At the Risk of Forgetting

by A. M. Wilson

  “Bye. Have fun tonight.”

  “You, too,” I called and watched her climb into the driver’s seat.

  Call it a side effect of parenting, but it never got easier letting Evelyn go away without me. I didn’t have the typical experience of family sleepovers when she was a baby, but I did have to leave her with a sitter over night for my job starting when she was around four. The beginning of those nights were the cruelest form of torture. It took a month for me to have some semblance of calm at work, knowing she was at someone else’s house overnight, wondering if she woke up from a bad dream or wanted to crawl into my bed just to snuggle, only to find I wasn’t even there.

  Would she cry for me?

  Would she think I abandoned her?

  She’s a teenager, and I still wondered if she ever missed me while she was gone, and if she knew she could always come home if she wanted.

  When she goes to college, I was going to be a complete mess.

  I waved until they were out of sight then meandered back inside to get ready.

  It was the night before New Year’s Eve, which meant I needed to pull out every piece of machinery in my beauty arsenal. This was the one night of the year I went full out. Styled hair, heavy makeup, expensive short dress, pencil-thin heels, and accessories up the wazoo. Drinks would be plentiful, and there’d be no shortage of entertainment. Yes, I was looking forward to this.

  My master bath turned into beauty salon times one hundred. The moss-green countertops were covered in lotions, powders, creams, tubes, bottles, brushes, clips, combs, bobby pins, elastics, sprays, and so on and so forth. A curling wand, straightener, and big barrel curling iron were all plugged in. I was dressed in only a towel, and having just finished shaving all parts that needed to be shaved, I reached for the lotion.

  I was smooth, soft, and exfoliated. Time to get dressed.

  Turning thirty must have messed with my head, because I went all out this year when picking out my dress. It was the text-book definition of LBD. Short, black, and strappy with an open back, triangle cutouts beneath my breasts, and spaghetti thin straps that tied around mid-back. I had a cute little jacket to go with it for standing outside.

  The shoes were even better. High, like I’ll be lucky if I don’t break my neck high, with an open toe and an open heel. They laced up the front and tied around the ankle, and the front had cutouts going up the foot. They were gorgeous and went perfectly with the dress.

  Evelyn and I had gotten mani/pedis the day before, so I’d gone with fire engine red. I would have done French tips for my fingers, but I couldn’t do my job with long nails. This would do, and added a pop of color to my outfit.

  I managed to slither myself into the tight dress and tied it behind my back. Then I was on to hair and makeup.

  Big and dark was the theme for the evening. Winged liner, smoky eye in purples and grays, cut crease, I even went all out and added a shimmering highlight to my contour. Mauve, matte lipstick went on last. I transformed my hair into a mass of big, wavy curls that I left twisting down my back.

  My phone rang from somewhere within the sea of makeup. I found it beneath a bag of brushes. Kiersten flashed across the screen.

  “Hey, I’m almost ready.”

  “Rock on, bitch! I’m standing on your porch, and it’s freezing out here.”

  “Where’s your key?” I asked as I walked down the hall to let her in.

  “On my keyring. I just didn’t want to barge in. You’re unpredictable these days. Who knows who you’re hiding in there.”

  The deadbolt clicked, and I swung the door open. “Who I’m hiding in here? Good god, do you ever think about anything other than sex?” I tapped the red ‘end call’ button with my thumb and stepped back to let her in.

  The chill from the late December winter blew across all my exposed skin. It was so cold that it almost burned.

  “Nope. A. D. I. D. A. S.”

  “Ugh. The 90’s called. They want their music back.” I walked back down the hall to retrieve my shoes from my bedroom. Kiersten followed.

  “They want their jokes back, too.”

  “My joke isn’t as bad as your sexual references.”

  “And that song isn’t as bad as your joke. That song was popular well into the 2000’s.”

  Stuffing a few makeup staples into my black clutch, I shot her a mock glare. “This is true. You win.”

  “Woohoo! First round’s on you!”

  I stuck out my tongue.

  “Are Nathan and his friend meeting us here or there?”

