So Many Roads to Choose

by Kathleen Ball

  “They said no,” Smitty finished for her. “Greg’s mature for his age, and he probably would be able to make a go of it, but still I don’t like it.”

  Lynn looked as though she was ready to cry. “He said he’d up and leave and never come back if I stood in his way. Smitty, it felt as though a piece of my heart chipped away. It never occurred to me that he’d ever do something like that. He was the first one I adopted. I don’t know what to do.”

  He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “I’ll talk to him in the morning and see if I can make any sense of it. Where did he plan to live?”

  She took his hand and held it with both hands. “He wants to go mining and make a lot of money.”

  “I thought he was learning to break horses with Jed.”

  Lynn nodded. “He was, but then he told Jed he hurt his ankle. He didn’t say a word to me so I thought he was with Jed. But he was in town with this girl, when she could sneak out.”

  Smitty let go of her and stood up. He ran his fingers through his hair. “He’s been lying and sneaking around? That doesn’t sound like him.”

  “I know it doesn’t. Smitty, I’m worried.” Her voice wavered.

  Smitty reached down for her and pulled her into his arms. “It’ll all work out. I need to get to my place before rumors start flying about us. Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this at all. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  He gave her a quick kiss and when she gave him an odd look he grinned. “If I kiss you right now I’ll never leave. I’ll see you in the morning.” He grabbed his coat and hat and left.

  Dang it! Why would Greg get involved in such a situation? The worst was the lying and sneaking around. He sure wasn’t being a good example to the rest of the children. As he walked to his dark cabin Jed came into view and walked with him.

  “It’s good to have you back, Smitty,” Jed said.

  Smitty nodded and smiled. “It’s always good to be home. Used to be that I only had you three rascals to look after, now I have a houseful.” He opened the door to his cabin and lit a lamp.

  Jed immediately lit the fire and poured them both some whiskey. They both took off their coats and boots and sat in front of the hearth. “Is it getting to be more than you bargained for?”

  Smitty rubbed the back of his neck and took a sip of his whiskey. It sure hit the spot. “No, just a lot going on. Brenda and her mother both have tuberculosis. I don’t think they have much time left. I feel guilty that we never made a go of things. But she told me to leave, and her father escorted me off the property. Now Greg wants to get involved with a pregnant girl in town.”

  “Yes, Sonia.”

  “What do you know about her? Greg is still a boy.”

  Jed smiled and shook his head. “Smitty, we were guiding wagon trains and building this ranch at his age. Fifteen isn’t young. Out here, you’re a man at fifteen. I’m not advocating that they get married, but if you go at him telling him he’s a kid…” He shook his head. “…he’ll marry her in a flash.”

  Smitty stared at Jed then started to laugh. “Dang, the youngest Todd brother giving me good advice. You can’t beat that. I’ve done a good job raising you hellions.” His smile faded. “I want to marry Lynn. I love that woman with everything in me. I knew Brenda would be a complication, and now that she’s sick I feel guilty. I also feel bad for this Sonia girl. Oh boy, I need to toughen up for when boys start to come around to court Scarlett and Cindy.”

  Jed grinned. “You’ll be keeling over by then. You need to take one problem at a time. Right now, Greg is top problem. What are you going to do?”

  “Adopt her?” Smitty shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “I suppose I need to talk to Greg and see where his head is at. Have you seen little Brian?”

  Jed took a swig from his glass. “He’s a cute little guy. Lynn is taken with him.”

  Smitty sighed. “She deserves babies of her own. She should have found herself a free young man instead of an older married cowboy.”

  “Don’t you go feeling sorry for yourself or for her. You make each other happy, and that’s what counts. You both light up when you see each other. The babies will come.” Jed drank down the rest of his whiskey. “I need to get back before Lily starts to worry.”

  “Thanks for listening.”

  Jed opened the door. “You raised us to be upstanding, caring men, Smitty. Don’t doubt yourself.” He left, closing the door behind him with a firm thump.

