Bound by Her

by Danielle Fox

  As I climbed back into the cold car all I could think about was Emily, my head filled with images of her warm body pressed against me, my senses craving her touch, her sweet smell. I pulled my phone from my pocket, 10.34pm. I wondered if she might still be awake.

  ‘You still up?’

  I pressed send and clutched my phone in my hand as I awaited a reply. Within seconds it came and I let out an audible sigh of relief.

  ‘Of course I am, I’m worried sick! Are you okay?’

  ‘I’ll be there in ten.’

  The simple ten minute drive to Emily’s apartment seemed to take forever, and I must admit I drove a little faster than necessary. This was possibly the longest I had been away from Emily since I met her and honestly, it was painful.

  I tapped gently on the door and as soon as it opened I threw my arms around Emily and inhaled deeply as I nuzzled my nose in her hair. She smelled incredible of her usual berries and vanilla and that extra scent that I still couldn’t place. It was a good job Samantha hadn’t answered as I didn’t even pause for long enough to look at her before she was in my embrace. That could have been awkward.

  “Hello.” She giggled. “I missed you too.”

  “Oh Emily, you have no idea,” I murmured against her forehead before pressing my lips firmly against it.

  “Do you want a drink or something to eat?”

  “No, let’s just go to bed.”

  I took her hand in mine and led her up the stairs. I knew she was still out of action, so to speak, but the thought of simply having her skin against mine was enough.

  “What happened? Is your mum okay?” Emily asked as she traced invisible patterns on my naked chest with her fingertips.

  “My father has been released.”

  Her head shot up from my chest and her worried eyes searched my face. “What does that mean?”

  “That means that he’ll soon be coming here, no doubt. He called my mother and threatened her, that’s why she tried to kill herself, not because of me.” It felt good, in a strange way, to say those words. Knowing that she hadn’t been harming herself because of my own selfishness allowed my guilt to subside.

  “He knows where your mum is?” Emily gasped, her eyes revealing nothing but panic.

  “He did, that’s why I’ve moved her. She’s not far from here so I can keep an eye on things.”

  “What does he want with her?”

  “He wants revenge, I assume. He wants Natalie and he’ll do whatever it takes to get to her. It seems he’s starting with my mother,” I said, feeling my jaw tighten.

  “What are you going to do? Are you going to the police? If he threatened her there then there must be record of...”

  “No police,” I interrupted. “I’m going to find him before he finds us,” I told her, truthfully. And I meant it. I couldn’t fucking wait to get my hands on him.

  “But, isn’t he dangerous?”

  “Yes, but so am I. I won’t let him hurt my family again,” I promised as my arm instinctively tightened around Emily’s waist.

  Emily’s hand stilled and I felt her chest expand as she inhaled deeply. “Julian?” she almost whispered with the subtle tremble in her voice that never failed to reveal her uncertainty.

  “Yes?”

  “What did Natalie do?” Her warm breath breezed across my chest as she finally released it.

  “She didn’t do anything,” I snapped. “It was my father who did wrong, not Natalie.” I noticed my pulse had quickened considerably and my entire body had tensed. God, what was wrong with me, couldn’t my fiancée ask what any normal person would be thinking without me getting my back up? “I’m sorry,” I whispered, pressing a kiss against her hair. “It’s difficult to talk about that’s all.”

  “It’s okay; you don’t have to tell me.” Her fingers began circling in my fine covering of chest hair again and my muscles instantly relaxed.

  “I want to tell you, I’m just not sure it’s my place.” I paused and sucked in a deep breath. “Natalie was the only single eye witness to my father’s crime, he expected her to keep her mouth shut but she didn’t. She testified against him and I know he’ll never forget it.”

  And I suppose now that I had revealed that much I couldn’t really stop there could I? And I realised I didn’t want to, either. It was almost a relief to finally be able to talk to someone about my fucked up family. Whether it was my place or not.

