Fix Me

by Aubry, A

  “No, she’s sitting on the other side of the stadium as far as she possibly can from you. I know I can be dumb sometimes, but I do have my moments.”

  “I wouldn’t say you are dumb…just make bad choices,” I gave him a playful smile.

  “There’s my girl,” he smiled and pulled me to him by my jersey.

  “Okay, all visitors out of the locker room. Game starts in just fifteen minutes,” Finn’s coach announced as he walked into the room.

  “See you after the game?” I asked hopefully.

  “Of course,” he kissed me gently and let me go.

  Tabby, Angie, and I made our way up to our seats, sitting front and center, just as Finn had said. Tabby and I had just enough time to bug Angie about what her and Bo were talking about. Thanks to Tabby and her talkative nature, I learned that Bo and Angie had talked the entire time together after Finn and I left. They seemed to really hit it off, they even exchanged numbers.

  When the teams took the field, Finn wasn’t lying when he said he could keep an eye on me from where I sat. Throughout the game, I cheered loudly for him and his team. The music snippets that played periodically during each quarter causing me and Angie to dance and sing in our seats. Sometimes Finn and Bo would catch us, laughing when they did see us. We couldn’t help it; the music was catchy, and we loved every song that they played.

  The team won their game seven to three, two of those points were thanks to Finn. I cheered a little too loud when he scored, I got caught up in the game. Angie and I said goodbye to Tabby who would be heading home. Finn and Bo were having a little party at Finn’s apartment and Angie was my plus one.

  After waiting what felt like an eternity in the line for the women’s bathroom, Angie and I made our way down to the locker rooms. Bo stood outside talking to Drake and Jordan, two of the only other people I knew who were coming to this ‘party’. By the way that Bo’s face lit up when he saw Angie, I could tell he was already smitten with her. How could he not be? She was smart, funny, and had good taste in music and movies. When we met it was surprising how much we had in common. She was a few years younger than me, so I would jokingly call her my mini me.

  “Finn still in the locker room?” I asked as we joined the guys.

  “Last time I saw him he was just finishing packing up his bag,” Derek answered.

  “Anybody else in there? Maybe I could sneak in and hurry him along.”

  “You would probably just slow him down,” Bo teased, “But no one else is in there, you are free to do as you please.”

  I nodded, “Okay? Be right back, Ang.”

  She said her okay, obviously happy that she would be semi-alone with Bo again.

  I strode into the locker rooms, ready to get Finn so we could get out of there. Turning the corner, I made it just in time to see Natalie’s hand caressing Finn’s cheek as he leaned in and kissed her. What the actual fuck?

  Chapter Eight

  “How could you?” I asked into the mostly silent room, the only sound coming from the lip lock that was happening across the room.

  Finn jumped back as a sly smile played across Natalie’s lips.

  “Julianna…” He stopped, he had no way to explain this away.

  “I’ll handle this, Finny,” Natalie said slowly before she walked over to me.

  “The bathroom is actually down the hall and to the left, little girl,” she sneered at me.

  It took every ounce of strength I had not to let my mouth fall open at her remark.

  “I think you must have me confused with someone else. That guy you just kissed, he’s my boyfriend,” I retorted.

  “Did you just stumble out of a looney bin? He’s mine sweetheart, we had a minor intermission in our relationship, but we are all patched up now.”

  “Natalie,” Finn interrupted but she held up her hand.

  “I don’t know what you think you had with my Finny bear but it’s over. He’s come back to me now. I’m not sure why he ever wanted someone like you as a rebound, but I guess he was desperate,” she shrugged, apparently she couldn’t be bothered to even think me worthy of Finn.

  “Well I don’t know whatever gutter you crawled out of, but I’ve been with Finn for almost two months. You would know that if you fucking asked him or acted like I existed when I am next to him.” Tears were burning my eyes as my voice raised.

  She looked back at Finn, “She’s gonna cry, she actually believed you two were a thing. Isn’t that sweet?”

