The edge of life: Official cover - coming soon

by Rachael Tonks

  “My point is” —he reaches over, pulling me until I’m on his lap— “I’m the only semi-naked guy you need to be looking at.” I smile the kind of smile that reaches from ear to ear. I lean in, kissing him gently on the lips.

  “You’re the only one for me,” I declare, causing his eyebrows to rise in surprise.

  “Glad to fucking hear it, pip. Do you know what it does to me to hear you want me.” He runs his hands up the back of my neck, grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulling me closer to him. “Let’s go inside before I take you here in this goddamn parking lot.” He groans, thrusting his hips upward and causing his obvious erection to hit me hard against my ass. I wiggle my body against his cock, and a rumble of laughter escapes him.

  “Fuckin’ hell,” he growls, his brows lifting, and his eyes grow with lust for me. “We’d better fucking move, like now. I have zero restraint anymore around you, pip.” He reaches for the handle to the door, and thrusting it open, he slides me off his lap and sets me down on my feet. I race over to the window of the huge store. The displays are like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Limited editions, signed books, looks like this store has them all. I look back over my shoulder; Ryder leans up against the side of the car, smoking a cigarette.

  “What are you doing?” I quiz, standing with my arms crossed.

  “Just admiring the view,” he says, tossing his cigarette butt to the ground. He blows out the last mouthful of smoke, pushing his hands into his jean pockets and making his way over to me. “You really love this book bullshit, don’t you?”

  Nodding, I take his hand, linking my fingers with his. I eagerly pull him inside, desperate to see more of what this bookstore has to offer. And I’m not disappointed. Racks of books, several feet high, span the whole bookstore. The smell of new books fills my senses. I rush over, running my hand across the spine of the books stacked on the bookshelf. I pick one up, running my hand across the smooth, hardback cover, and it feels so good. I start to flick through the pages, and the sound is like music to my ears. I push the book back on the shelf and wander the bookstore, occasionally stopping and picking one out before placing it back on the shelf.

  I look back over my shoulder, suddenly realizing I’ve left Ryder behind. I look at the end of the aisle and see his body propped against one of the shelves, arms and legs crossed. His fixed stare is on me, and I give him a flicker of a smile.

  The all-too-familiar feeling builds again. My heart races, and my whole body heats under his intense stare.

  “What are you doing?” he asks with a wolfish grin, walking slowly toward me.

  “I’m looking, touching, and most of all, I’m feeling.”

  “I love it when you talk dirty to me.” He laughs.

  I giggle a little. “No Ryder, I’m talking about the books.”

  “Why do you keep putting them back? It’s my birthday treat to you. Pick whatever you want,” he says with a shrug.

  “Really?” I squeal.

  “Really, pip,” he reiterates. “I’ll wait at the checkout for you.” He kisses me lightly on the cheek, and I dash from one end of the store to the other. I’m like a kid in a candy store. I don’t want to take advantage of his offer, so I just grab three books. Three books I’d wanted to read for such a long time.

  I meet Ryder at the checkout, and he pays for the books before we head back out to the car. The skies darken, and rain starts to fall. I cover my books, hiding them inside my jacket.

  We jump into the car, and I can’t help but laugh at Ryder as the water droplets drip from the end of his hair onto his face. I reach up, sweeping the hair away from his face.

  “Thank you for today. I’m touched that you thought to bring me here.”

  “I saw the bookstore yesterday when I came for your other present.” He smiles, his arm reaching into the back as he grabs a box, resting it on my lap.

  “What’s this?” I ask, tears prickling my eyes, threatening to break through.

  “It’s a replacement for the one you lost,” he says matter-of-factly. I open the box, looking inside.

  “You got me a new cell phone. This is like the newest model, right?” I gulp.

  “I guess,” he answers casually as if downplaying the whole damn thing.

  I fly toward him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You didn’t have to do this,” I say, kissing him on the lips. He leans into me, kissing me back. The kiss is needy but slow and passionate. His hand holds my head in place, and I can’t get enough. We continue to kiss for a few more minutes. With each moment that passed, I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper for this guy. I let my hands work through his hair, and a low growl escapes him.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” I breathe out.

