The Year of Living Shamelessly

by Susanna Carr

  Five more days. He only had to avoid her for five more days. That was less than a week. It should be easy. Except for when he closed his eyes and remembered what she looked like, blindfolded and wearing next to nothing, waiting for his touch. . . .

  Ryder jerked out of the daydream and stifled a groan. He didn’t think he was going to survive.

  He slid his cell phone back into his pocket. If he didn’t hear from Katie soon, he might break down and go back to her house. He was kind of hoping to avoid that.

  “Hey, Art. Have you seen Katie Kramer today?”

  “Yeah,” he said and grinned.

  “What’s with the smile?”

  Art’s smile widened. “She was wearing this very sexy outfit.”

  Ryder glared at his friend and tried not to growl. “What’s the big deal about that?” She had been wearing very sexy outfits every day for the past year. Although his favorite was the soft burgundy dress that could come undone with the pull of . . .

  “It was all leather. Or it looked like it was all leather.” Art’s eyes started to twinkle. “You should have seen those boots.”

  “I’ve seen the boots.” Ryder hated the boots. If he could rip them off her without touching Katie, he would have done so already.

  “My wife calls them dominatrix boots. I think she asked Katie where she got them.”

  He didn’t want to know if Art’s wife was getting in touch with her inner dominatrix. “Where did you see Katie?”

  “At the gas station.”

  That didn’t sound good. It was probably no big deal. It could mean anything, like her tank was empty. It could also mean that she was filling up for a road trip to Seattle. “Who was she with?”

  “I didn’t notice,” Art answer dryly. “What’s with all these questions?”

  Ryder reached for his cell phone again and hit redial. “I think Katie is doing exactly what I told her not to do,” he said as he put the phone to his ear. If she didn’t pick up, he was going to hunt her down.

  “Knowing Katie, she’s probably doing just that.”

  Ryder scowled at Art just as his call went straight to voice mail. He closed his eyes and slowly put the phone back into his pocket. He was going to find Katie and, if she was smart, she would be safely tucked away in her own bed.

  Ryder didn’t find Katie, but he did find Jake at the Crystal Bend Café. His friend was enjoying the slice of hot apple pie in front of him and flirting with the honey blonde at his side. Ryder slid into the booth across from the couple. He gave a curt nod to the woman toying with a diet soda and his gaze narrowed on Jake. “Have you heard from your sister today?”

  “No, and it’s been nice and quiet,” Jake said with a big, relaxed smile. “Just the way I like it.”

  It was too quiet in Ryder’s opinion.

  Jake dragged his attention from the blonde when he realized Ryder wasn’t leaving. “Something the matter?”

  Yeah, a lot of things were wrong, but he couldn’t reveal all. Ryder drummed his fingers on the tabletop. “You didn’t give her the address for the bondage club, right?” He ignored the blonde’s jerk of surprise and the way she inched away from him.

  Jake made a face. “I’m not stupid. Why would I want to help my little sister get into bondage? Anyway, you know what Katie’s like. She’s just asking these questions for attention.”

  “I got a bad feeling she found the place.” And he couldn’t shake off the sense of impending doom. Katie was going to push back hard, any way she could.

  Jake dismissed Ryder’s concern with a wave of his fork. “Even if she got the address, she wouldn’t use it. She’s not the type. She’s just teasing you. You know how she likes to push your buttons. She’s been doing it for years. Remember when she stole your leather jacket and wouldn’t give it back until you promised to drive her to school every day for a whole semester?”

  “I’m not so sure.” He had given her a taste of kink last night. She may want more, with or without him.

  “Trust me, Katie asked for shock value. It’s the way she gets attention.” Jake ate another big chunk of pie. Ryder glared at him. His best friend was obviously more concerned about his stomach than his sister.

  “Then where is she?” Ryder demanded. He was used to worrying about Katie, but this was different. He would feel a whole lot better knowing she wasn’t doing something stupid just to prove a point with him. “Why isn’t she answering her phone?”

  Jake paused, his fork in midair. “You checking up on her?”

  “Call it a hunch.”

  “If you’re so worried, why don’t you talk to Melissa?” He pointed his fork in the direction of the counter next to the kitchen. Ryder looked and saw Katie’s friend.

  “Don’t you find it odd that she’s not with Katie?” Ryder asked as he rose from his seat.

  “No, I find it normal,” Jake muttered.

  “I’m going to find out what’s going on.” Ryder moved swiftly and cornered Melissa before she saw him coming. “Hey, Melissa. Do you know where Katie is?”

  Melissa gave a little yelp of surprise when Ryder spoke. “Uh, hi, Ryder,” she squeaked as her gaze shifted away.

  “Melissa?” he asked with a hint of warning.

  “Well”—she lowered her voice—“if anyone asks, you tricked it out of me, okay?”