  “Stop talking about me like I’m a fucking child with a crush! I know the things that Finn said to me. Finn, why won’t you stand up for me?” I looked at him over Natalie’s shoulder.

  He opened his mouth to speak but she spoke for him, “Because it was all in your head, that’s why he’s not speaking up for you.”

  I brushed past Natalie and stood in front of Finn, my heart breaking, “I don’t know what you are doing or who the fuck you think you are, Finn McAllister. But I’m not going to stand around and be insulted while you stay there and be silent. We’re done, Finn. You are fucking dead to me.”

  I tore off the heart-shaped necklace that he had given me on our one-month anniversary and threw it at him. It fell to the floor before he could catch it. Sending up a silent thank you that I put on a tank top underneath my jersey today, I took it off tossed it on the floor on top of the necklace.

  Natalie grabbed an empty garbage bag off a nearby custodial cart and held it up to me, “You might want to put this on, nobody wants to see all that.”

  Storming past her, my tears decided to fall just as I exited the locker room.

  “Jules, what’s going on? Why are you crying?” Angie ran up to me, putting her hands on my arms to stop me from running.

  “I just want to go home, please,” I cried.

  She nodded silently and took out her phone, ordering us an Uber.

  Bo came up to me, offering his sweatshirt, “Jules, it’s not nice enough for tank top only weather just yet. Take this so you’ll be warm.”

  “Thanks, Bo,” I murmured as I put it on and zipped it up.

  “Uber is on its way. I’ll see you around Bo, text me,” Angie smiled at him as she put her arm comfortingly around me.

  “Yeah, definitely,” he nodded and smiled at her.

  Both of their smiles fell when they saw Finn walking out of the locker room with Natalia clung to his arm. He nearly stopped in his tracks when he saw my red blotchy face and Bo’s sweatshirt covering my body. Angie turned me and led me out the door before I could start crying again. As soon as we were in the Uber, she asked me what had happened. I told her everything, about Natalie and his breakup, what she said to me and about me. My heart broke all over again.

  “That’s it. I am not going to allow you to sit at home and mope about some douchebag like Finn. We’re going out tonight, I’m gonna pull out the big guns and invite Robert and Paul.”

  I chuckled as I reluctantly agreed. Robert and Paul were two of our friends from the Sports section, who wrote about anything and everything basketball. They were also known as the two biggest people to party in the office. When you went out with them, you were guaranteed to have a good time.

  I was on my fourth blueberry mojito and I was feeling pretty damn good. Angie, Robert, Paul, Tabby, and I were surrounded by about ten of our other friends in the back-corner area of The Loop-West End. They had a DJ tonight, so the music was pumping through the building and the bar was getting crowded.

  “Can I get you guys anything else to drink right away?” The waitress called over the loud music behind her.

  “Oo, let’s do shots!” I yelled to my friends.

  Most of them looked at me like I was crazy, I was never the person to do a shot.

  “What kind of shot do you want to do?” Paul leaned over the table and asked me.

  “Cranberry Kamikaze!” I said excitedly.

  On a random Facebook surfing day, I had come across a list of the ten shots with vodka that you would want to try. The C
ranberry Kamikaze was on that list made with vodka, cranberry juice, and triple sec then served with a lime. All of us who wanted a shot ordered one and while we were waiting for the waitress to return with them, someone from the kitchen returned with our platefuls of fries that we ordered. Angie and I had eaten dinner at The Loop-West End when we got there, but that was nearly four hours and four drinks ago. We needed something else to sop up the booze that were in our stomachs.

  I had been posting Snapchats with my friends all night, sending them to my friends who lived in other states and posting them to my story to make it seem like I had a life to everyone else. The waitress came back with our shots and, like the true technologically obsessed generation that we were, we took pictures of the cute little shot before we toasted. The shot went back easy, the lime that I bit into after made my face pucker. We slammed our shot glasses down on the table and cheered.

