Love Me Again

by Teresa Greene

  As Adam moved toward the wagon, Abby followed. She stared at the wagon. It was well made and in better condition than their old wagon. Two huge draft horses stood harnessed to the wagon. Their harnesses jingled when they shook their massive heads to ward off the flies. She had never seen finer animals.

  A beautiful chestnut mare and a dark horse were tied to the rear of the wagon. On the back of the wagon were several contraptions she had never seen before. She surmised it was the farm equipment he mentioned. It infuriated her that Cord thought he could make up for taking her virginity with horses and farm equipment.

  An angry snort escaped her lips. “You take the gifts back to Cord and tell him I want nothing he has to offer. Tell him he is dead to me.”

  Abby could see Adam’s shock at her reaction. “Ma’am, I don’t know what Cord did to upset you, but he had nothing but praise for you.”

  Abby paled, stepped forward, pressed her finger to Adam’s chest, and sputtered with outrage, “Take your gifts and get off my land!”

  His brow darkened threateningly. She could tell he wasn’t accustomed to women talking to him in such a tone. He was probably no better than Cord, and thought women were only for his amusement and pleasure.

  His eyes flashing stormily, Adam snapped, “Ma’am, you need to calm down. I am just the messenger. I did as Cord asked and brought you some things to make your father and brother’s life a little easier.”

  Of course he was right. He had done nothing to upset her. Cord was the one who used her and then threw her to the side. Her tone softened. “I’m sorry, Mr. Sutton. I should not take my anger out on you. You are not responsible for your brother’s actions.”

  A puzzled look on his face proved he had no idea what Cord had done to her, and he wondered what had transpired between them. Adam asked, “Can we sit on the porch for a spell.

  Turning without saying a word, Abby marched to the front porch and sat down in the rocker. Agitated, Abby began to move the rocker back and forth. She never took her eyes off Adam as he rambled slowly to the rocker beside her and sat down.

  “What did Cord do to make you hate him so?”

  “You can ask him the next time you see him. It is too personal and I care not to speak of it.”

  Blue eyes peered into hers as if he were trying to read her mind. “Cord asked me to escort you to my plantation near Raleigh. He will join you when his business is completed.”

  Abby flushed angrily. “He has some nerve! Did he tell you what he plans to do with me once he returns?”

  Adam blinked at her vehement tone. “He never conveyed his intentions. I’m sure they are honorable. My brother would never ask me to escort you to my plantation for lascivious reasons. You are a lady aren’t you?”

  Abby’s eyes narrowed as she bounded out of the rocker. “Your brother does not know the definition of the word honorable! He is a scoundrel! I hate him and hope to never see him again! I will hate him until my dying day.”

  Abby turned to run into the house, but found her wrist caught in a tight grip. She looked at his huge hand wrapped around her wrist.

  Angry eyes glared at her menacingly as he pulled her close. “Ma’am, for some reason Cord wanted me to take you from your home. I will not kidnap you, but I will ask you one more time. Are you sure you don’t want to leave with me? I promise you will be safe.”

  Abby met his gaze and whispered as she forced her tears back, “No, As far as I am concerned Cord never existed.” Almost falling when he suddenly released her wrist, she stumbled to gain her balance. She ran into the house.

  From the window she watched Adam put the huge draft horses and the mare in the barn. He left the wagon and its contents in front of the barn. He untied his horse from the back of the wagon and rode away.

  ****

  Storming into the house, Nick ran right past Abby not even seeing her in the kitchen. She waited patiently as he ran all through the house looking for her before backtracking. The amusement showed on her face when he breathlessly stopped in front of her.

  “Where did the horses and wagon come from?”

  She kept peeling potatoes as if unconcerned. “Cord’s brother, Adam brought them to us today. I told him we didn’t want them, but he left them anyway.”

  Before Nick could question her further, her father lumbered into the house in time to hear her explanation. “It is payment for you being his whore.”

