The Secrets We Keep

by Ella Jade

  Money was an easy solution for someone like me. But I wanted to be there day in and day out, raising her alongside Kara. I desired to prove that I could be the man I became once they entered my life. As I looked around my office and thought about all the material items I had and how hefty my bank account was, I realized none of that mattered. I’d spent the better part of my adult life making a name for myself and building a fortune that I couldn’t possibly spend on my own. For what? I had no one to share it with.

  “Mr. Trapp.” Adrian stood in the doorway of my office, appearing less intimidated by me than I’d ever seen her. Good for her!

  “Yes.”

  “I know you don’t want to be disturbed but I have a feeling you’ll want to see this visitor.”

  “It isn’t Kate Hightower, is it?” I hadn’t spoken to her in person since the night she confessed my secret. She’d sent me several nasty text messages and a few slurred voicemails. When I threatened to slap a restraining order on her, she backed off. At some point I’d have to deal with her.

  “I wouldn’t interrupt you for her,” Adrian quietly replied.

  “You’re learning.” I meant that as a compliment and judging from the slight grin that graced her lips, she knew it. “Who is it?”

  “Kara Cartwright.”

  That I hadn’t anticipated. “Oh, well, okay.” I stood from my desk and straightened my tie. “Show her in, please.”

  I thought it would take Kara a few days to process what I had done. I certainly didn’t expect her to seek me out. I thought Jamie would be dealing with that annoying attorney. If I had pursued a court case, Kara would have been in trouble if Dennis represented her.

  As I came around my desk, Kara entered my office and shut the door. She looked as stunning as ever, still wearing the navy blue dress she’d had on earlier in the day. It was a designer dress, no doubt it belonged to Carla. With the financial support I’d offered, Kara would be able to afford anything she wanted. She could buy her own designer clothes.

  Her hair was in a low knot at the base of her neck. My fingers twitched to caress her throat. My lips ached to brush along her mouth. There was one thing I was certain of, for as long as I breathed air, I would always desire this woman.

  “I didn’t think you’d come today.” I stood across from her, controlling my actions, keeping a safe distance.

  “The contract,” she breathed out. “What happened earlier…”

  “Is it not acceptable to you?” I couldn’t imagine that she’d dispute any of it.

  “It’s too much.”

  Of course, she’d dispute that.

  “If you knew how much I’m worth, you wouldn’t be saying that.”

  “I adopted Zoey. You’re not supposed to support her.”

  “She’s my child. What would you have me do? I’ve already walked away. Don’t deny her the life she should have. Don’t deny yourself.”

  “I don’t want your money.”

  “I’ve done everything you’ve asked. I want to provide for her.”

  “Make me understand what happened.”

  Hadn’t we been over this? How many more times could I ask for forgiveness? As many as it took. “I’ve already told you that our initial meeting wasn’t supposed to happen but it did and that set everything in motion. The deeper I got into my lies, the harder it was to come clean.”

  “I would have understood early on.”

  “The more research my legal team did, the more I realized how little rights I had. When you put that fact with my deception, I didn’t have a chance in hell that I’d ever get to be her father. I figured it was best to…”

  “Lie to me.”

  “Yes, and that didn’t turn out so well.” Did I really think it would or had I been sabotaging myself from the beginning? “I didn’t plan any of it. I certainly didn’t plan on falling for you. Once I did, I was in way over my head and I didn’t know how to tell you who I was without losing you.”

  “Why did you walk away?”

  Is she serious?

  “You said you’d never give up.”

  “Is this a joke?” What did she want from me? “I did what you asked. Walking away has broken me. I’m doing exactly what my father did to me. I’m abandoning her but I won’t leave her financially insecure.”

  “I don’t want you to abandon her,” she shouted. “I never wanted that.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I don’t know.” She sobbed. “I’m drained. Do you know how difficult it’s been for me to be strong for Zoey? She asks about you constantly. She doesn’t understand why you left.”

  “I didn’t want to leave.”

  “I made you leave. I hurt Zoey because I thought I was protecting her but you said you wouldn’t give up.”

  “Were you testing me? I probably shouldn’t have pursued legal action but I dealt with the situation the only way I knew how.” I came in with guns blazing and I committed to not stopping until I won. At the end of the day, I realized if I continued down the path I chose, no one would win, especially not my daughter. “It took me some time but my tactics weren’t going to work. Sure, I may have gotten a legal victory but I was hurting you and Zoey. I never wanted that.”

  “I was confused after I found out who you were. I was hurt. I didn’t know what to do next and then when you came at me with a lawyer, I panicked. She’s my whole world. I have to protect her.”

  “We have to protect her." I took a step forward, reaching for her hand. “I didn’t give up. Not on you and not on Zoey. I thought I was doing what you wanted. I made so many mistakes but my world was blown apart when Kate gave me Lanie’s letter. I was betrayed. Furious that my child was out there for four years and I had no idea.”

  “That must have been horrible for you.”

