The time has come at last. The sun will be starting to set on the surface." He clapped his hands. "Forgive me, my friends, but let the entertainment continue without us for a while! Visitor Skeeve, please accompany me."

  Chapter 21

  "The reports of my death have been exaggerated."

  —Arthur, Rex

  A horde of servants and a few courtiers accompanied the king down a long hallway. The floor, like that in the throne room, was made of jeweled mosaic, though the ceiling, like everyplace else I had seen so far in Necropolis, looked like compressed sand. Aswana and I followed See-Ker, who pointed out interesting artifacts in niches and alcoves along the hallway.

  "... And that is a bust of my father, Thoth-Fal the Third. He was a great man, a great thinker, always seeking to enlarge our knowledge of our native wildlife. I wish you would stay longer and see his water gardens. They are the finest anywhere. Such fruit! Such flowers!"

  "Maybe I can come back some day," I said. Aswana squeezed my arm.

  "You would be very welcome," See-Ker said. His servants ran on ahead of us and threw open the gigantic double doors at the end of the corridor. "Now, let's get going. Behold the Lunar Boa
t!"

  I followed him into the huge chamber and gawked.

  Balanced on a pair of cradles was the largest boat I had ever seen. It was made of a white, polished wood that looked like ivory. Round openings along the upper hull could accommodate oars, but the boat also had masts for sails. The long keel was flat for most of its length, turning up only at the prow and stern. On either side of the prow were two enormous eyes. Underneath one of them was a single glyph.

  "It means 'She in the shape of the yellow tree fruit like the crescent moon that sails beneath moonlight at the command of his majesty the king of Lower Aegis under the protection of the Ancients and all magikal powers,' whispered Aswana.

  "The king's banana boat," I said. "But what does it sail on?"

  "Sand," See-Ker said, laughing. "I can sail anywhere in the Underworld with this vessel." "I mean, what propels it?"

  "Moonlight. It only needs to be charged once per month, when the moon above Aegis is full. It is very economical to operate. Come aboard!"

  Several servants lowered a gangplank for us. See-Ker started aboard. A dancing girl preceded him, throwing flower petals at his feet. The courtiers filed on, no doubt in order of precedence. Aswana and I came last. Everyone settled into decl chairs facing the bow, each with a flower-shaped canopy.

  Servants wrapped the king and all his courtiers in linen bands until only their eyes showed. I thought again of that preserved corpse at my school. The traveling adventurer had told us it was a demon, dried out and blackened by its evil life. That 'demon' must have been short for 'dimensional traveller,' and the body must have been that of a Necrop, probably stolen out of one of the ornate tombs the Necrops used to honor their dead. Now I felt sorry for whoever it had been. If my path ever crossed that adventurer's path again, I would bring the body home to Ghord. The servants came to me with their arms full of bandages.

  "No, thanks," I said, fending them off. "I've got my jacket."

  "Ah, but you will need these, O Skeeve," the king said. All I could see now were his eyes. His crown and headdress had been set on top of his wrapped head. A slit was cut in the bandages so he could speak. "It is very cold in the passage among the sands, and the dust that kicks over the bows is abrasive even to toughened skins."

  "Well, all right." Reluctantly, I allowed the servants to wind linen around my legs, neck, and face. I was nervous as a servant with a huge knife bore down on me, but the dramatic slash only opened the space over my mouth. I patted the place gingerly with my fingers and looked at them, but there was no blood. They carefully threaded tiny bandages around my fingers so it looked as if I were wearing gloves.

  "There! You look just like one of us, O Skeeve. Most handsome. Are you married?" See-Ker asked.

  "Uh, no," I said, nervously. "Why?"

  "The ladies of my court found you most attractive," See-Ker said. I glanced at Aswana, who lowered her bony chin into her wrappings and giggled. "If you wished, you could have many of them at your beck."

  I fingered my collar nervously. "To tell you the truth, your majesty, I'm looking for a girl who likes

  sunlight."

  "Ah, well," See-Ker said. "But come back again to visit us any time."

  The navigator came to ask me a few specific questions about our destination. I did my best to tell him where on the surface I wanted him to go, though I had never measured the actual distance from, say, Waycross's Tomb to the And Company site. He nodded and unrolled charts, which he showed to the captain, an older Necrop with bowed legs. The captain shouted orders. A few of the servants ran to pick up huge palm fronds and stand by us, ready to fan at See-Ker's command. Oarsmen took their places on benches that faced the rear of the boat and threaded oars through the holes in the sides of the boat.

  "One, two! One, two!" the coxswain at the prow shouted through a megaphone. "Put some life into it!"

  The rowers dipped the oars and began to pull. It felt as if nothing was happening at first. Then I felt the boat lift. The rowers hauled faster and faster. The boat made for the sand ceiling. I thought we would plow right into it, but a space opened up ahead of us about six or seven feet deep, like a bow wave. As See-Ker had predicted, sand blew over the rails and showered all of us. The servants with the fans batted most of it away, but I got a mouthful of moist, fine grains. I spat them out, to the merriment of the court.