  The next day was Sunday, and it was always a scramble to get all kids dressed and ready for church. There was snow but not enough for Lynn to allow them to skip the service. One by one, Smitty lifted a bundled-up child into the back of the wagon.

  He hadn’t had a chance to talk to Greg yet, but Smitty could tell by the way Greg avoided his gaze that he knew he was doing something not quite right. They’d have plenty of time to talk when they got back.

  The cold wind whipped around them as he drove the team to town. Everyone’s faces were bright red by the time they got there. Smitty set the brake, tied the lines, and lifted each of the younger children down. He left Lynn and Brian for last and he gave her such a grin, he knew she was blushing under her cold red face.

  He had his arm around her when they entered the church and silence fell. The whole congregation stared at him and Lynn. He dismissed the looks and escorted Lynn and Brian to the bench where the rest of his family sat. A few folks turned back around, but a great many whispered. He’d escorted Lynn to church before without anyone lifting an eyebrow. Before he had a chance to mention that to Lynn, the reverend started the ceremony.

  People snuck peeks at them, and by the time the service was over, he wasn’t feeling kindly toward his fellow man. He was downright mad. His expression must have shown his anger.

  Lynn put her hand on his arm. “Smile,” she said under her breath.

  By the time they got out of the church, a crowd waited for them. A young girl was thrown onto the ground at Smitty’s feet.

  “Your son needs to own up to what he did!” a big man with bulging biceps and bushy dark hair and beard yelled as he stepped forward and widened his stance.

  Smitty leaned down and picked Sonia up and set her on her feet. He stared down her father. He’d met Brett Wist before and never had a problem with him.

  “I just got back, and I’ll look into the matter.” He forced himself not to clench his fists. “I’m not passing any type of judgement because that wouldn’t be the right thing to do, but I do intend to get to the bottom of this.”

  Brett gave him a sarcastic smile. “How is that wife of yours? Does she know you have a piece on the side?”

  Smitty took a step toward Brett, but Mike Todd stepped up and held him back.

  Mike shot Brett a look of outrage. “Until you’ve walked in another man’s shoes you shouldn’t make assumptions. For instance, I could say a few things about your lack of parenting but I’m not going to.”

  Sonia’s mother Eunice started to cry.

  Mike’s wife Susan put her arm around Sonia’s waist. “She’s coming home with me for a while. I know how things go, a woman has no say. So while you all decide, she can rest and enjoy a few days of peace and quiet with me and mine.” She turned Sonia and took her to their wagon. Mike picked up his six-year-old daughter Cassandra and followed his wife.

  Eli and Jed gathered their families and waited for Smitty to gather his gang, and they all left. The wagon creaked and moaned as they drove a bit too fast over the rutted road.

  “Smitty, please drive a little slower. You’re scaring the little ones,” Lynn admonished gently. “I should have warned you about the old biddies and their gossip about you and Brenda. I don’t know who started it, but the good ladies of the town cross the street away from me when I’m walking. I was so hoping it would just go away. I should have told you instead of allowing you to be blindsided. I’m sorry.”

  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You have nothin
g to be sorry for, my love. We’ll get through this too.” He chuckled. “We have a big pile to get through it seems. I’m sorry they’ve been giving you such a hard time.”

  “This too shall pass.” She smiled at him, warming his heart.

  “Yes, this too shall pass.” Did she believe the unfelt confidence in his voice? He still wanted to clock Brett Wist in the face for shaming his daughter that way.

  Brian decided he liked to pull Smitty’s hair, and it was the best laugh Smitty’d had all day. They pulled up to the house, and Juan and Freddie took over taking care of the horses. The rest of the children followed Lynn into the house except for Greg, who looked apprehensive.

  “Come, we need to talk,” said Smitty, pointing toward the open field.

  Greg nodded and they walked in silence for a while. Smitty could feel Greg’s gaze on him from time to time. Finally Smitty stopped where there was an amazing view of his property. “Juan is good with horses, don’t you think?”

  “He sure is,” Greg agreed.

  “I have a hard time picturing him taking on a wife. I mean where would they live? He’s only fifteen and most probably wouldn’t hire him.”

