Alas My Love

by Tracie Peterson

  “I speak not of Maude, but of Helena, herself. You speak of her devotion and love amidst the castle’s audience, yet you have no possible hope of ever returning her love.”

  “Why say ye this?”

  “Because you are nothing, Tancred DuBonnet. You have but a name and not even that, for it bears the tainted blood of your parents. Therefore you are without even that honor. What will you offer my sister? Oh, true enough she has a fine dowry, but it does not include land, and what is a man without land and honor?”

  Tancred grimaced at the words. Were they not the same ones he’d focused on throughout the night? “I need you not to explain my plight, Sir Talbot. But Helena’s heart is tender, and I will not see her broken by your anger.”

  “Tell me naught of your concern, DuBonnet. Pick up your sword and let us clear this matter once and for all.”

  Tancred stared blankly at his old friend. “You wish to fight me?”

  “Aye, that I do and to the death!” The words were hissed out between clenched teeth. One of the young squires went running to the great hall, but otherwise no one moved.

  “I do not wish to fight you, for in spite of the wrong you have done me, you are like a brother to me. Had I said that only months ago, it would have meant little. I would have fought Richard to the death over the anguish and bitterness my soul carried into exile. Now, however, my soul is at peace with God, and therefore, I am at peace with man.”

  “That may well be,” Roger said, raising the sword to strike, “but I am not at peace with you.” He brought down the sword hard, causing Tancred to reflexively ward off the blow with his own sword. It was a simple enough way for a fight to begin.

  The clanging of metal against metal rang throughout the bailey. Men moved out of the way and surrounded the two fighting knights, but instead of the usual cheering and betting that went on in most disputes, the audience was as silent as a spider spinning a web.

  “I see you won’t die easy!” Roger called out after deflecting Tancred’s thrust.

  “I seek peace with you, not blood!”

  Roger swung around and pulled the sword across in a great arcing sweep. Tancred fell back a step, regained his balance, and deftly managed to ward off the attack.

  “I seek revenge!” Roger bellowed against the blows.

  “You seek it for a thing that never happened! You know the truth!”

  Inside the castle, Helena was just descending the stone stairs when the squire appeared, proclaiming the battle on the castle grounds.

  “ ’Tis a fight between His Grace’s brother and Sir Talbot!” the boy exclaimed.

  Helena’s hand went to her throat, and several men who sat below in the great hall scurried for the door. She, too, had intended to follow, but her foot no sooner reached the floor when Maude appeared from nowhere.

  “And where do you think that you are going?” She took hold of Helena painfully hard. “We need to talk, little sister.”

  Helena’s surprise was so great that she could do nothing but allow Maude to pull her into the privacy of the duke’s receiving room.

  “What is the meaning of this?” Helena finally found her voice. Jerking away from the talonlike hands of her stepsister, Helena refused to let Maude have the advantage. “Be gone from me. I have matters that do not concern you.”

  “Pray tell? If you mean the matter of Tancred and Roger doing battle, then it is you who have no place in the matter. They are fighting over me.”

  Helena laughed. “So say you. I believe it to be otherwise, and I will go to Tanny and offer my encouragement.”

  Maude screeched at her with hands raised and nails bared. “You insufferable ingrate. Roger has given you everything, and you scorn him.” She stopped just short of tearing at Helena’s face.

  Helena backed away. “I have known nothing but misery at your hands and Roger’s. I wish only to be left alone.”

  “That is no longer possible for you. You have cost me too much and now you must pay the price.”

  “I have cost you?” Helena’s stunned tone did not bode well with her stepsister.

  “Aye, and do not deny it. You have grieved me in every way, but especially where that man is concerned.”

  “Tancred?”

  “Aye, your beloved Tanny.” Maude’s face contorted in disgust. “You, a mere child. How old could you have been? Eight? Nine? Surely, not old enough to know the truth of love, yet here you stand proclaiming for the world your undying devotion to a man you scarcely know. He is a deceiver, and I would be less than a loving sister to not guide you away from his cruelty.”

  “He is not a deceiver!”

  Maude laughed loud and harshly. “So you say. I have the painful memories to haunt me. I have the broken promises—”

  “You have nothing!” Helena countered in anger. “I was there. I saw you throw yourself at him, begging for him to save you from the misery of your loveless home. I wanted to retch at the way you played him for a fool, pleading your purity and innocence, pledging your virginal love. Hah! I saw what you did, night after night. Playing many a man false, offering of yourself whatever it took to get some trinket or bauble that you took a fancy to.”

  “How dare you!”

  “I dare because it is the truth!”

  Maude’s face turned reddish-purple, and her eyes were narrow slits that stared evilly back at Helena. Her voice dropped to a deadly softness. “You have always come between me and my suitors. You think I could forget that? I will see you dead before you marry Tancred DuBonnet. Do you understand me?”

  “You speak idle,” Helena said, turning to leave.