  “Ang, let’s go dance!” I suggested over the sound of the music. Havana by Camila Cabello was playing, and it was a fun sexy song to move to.

  She happily agreed, and we went out to the dance floor that was packed with people. When I shook my hips, the skirt of my peach colored dress swayed from side to side.

  “I’m so happy that you’re having fun!” Ang called out to me.

  “Who needs men?!” I cheered, throwing my hands in the air.

  We swayed our hips from side to side feeling the music and sang along as we did.

  As the chorus picked up after the second verse, I felt someone come up behind me and press themselves into me, their hands on my hips. When I looked back, a complete stranger, who had had a little too much to drink, was standing behind me and moving with me to the music. I attempted to pry his hands off of me as I continued to dance but he turned me around to face him. Putting my hands on his chest, I tried to push him away.

  “Get away from me!” I yelled, putting in my best attempt to push him away.

  A fist came out of nowhere and connected with the guys cheek and he quickly stumbled back away from me. I followed up the arm that the fist was connected to until my eyes laid upon one Finn McAllister, breathing heavily and looking quite pissed. Everyone else on the dance floor was too wrapped up in the music to realize what was going on, but I stood there staring at Finn, my heart pounding. Angie came to my rescue.

  “What are you doing here?” She asked, putting her arm out in front of me.

  “I came to talk with Julianna,” he put out his hand, “Come take a walk with me.”

  I shook my head, “I’m not going anywhere with you. You have your girlfriend back, go find her and take a walk.”

  “Julianna, please. One walk, that’s all I’m asking for. If you never want to see me again after that then I will leave you alone.” His eyes looked sad but sincere at his offer.

  Not knowing what to do, I looked over at Angie who shook her head no. My heart raced, I was so confused. I didn’t want to go with him but at the same time I did. He came all this way just to talk to me, that had to be some sort of fucking cosmic sign, right? My body responded for me as my hand lifted and placed in his open palm.

  “Jules, what the fuck?” Angie called out to me, trying to snap her fingers in front of my face.

  “One walk, Ang. That’s it,” I shrugged my shoulder and let Finn lead me out of the bar and onto the busy sidewalk.

  The large bell tower of the galleria rung twelve as we silently walked back to the bench where it all began. I ran my hands up and down my arms that were bare thanks to my dress not having any sleeves. My high-wedged booties quietly clacked along the sidewalk.

  “You didn’t wear a jacket tonight?” Finn quietly scolded me.

  “I brought a jacket, you just didn’t give me time to grab it,” I spit.

  Finn sighed and slipped off his light jacket, draping it around my shoulders. Our bench quickly came up in front of us and we took a seat. It was hard to believe that nearly two months ago, right on this very bench, everything began for us as we bonded over heartbreak. Now, here we were, heartbroken over each other. Or, at least one of us was.

  “How much have you had to drink tonight?” Finn asked softly.

  “None of your fucking business, that’s how much,” I crossed my arms over my waist as I leaned back against the bench.

  “Fair enough. From what Snapchat tells me, you’ve had four mojitos and a shot.” Damn him for checking my Snapchat and being so thorough.

  “I’m not completely drunk, if that is what you are wondering. I ate when I got here, and we were just eating some fries before Angie and I went to go dance. All I have is a slight buzz going...even though now it is quickly dying.” I sounded like a teenager who got busted for drinking by her parents.

  “I just want you aware for this conversation,” he turned to face me.

  “You want to make sure I hear one hundred percent that you got back with Natalie? Don’t worry, ‘Finny’, I got the message loud and clear at the stadium,” I huffed and watched the cars pass by on the main road.

  “What kind of fucking name is Finny anyways? Do you really find that attractive? Because I find it absolutely disgusting,” I found myself continuing.

  “And the part that you were desperate when you started dating me? You were anything but, if anything I was the fucking desperate one in all of this. You and your stupid sex god ways and good looks getting my head all in a damn tizzy.”

  Why the fuck was I rambling like this? I was willing it to stop but it just kept coming out.