  “My father was into all sorts of crime, that was how he made his money. Someone came to the house one day looking for him and when my mother said he was out, he asked if he could come in and wait. Mum made a pot of tea and that was that, she was simply trying to be nice to her husband’s friend, but when he returned he wasn’t happy. Anyway, I don’t know all the details, I wasn’t there, but from what I understand of it, my father thought they were having an affair. He battered and raped my mother before smashing his friend’s head in with an ashtray.” I paused and rubbed at my forehead as if this was somehow going to erase the disturbing images from my brain. Emily remained silent and she was so perfectly still I was sure she wasn’t even breathing anymore. “Natalie saw the whole thing. I got home from school and found my mother half naked and unconscious in a pool of blood with a dead man by her side and Natalie sobbing on the stairs. My father had, of course, disappeared but Natalie told the police everything, including the part where he had sexually abused her repeatedly for as long as she could remember.” My fist clenched involuntarily against my forehead as my blood pulsed through my ears. Pain crushed my entire body as every inch of me trembled with anger. “How the fuck could I not have seen it? How could I not have known? She was just a child!”

  “Julian, so were you! Don’t blame yourself for something that was never in your control,” Emily soothed, raising her head to look into my moistened eyes as I pounded against my forehead with my fist.

  “I should’ve known,” I heard myself whisper as my voice broke and a steady stream of tears trickled across my temple and into my ear.

  As concerned as I was for my family’s safety, I had always secretly looked forward to the day when my father was released so I could get my hands on him. He would pay for what he did to her, to my baby sister, and I would be the one to make him. He’d be a very stupid man if he came anywhere near me, or my family.

  I woke much earlier than usual the following morning after a short and restless sleep. The sky was still pitch black and the stars were still visible. Emily’s breathing was deep and even and it seemed that every one of her limbs was entangled around me. I was sweating. I had to get up. I attempted to move my leg and winced slightly as it peeled away from her clammy skin, hoping I hadn’t woken her. I continued to wriggle myself free and she didn’t stir. Not once. I shrugged a t-shirt over my head and grabbed the closest pair of jogging bottoms from the drawer that Emily had cleared for my small selection of clothes and crept out of the bedroom, closing the door softly.

  I flicked on the kettle and rubbed at my burning eyes as I waited for the click to tell me the water had boiled. Although I knew the doors were solid enough to keep out the noise, the loud rumbling of the kettle seemed to echo around the silent apartment so I quickly flicked it back off and settled for a warm coffee instead.

  I must have been up for no longer than half an hour before I heard quick, light footsteps running across the floor above me. Seconds later, the kitchen door opened slowly and Maia peeked in cautiously, still snuggling her favourite teddy bear closely against her chin. Her only feature I could make out clearly in the dim light was her eyes. They looked huge and almost shone as they reflected the light from the table lamp next to where she stood. Then I realised why her eyes looked so huge, they were strained and wide, like she was frightened. My heart seemed to skip a beat and I leaned forwards slowly from where I sat at the table, taking care not to startle her. “Maia, sweetheart,” I whispered. Her head snapped up to meet my gaze and she instantly appeared to relax. I stood up, then, and rushed towards her. “You
okay, princess?” She nodded her head and a slight smile touched her lips before she held her hands up towards me, clenching and releasing her tiny fists as she stretched for me, and I melted. She was reaching for me. She was frightened, and she wanted me for comfort. Without hesitation, I swept her into my arms and hugged her against my chest, feeling the warmth spread through me as her arms clung to my neck. Something wasn’t right. She was frightened. Terrified, even. Her body was tensed against mine and the way she was clinging to me had me panicking.

  “What’s wrong, baby?” I asked, pulling her away slightly so I could see her face. Her large eyes tightened as her brows lowered into a frown. She looked utterly adorable. The most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on.

  “Me scared,” she whimpered before allowing her lips to drop at the corners.

  “Hey, what are you scared of?” I brushed her dark curls off her face, tucking them securely behind her ear.

  “Scary under my bed,” she replied in a voice so broken, but so sweet it made my chest ache. I felt a smile stretch my lips.

  “Under your bed, huh? Let’s go and see.”

  I tip-toed back up the stairs and Maia’s arms tightened around my neck as I walked into her room. I flicked on the light switch and then walked straight to the bed and pulled the cover up to reveal the space beneath it. I kept her tight against my chest, supporting her back with my arm, as I bent down to the floor and checked for monsters. “There, see. Nothing scary under the bed,” I whispered, aware that Samantha’s room was next door and thinking she wouldn’t be too impressed if I woke her during my monster hunt.