  A knot formed in the pit of his stomach. This couldn’t be good. “It wouldn’t be the bondage club in Seattle, would it?” he asked, his voice clipped with cold anger.

  Melissa slowly nodded her head. “She and Hilary just left. How did you know?”

  “I know Katie.” And she had gone too far this time. He was going after her, just like she wanted. Only this time she would reap what she sowed.

  “Okay . . .” Hilary looked around the bondage club. “This isn’t what I was expecting.”

  Katie nodded slowly. The club was a renovated hotel in downtown Seattle. It was decorated in the Regency period, with a lot of wood paneling, settees and delicate chairs, and gold-framed portraits of fox-hunting scenes.

  She wasn’t sure what she had expected. Maybe a little dance music, a strobe light or two, and plenty of booze. “It looks like a gentleman’s club,” she muttered from the side of her mouth. “The kind you see in those Jane Austen-type movies.”

  “Do me a favor,” Hilary said in a whisper, “and don’t ever use the words ‘Jane Austen’ when you talk about bondage.”

  “I’ll try my best.” She clapped her mouth closed when she saw a woman in a designer dress guide a man out of the room using a leash. They walked to the elevators as if nothing was unusual. “Do you think we’re dressed wrong?”

  “I think we have newbie written all over us,” Hilary said. “Let’s hope they don’t have any initiation rites.”

  Panic bloomed in Katie’s chest. She hadn’t thought of that. “If anyone asks, we’re doing research.”

  Hilary rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’ll go over well. Face it, Katie. This was not one of your better ideas. Melissa was smart to stay back in Crystal Bend.”

  Katie clucked her tongue. She hadn’t been able to convince Melissa to join them on this grand adventure, no matter how much she begged and bribed. “What could possibly go wrong?”

  “Do you want me to list it alphabetically or chronologically?”

  There was no way they would face that many problems. “We have to give consent for anything to happen,” Katie reminded her friend.

  “In theory.” Hilary stepped in front of a mirror with an ornate frame and checked her hair. She had straightened her red mop and it hung past her shoulders like silk, and she’d gone for broke with the black eyeliner and red lipstick. The snug black T-shirt, PVC pants and heels completed the transformation. Hilary looked less like a research librarian and more like a tough dominatrix.

  “Well, I understand your concerns,” Katie said as she watched Hilary dab her finger along the edge of her full red mouth. “But I’m not leaving until I know what Ryder wants in a relati
onship where he is dominant and I’m submissive.”

  “I did a little bit of fact-checking on this before we left.” Hilary puckered her lips at her reflection. “BDSM is a sexual game based on fantasy.”

  Katie was all for fantasy. She had too many fantasies and knew what it felt like wanting each and every one of them to come true. “I can totally be his fantasy girl.”

  “It’s considered an art, and . . .” Her eyes widened as she looked in the mirror, and then she cast a quick glance over her shoulder. “Someone is coming over here. Let’s go.”

  Katie was tempted to make a run for it as a very tall, large, muscular man approached them. “It’s probably the, uh, bouncer.”

  “No, I think that was the shirtless guy with the executioner’s mask that we passed when we came in.”

  “Welcome to the center,” the man said. He was dressed in a pin-striped suit and wore a red carnation boutonniere. “Your first visit?”

  “How could you tell?” Hilary muttered, stepping closer to Katie. Katie couldn’t tell if Hilary was offering protection or using her as a shield.

  The man smiled. “I know all the members.”

  “Members? Oh, you mean you need a membership to be here? Shucks.” Hilary snapped her fingers. “I guess we have to leave.”

  “Not at all.” He motioned at the double doors the one couple had walked out of. “There are some meeting rooms here for visitors. The members have access to the rest of the center.”

  “Rooms?” Hilary parroted. “What happens in these rooms?”

  The man’s smile widened. “Whatever your imagination allows.”

  Katie felt her throat tighten and she gave a little hoarse cough. “We’re just doing some research.”

  “Personal research,” Hilary added.

  “Ah.” The man’s eyes lit with understanding. “You’re just curious, but not committed.”

  Katie gave a swift elbow to Hilary’s stomach, knowing she was going to make some committed-in-an-institution comment. “Exactly.”

  “I was going to ask if you were a top or a bottom.”

  “Excuse me?” Katie looked down at her outfit as the man studied her. What was wrong with her PVC vest, black miniskirt and knee-high leather boots? Sure, her magazines hadn’t recommended this particular combination—she couldn’t find any helpful advice on what to wear at a bondage scene—but she thought she looked edgy enough. She was even inspired to wear a velvet choker as her only accessory.

  “A top is the dominant one, and those shoes you are wearing are a submissive’s dream.”

  “Maybe that’s why Ryder hates them,” she muttered to Hilary.

