April Fools

by Mari Carr

  Sunnie grinned. “The big gesture?”

  Fiona nodded.

  “Well, I’m glad you dumped Tiny Cock Brock.”

  “You gave him a nickname?”

  Sunnie shrugged. “Just now. All exes get nicknames.”

  Fiona laughed. “As much as I appreciate the comradery, I dumped him, so it’s not like there was any broken-hearted crying scene. Besides, that name’s not entirely accur—”

  “Nah nah nah,” Colm said loudly, fingers in his ears. “Don’t bother to fix it. It’s an insult that rhymes. That’s all that matters.”

  Lochlan was frowning again. “So what happened with Owen and Asher?”

  “They…” Fiona wasn’t sure what to say. How much detail to go into. Usually the people she confided in were Teddy, Owen and Asher. But she could hardly do that, considering it was two-thirds of the group seriously messing with her head at the moment.

  Then she had an epiphany. Wasn’t this why she’d opted to stay in the Collins Dorm? To be a genuine part of the close-knit family for once? To take part in their game nights and movie marathons, and to be able to talk to them face-to-face about all the crap rolling around inside her head?

  Colm leaned forward when she didn’t immediately answer. “What’s going on, Fee?”

  “I think they were coming on to me.”

  “I knew it!” Sunnie lit up, holding out a hand to the guys. Fiona wasn’t sure what to make of it when Lochlan and Colm both pulled out twenty-dollar bills and handed them to her.

  “Pretty sure you cheated,” Colm muttered.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I told them that Owen and Asher had the hots for you. Colm was pretty sure it was only Asher. Seems to think the guy’s been pining for you forever. Lochlan’s money was on Owen. Kept saying he never got over you after the breakup in college.”

  Fiona was flummoxed. Was it that obvious? And how had she missed the signs?

  Because of Brock. She’d spent the past five years with her head stuck up her own ass, trying to figure out how to turn Mr. Big Gesture into Mr. Right. “You formed these opinions just tonight?”

  Sunnie shook her head. “No. We made the bet tonight, when I came up and told the guys that things were getting hot and heavy downstairs. The basis for our opinions came from the times when you brought the guys home with you in the past. Although I sort of did have an advantage because I was in the pub earlier when you were dancing with both of them. Those were some pretty sexy dances.”

  “You didn’t divulge that information,” Colm said, eyeing the cash Sunnie quickly slid in the front pocket of her jeans. “You had an unfair advantage.”

  Sunnie shrugged unrepentantly. “You shouldn’t have left after one drink.”

  “I was tired. I’ve been at work all day.”

  “You also shouldn’t bet without knowing the odds.” She tsked. “Pop Pop would be so disappointed if he knew.”

  Fiona laughed. “I can’t believe you placed a bet on this.”

  Sunnie gave her a disbelieving look. “Seriously? We bet on everything.”

  Well…that was true.

  “Gamblers Anonymous aside,” Fiona said, “What the hell am I supposed to do about this?”

  “Fuck them?” Sunnie asked. The answer was pure Aunt Riley.

  “Helpful, Sun,” Colm muttered, though his tone proved he didn’t believe that at all.

  “Why isn’t that helpful? They’re both hot and hot for her.”

  “I’m going to side with Colm on this. Sex fucks things up, and I’d like to keep them as my friends for…oh, I don’t know—forever.” Fiona leaned back against the couch and sighed.

  Sunnie rolled her eyes. “Friends-schmends. Think how much more fun you could be having with them.”

  Fiona figured it spoke to the level of alcohol in her system that Sunnie sort of made sense. “That’s true.”

  Sunnie smacked her thigh, happy to have proven her point. “Exactly. Take those two hotties to your bed, preferably together, and I promise you’ll have fun.”

  “Together,” Fiona murmured, her Guinness-soaked brain suddenly flaring with sexually graphic, gorgeous fantasies.

  “Um, Fee.” Lochlan leaned toward her. Her flushed cheeks must have given her away. “Ménages may not be weird in this family, but they are in most other places in the world. Are Owen and Asher the type who strike you as threesome guys?”