  “There,” she whispered, pointing an unsure finger towards the wardrobe. I smiled and went to the wardrobe, pulling each of the two doors open, one by one, and moving the clothes aside to show her that it was clear. Still not quite satisfied that her fear had been fully diminished, I continued to the chest of drawers and showed her inside each of those too.

  “See, there’s nothing to be scared of, baby. Not while I’m around,” I assured her, although I knew she could never understand just how true that simple statement was. I would give anything for this little girl clinging to my shoulders right now. Including my own life. “How about we make you some hot chocolate?” Maia let out a soft giggle and nodded her head enthusiastically. I smiled again and kissed her forehead. The fact that Maia had just willingly let me take her into a room that she believed was full of monsters, said more to me than words could ever describe. She trusted me. She felt safe with me. And that realisation was more than I could ever have hoped for.

  I kept Maia on my hip as I set about making hot chocolate. The whole one hand thing was tricky, but I soon mastered the skill. I had watched Emily do this a hundred times. Whether it was making a simple drink or fixing a whole meal, all tasks were accomplished with one hand while the other held onto Maia, and I often wondered how the hell she did it. It wasn’t quite as difficult as she sometimes made it look.

  I flicked through the channels on the TV until I found the Disney channel and nestled back into the sofa, pulling Maia beside me and handing her her cooled cup of chocolate. She grinned up at me after each noisy slurp and my heart clenched every goddamn time. I loved this little girl as much as I loved her mother. They were my life now, and I would never want it any other way.

  The music started for Sofia the Princess and Maia’s squeal caught me off guard. “Yay, princess, Daddy. Look!” She couldn’t contain her excitement as she bounced up and down on her bottom beside me. I grabbed her hot chocolate, before I ended up wearing it, and laughed loudly at her. Then it clicked. I scanned back over her words and realised what I had missed the first time. She had just called me Daddy. I felt my throat thicken but I swallowed hard, forcing myself to keep a check on my emotions. I wasn’t sure whether to correct her, or whether to ignore it. I wasn’t sure it was my place to correct her mistake. I decided to keep my mouth shut and speak to Emily about it. I didn’t want her to think I was letting Maia call me Daddy when she wasn’t around, but I also didn’t want her to think I was interfering by explaining the facts when it came to that very word. I ignored it, choosing to let the sound of it play over and over again in my head. And it sounded good. Amazing in fact. It was definitely something I could get used to.

  Emily was up and yawning in the doorway by the time Sofia had sang her last song. I set about making breakfast while Emily showered, managing to rustle up a bowl of cereal and cook bacon and eggs, all one handed as Maia insisted on helping and I certainly wasn’t going to complain. It wasn’t the easiest way of frying breakfast - standing sideways on, but it was either that or risk Maia being splattered by hot fat, which obviously wasn’t an option.

  Saturday had become my new favourite day. I got to spend the entire day with my two favourite girls, and I also got to spoil them.

  “You up for a day out today?” I called to Emily as soon as I heard the water shut off.

  “Where?” Her voice was muffled and she sounded like she was being strangled, she was obviously struggling with something. I chuckled to myself before realising that she may actually need help with something. I took the pan off the hob and carried Maia with me as I rushed to the bedroom.

  “You o...” I stopped in my tracks and a loud burst of laughter roared from my chest before I could even attempt to stop it. Emily was standing beside the bed. Her bottom half was wearing nothing but a thong, and her top half appeared to be stuck halfway between being dressed, and not. Her face was covered by the thick wool of her jumper and her arms were sticking upright above her head. Maia giggled as I tried to suppress my own laughter. “What the hell are you doing?” I choked.

  “It’s not bloody funny! Help!”

  Oh it was, it was very funny. But the tone of her voice told me she was extremely angry right now, so I placed Maia on her feet and rushed to Emily’s side. I made a feeble attempt at pulling the lodged jumper down over her breasts, but I was laughing so hard my arms felt like jelly.

  “No!” she almost screamed. “Off. Pull it off!”

  I pulled the jumper off her head in one tug to reveal her burning, flustered face. She was glaring at me, but I knew she was trying her damned hardest not to laugh.