  Sick of her father’s treatment, Abby let out a loud moan. The only time he had spoken to her was to taunt her for her stupidity of sleeping with a man who had no intention of marrying her. The rest of the time she was subjected to his cold indifference.

  Dropping the knife and potato into the pan, she faced her father and snapped, “Father, I told him we didn’t want anything from Cord.” She waved her hands in the air. “Give them away for all I care. I want nothing from him.”

  “Don’t you back talk me girl!” Her father’s angry stride caused Abby to step back.

  Before he touched her, Nick intervened. He stepped in front of Abby, barring his way. “Leave her alone, Father. She has been through enough and does not need your constant reminder of what happened. It is spilt milk and nothing can be done about it.” Nick pointed his finger in Jacob’s face. “Do not chastise her again.”

  Abby almost felt sorry for her father. Nick never stood up to their father, and as of late they were constantly at each other’s throats. All the turmoil was her fault. Her unladylike actions were destroying her family. She wondered if they would ever be a loving family again.

  ****

  The moment Abby opened the squeaky barn door, the chestnut mare snorted. She tried to ignore the beautiful animal, knowing she would not be keeping her. Every time she looked at the mare, she felt guilty for giving herself to Cord.

  It reminded her of what her father said, “Cord is paying you for being his whore.” Brother and sister went about the chore of feeding the other horses and Lou. Abby could tell Nick was impressed with the huge draft horses. He spent time combing their massive backs and silky manes. At supper she could hear the excitement in his voice when he spoke of them.

  “What do you think of the new farm equipment?” Abby was a little shocked her father decided to keep the equipment. A proud man, he had never taken charity from someone before. Maybe he felt he deserved if after all the turmoil Cord caused.

  “It makes farming a whole lot easier. The rotary spader tills up the ground three times faster than anything we have. The new plow is amazing and so easy to use. I can’t wait to use the cultivator. It will cultivate four rows at one time. Our old tools are antique compared to the modern farm equipment Cord gave us.”

  Abby had heard her father speak fondly of the rotary spader. At least Cord had made their lives easier. Her heart still hurt every time she heard his name mentioned. It would take time to get over his betrayal.

  No matter how much she tried to stay away, she found herself drawn to the chestnut mare. Finally giving in, Abby rubbed the white blaze on her head. “Are you homesick, girl?” Never having a horse of her own, Abby fell in love with the gentle mare. Taking the curry comb, Abby brushed her shiny coat. Someone had taken very good care of her because her coat was healthy and she loved the attention.

  She felt Nick’s hand on her shoulder. “She is beautiful, Abby. I don’t see what it would hurt if you keep her.” Nick walked outside and returned with a saddle and bridle. “This was in the wagon.”

  Abby looked at the brown, leather saddle. It was well made and looked expensive. She had never had a saddle before, always riding Jack or Jess bareback. He handed her the letter that he found under the saddle.

  Her name is Sugar.

  She wondered if Sugar had belonged to Cord or Adam. She could not imagine Cord owning such a docile animal. Pepper had spirit just like Cord.

  “I’ll try to come in early enough tomorrow to show you how to saddle her.”

  Just as Abby stepped onto the porch, she heard a buggy approaching. H
er hands broke out into a cold sweat when she recognized Andrew. As if he sensed her apprehension, Nick squeezed Abby’s hand. It was awfully late for him to be coming to call on her. It must be something important to bring him out in the dark of night. She never uttered a word as he stepped out of the buggy and sauntered toward them.

  “Hello, Nick. I hope you are doing well.”

  “Yes, Andrew. I am fine.”

  Not bothering with pleasantries, he turned his attention to Abby, and asked, “May I talk to you in private.”

  “I’ll see you in the house, Abby.”

  Even though Andrew deserved an explanation, the thought of being alone with him caused her to tremble. The sound of the door shutting behind Nick only caused her to become more nervous.

  Andrew tucked his arm into Abby’s, and escorted her to the rockers on the porch. She rested her head on the back of the chair and peered into the night sky. A full moon lit up the sky with a brilliant glow. Stars by the millions sparkled above her head. Somewhere close a whippoorwill cooed softly. All this beauty and she no longer enjoyed it. Cord ruined that for her.