  She laughed at the thought, his question dousing her fantasies like a bucket of ice water over flames. Jesus. If she’d thought having Owen—whom she’d slept with before—rubbing his erection against her on the dance floor was awkward, she didn’t even want to consider what it would be like to have both guys naked with her at the same time.

  She shook her head. “No. Not threesome guys. Hell, I’m not even sure I’m a threesome girl.”

  Colm, ever the lawyer, had already thought things through the next twenty-six steps. “Which means, if they are both interested, and you’re interested as well, you’d have to choose.”

  Am I interested? In both of them?

  She thought she might be.

  “I can’t do that. I can’t choose.”

  Sunnie frowned. “So you’re not even going to acknowledge their interest? I mean, they were both putting it out there tonight. Owen with that sexy bump and grind and Asher with that almost-kiss during the slow song.”

  “You really were paying attention,” Fiona said.

  At the same time, Colm muttered, “Cheater.”

  Fiona sighed. “There was actually a real, although super-quick kiss good night from Ash after you left.” She blew out a long, frustrated breath. “I can’t acknowledge this, Sunnie. Any of it. It could destroy the friendships.”

  Sunnie didn’t seem to understand the concept of ignoring an obvious attraction, which wasn’t surprising. She’d inherited more than her fair share of impulsiveness from her mother. She was an act-first-think-later kind of girl.

  “That seems reasonable on the surface, but if the guys keep coming on to you, you may have to say something somewhere down the road. Nip it in the bud, so to speak,” Colm said.

  Fiona pouted. “I don’t like it when you say stuff that’s smart and rational.”

  He chuckled.

  Then Lochlan took her by surprise. “Your reasons are sound, Fee. Protecting the friendships, guarding your heart and theirs. More than that, there’s your work relationship to consider. You could break up the team.”

  Fiona bit her lower lip. “I know. And that scared me a lot. More than I can say.”

  Lochlan studied her face and grimaced. “Everything I said makes sense, but given the way you look right now, I think I might be on Sunnie’s side on this.”

  Fiona hadn’t expected that. “Seriously?”

  “Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you don’t take a chance, what’s the point? You want to be out there on the fifty-yard line, saying hike and grabbing the ball in your life? Or just standing on the sidelines, wishing you were in the game?”

  “You’re telling her to grab multiple balls,” Colm said sardonically.

  Lochlan started to deny that was his intention, but Sunnie talked louder and faster. “Oooo…double the balls,” she said with a laugh. “You’re only helping us make our point, Colm.”

  “I know.” Lochlan shrugged. “I just can’t stop thinking about Padraig. He could have protected his heart and walked away from Mia. Look at what he would have missed.”

  Colm crossed his arms, but didn’t reply—either to agree or disagree.

  Sunnie reached out and touched her knee. “Go for it, Fee. Otherwise, you might as well backslide to safe, boring Tiny Cock Brock.”

  Fiona shook her head. No matter what happened with Owen and Asher, she wasn’t going back to Brock. So, she’d admit an attraction to both of them…and then what?

  She circled back to the impossible problem. Owen and Asher wouldn’t share. And she couldn’t choose.

  “You know,” Sunnie said,
her eyes lighting up. “I think I might have a way you could try this without much risk.”

  Colm snorted, the sound indicating he wasn’t holding out much hope on the low-risk aspect.

  Sunnie shot him a dirty look. “I’m being serious.”

  “I’m sure you are,” Lochlan said, looking as dubious as Colm. “What’s the plan?”

  “Anything Goes.”

  Colm and Lochlan frowned, clearly confused, but Fiona got it. Immediately.

  “Oh my God.”

  Her male cousins looked at her and Colm shook his head, still not catching on. “Oh my God, what?”

  “The party on Saturday. Anything Goes,” Fiona said, the answer completely appealing and exciting.

  “Oh fuck. I forgot about that.” Colm rested his elbows on his knees. “Listen, Fee. You need to think about this a little longer. And you need to approach the situation with a level—and sober—head.”