  “But the choker,” the man said, “is a sign that you are already claimed by a dominant.”

  Katie’s hand went straight to her throat. “That is what it means?” A thought occurred to her. “What if it’s a regular piece of jewelry?”

  The man considered the question. “Any piece of jewelry could be considered a symbol. Many think a wedding ring is a public claim.”

  Katie grinned. That must be why Ryder had given her those earrings instead of a Christmas ornament.

  A woman wearing a simple black dress approached the man. She bowed low, her eyes downcast. “Excuse me, sir. May I have a word?”

  The man excused himself and the woman trailed behind him. “His submissive?” Hilary asked.

  Katie smiled wryly. “Obviously you don’t work in an office. That was his assistant.”

  “Well, I don’t know about you, but I think we’ve learned a lot. Walk three steps behind your boss and don’t wear a choker with dominatrix boots. What more is there to discover?”

  “Hilary, we haven’t looked in the other rooms.”

  She looked at the double doors from the corner of her eye. “I think I would like to keep it that way.”

  “I thought you wanted an anthropological experience. You of all people should have an adventurous spirit and an open mind.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t want to require a mind eraser after this night.” Hilary took a deep breath. “Okay, we’ll go look, but only for ten minutes.”

  “A half hour,” Katie bargained.

  “Twenty minutes and then we go back to our hotel room and do something more our speed, like eat everything in the minibar and watch Golden Girls.”

  “Fine. You drive a hard bargain,” Katie said as she headed for the double doors. The closer she got, the more it sounded like a party was going on behind the doors. “And the next twenty minutes are going to fly right by. You’ll see.”

  She opened one of the doors and dragged Hilary inside. The room was shadowy and packed with people. She saw the gleam of chains and inhaled the rich scent of leather. She twisted her head and gawked at the riding crop in an elderly woman’s hand. Katie grabbed for Hilary’s arm and held her close as they navigated the dark room with shuffling steps.

  “Oops!” Katie tripped and would have done a face plant if Hilary hadn’t been holding her up. Katie looked down and saw a young athletic man kneeling on the floor in front of his master. “Sorry!”

  Katie was beginning to believe that Ryder had a valid point. She was not ready for this place. She didn’t think she would last the whole twenty minutes. “So . . . what do you think?”

  “I think the bar is over in that corner,” Hilary yelled over the noise.

  Katie gave her friend a strange look. “We just walked by a grandmother in a leather bustier, a half-naked guy kneeling on the floor waiting for his next command, and all you can see is the bar?”

  Hilary shrugged. “It’s a gift.”

  “And a helpful one,” Katie decided. “Lead me there.”

  They took a couple of steps, when Hilary skidded to a halt. “Huh, well, that’s interesting.”

  Katie couldn’t imagine what would have captured Hilary’s attention in this room. “What is?”

  She craned her neck to get a better view. “I think I just saw Darwin.”

  “Darwin?” Katie’s voice squeaked. “Darwin Jones?” She instinctively ducked.

  “How many Darwins do you know?”

  “One more than I should. What is he doing here?”

  “Well, it’s logical that he should be here since he’s the one who gave me directions to this place.”

  “What?” Katie jerked Hilary down to squat next to her. “I thought Jake gave it to you.”

  “He wouldn’t. So I asked around and Darwin was the only one who would fess up to knowing this place.”

  Katie rubbed her aching head. “I don’t believe this.”

  “Uh, let’s just get to the bar and plan our next move,” Hilary said as she pulled Katie up. “People are staring at us.”

  “Staring at us? We’re the most normal people here.”

  “Now where is your open mind?” Hilary teased as she herded Katie through the crowd to the bar. “They say BDSM is an art, but I’m thinking it’s more like a different world.”

  “I won’t argue with you on that one,” Katie said as she rested her arms on the bar.

  “Think about it,” Hilary said. “Their clothes represent something about them, and they have their own vocabulary. They have a set of rules and expected behaviors.”

  Katie nodded as she flagged down a bartender.

  “The question is: Do you want to be part of this world?”

  Katie had been wondering that the moment they arrived.“There is no easy answer to that question,” Katie finally said. She wanted to be with Ryder, but she wasn’t interested in anything she saw here.

  She liked the idea of being with Ryder because he was rougher around the edges than any man she knew, but she hadn’t experienced enough of his dangerous side yet. And while she was fine with the blindfold, she had taken it off when she was fed up with it. Maybe she was as bratty as Ryder accused her of being, because she wasn’t into depriving herself.

  Then again, she loved it when Ryder was protective and possessive. Also, her secret fantasy was to tie him up and
have her wicked way with him, so she must have some kink in her. And she wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of reversing positions as long as Ryder was overwhelmed with desire for her.

  But would she have to give up her sexual fantasies to hang on to Ryder? Was she in love with a man who was sexually incompatible with her?