Second Thoughts

by Jade Winters

  “Like?”

  “Like how come you ended up running a coffee shop? I thought you wanted to be the CEO of a charity and travel the world saving animals.”

  “I did. But reality set in. The coffee shop was quite accidental actually. It was Bettina’s idea. The shop came up for rent and she thought, with me having a business degree, it was a great opportunity to start my own business, especially as there wasn’t any nearby competition.” She shrugged. “But the lease is coming to an end soon and I still don’t know whether the landlord is going to extend it or not.”

  “I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. So what’s been happening beside work? What’s life been like for you?”

  “I’ve got no complaints. My life’s pretty much like everyone else’s. Work and pleasure. What about you?”

  “Mostly work, unfortunately.”

  “Some things never change then.”

  Sara ignored the insinuation. They both knew she had only put her career before their relationship once and she’d been paying the price for it ever since.

  “Do you want something stronger to drink?” Sara suggested as she stood and walked over to the mini bar.

  Melissa declined with a wave of her hand. “I can’t. I’m driving.”

  “You could always leave your car here and get a cab back.” Sara’s tone was light and breezy as she poured herself a gin and tonic.

  “No, it’s okay. Isn’t it a little bit early for alcohol?”

  “Not for me, I’m on holiday remember.” How could she tell her that she desperately needed something to calm her nerves before she exploded right there in front of her. It was unbelievable but nothing had changed in all these years. Her attraction to her was still as strong. She wanted nothing more than to kiss her there and then like she used to. Knowing that would be the biggest mistake she could make, she took a quick sip of her drink instead.

  “I suppose it would look funny, you turning up home without your car, unless...”

  “Unless what?”

  She cocked her head. “Unless you’re going to tell Bettina where you were.”

  “And why would you think I wouldn’t tell her?” Melissa asked frowning.

  Sara shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t think I’d be happy if we were together and you were seeing an ex.”

  “Well it’s a good thing we’re not together then.” She lowered her eyes to the ground as she said softly. “Besides, Bettina doesn’t know much about you.”

  Sara sucked in a sharp breath, her eyes narrowing into slits. “Oh. So I wasn’t that important to you then?” Horribly aware that her voice sounded accusative, but unable to help herself she continued. “What did you do, just carry on as if I was never a part of your life?”

  Melissa’s head jerked up, her eyes widening. “Let’s not start rewriting history here. If I remember correctly it was me that wasn’t as important as your career. You didn’t even have the decency to send me a condolence card when my parents died.”

  Sara rolled her neck, wincing when she heard the cartilage crunch. “Okay, but I didn’t hear about their deaths until after the funeral. I’d only just arrived in San Diego and had no internet access or phone for the first week I was there.” She paused, close to not revealing all the effort she had made to get in contact with her and the humiliation she had felt at the rejection. But she realised that if they were going to get closure, everything had to be out in the open no matter how much it hurt. “As soon as I found out, I came back to England – I was willing to give up everything but it was you that decided to turn your back on our relationship.”

  Melissa gave her a look of exasperation. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Sara stared at her. “Oh don’t play games, Melissa. Three weeks you had your guard dog turn me away. I understand you were grieving for your parents, but don’t try and backtrack now.”

  “Guard dog? I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Sara’s eyes narrowed as she saw the confusion in Melissa’s face. “You really don’t, do you?”

  “No, that’s what I’ve been saying.”

  Sara sat on the edge of the bed and gripped her knees. “Melissa, I tried calling you, but couldn’t get through.”

  Melissa looked down at her hands. “I blocked your number after I emailed you and got no reply. How did you find out where I lived anyway?”

  “I found out your new address from our old landlord. I came by every day and your new flatmate told me you didn’t want to see me.”

  “Bettina told you that?”