  Fiona had suggested the theme as a lark downstairs—before the dance and that split-second kiss—but now, it felt like the idea was fate smiling on her. “The party kills two birds with one stone. We were struggling with some aspects of the script, so trying it out might open up ideas we hadn’t considered.”

  “Thought the show was written?” Colm said.

  “The producer, Al, asked for some rewrites. Things that might be easier to fix with a little experience in the concept under our belts.”

  “I think I’m missing a step,” Lochlan interjected. “I have no idea what this last show is about.”

  Fiona had spent the morning talking to Sunnie about the script for the season finale, and her cousin had fallen in love with the plot. Now Sunnie stood up, too excited to sit still. “The finale involves an anything goes night. The characters make all their decisions based on instinct, doing whatever they want to do without fear of consequences. We’ve already got the party planned. So all Fee has to do is follow her heart! Or at the very least, her hormones.”

  Colm rolled his eyes. “That’s a terrible idea.”

  Fiona tried to decide who was right—Colm or Sunnie. The alcohol was definitely impairing her thought processes.

  “We’re doing the party,” Sunnie said. “And everyone who comes commits to the theme.”

  “I’m not playing that game.” Colm leaned back. “Fee, come on, you gotta be reasonable here. There’s a big difference between sitcoms and real life. You can call the night anything you want, but there will be consequences come morning. Actually, all those reasons you listed for not pursuing Owen and Asher will still be there. This isn’t going to fix anything.”

  Fiona had just enough alcohol left in her system to feel contrary. Between the booze and the horniness, common sense wasn’t as appealing as Sunnie’s suggestion. “I like the idea. I’ll flirt, check out their moves and see where the night leads. It might actually make it obvious to all of us which guy is the right one, and then there would be no hard feelings. This could work.”

  Lucky for her, Teddy was gay or she’d really be in a pickle.

  “It’s not going to work,” Colm muttered.

  “Why don’t you sleep on it, Fiona?” Lochlan suggested.

  Fiona grinned. “No good ever comes from sleeping on an idea.”

  Colm rubbed his forehead. “Said no one ever.”

  “I’m kidding, Lochlan. There are two days between now and the party, and I’m pretty damn sure I’ll change my mind four hundred times in between.”

  Colm crossed his arms. “Good. Change it the right way and all will be well.”

  Fiona looked at Sunnie. “Are they always this stodgy?”

  Sunnie blew out an exasperated breath. “You have no idea. They’re impossible to reason with.”

  Lochlan laughed. “What a female Collins considers reason is the polar opposite to the way the males in this family think.”

  “Which is why we always have so much fun together,” Sunnie added, as if that should be obvious to everyone.

  Lochlan shrugged good-naturedly. “Going to have to give you that one, Sun.”

  Colm rose from his chair. “And that’s my cue to leave. When Sunnie starts making sense, it’s time to run. I’m going back downstairs for another drink. Lochlan, you want to join me?”

  Lochlan stood as well. “I think that’s a good idea.”

  “Can I get a promise from you, Fiona?” Colm asked.

  She crinkled her nose. “Do I have to?”

  “It’s just a small one. Sleep on this idea. Get the alcohol out of your system first and then decide with a clear head. Okay? Please.”

  She sighed. “Okay. But you have to promise me something in return. Both of you.”

  “What?” Colm asked.

  “You have to agree to come to the party and play the game. One night. Anything Goes.” She recalled Sunnie’s enthusiasm earlier, so she stole her descriptor. “It’s going to be epic.”

  “Yeah,” Colm said. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  “So you’ll come?” Fiona pressed.

  Lochlan nodded. “We’ll be there.”

  “Anything Goes,” Colm said quietly as he and Lochlan left the room. “Jesus. This isn’t going to end well for anyone.”

  5

  “Are you guys finished fucking around now?” Teddy asked the second they left the hotel suite the next afternoon. It had been a very sleepy start, with Fiona the last to wake naturally. She had just texted and suggested a late lunch at Sunday’s Side before they started working. Her exact words were, “I need something in my stomach to soak up the leftover alcohol. Riley made biscuits and gravy.”