  “I’m thinking about how much I fucking want you, pip. Fuck. So bad,” he growls. I pull back a little, dropping into my seat.

  “What?” he asks, his brows drawn together in confusion.

  “Nothing,” I say reaching over my shoulder for the seat belt. He roughly grabs my hand.

  “Bull-fucking-shit, pip. There’s something wrong; what is it?”

  “I need to know how you feel, Ryder. You say how much you want me physically. But I need to know if I mean more than that to you. Because I’m scared,” I screech. “I’m scared that after only a few days, I’m falling in love with you, and I’m not even sure whether you feel the same,” I blurt out, tears streaming down my face. I open the car door, slamming it behind me. The rain pours over me, drenching me within seconds. I feel like I need to run, scared at what his reaction might be. I take a few steps forward before I’m halted to a complete stop.

  “No,” he growls, pushing me against the wall behind. “Don’t you fucking run from me,” he warns, his warm breath against my cold face. I blink rapidly trying to clear the water from my eyes. Not just the droplets of rain but the tears too.

  “Where the fuck has this come from?” He searches my face as if looking for the answer. I continue to cry; the feeling of love for him completely overwhelms me.

  His body pins me against the wall. “I need to know, Ryder,” I choke out, but I’m unable to look at him. He cups my face, lifting my eyes until they meet his.

  “I’m fucking crazy about you, pip. How could you ever doubt that?”

  “I need to hear you say it, Ryder. I need to know how you truly feel.”

  “I don’t do romance like in your fucking novels, pip. I’ve never said those three magical words to any chick before, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel that way for you. It just means I don’t know how. But one thing I do know is this. My fucking heart beats harder, faster when I’m with you. I know that I’d take one million fucking bullets for you. I’d risk my own life to protect you no matter what. And that scares the ever-loving shit outta me.”

  Hidden in his words lies a declaration, the declaration I needed to hear. I wipe away the rainwater mixed with tears from my face. It has become apparent that I’m absolutely, helplessly in love with this guy. I drop my head against his chest, and reaching up, I wrap my arms around his neck. He lifts me up, and I instantly wrap my legs around his waist. His whole body pins me against the wall as he leans in to graze my lips, asking for permission to kiss me. I press into him, needing the contact and physical connection with him now more than ever. His thumb gently brushes over my jaw, and I lean in, sealing my lips over his. My lips part and our tongues meet, dancing together as we kiss with deep, raw passion. I work my hands up and through his drenched hair. He places one last, lingering kiss against my lips, resting his forehead against mine.

  We make our way home after stopping for lunch at a small café. We ate, we talked, and I loved every second of it. Spending time with him, I loved getting to know more about what makes Ryder tick.

  “One last stop before we go home, pip.”

  “Stop, where?” I ask.

  He taps the side of his nose, and I sigh. I’m tired. After a night of barely any sleep and the emotion of today, I feel complet
ely drained.

  “What I’d really like is to curl up with one of these amazing books you just bought for me.” I look at him through my lashes, kind of pleading with him.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” he murmurs, a little laugh escaping him. “Please let me do this one last thing for you.” His eyes flit back and forth between me and the road in front of us. The look on his face is that of sadness, and I can’t help but feel a little guilty.

  “Of course. I’m sorry,” I say, grabbing his hand and pulling it onto my lap. “Thank you for today. For everything.”

  The sadness on his face lifts. “You deserve it, pip, and so much more. More than I can ever fucking give you. I fought my feelings for you because of that exact reason. Because you deserve the very best, more than a fucking criminal can offer.”

  “No,” I let out a sob. “You have so much to offer, Ryder. You’ve given me so much in such a short space of time. Your protection, dammit, your life. You risked your life to save me. Do you know how crazy and amazing that is? It means more to me than you will ever know.” I lift his tattooed hand to my mouth, placing a gentle kiss there.

  A few minutes later, the streets start to look a little more familiar. We pull up outside a house, and Ryder cuts the engine.