  “Oh, so that’s her name. Bettina. It all makes sense now.” What a fool she’d been. Bettina as she now knew her to be had been keeping them separate because she wanted Melissa for herself. “Well that explains that piece of the puzzle. In the end there was nothing more I could do, so I went back to America. I wrote you a letter explaining everything; I suppose you didn’t get that either.”

  Melissa’s face paled as she shook her head slowly.

  “Why wouldn’t she have told you?”

  “I have no idea.”

  Sara could no longer meet Melissa’s eyes when she asked the next question. If she answered yes, she didn’t think she’d be able to stand the pain. “Were…were you in a relationship with her at the time?”

  “Of course not. I told you nothing started between us until six months ago.”

  Sara pressed her hands over her eyes, feeling full of regret. “I should have insisted on seeing you.”

  “It was most probably a misunderstanding.” Melissa protested weakly. “She probably thought she was looking out for me. I was in quite a mess.”

  “Surely that was your choice to make.” Sara knelt down beside her and took her hand. “I love you, Melissa. That’s why I’ve come back.”

  Melissa looked at her in shock. “Sara, I’m getting married next week,” she said in a low wavering voice.

  Sara tilted her head to one side and stole a slanted look at her. “Yes, I know but you’ve still got time to change your mind. Be honest, would you have got into a relationship with her if you had known what she’d done?”

  “Of course not, but...”

  “There are no buts. We would still be together if it wasn’t for her dishonesty.”

  Melissa combed her fingers through her hair. “I... Sara it isn’t that simple.”

  “Why isn’t it? You can lie to me but don’t lie to yourself. I know you, Melissa and I know your feelings for me haven’t changed.”

  “So what if they haven’t? What do you expect me to do? Go home and call off my wedding. This is crazy, Sara.” She snatched her hand back.

  “So you’re going to marry someone who lies and manipulates you?”

  Melissa shook her head numbly. “You’re making her out to be some kind of psychopath. She’s a good person, Sara. I’m sure she was just looking out for me.”

  Reeling, Sara pushed herself up onto her feet. Why had she thought she’d get any other reception than this? Did she really think Melissa was going to just run off with her to the States and live happily ever after? “I’m sorry. I’ve been foolish. I’ve made a right idiot out of myself.” She moved to the desk and flipped her laptop open. “You might as well leave now.”

  Melissa sprang to her feet, her question immediate. “What are you doing?”

  “Booking my ticket back to the States. I should never have come back here. You’ve got your own life now. I was stupid to think anything could have come of this.”

  “What? But I thought…”

  She twisted around to look at her, eyeing her whole body in the process. Her face turning a shade of pink, just like it did in the afterglow of their lovemaking. Sara had never wanted anybody as much as she wanted her at that moment. A hot flush swept through her body at the very thought of being naked with her again.

  “Melissa, there’s no point me hanging around is there?” She stared at her for a few moments. She could read the frustration in her eyes from where
she sat.

  Melissa began to pace the room, her hand glued to the side of her face. “Wait, just wait a minute. I can’t think straight.”

  Sara brought her eyes to Melissa’s face. “What do you need to think about?” She couldn’t understand why Melissa wasn’t angry at what Bettina had done. Her actions had proven her to be a liar. A predator who had struck when Melissa was at her most vulnerable. But she couldn’t say these things to her. Sara knew, more than anyone how very loyal Melissa was to those she loved. If she loved Bettina as much as she said she did, there’d be no getting through to her. Melissa would have to work it out for herself.

  “I... just... wait. I don’t know what I want.”

  In her brief moment of hesitation, Sara quickly rose from her seat and went to Melissa. “Are you saying we’ve still got a chance?” She reached out and touched her cheek as Melissa turned her face away. The feel of her skin under her fingers lit up her nerves like an electric shock.

  Melissa put her hand over Sara’s and moved it to her mouth. Her soft lips resting on them before saying with a trembling voice. “I don’t know what to do, Sara. I’m so confused.”