  Asher looked at Owen and wondered which of them looked more frustrated. It was obvious his friend hadn’t slept any better than he had. Something had shaken loose last night—thanks to Fiona’s bombshell about the breakup and the Guinness-soaked conversations afterwards—and Asher didn’t have a clue what to do about it. Which was unnerving because, as his friends were fond of pointing out, he was always a man with a plan.

  “It’s not that simple, Ted,” Asher said after a tense minute.

  Teddy snorted. “Tell me about it. You’re both gunning for the same girl. And it’s Fee. This shit can’t happen, man. If you fuck up our perfect lives, I’ll kill you. All three of you.”

  They were living pretty perfect lives—professionally—and they all knew it. They were at the top of their game. Owen had gotten close to a dozen scripts in the past year with offers to star in movies, while he, Teddy and Fiona had all received some pretty sweet offers for other writing gigs in Hollywood. Add in the fact they got to work together all day, every day, laughing their asses off as they did something they truly loved, and it was hard to argue with Teddy.

  The problem was…their personal lives weren’t quite as perfect. Not that any of them were dreadfully unhappy on that front. But there was no denying all of them had that sense of something missing. Owen and Teddy filled that hole with hookups, while he and Fiona plugged it with work.

  “We’re not going to fuck it up,” Asher said, praying those words weren’t a lie. He sensed Owen’s gaze on him as they walked, so he bit the bullet and forced himself to face his friend. “We won’t.”

  Owen gave him a disbelieving smile and they continued walking. Asher could understand his reticence, his fears. Owen had spent most of childhood being shuffled from one disinterested relative to the next after his mom died of an overdose. His deadbeat dad had been in prison since Owen was four, so he’d never known him. Owen had confided once that it wasn’t until he’d landed a scholarship to USC, opting to be the triple in a dorm to save money, that he really understood what it was like to have good friends and people who cared about him.

  Asher had met Fiona, Owen and Teddy in English 101, and the four of them had been inseparable from day one of freshman year. Literally day one.

  Owen had fallen for Fiona just as fast as he had. The difference was, Owen had asked her out, and the two of them had embarked on what she wasn’t wrong to call thei
r three-minute relationship. They’d started dating at the end of September their sophomore year and had broken it off by early December. They’d both been nineteen, impulsive and prone to drama.

  “Never thought I’d say this, but I’m sort of praying for Brock to come through with one of his big gestures.” Teddy ran his hand through his shaggy, curly blond hair. The dude was working on a white-boy afro and it was in serious need of a cut, but Teddy was terrible at making and keeping appointments. Asher would have to ask Tris if there was a barbershop nearby.

  “Don’t think it would matter if he did,” Owen said. “I believe her. It’s over this time.”

  Asher believed her too. He wasn’t sure what the difference was, but there was something in her face when she’d talked about Brock last night. Whatever she felt for the man in the past was gone.

  Then he realized what the difference was. She’d looked and sounded like he did after he’d split up with Christina. Much as it pained him to admit—even to himself—he had heard it in her tone.

  “I shouldn’t have kissed her,” Asher confessed. That had weighed heavy on him all night. He’d done it right in front of Owen.

  “Wait,” Teddy said with a laugh. “You’re calling that fuckup from last night a kiss? I’ve gotten more action from my aunt Gladys on Christmas Day.”

  Owen snorted out a laugh. “Your problem was the setting. You were in the pub surrounded by a million of her overprotective uncles.”

  Funny. Asher had never considered that. He’d been too worried about Owen’s reaction to contemplate her family’s response.

  “Why didn’t you just lure her under the mistletoe over the holidays like I did?” Owen asked.

  Asher stopped walking. “Maybe because she was still dating Brock and I was with Christina.”

  Owen shook his head. “Wasted opportunity if you ask me, considering how those two relationships turned out. She looked hot in that red cashmere sweater.”

  Owen lived his life in the gray area. Hell, Asher wasn’t sure Owen had realized there were hard and fast rules about right and wrong until they’d met in college. As such, Owen referred to him as the eternal Boy Scout.