  “Wouldn’t you and Ma let him and his wife live in the house?”

  Smitty laughed. “No, son. When a man gets married it’s time for him to move out and make a home for his wife and family.”

  Greg scowled. “So since I’m fifteen too, you think I’m too young? I’d figure something out. I was planning on mining. There’s money to be made up in the northern territories. All you need is a mule and supplies.”

  Smitty nodded. “That might work for a single man but what about a man with a wife and a baby? A baby couldn’t live in a tent in the mud.”

  Greg’s shoulder’s sagged. “She needs me Pa. What is she supposed to do?”

  “Are you the father of that child?”

  Greg shook his head. “No, she said it was a peddler who promised to take her away with him. She told me the story, and the next thing I knew, her father thought the baby was mine. I didn’t know what to say. Then when I finally denied it, Mr. Wist called me a liar.”

  “Do you love her?”

  Greg hesitated before her shook his head. “I thought I was rescuing her, but no, I don’t love her. Sometimes I don’t even like her. She’s spoiled.”

  Smitty brushed the snow off a felled log and invited Greg to sit with him. “Marriage is for life. Don’t make the same mistake I did.” He told Greg the whole story about Brenda.

  When the story ended, Greg frowned. “You got a raw deal, Pa”

  “I sure did, and now that I’ve found the woman I love, I can’t marry her. It’s not fair to Lynn, and it’s not fair to me, but I went along with it so I have to honor my vow to Brenda. I know you think marrying Sonia is the right thing to do, but I just don’t want you to wake up a year from now feeling like a fool.”

  “But her father—”

  Smitty smiled. “You leave him to me. That’s what a pa is for. I’m right proud of how much you’ve learned here on the ranch. One day you will find the woman you’ll love for the rest of your life. I’m hoping you wait a few years though.”

  “Jed was leading a wagon train when he was barely eighteen.”

  “Actually I think he was seventeen, but he had the experience. We’d guided people west for about ten years by that time. It’s how we made our money to build the ranch. I appreciate you looking after Lynn and the others while I’ve been away.”

  Greg’s face turned crimson. “It wasn’t all me. Juan did his share. He has more patience than me and can break up a squabble without anyone being left with hurt feelings. It’s a gift, Ma said.”

  “I’d say so.” He stood. “We’d best get back before your ma starts to worry.”

  Chapter Four

  Three days later Lynn stared at the telegram on the kitchen table. It was addressed to Smitty and he’d been gone all morning. Curiosity was killing her. It was probably news about May or Brenda. Life was about to take a turn she could feel it. She looked through the window again, even though she didn’t expect to see him out there. Where was he?

  She paced back and forth, staring at the piece of paper the whole time. Finally she heard one of the boys yell, “He’s here!”

  The door opened and Smitty stood there with a puzzled look on his face. “I was told it was an emergency. Is it Brian?”

  “No, you got a telegram.”

  “What does it say?” He took off his gloves, hat and coat.

  “It’s addressed to you. I didn’t open it.”

  He took it and opened it. “I wouldn’t have minded…” His eyes darted back and forth across the page. Then, with a gasp, he slumped down onto a kitchen chair. “Both May and Brenda are dead.”

  “Both?” She sat next to him and took his hand in hers. “I’m so sorry.”

  Smitty was silent for so long, Lynn was beginning to wonder if she should get help.

  “Well, that’s that.” He pulled his hand away and put his coat back on. “I’ll be back for supper.”

  That was it? No conversation? It seemed a bit off to Lynn, but everyone grieved differently. She went to the window and looked out. A pang of jealousy hit when she saw him hugging Lily for the longest time. She knew he was close to Lily, Jed’s wife, and she wasn’t jealous in a romantic way. It was more of a why not me, stomach dropping feeling. He didn’t seem to want Lynn’s comfort, and that hurt.

  It would take time. She picked up a towel and fidgeted with the hem. He loved her, and he’d want her comfort. Hadn’t he said she was his whole life? She threw the towel across the room.