  “Where are we?” My eyes dart around us, trying to make out exactly where we are. The long driveway leads to a large white garage door. Ryder steps out of the car, signaling for me to follow behind him. He knocks firmly on the garage door before digging into his pocket and lighting a cigarette. The door slowly opens, and a scary-looking guy stands with his arms crossed at the other side. His long black hair is scraped back, his face partially covered in tattoos. I stand frozen, part way down the drive. I’m not sure whether to keep going or to turn back and run as far away from him as possible. Ryder and the guy exchange words before he looks back at me, his face contorting with confusion.

  “Baby, come on,” he calls. My feet start to move, and I slowly make my way to Ryder and the guy with the tattoo that spreads up his neck onto the right side of his face.

  “Pip, this is Jimmy.” He introduces us, and Jimmy holds out his hand to me. I take it, shaking lightly.

  “Uh, nice to meet you,” I say with an edge of nervousness, still unsure who this guy is and why we are here.

  “Pip’s my girl, so keep your fucking hands to yourself.” Ryder laughs, patting Jimmy heavily on the back. I can’t help the heat that rushes to my cheeks. It’s not just embarrassment; it’s so much more than that. It’s my body’s reaction to him announcing me as his. It’s a first for me, and I can’t deny it causes all sort of strange feelings deep down inside. My stomach flutters, and I just want to reach up, seal my lips over his, and feel his hands on me. In all the places where my body craves his touch.

  Ryder holds out his hand, and we walk into the garage space, the door closing automatically behind us. Ryder follows Jimmy through a door leading us into a room where the clinical smell of bleach and cleaning products is pungent.

  My eyes scan the room, and within seconds, I realize why we are here. Photographs of body art are strewn across the walls, and a single black couch is situated in the middle of the room with several black chairs beside it. A wooden table lined with spray bottles, gloves, tapes, and instruments I don’t recognize sits in the corner.

  This is a tattoo studio. The two of them talk quietly for a minute before Ryder slides his shirt over his head and lies down on the couch. He reaches for a chair, pulling it closer.

  “Sit,” he instructs, patting the chair beside him.

  I slide in, my eyes bugging out as I’m fixed on him. “You’re getting a tattoo?” I ask.

  “Not just any tattoo.” He smiles. “See this space here?” He taps a small area on his chest, slightly to his left. “I’m keeping you as close to my heart as possible, pip.”

  I shiver, and a single tear slides down my face. My heart feels like it is bursting with love for him. He’s having my name, or should I say my nickname, tattooed on his torso. Reaching up, he squeezes the back of my neck, bringing my lips down to meet his.

  I sink back into the chair as I watch Jimmy tattoo the word “Pip” on the small space on Ryder’s body. Two small birds intertwine the word—one representing me, the other is Ryder. “All done,” Jimmy sings, wiping something from a jar onto the area before covering it with some sort of plastic and sealing it with gauze tape. “Keep it clean, man. Take the plastic off tomorrow. You know the drill.” He laughs with a wave of his hand.

  I gasp as Ryder stands up from the table. It’s stunningly beautiful and fits perfectly with the rest of his tattoos. The small space has been filled as if my name was always meant to be there.

  “It’s fucking perfect.” Ryder checks out the new ink in the full-length mirror. “Thanks, man.” He turns, taking Jimmy’s hand in his and pulling him in for a brief man hug.

  “Never did I think we’d see the day when you called a chick your own, never mind having her tattooed on your body, man. I still can’t get my head around it.” He laughs a little, shaking his head lightly from side to side. “She must be real fucking special, man.” His eyes dart to me then back to Ryder. “Ryder Blackheart, well and truly pussy whipped.” He laughs loudly, and Ryder’s features harden.

  “Fuck off, man.” Ryder laughs along, pushing something into Jimmy’s hand. “Mind if I use your bathroom?” Ryder asks Jimmy.

  “Nah, man. Help yourself.”

  “Back in a minute,” he says to me, giving me a wink. “Don’t go anywhere,” he warns before walking through the door.

  “So,” Jimmy says with a pause, “this is the real fucking deal then, between you two.”