  “Here. He’s our ride. We can cab it home. I just need to call him when we’re ready.” I sat on the edge of my bed and tugged on my gorgeous shoes. After admiring them myself, I shoved a foot in her direction. “Whatchya think?”

  She pushed my foot down, leaned over to grab my hands, and pulled me up. Cocking out a hip, she put a hand beneath her chin, and ran her eyes over me from top to toe. “Freakin’ gorgeous!”

  “Thanks. You look fantastic, too.”

  “I’m ready if you are. Give Nathan a call.”

  After circling the bathroom to make sure everything was turned off, I followed her out to my living room. “I’m on it.” I scrolled through my contact list and tapped his name. He answered on the second ring.

  “You ladies ready to roll?”

  “We sure are. Make sure you have the heat cranked in your truck.”

  “Already do. Just picked up Rhett. We’re headed your way now.”

  “Cool.” For some reason, nerves tingled along my spine.

  “See you soon,” Nathan murmured and ended the call.

  Sadness tinged the edges of my mood, and I didn’t want to think about why. I needed to shake it off, not dwell on it.

  “Hey, you okay?” Kiersten asked, stepping up beside me.

  I smiled. “Yeah. Hey, I have an idea. Since we aren’t driving, let’s have a quick drink. One for the ladies.”

  “I like the way you think.”

  Shot glasses meant extra dishes, so we bumped from the bottle instead. I’d just passed it to Kiersten when my phone buzzed with a text.

  Nathan: Get your asses out here ;)

  “They’re here.”

  She tucked the bottle back into my cabinet, and we left, locking up behind us.

  ***

  The bar was in the dead center of Main Street. Right in the middle of a business strip, it took up twice as much square footage as any other building. The overhang with the sign Calypso’s! sported red and green Christmas lights, even though the holiday had passed, and would probably look that way well into January.

  The men dropped us off at the big red door while they found a place to park, saving us from having to walk a good distance in the cold. We hoofed it inside and into the warmth.

  ‘Packed’ wasn’t a word one would use to describe any place in Arrow Creek, but in regards to its regular weekend turnout, Calypso’s was packed tonight.

  The bar had entrances at both the front and the back of the building, with stairs leading to the basement on both ends as well. They ran a full bar on both levels every weekend.

  The upstairs had more tables for dining in, not to say food couldn’t be ordered for downstairs (it could), and the basement had a side of pool tables and a dance floor. From what I could see of the upstairs, there wasn’t much room unless we wanted to stand at the bar. Therefore, I said, “Let’s go down.”

  Kiersten changed her course and led the way.

  Chilly air blasted us from the door opening and closing so we picked up our pace. I had a mission to get another drink in me before the next hour started, and it was getting dangerously close to nine o’clock. This was the one night a year I let myself get completely loose, uninhibited and free, and I was desperately ready to enjoy it.

  We’d found a table, and the waiter stepped up just as Nathan and Rhett joined us.

  “Welcome to Calypso’s. What can I get you? The next hour is ladies’ hour, so the girls’ drinks ar
e on the house.”

  “Yeah!” Kiersten shouted, and we high-fived over the table.

  “I’ll have a Moscow Mule, and keep ‘em coming.”

  Kiersten grinned. “Oh, that sounds yummy. I’ll start with one, too.”

  “Shit, how am I supposed to owe you a round when our drinks are free for the next hour? I don’t know if I’ll be able to do a round after this,” I giggled, though completely serious. I could hold my liquor with the best of them, meaning I almost never got sick. That didn’t mean I didn’t get drunk easily. It was a double-edged sword.

  “Two rounds of tequila for the table, extra limes,” Nathan ordered.

  Leaning to my left dramatically, I twisted my neck to look at where he sat beside me. “You’re trying to get me drunk.”

  From the corner of my eye, I watched the waiter smirk and walk away to fill our order.

  His jaw dropped open, and he raised his hands in defense. “I am not. If you don’t want it, I’ll just have to drink it. Then it’ll be you who’s getting me drunk.”

  “Unh-uh. I’m not the one who ordered.”