  A cry came from deeper in the house. Brian was up from his nap.

  Supper that night was quieter than usual. Smitty’s mind was somewhere else. He’d had to be asked twice to pass food, and he didn’t even answer some questions. The children glanced at her as if to ask if he was fine. She just smiled and nodded as though everything was just perfect.

  He did have a lot on his mind, but he was shutting them all out. He was a different person when he wasn’t engaging and joking with them. Supper seemed extremely long that night. She couldn’t wait for all the kids to be in bed so she could talk to him alone.

  She’d only just begun to clear the table when she heard the door close with a thunk. Smitty had left. He hadn’t even told her he was leaving or said goodbye. She felt gut kicked, but she tried to keep a small smile on her face. Finally, she got everyone to bed. She told Juan she was going to make sure Smitty was all right.

  Putting her cape on, she drew up the hood and then headed for Smitty’s small cabin. Only a single flickering candle along with the fire burning in the fireplace lit the cabin. She knocked. This was the first time she had to wonder if he’d answer.

  He opened the door and pulled her into the cabin and into his embrace. While she struggled to recover her breath from the suddenness of his move, he held on to her as though she could save him. She put her arms around him and held on just as hard. After quite a while, he slipped her hood off and took her cape from her.

  “It’s warmer by the fire.” He sat on the worn sofa and held out his hand to her, which she gladly took.

  He put his arm around her as she snuggled up against him. “I never wished for her to die, you know. She played a big part in persuading me to marry her and all the lies, but I see it now for what it really was. Her father put the future of the family on her shoulders. I wonder if she balked or cried when he told her I was to be the man she needed to marry.”

  “It doesn’t sound like she had a pleasant life at all.” She rubbed her hand up and down his arm.

  “Sometimes in life you have to accept the hand you’re dealt and make the best of it. She never looked for happiness. It was as though the moment her father found out my family didn’t have money, her life stopped. She never grew as a person from that moment on.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I keep wondering if there was anything else I could have done but I know
I tried and she refused any suggestion I had and she refused to have a real marriage.”

  “I’m so sorry, Smitty. You talked to Greg didn’t you? He seemed different at supper the other night after church. More grown up somehow.”

  He kissed her temple. “I told him my story. I used my mistakes as a warning of what not to do.”

  Staring up at him she stroked his face. “A few mistakes maybe, but look at how much good you’ve done in your life. You raised the Todd brothers as sons, and all the children think you hung the moon. You’ve made many loving relationships.”

  He cupped her cheek in his hand. “And you? Did I make a loving relationship with you?”

  “Do you even have to ask?” Moving closer, she pressed her lips against his masculine ones. Seconds later, they were showing their love through their kisses. Her heart beat so hard she was certain he could hear it.

  He kissed the side of her neck, and she shivered in delight. He unbuttoned the first three buttons of her dress and continued to kiss her as he exposed more skin.

  It felt so right, like a wish come true. She wanted more. She pressed herself against him and he put his hand under her skirt and onto her thigh. The longing she felt was almost too much. It was now or never. She kissed him deeper. The fog of desire began to fade, and she drew back slowly, realizing he wasn’t returning her kisses anymore.

  Smitty removed his hand from her thigh and buttoned up her dress. His breathing seemed labored. It was a great disappointment, and Lynn didn’t know how to act. Did he think her easy? Did he think she had no morals? Had he lost respect for her?

  Her eyes filled as she fixed her dress and hair. “I need to check on the children.” She waited for him to say something—anything—but he remained silent. She grabbed her cape and glanced back at him as she opened the door, but he was staring intently at the flames of the fire. She closed the door behind her before the first sob came out.

  There was no sleep to be had for her. She’d pushed him and now he thought less of her. What had she been thinking? His wife had just died. Unable to lie in bed any longer, she got up, dressed, and built up the fire in the wood burning stove. All she’d meant to do was hold him if he needed it. It hadn’t been proper for her to be alone in his cabin at night. She hadn’t set a good example for the children by going there.