  “How can you even be with someone who is like that, Finn? You are the sweetest guy on the entire planet, I have never heard you say one negative thing about anybody in the entire two months that I have known you and yet, you can date a girl who offers me a fucking garbage bag to wear.”

  I turned to face him, anger burning in my cheeks, “And another thing—"

  His lips covered mine, shutting me up. Almost instantly I pulled back, not bothering to hold my mouth shut at the audacity that he just did that.

  “What the hell, Finn? You are with Natalie. You can’t just bounce back and forth between us. Just because you are some big hot shot soccer—" He fucking did it again.

  I slid away from him on the bench and slapped his arm, for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to hit that beautiful face, “Stop fucking doing that!”

  “Then shut the fuck up so I can talk,” he demanded, a little too loud.

  My hands went up in defeat. Fine, my lips were sealed.

  “I’m not with Natalie,” he began.

  “Then why—" His hand covered my mouth this time.

  Rolling my eyes, I pushed his hand away and let him continue.

  “She came into the locker room to try to get me back,” he momentarily paused waiting for me to jump in.

  Looked like she succeeded in that goal to me.

  “She had asked me flat out why I was with you and when we got together. I told her that we had been together almost two months, hence why she thought you were the rebound. But I had told her that I was with you because you were different than all the other girls I dated, that you caught my attention after a chance encounter and then that was that.”

  He took a breath.

  “When you came in, I’ll admit, I kissed her. But that was only after she told me that if I kissed her, she would leave me alone for good. I wanted that for us, I wanted her to just disappear so that I could have you and not have to worry about what she would say to you.”

  “You didn’t stand up for me, Finn. She put me down right in front of you, acted like I was nothing more than a fling to you, and you just stood there,” I bit back tears as I pursed my lips.

  “I was a fucking idiot, Julianna. She kept cutting me off whenever I would start to talk. What happened, that was exactly what she wanted. She came with the exclusive plan to break us up. Natalie knew I could never say no to my mother if she asked me for a favor, so she took advantage of that. I don’t want her…I want you,” he ran his hand through his hair.
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br />   “You could have spoken up, you have a voice you know. Or you could have run after me when I walked out of that locker room—"

  “I tried! Natalie kept pulling me back away from the door. I even yelled for you, but you didn’t hear me. The pain on your face, Jules, I never wanted to bring that pain to you.” His hands uncrossed my arms and took my hands in his.

  “I will spend every day, for as long as I live, to make it up to you if you’ll take me back. I love you, more than anything. I love your smile, your laugh, your eyes when you gaze back at me, your body, your lips, your mind. I love everything about you and I can’t imagine my life without you in it,” his eyes pleaded with me as he spoke softly.

  “What about Natalie?” I whispered, I was already starting to cave.

  “Turns out, she’s still with that friend of hers, Matt. He showed up to pick her up at the game and I knew what she put on was one big act to end the only real thing I have ever had in my life. I don’t want her to succeed, baby, I need you.”

  My heart was pounding in my ears. What was I supposed to do? Trust in him that Natalie was gone for good? That he didn’t have her at his apartment right now waiting in bed for him? Hell, who was I kidding, this whole relationship of ours was based on trust. I had to trust him to follow him out here to this exact bench the first night we met. Part of me wished that he had been an ax murderer, that storyline was much easier to follow.

  “I love you, Finn. I’m just terrified you’ll hurt me if I let you back in,” I found myself saying.

  Finn scooted closer to me, “I will never hurt you again, I swear on my life.”

  “Maybe we should start over, like a clean slate? Take it slow?” I offered.

  “Can I still tell you that I love you?” He asked hesitantly.

  I nodded, “Only if you really mean it.”

  “Oh, hell, Julianna. I mean it more than I have ever meant anything in my life.” He went to kiss me, but I put my hand up.

  “I don’t kiss strangers,” I gave him a small smile.

  He held out his hand to me, “I’m Finn McAllister, forward for the Minnesota United FC soccer team. And you are?”