  “Says the woman who gets free drinks for the next hour.”

  I smiled and fiddled with the wrapped silverware in front of me, enjoying the playful banter.

  “So, you all work together?” Rhett asked, joining in the conversation for the first time. I couldn’t help but noticed the way his eyes stayed trained on Kiersten, as if he found her fascinating.

  “Nathan and I are partners on the ambulance. Kiersten works in dispatch. So, same field, yeah, but not in the same area.”

  “That must be fascinating. Do you ever get any crazy calls?”

  Nathan and I exchanged a glance. “Crazy stupid or crazy annoying? There’s never a lull in the calls from people who should have called their therapist instead of 9-1-1. Kiersten gets the most interesting calls, though. We’re only routed the ones that need medical assistance.” Nathan answered his friend.

  “Ugh. Just last night. A lady called to report a man wearing only his underwear, singing ‘Joy to the World’ while taking down the snowman her children made, Jet Li style.”

  “What?” Rhett laughed, then sat back as the waiter returned to deliver our drinks. “What does someone even do for that?”

  “A lot of times it’s drugs or alcohol, so the cops will check the person out for that. Although, there are times it’s just some random, impulsive person who felt like having a little fun. They’d most likely get told to go home with a warning.” Kiersten picked up her mule and took a long drink. “Oh, it’s so good.”

  I agreed, taking a long drink of my own. There was nothing like a perfect mule. Cold, refreshing, with that coppery bite from the mule mug.

  “Last week, there was a call that someone had stolen the driver’s side door off some guy’s truck. And there’s this repeat caller who always thinks someone’s out to get him. He’s been known to put booby traps around his residence.”

  “What did he call for this time?” Nathan asked as he passed around shots and limes. I took two glasses and he raised his brows at me, so I stuck my tongue out at him. Then, I grabbed two limes and put them on my napkin.

  “Mmm,” she swallowed her drink and set it down, looking excited. “He thought someone had the blueprints to his house and was digging a tunnel for access.”

  “Holy fuck. That’s crazy. Who are these looney tunes so I can avoid them?” Rhett joked.

  “Sorry, buddy. That’s privileged information,” she shot back with a wide smile of her own.

  “What is it you do?” I asked him. I knew him by name from stories Nathan told, but other than that, this was my first time meeting him.

  For some reason, he looked uncomfortable at my question. “I run a pest control business.”

  Kiersten and I turned to each other at the same time. My eyes slid away first. “In town?”

  “Yup. Chuck’s Exterminator. Chuck was my grandfather.”

  That’s the problem with small towns, everybody was connected. In short, Nathan’s good friend was also a good friend of Law’s. Could my world get any crazier?

  Nathan lifted his glass and nudged me with his elbow. “All right, kids. Those of you brave enough to embark on this drinking quest, raise your glass.”

  The three of us complied, raising our shots to meet at the center of the table.

  “To letting go of the past,” Nathan shouted, his eyes sliding to glance at me. “To new friends, and a new year full of fresh beginnings. To love. And second chances. To trying something new and rekindling something you used to enjoy. Most importantly, to us. Family. Good health. And friends.”

  A lump of emotion swelled in my throat. In so many ways, his words rang true to all the different aspects of my life. He and I. Law and me. Evelyn, Kiersten, and my life in Arrow Creek. Moving on from the shame and guilt of my past, and learning to forgive myself. Opening up to a happy future, one I’ve worked towards and deserve.

  “Here!” Rhett cheered, and we all clanked.

  As I licked the salt, I didn’t miss the way Kiersten stared at Rhett while her tongue swiped her hand. Total flirt. She was so going to home with him tonight.

  We took down the tequila together. It burned, but slid down smooth, and I shoved a lime slice in my mouth. After the first, we took the second, and a chorus of glasses thud against the wood table.

  “Enough of that. I need to go nurse my mule or I’m not going to make it past ten o’clock,” I grumbled and chased the tequila with my other drink.

  “Amateur,” Rhett threw in with a smile.

  “Should we dance?” Kiersten asked. She framed it like a question, but she was already out of her seat and swinging her hips to the tempo.