  Sara closed the distance between them. Standing centimetres apart, she leaned towards her, their mouths so close they were nearly touching. Sara held her gaze. “Didn’t you once tell me you knew you loved me within seconds of meeting me?”

  Melissa drew in a sharp breath. “Yes, but that was different. We were single. We didn’t have baggage or responsibilities back then,” she said in a throaty whisper, her half-slit eyes fixed firmly on Sara’s mouth as she ran the tip of her tongue over her top lip.

  To Sara, the outer world seemed to have disappeared. All that existed was the two of them. She cupped Melissa’s face in her hands. “Melissa, if you decide to marry Bettina, I can’t be around to witness it. It would hurt too much.”

  Tears threatened to fall as Sara looked at the woman she was afraid of losing all over again. She had to get through to her. For a moment all she could think about was holding her in her arms and never letting her go.

  Instead, she dropped her hands to her side and stepped back, breaking the intense connection. She knew what needed to be said. “I need to know where I stand by the end of the week as I have to book my return ticket. We can be together, wherever you want to be. Will you think about it?” she said, struggling to keep her voice clear.

  Melissa nodded mutely as she dropped her eyes to the ground.

  “Good,” Sara said with a finality she didn’t feel. “So how about I order room service and we can catch up?”

  Melissa’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh crap.”

  “What is it?”

  “Bettina is going to kill me. I was meant to be home for lunch. Eli is coming over with her partner. Sorry, I’ve got to go.” She walked quickly to the door and opened it.

  “You’ve got until the end of the week, Missy.”

  Melissa’s eyes were a sea of confusion as she took one last look at Sara then disappeared through the open doorway.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Sara came back for me. The shock of Bettina’s betrayal had floored her, but she hadn’t wanted to express her anger in front of Sara. She was going to deal with Bettina her way. She gripped the steering wheel as she waited for the traffic lights to change to green. What had Bettina been thinking, interfering in her life in such a way? Why hadn’t she told her Sara hadn’t abandoned her in her hour of need after all? What could have been her reasoning for doing something so cruel? The life she had once thought was safe and secure had been blown to smithereens and Bettina, the woman she thought loved her, had been the instigator of it. Her hands trembled at the thought of the upcoming confrontation. Before she made any rash decisions, she wanted to hear Bettina’s side of the story and only then would she decide what to do.

  Bringing the car to a halt outside their house twenty minutes later, her anger still hadn’t subsided. She was angry that Bettina’s actions had placed her in a situation that was going to end in tears, whichever path she followed.

  Melissa jumped out of the car and raced to the front door, her heart thumping with each step. Taking a deep breath she opened the door and slammed it shut behind her. Hearing movement in the kitchen she walked towards it. Every word Sara had said replayed in her mind. Three weeks Bettina had lied to her. Three weeks when she had lain in bed broken, her heart in pieces, yearning for the only person who could help heal her. Bettina had stood between them. What if she had said yes to Sara then and there? What if she had told her the truth that she was still in love with her and there hadn’t been a day that passed that her heart hadn’t cried for the loss? But she couldn’t. Her loyalty to Bettina overrode her heart’s desire.

  As she entered, Bettina was bent over the dishwasher.

  “Where the hell have you been? Lunch finished an hour ago.” Bettina put the last dish in the dishwasher and slammed the door shut.

  Melissa’s hands clenched at her sides. “Why didn’t you tell me about Sara?” she asked through gritted teeth.

  Bettina whipped her head around, her eyes sweeping Melissa’s face. “What are you talking about?” she replied dryly.

  “Sara! You know, my ex, who you told I didn’t want to see.”

  Bettina eyed her up and down. “Oh, so that’s where you’ve been, with Sara, whilst I’ve been sat here entertaining your sister.”

  Melissa combed her fingers through her hair and stared at her, not grasping why she wasn’t more repentant. “Don’t change the subject, Bettina. I want an answer.”