  Andrew’s hard voice interrupted the quietness. “Your father told me you are no longer a virgin.”

  Abby’s cheeks burned hot. She knew this conversation was not going to go well. Both were silent for several seconds. “I’m sorry, Andrew. I know you must hate me.”

  “I feel betrayed. You were promised to me. I feel as if something was stolen from me.” His voice brisk and angry made her wish you could go in the house and not have this conversation.

  Abby stiffened. “I can understand if you want to call off the wedding. I did betray you. I acted like a harlot and do not deserve your forgiveness.”

  Andrew hesitated as if considering calling off the wedding. “I still want you. There is not another who can hold a candle to your beauty or disposition. I can forgive you of your transgressions.”

  Abby wondered why she was not relieved Andrew still wanted to marry her. She received no pleasure at the thought of being his wife. Regardless, she had no other alternative and would do as her father wished and marry Andrew. “Only if you promise to never mention my sins, will I marry you. We will pretend they never happened.”

  Eyes snapping with anger, he replied vehemently, “You have some nerve making demands on me. If the neighbors learn of your behavior, there will be a terrible scandal. I will not be too thrilled if gossip gets out my intended could not keep her legs closed.”

  Abby tensed when she heard the anger in his voice. “Fine, Andrew. There will be no marriage. I will not marry you knowing you feel this way.”

  Abruptly, she stood to leave only to find her way barricaded by Andrew. His hand dug into her arm causing her to cry out in pain. “We will be married. I said I still want you. If you do not comply, I will spread the rumor you are no longer a virgin. See if you can find a husband when everyone knows you slept with a man you hardly knew. A man reputed to be a gunslinger, a man that toyed with you and left you when he tired of you. Can you live with yourself knowing the gossip will harm your father and brother?” Andrew pressed his lips to Abby’s and kissed her roughly. Leaning back, he peered into her eyes. “Maybe he taught you a thing or two about pleasing a man.”

  She had to fight the urge to wipe her mouth with the back of her hand. If she did not enjoy Andrew’s kisses, how was she going to feel when they consummated their marriage? As she watched him climb into his buggy and ride away, her thoughts were bleak. How could she marry Andrew knowing he had these hostile feelings? Maybe she should consider being a spinster. After loving a man like Cord, Andrew seemed so inadequate. Life with her father would be better than being with a man she could not tolerate.

  Chapter Seven

  Two months had passed since Abby’s confrontation with Andrew. He had courted her several times, and seemed to be over his hostility. At least he had not mentioned Cord or the fact she was no longer chaste. Their wedding was only a month away and her hands trembled every time she sewed on her wedding dress. She hated the idea of getting married in the church and in white, but Andrew insisted. After her wanton behavior, she should not even get married in the church, let alone in a flowing white gown that she had come to hate. He didn’t want anyone to suspect she was no longer a virgin, and planned on inviting everyone in Tarboro to the wedding. The whole charade didn’t sit well with her.

  Nick sat down beside Abby on the sofa as she worked the tiny pearls into her dress. “You will make a beautiful bride, Sissy.”

  It had been so long since he had called her Sissy. She smiled warmly, “Thank you, Nick. I’m going to try it on so you can tell me if I need to take it in at the waist.”

  Moments later Abby returned wearing the gown. “I don’t understand. It fit perfectly two weeks ago when I tried it on. I guess I’m putting on weight, which is really strange when I haven’t had much of an appetite.” She ran her hands around her midsection. “I guess I’ll have to let it out.”

  Complete silence filled the room until Nick stood and crossed the room. She heard the disappointment in his voice when he asked, “Have you had your curse, Abby?”

  She wrapped her arms around her stomach. She wouldn’t admit to herself she was with child, she had no intention of admitting it to anyone else. Running from the room, Abby ripped the despised gown from her body, threw it across the room, and fell onto the bed.