  My head swam with the amount of alcohol I’d already drank. Food would be good. A waiter walked by with a plate of wings at that precise moment, and my mouth watered. “I’m going to get a bite to eat. Then I’ll join you.”

  She gave a one shouldered shrug. “Suit yourself. I’ll be over there by myself, if anyone,” she looked pointedly to Rhett, “wants to join me.” With a sway of her hips, she sauntered away.

  “Uh, yep.” Rhett slapped down a wad of bills on the table. “That should cover the drinks. Order me a plate of motzy sticks. I’m going to dance.” He wagged his eyebrows at us before he left to follow my best friend.

  I threw my hand in the air to flag down our waiter and place an order, a double order of boneless buffalo wings and an order of motzy sticks, and turned to Nathan with a sip of my drink. After I swallowed, I licked my lips.

  I didn’t miss the way his eyes darkened and followed my tongue across my lower lip. Crap. That wasn’t my intention at all.

  “So...what do you think the chances are they don’t come back?”

  His eyes shot back to mine. He grinned and took a sip of the gin and tonic the waiter just delivered to him. “Hell if I care. Free motzy sticks.”

  Besides his subtle flirting, I was happy he kept the conversation light. We laughed a lot and joked over drinks. I ended up with one more Moscow mule before Ladies’ hour was over.

  By ten o’clock, after devouring a half a plate of wings, I was officially drunk.

  Drunk, not sloshed.

  Definitely not hammered.

  “I’m going to the restroom and then to find Kiersten.”

  Vodka always did me in. There’s always that moment between sucking down drinks and standing for the first time where everything was fine. I felt tingly and numb, but my limbs still moved like I wanted them to.

  Until I stood.

  Drunk started to skip towards wasted.

  As past excursions would’ve predicted, the second my feet hit the floor and I pushed myself out of the booth, I stumbled on my skinny heels. Nathan’s hand caught me by the inside of my elbow, and he used his grip to make room to follow me out of the booth.

  His lips found my ear. “Be careful.”

  I smiled uncomfortably and politely freed my arm from his gras
p under the guise of adjusting my skirt. The only problem was the movement drew his attention to my hemline.

  This was so not working.

  “I’m fine. Thank you for stopping me from crashing on my face.”

  He tucked his hands into his pockets and nodded.

  As I turned to go do as I’d said, I noticed he made no move to slide back into the booth, which meant he watched me as I walked away.

  That sadness crept back in. I didn’t want this to be the relationship I had with Nathan. I wanted things to go back to how they were. The easy friendship and entertainment on long shifts at work. I didn’t want to be responsible for turning him down until he turned bitter with resentment. I also didn’t want to be responsible for making him think he had a chance when I wasn’t sure that he did.

  My thoughts slammed to a halt as forcefully as if I’d run into a wall. The way the air was knocked out of my lungs, I sure felt like I had done just that.

  It appeared I couldn’t go anywhere in this town without running into Law.

  There he was, in the last booth before the hallway that led to the bathrooms, sitting with another woman, this one different than the last, a brunette instead of a blonde. His back was to me, but even from the back of his head, I’d know that messy hair anywhere.

  I swallowed down the bit of happiness I felt that he wasn’t squished up beside her in the booth and sat instead with his arm along the back, facing her.

  Okay, I could do this. Just walk by without looking at him. Easy.

  Straightening my shoulders, I adjusted my dress and did just that.

  If he noticed me, I had no idea. When I pushed through to the women’s’ restroom, I felt like having a panic attack. I flipped the faucet as cold as it would go and dipped my wrists beneath the water. The paper towel holder clanked loudly as I ripped a few pieces off and got them damp, dabbing them against my neck.

  New plan. Find Kiersten, hope she’s drunk enough to go home with Rhett, fake a headache, and call a cab.

  Easy.

  I took a calming breath and opened the door to the restroom. Loud music assaulted me, and I used it like a lifeline. The tempo gave me something to focus on as I attempted to walk by Law again without tripping on my heels.

  But when I rounded the corner, he and his date were gone.