  'The King's Banana Boat' plowed upward at an angle, giving me the privilege of watching my descent to Lower Aegis in reverse, conscious and in comfort, in contrast to my arrival.

  I thought that the inside of a desert would be featureless, but to my surprise, we passed small huts, occupied by a Necrop or two and a couple of animals. Other ruins, both right side up and upside down, appeared, giving me time for a quick, curious glance before they vanished again. The tillerman never struck any of them. He must have known his route well. I had been lucky not to get caught in any of the ancient buildings myself. I never would have beeen found. I tried not to think about how close that fall had come to killing me and tried to enjoy the trip upward instead.

  The surrounding sand started to get drier and hotter. I didn't need the increased activity of the boat's crew to know that we were close to our destination. 'The King's Banana Boat' tipped upward more acutely. Light broke around us for the first time.

  Like everyone else aboard, I shielded my eyes against the blinding brightness of the sky. My eyes got used to the orange light in moments, and I realized sheepishly that the sun had just set. It was almost twilight. I had become accustomed to a land of near darkness.

  Pop!

  The bubble protecting us from the sand burst as 'The King's Banana Boat' thudded onto the surface and skimmed along the desert sands beside a gleaming, broad ribbon of a river. I stood up to scan the horizon.

  I was relieved to see that the captain and the navigator had worked out from my scanty directions the best way back to the Valley of Zyx. We were within a couple of miles of Samwise's pyramid. The flat top, with a few new stones sticking up like baby teeth, beckoned to me. I felt like taking off and flying there, but I might not have been as fast as the lunar boat. Free now from having to tunnel, it whizzed along like a dragon.

  "How strange to see a pyramid being constructed the wrong way up," See-Ker said, eyeing Diksen's pyramid to our left. "It is a funny idea."

  I glanced at the people moving around on the flagstone paths that lay around the work area. It seemed as if the usual population of the site had doubled or tripled in the last couple of days.

  "Who are all those people?" I asked.

  "They do not look happy," See-Ker said.

  You couldn't have sailed a boat like 'The King's Banana Boat' anywhere without attracting a lot of attention, so I wasn't surprised when Ghords on the site started shouting and pointing in our direction. They began to gather in large crowds, each Ghord with a torch in one hand and a tool or implement in the other. I was puzzled. When we got a little closer, I could hear what they were saying.

  "Go home, Necrops! Go home, Necrops!"

  See-Ker shook his head. "Why can't we all just get along?" he asked.

  A flying wedge of black specks came hurtling toward us. "King See-Ker?" called the lead Scarab. "Yes, it is I," the head Necrop said. "Is that you, Beltasar?"

  "It is, sir. Perhaps you should not come here today. There has been some trouble, and the Ghords are restless."

  As soon as I recognized the site manager, I started to unwind the wrappings around my face.

  "It's okay," I said, pushing the bandages off my head. I combed my hair out with my fingers. "They're just bringing me back here."

  "Skeeve!" the Scarab sang. The rest of the workers surrounded me. "Everyone is upset over you, especially Aahz."

  "I know," I said, grimly. "Just make sure we can dock, okay?"

  "Leave it to me!"

  Shrilling out orders, Beltasar led her winged beetles back across the narrowing expanse of desert. They buzzed the Ghords until the line of carvers and illuminators broke u
p into small groups and put down their tools. Beltasar buzzed back to us.

  "All set! I told them you are on board. It is good news, even if the Necrops scare them."

  "You've met the king?" I asked. "I didn't see any Scarabs in Lower Aegis."

  "Oh, yes," Beltasar said, proudly. "I learned stonemasonry from Necrop masters sent to Scarab Polytechnic University by his majesty. Class of 7492! He came to our graduation," the beetle added proudly. "He gave me my diploma with his own hands! I shall never forget that day, and neither will my nine thousand, eight hundred and six children."

  By the time the lunar boat pulled up against the long stone pier, the way had been cleared.

  The Ghords cowered back from the Necrop sailors who jumped out and made the boat fast, but as soon as I came off, they crowded around me, pounding my back and singing.

  "We must give praise to the Ancients for your safe return!" exclaimed Ay-Talek, the chief scribe. She ran toward the nearest shrine and began to fling flower petals over the figure of the Ancient.

  "Hapi-Ar will be glad that you are back!" Lol-Kit agreed. "I must go and thank him for your safe delivery!"

  "That's great," I said. She smiled and scooted away through the crowd. I turned to Pe-Kid, the green-faced Ghord. "Where's . . . ?"

  "And so will Oris, She of the Dual Personalities," he said. "I shall just go and offer two kinds of thanks ..."

  I grabbed him before he could run off. "Aahz. Where's Aahz?"

  "We have not seen him for hours," Pe-Kid said, regarding me with surprise. "He has been in conference. Yesterday he mustered all of the Camels in the area to search the sands below Diksen's domicile. When they were not successful, he went over the hills to the Pharaoh's palace and returned with one of the royal Sphinxes. The next morning, all these people came."

  I glanced over at the crowd of strangers. To my surprise, I saw they were Klahds. They weren't wearing uniforms, but they were all large, fit, and armed, like military men. I thought I recognized a few of the faces.