  “You okay, baby?” I smirked.

  “You may laugh, I could’ve suffocated to death in there!” she huffed.

  After her face had returned to its normal colour and my giggling had subsided, Emily came to the conclusion that I had shrunk her jumper in the wash as she hadn’t worn it since the weekend we went to France to visit her father, and I, of course, had insisted on having her full case of clothes washed and dried when we returned to my apartment. Little did she know, I hadn’t done a single pile of washing myself in about five years. I’d have to have a word with Maria. She not only took care of the housekeeping in my apartment, but the washing and ironing, too.

  After Emily’s near death experience, my idea of a day out at the zoo seemed to have been pushed aside, so we spent the majority of the day watching DVDs and playing silly games as we all snuggled together on the sofa. That was the first time I had ever managed to practically sit in one place for an hour, let alone an entire day, but it was also one of the best days of my life. For once in my life I felt no insecurities, I had no worries, no distractions. I was simply surrounded by the two people I loved the most, and not once had I felt bored or restless. I couldn’t remember ever laughing so often, or ever feeling so at ease. This was it for me now, Natalie was right, I was a changed man. And I had no one to thank for that other than Emily.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The following week consisted of nothing but overly long days at work to catch up on the work I had missed recently. The Lounge still wasn’t ready to reopen and Ryan had informed me it would be around another week until it was. That had pissed me off, beyond belief. Emily wasn’t earning her usual tips whilst The Lounge was out of action, and given the fact that she refused to take a single penny from me, I was worried about how she was coping. I s
till paid her her weekly wage, but she wouldn’t take any more than that.

  Emily and Maia had spent every night at my apartment. Maia had gotten upset on the Saturday night, insisting there were monsters under the bed, so I had taken her to Hamley’s on the Sunday morning to choose as many teddy bears as she could possibly find. As soon as they were delivered, a couple of hours later, Maia and I had stuffed them all under the bed, lining them neatly and leaving no space big enough for a monster to squeeze into. After that, she hadn’t complained about the monsters again, which made me relax when going to bed at night. I still hadn’t mentioned the Daddy thing to Emily, and for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Maia hadn’t repeated her mistake since that morning, so I decided to let it go.

  I had stopped by to visit my mother every evening on my way home from work. She seemed to be settling in well and she hadn’t refused to take her meds once, or threatened any of the staff, which was apparently a first. I had finally started to think that she may have her illness under control. I was finally beginning to trust her again. There had been no more contact from my father so either he had given up and decided to be a law-abiding citizen, or he was taking his time to master up a plan. My guess would be the latter.

  I had been called to the police station on Wednesday. I couldn’t bring myself to tell Emily as I honestly feared just for a brief moment that I may never come out again. I had raced there at lunchtime, my palms sweating against the steering wheel as I wondered what they could possibly want from me. I had admitted the fact that I had assaulted him, so I did wonder if they had figured out that I had set the fire. My heart was in my mouth when the dick head officer, who had been in my apartment the morning after the fire at the club, had gestured me to sit. He had a stern, unwavering expression set across his pimple scarred face, it didn’t seem as though he was about to deliver me any good news. I had felt every single muscle in my body relax when I realised that they were in fact satisfied that Jay Maguire’s death was an accident. They had numerous eye witness statements to clarify that Jay, along with his accomplices, had assaulted numerous members of staff and clearly meant to do harm, and therefore they believed my story that Jay had started the blaze himself. He had been so badly burned that they had had to formally identify him using his dental records, which let me off the hook as there was nothing left of his face to reveal his battering beforehand. Thank fuck for that. I had had plenty of vicious fights in my life, some of which resulted in some nasty injuries, but never before had anyone died because of me. Yet, I couldn’t even bring myself to feel the slightest bit of remorse. Had I killed him myself, with my bare hands, maybe I would have done, but I hadn’t. The fire had killed him, not my hands. And therefore, my conscience was clear. I had told Emily as soon as I got home that evening that the case was as good as closed and she had reacted by literally pouncing on me from across the room and smothering me with her kisses. I still hadn’t told her what had really happened that night, and I was sure I never would. As far as she was concerned, he got trapped in the fire, and that was the end of it. And she seemed happy with that explanation.