  “It is.” I smile coyly. I stare at the guy, an idea buzzing through my head. “Would you do one for me? I mean I don’t have any money or anything, so if you say no, I understand.”

  He lifts his eyebrows, and I tell him exactly what it is I have in mind. “Jump on, should only take a few minutes,” he says, excitement dancing in his eyes. I sit up, my right wrist resting on my leg. I hadn’t ever thought about getting a tattoo; hell, I’m not even sure I’m the tattoo kinda girl. But this just feels right. His declaration to mine. Jimmy cleans the area, pulling on a clean set of gloves. He draws a rough outline, and I nod, smiling to indicate I was happy with it. Holding the tattoo gun in one hand, he begins pressing it against my skin. The buzz of the gun fills the room, the scratch against my skin as he works the gun over the small area. Over and over. I can’t deny it stings a little, but it isn’t uncomfortably painful.

  “What the…?” Ryder’s words trail off and his mouth goes slack as he’s frozen to the spot. “Step the fuck away; I’m warning you,” Ryder growls, racing over to stand beside me. Jimmy moves the tattoo gun away, lounging back in his seat.

  “Stop,” I say loudly, pressing my hand against his toned stomach, pushing him back. “Let me do this, Ryder.” He glares at me before letting out a huge breath, stepping away, and leaning his back against the wall.

  “Chill the fuck out, dude. I think you’ll like what I’m doing.” He smirks at him, picking the tattoo gun up and continuing the design. Within a few minutes, it’s finished, and Jimmy cleans it up. I point over at a grumpy Ryder, and Jimmy nods with a grin. I slide off the couch, walking over to him, and push my wrist under his nose.

  “It’s not much,” I whisper, “but the meaning is huge.” He takes my hand, pulling it closer, his eye flickering between the heart on my wrist and my face.

  “A single black heart.” Realization dawns on Ryder’s face. The small heart on my right wrist is completely black, a constant reminder of whom my heart belongs to.

  I reach up onto my tiptoes, craning my neck to kiss him on the lips. His eyes flutter shut. “Fuck,” he moans. “This means everything to me.” His arm, snakes around my waist, encompassing me into his hold. “I love it.” He rubs his nose against the end of mine then along my jawline. His warm mouth brushes against my ear, pure need flowing t
hrough me. “I love you, pip,” he whispers, his voice barely making any sound. But there was no mistaking his declaration, one that I will remember for the rest of my life.

  Jimmy clears his throat. “You guys need to get a room or something.” He chuckles. “But first, let me wrap you up,” he says with a nod.

  After I’m all cleaned up, we say our goodbyes before making our way out and heading home. It feels strange calling Stella’s house home, but that’s exactly what it is. The whole way back, I set up my new phone, adding in Cady’s number. I quickly text her to let her know this is my new number and send her a picture of my tattoo. The twenty-five replies she sent—a mixture of OMG and WTF—make me laugh. I arrange to meet her tomorrow at school, knowing that I need to get some normality back in my life, that I need to keep on top of my schoolwork.

  This has been the worst but also one of the best weekends of my life. This was the weekend when I discovered the meaning of true love.

  I stretch out, reaching to the bedside table to locate my phone. As I stretch for it, I groan out, the pain from last night with Ryder almost too much to take. I’m beyond sore; his idea of “making sure everyone knows your mine” has been taken to the extreme. I grab my phone, hitting the snooze option, and Ryder’s arm pulls me back to him. I rest my bare back against his hard chest; his hand slides down my side, tracing over my thighs and closer to the inside of my legs. I reach down, catching his hand in mine before he gets too close to where it stings.

  “No way, mister.” I bring his hand up, tucking it under my chin as I bring his arm back around me.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice full of concern.

  “I’m sore, Ryder,” I whisper, a little embarrassed talking about it.

  “I’m sorry, pip.” He pulls me closer to him, his obvious erection digging into my back. “My dick just can’t get enough of that sweet pussy of yours.” He places small, gentle kisses on my neck.

  A small groan escapes me, and the sweetness of his kisses on my neck causes my sex to clench. Despite being sore, my body wants him. So damn much.