  Not bothering to knock, Nick entered and plopped down on the edge of the bed. Wearing only her chemise and underwear, Abby didn’t attempt to cover herself. She was too depressed to care anymore.

  Nick pushed the hair out of her face. “Denying you’re with child, will not make it go away, Abby. We have to talk about it. Whether you like it or not, you have to make some decisions.”

  Of course he was right. She stopped crying and sat up. With a trembling hand, she rubbed her eyes and sniffed loudly. A lot of guilt came with the realization she would only cause more shame to her family. Abby spoke her thought aloud. “Father will kill me.”

  Nick handed her the quilt folded at the foot of the bed to cover herself. “Don’t panic. Surely, there is a way out of this dilemma.

  Abby covered her face with her hands and the tears started afresh. “What am I going to do?”

  “Let’s consider all our options.” Immediately, Abby stopped crying. Even though she got herself into this predicament, Nick would help her. He would not shun her.

  “You can tell Andrew and see if he still wants to marry you. The last option is we can notify Cord’s brother of your condition and see if he can locate Cord.”

  Problem was she did not like either of those options. It was out of the question marrying Andrew. She would be afraid he would mistreat her baby. For some reason, she felt Cord would not marry her. She even felt there was a possibility he may take her baby from her. She doubted Cord would want his child raised on a small farm, especially knowing her father would have a hand in raising his child. “Is there another option?”

  Nick cupped his hand to Abby’s face. “I’ll stand by you no matter what you decide. You can have your baby without the benefit of a husband.”

  “But how will people treat my baby? Will anyone besides me love my baby?”

  “It does not matter how other people will react, Abby. I will love your baby.”

  Abby squeezed her eyes shut while she pondered her options. The only one she could picture in her mind was raising her baby here on their farm. “What do you think father will do when I tell him?”

  “He will have to accept your decision. We will tell him together.” Some of the tension in her body relaxed when Nick squeezed her hands. Just feeling his strength gave her a sliver of hope that maybe everything would work out.

  Abby wished she could have fallen in love with a man like Nick. “Whoever marries you will have the perfect husband, Nick. Why did I have to give my heart to a man like Cord?”

  “Stop blaming yourself for being human, Abby. You fell in love with the wrong man.
Life will continue. It is not the end of the world.”

  ****

  Supper was a stressful ordeal. Abby chewed her bottom lip as she pushed her food around on her plate, too nervous to eat. Fearing how her father would react to the news of her being with child, she procrastinated. Every time she glanced at Nick, his lip twitched as if telling her to get it over with. At last Abby knew she had to get to the inevitable. She laid her fork on the table and clutched her hands together in her lap. Her stomach was in her throat as she whispered, “Father, I’m going to have a baby.”

  The displeasure showed on his face. In a deadly calm voice, her father scolded, “God is punishing you for your sins. You will not be able to show your face in public again.”

  Nick shouted, “Shut up, Father. How many times must I remind you she feels terrible about what happened? Have some compassion for once. She is your daughter.”

  “She is no daughter of mine.” Her father pushed away from the table and stormed out the door.

  The moment the door slammed, Nick looked at Abby. Her bottom lip trembled and then hot tears flowed over her cheeks. He reacted just like she imagined he would. Misery took over as she wondered what happened to the loving man he had once been when her mother was alive. Since her death, he seemed to despise everything about her. Now when she needed the support of her father most, he turned his back on her.

  Nick helped her to bed and she lay down without protesting. Embracing her, Nick whispered softly, “Give him time to calm down, Abby. Once it sinks into his thick head this is his grandchild you are carrying, he’ll change his mind.”

  Abby knew better. Her baby would never be welcome under the same roof with her father. Abby got a misty image of her father calling her baby bastard. A ripple of unease surfaced at the pain and humiliation her child would endure at the hands of her father.

  ****

  The next morning Abby was too depressed to get out of bed. Nick tried to coax her into facing her day, if for no other reason than the health of her baby, but nothing he said made a difference. Giving up, Nick left her alone to wallow in her self pity.