  Bettina turned away, reached for a damp cloth from the side and frantically wiped around the sink. “What do you want me to say? It was for your own good.”

  “Says who? What gave you the right to interfere in my life?”

  Bettina spun around, fear and panic in her eyes. “Melissa, she would have only hurt you again. I didn’t want that to happen. You weren’t strong enough for–”

  “– Bettina, my problem was the fact that I’d lost Sara as well as my parents.”

  “She would have left you again. Your happiness was not her priority. I thought you knew that.”

  Melissa winced. “That was a massive assumption for you to make on my behalf, wasn’t it?”

  Bettina laid her hand on Melissa’s shoulder to which Melissa shrugged it off. “Please don’t be angry with me. I did it to protect you.”

  “Protect me? Is that going to be your excuse when you hide things from me? How can I trust you anymore?”

  “Because I give you my word.”

  “I really don’t know if that’s enough Bettina. I feel so betrayed. I trusted you. I thought you had my back.” She turned and walked with purposeful strides towards the front door.

  “Where are you going?” Bettina called out to her.

  “Out.”

  “Back to her you mean.” Her tone held a sharp edge.

  Melissa turned and walked back to her. She clenched her jaw and squinted. “No, not back to her. This isn’t about Sara; it’s about you lying to me. This has really messed with my head, Bettina. I need some time to think about things.”

  Bettina looked at her stone-faced. “There’s nothing to think about. She was wrong for you and don’t think she’s any different now.”

  Both women looked towards Bettina’s phone when it began to ring on the worktop.

  “There you go again, making assumptions when you know nothing about her. I’m going to stay at Faye’s for the night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Bettina picked the phone up swiftly and looked down at her caller ID. “Great. Just what I need, my mother. Please just wait until I take this call, she’s calling about the seating arrangement. We can discuss things calmly over a drink.”

  “No, Bettina. I’m too angry at the moment. I need some space.”

  “If you put one foot out that door, Melissa, we’re through and I mean it.”

  Melissa halted halfway down the hallway, her mind scrambling
as she took another step forward. This is unbelievable, even when she’s in the wrong she still has the upper hand. She was a ballerina in a jewellery box. Bettina turned the key and she danced to her tune.

  She walked to the end of the hallway, turned and ran up the stairs.

  Chapter Twenty

  Eli looked over at Scott sat on the armchair. His chest rose and fell steadily as he had his afternoon nap. She wished she could have fallen asleep, then to wake and realise it was all a bad dream. But she had no such luck. She was wide awake, but numb, as she tried to get her head around the fact that her own mother had an affair and with Scott – her dad’s best friend of all people.

  How on earth were they going to move on from this travesty? Scott had begged and pleaded with her to try and understand it from his point of view. As hard as she had tried she couldn’t. Had Scott had sex with her mother in her parents’ bedroom? The very bedroom they both occupied at night. Did he lie there night after night fantasising about her mother while he held her in his arms?

  She stood, made her way to the kitchen then flipped the kettle on. As much as she wanted a stiff drink she didn’t think it would bode well with her mood. She needed to keep her emotions under control. Not only to keep herself from tearing into Scott but to help her make plans for the future. She knew kicking him out of the house and ending their relationship was not feasible at the moment. Not with Melissa’s wedding around the corner. Melissa was counting on him giving her away – what would she say if she found out that her real father might not be dead after all but was actually going to be walking her down the aisle?

  She knew Melissa well enough to know that she would reject any notion of Scott being her father, in an instant. She loved and adored the man who had brought them up and as far as Eli was concerned that’s what made someone a real parent – the one who was there through thick and thin. Not someone who turned up twenty-five years later wanting to take the title because he had impregnated someone during a one-night stand. My mother of all people.

  Scott walked into the kitchen as if it was just another normal day. That he hadn’t shattered her world. “I wouldn’t mind a cuppa if you’re making one.” He opened a cupboard door, taking out a packet of biscuits.