  “It doesn’t excuse how I went about things. I should have let my lawyer come to you. I could have reached out to you before I met Zoey. I see now all the options I had but none of them seemed viable because I needed to know her.”

  “It wasn’t fair the way Lanie shut you out. My heart knows that you deserved to be in your daughter’s life from the beginning but then I wouldn’t have gotten the honor of being her mother.”

  “You are her mother in every sense of the word. I never wanted to take her from you. I just wanted to establish my rights. I want her to know how much I love her.”

  “She already knows that.”

  When a tear slipped down her cheek, I instinctually wiped it away. “I’ve caused you so much pain.”

  “It wasn’t all bad.” She ran her thumb along my lips. “You drew up that contract without a paternity test.”

  “There isn’t a doubt in my mind.” Kissing her fingers, I savored the contact that I’d missed.

  “She does have your eyes.”

  “She has your spirit and kind nature.” I caressed her cheek. “That isn’t biology. She learned from you. She’ll continue to learn from you how to be an amazing woman.”

  “I want you to be in her life.”

  “Thank you.” I closed my eyes, experiencing the relief I had coveted since the moment I saw Zoey. “What about your life? Do you want me in yours?”

  “I have to ask you something.”

  “Anything.” Why hadn’t she answered me?

  “I need you to tell me the truth even if your answer isn’t what I want to hear, I’m not going to change my mind about you being in Zoey’s life. You’re her father. I won’t deny either of you.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “That night I found out who you were, you said you loved me. I didn’t believe you. Under other circumstances, I would have but you had lied to me. I was stunned and I thought you were trying to salvage what you had done to me.”

  “You handled the situation much better than I would have.” I was such a hypocrite. Here I was being so mad at Lanie for betraying me but I was no better to Kara. Wow! Was that a breakthrough? John’s going to be so proud.

  “D
id you mean it?”

  “Are you asking me if I love you?”

  She gazed into my eyes, nodding slowly.

  “With everything that I am.”

  “Oh.” She smiled the most glorious smile I’d ever seen. I was responsible for it. No more tears. From now on, I would be responsible for her happiness.

  “I may have deceived you with my identity but everything else was real. If you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving how real my feelings for you are.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I love you.” I pulled her close, lowering my lips to hers. “Someday, I’m going to earn your love.”

  I pressed my lips to hers, kissing her, igniting a slow burn from deep inside my core. Kara made me a better man. Her presence calmed my restless soul. Watching her love and care for our daughter made it easy to love her but getting to know the beautiful woman she was inside and out had been one of the most enlightening experiences of my life.

  “Wait.” She broke the kiss. “There were two things I had to tell you.”

  “By all means.” I laughed. “What are they?”

  “I love you too.” She draped her arms over my shoulders. “More than I ever thought possible.”

  “I’m really glad to hear that.”

  I kissed her again. This time lingering longer, making sure she could feel how much I loved her. There was so much I wanted to share with her. I’d never realized how empty my charmed existence had been until I didn’t have her in it. People assumed I was happy because of the size of my bank account but I hadn’t known true bliss until I met Kara and Zoey. I would do everything in my power to show them how much I needed to be with them.

  “Why are you smiling?” Kara rested her head on my shoulder.

  “I’m ecstatic.”

  “That sounds like a word for Zoey.” She took my hands in hers. “That’s the second thing I needed to tell you.”

  “Perhaps you could tell me over lunch? We could pick up Zoey from school and spend the rest of the day together.”

  “That’s what I wanted to tell you.” She pointed to the door. “Zoey is waiting out there with Adrian.”

  “She’s here?” Could this day get any better?

  “Yes, I brought her with me because…” She took a breath. “I wanted us to tell her the truth together.”

  “We can tell her today?” Yes, it just got better.

  “Don’t you think that’s best?”

  “Do you really have to ask?” I picked her up and spun her around, kissing her as she giggled. “I’ll spend the rest of my days making you laugh.”

  “As long as we’re together.”

  “The three of us.” I set her down. “Let’s get her.”

  “She’s probably bouncing off the walls waiting for you.”

  “Let’s not keep my girl waiting another second.”

  When I opened my office door, Zoey was sitting on the chair playing with her tablet. Adrian sat with her, listening intently to her story.

  “Hello.” I waved at my blue-eyed beauty.

  She smiled at me before getting up and running to me. “X!” She couldn’t contain her excitement. “I’m here!”

  “I’m elated.”

  “That means happy.” She showed me her tablet. “Mommy found an app that tells me words that mean other things. Just like you do but I like it better when you tell me.”

  I scooped her up in my arms and hugged her. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I told Mommy you missed us.”

  “You’re so intelligent.” I carried her into my office and shut the door behind us.

  Kara was waiting by my desk.

  “Mommy, guess what?” Zoey wrapped her arms around my neck. “X missed me. I told you he would.”

  “You were right.” Kara gazed into my eyes. “We missed you too.”

  I brought her over to her mother, staring at the two, envisioning the future I’d always wanted with them. Now I could have it.

  “Z.” I set her on the edge of my desk, kneeling down to face her. Kara stood behind me, placing her hand on my shoulder. “There’s something we need to tell you.”

  And from that day on, Kara plus Zoey equaled X. The equation was complete.

  Epilogue

  Fourteen Years Later

  Princeton University

  Zoey unpacked her suitcase as I stared out at the bustling campus, filled with nervous freshmen and their anxious parents. It was just as I had remembered on my first day. One of my proudest moments was having my daughter attend my alma mater.

  “Do you think Mom will be okay?” She joined me by the window. “She looked sad.”

  “She’s not sad.” I turned to face my fun, sassy, intelligent girl. “She’s so proud of you. We both are. It’ll be an adjustment with you here at school but we’re not that far. I’ll take care of your mom.”

  “You always take care of all of us.” She sat on her new bed. “Mom will be busy with Aiden and Lucas.”

  “Yes, the two rambunctious twins who are already fighting over who will get your bedroom.”

  “Don’t give them my bedroom.” She rolled her eyes. “We live in a mansion. Why do they need my room?”

  “They like pushing your buttons but I can assure you they will miss you terribly.”

  “I’m going to miss all of you.”

  “You’re going to be fine.” I sat next to her. “Mom needed to cut the goodbye short or she never would have left.” Kara did the best she could but she wasn’t ready to let go of Zoey. Truth be told, I wasn’t either but when I thought about the wonderful opportunities ahead of her, I had to put my feelings aside.

  “I’ll text her every day.”

  “I know you will.” I reached into my pants pocket and took out a letter. The one that I had been waiting to give her. Kara thought I should do it by myself but I think she decided to wait in the car because she couldn’t handle all of us saying goodbye at once. “I wanted to give you this.”

  “What is it?”

  “Remember when I told you how I found out about you?”

  Through the years, Kara and I tried to be as honest as possible when it came to Zoey’s biological family. She even had a relationship with Kate. One I monitored but after the dust had settled over Kate telling Kara who I was, we were able to establish some boundaries. Lanie’s mom appreciated getting to know her granddaughter. Kara had always been gracious and generous when it came to Lanie’s family.

  “Lanie left you a letter and that’s how you found out about me.”

  “A few years later, Kate was going through a box of Lanie’s things and came across this letter. It wasn’t addressed to anyone but once she read it, she knew it was written for you. Lanie’s unborn child.”

  “Oh?” She glanced at the folded paper in her hand. “What does it say?”

  “You should read it.” I gave it to her. “When you’re ready.”

  “Does Mom know?”

  “We both agreed that we’d give it to you when we thought the moment was right. Now that you’re starting a new chapter in your life, I thought this was an appropriate time.”

  “Do I have to read it today?”

  “Of course not.” I patted her hand. “I wanted you to have it. I’ve told you as much as I could about Lanie but maybe this letter will help you understand her perspective.”

  When she was old enough to understand, I took her to the memorial at the library on Lanie’s birthday. We always donated a book or two on that day.

  “I think that letter will give you a better idea of the woman she was. Why she gave you up.”

  “I’m glad she did.” She shrugged. “Is that wrong to say?”

  “Not at all.”

  “I’m sorry she died but she did the right thing by giving me up. Mom is my mom.”

  “I know.” I hugged her. “I’m just glad she left me that letter so I got the chance to be your dad. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

 
“Me too.” She rested her head on my shoulder. “I’ll text you every day too.”

  “I’m counting on that.” I kissed the top of her head. “I should get going. You probably want to get downstairs to that gathering they’re having for new students.”

  As fierce as she was, I could see the fear in her expression. She’d wanted to attend Princeton for as long as I could remember. I’d taken her to the campus several times through the years. She’d been on a tour when she applied and she’d attended the orientation last month. She would be fine even if she didn’t know it yet. I had enough confidence in her for the both of us.

  “X.”

  I smirked when she used my initial. She stopped doing it once we told her I was her dad but she usually reserved it for when she wanted something.

  “Yes, Z.”

  “I just wanted to tell you that I love you, Daddy.” Hugging me tight, I didn’t ever want her to let go.

  “I love you too.” More than you’ll ever understand.

  “Well?” Kara asked when I got into the car. “Is she okay?”

  She’d been crying all morning. From the looks of her, she hadn’t stopped.

  “She didn’t read the letter in front of me. I don’t think she’s ready but she has it when she wants it.”

  “I’m glad Lanie left some words for her.”

  “She does love words.”

  “Thanks to her father.” She kissed my cheek. “How are you holding up?”

  “It’ll be an adjustment without her but she’s going to have the time of her life. I’m extremely excited for her.”

  “She worked so hard to get to this place. She wanted to follow in your footsteps.”

  “After I gave her the letter, Zoey said you’ll always be her mother.” I took her hand, reassuring her. “She’s a remarkable young woman.”