  “Do I?” Maude called, making no move to stop her. “I still have the bottle of poison I used to rid myself of your mother.” Helena froze in place. She turned to see the wickedly satisfied smile on Maude’s face. “That’s right, I killed her. What of it?”

  “I will tell my brother. I will tell the duke of Gavenshire and King Henry as well!” Helena declared. There were tears in her eyes as she thought of her mother dying painfully at Maude’s hand. “Murderer!”

  “Call me what you like, but you will say naught to Roger or anyone else.”

  “And how do you intend to stop me?” Helena questioned. She was trembling in fear, but prayed silently that Maude would not see how she’d upset her.

  “If you do anything to imply my responsibility in Eleanor’s death, I will see to it that Tancred dies most painfully.”

  “He may already lie dead by Roger’s hand, for all I know. You’re evil, Maude, and I will have no more part in this.” Helena opened the door and quickly made her way across the hall.

  Maude was immediately at her heels, whispering in a hissing tone that could not be understood. “Should you seek our brother’s ear on this matter, it will cost Tancred’s life.”

  Helena paused to look at Maude. There was no doubt of her seriousness. What should I do? Helena wondered. What can I do?

  “Aye, I will do the deed,” Maude replied. “But if you keep your mouth closed, return home with Roger, and leave me to rekindle the flames of passion that once existed between Tancred and myself, then I will let him live. Otherwise. . .”

  Helena looked away from Maude and contemplated the words. “He may well lie dead at this moment.”

  “Roger will not kill him. There is nothing more than a misunderstanding between them. I’ve been most fortunate that it’s lasted eleven years. I cannot hope for it to bear through even another day. Nay, your problems do not lie with Roger.”

  Helena heard her name being called, and soon a young woman came through the castle’s outer door. “Come, Lady Helena, Her Grace has sent me to fetch you.”

  Helena turned to leave, but Maude was at her heel again. “Remember what I said.”

  Helena said nothing. Instead, she
hoisted her skirts and ran most unladylike down the stairs to the bailey. She followed the messenger at a run, and when she came upon the scene of Tancred and Roger’s fight, she wanted to die a thousand deaths. Roger had Tancred on the ground, his sword poised at the hollow of Tancred’s neck, ready for the kill.

  Just as Helena opened her mouth to scream, Roger burst out laughing and Tancred joined in. Helena was stunned. She wanted to sink to her knees from shock, but Arianne quickly came to her side and extended her arm.

  “Remember that time when we were boys,” Roger said, laughing so hard he could barely stand up. “You and I were staging a battle for my father. He was so impressed with our abilities and entered the fray himself. It wasn’t long before he had both of us pinned to the ground in just this manner.”

  “I remember it well,” Tancred replied, his laughter joining Roger’s. “He said, ‘Will you yield?’ and instead of answering, you made a face at him.”

  “Aye, and it so surprised him to see his honorable son, in training to become a knight, with tongue waggling from side to side and eyes rolling in circles that he was taken unaware when you pushed him backward. He landed with a mighty thud, as I recall.” Tancred remembered the moment with great pleasure.

  Roger sobered for a moment, then slipped his sword into the scabbard and extended his arm to Tancred. “I have wronged you greatly. Never have I once truly believed you capable of killing your parents, yet I allowed you to bear the shame alone. I did nothing to defend you.”

  Tancred took the offered hand and got to his feet. “ ’Tis a matter for the past.”

  “Only if you place it there,” Roger said quite seriously, “for I still carry the wrongfulness of it here.” He placed his hand over his heart.

  “You have my forgiveness, Friend,” Tancred replied. His dark eyes softened. “Have I yours?”

  “Aye, that and much more!” Roger exclaimed and embraced Tancred heartily.

  Helena watched the reunion as if in a dream. Only moments before she had learned that Maude was responsible for the death of her cherished mother. Now Roger and Tancred were embracing with all possible joy, and it was quickly becoming too much for Helena.

  “ ’Tis wondrous the way that God works in our lives,” Arianne whispered in Helena’s ear.

  Helena turned and found Maude approaching her. A low moan escaped her lips, and Arianne turned to see what the problem might be. “Come with me to the solar,” Arianne suggested. “ ’Tis time for Timothy’s feeding.”

  Helena could only nod and allow Arianne to lead her toward the castle. She knew that with Arianne present, Maude would say nothing, and because of this, Helena felt a false sense of security. It was a security that was quickly snatched from her, however, when Helena met Maude’s hateful stare. Her eyes burned into Helena and it was more than she could bear. Without warning to Arianne, Helena fainted dead away.

  “Helena?” She heard her name being called. The voice was soft and muffled. The blackness that held her spellbound was lifting, and Helena could barely make out Tancred’s face overhead.

  “Helena, wake up,” he commanded, and she fought hard to be obedient.

  “Oh, Tanny,” she whispered, reaching out to touch his face. “What happened?”

  “I was to ask you the same thing. Do you not remember?”

  She gave him a gentle, sleepy smile, but then the memory of Maude’s threatening words came back to haunt her, and Helena abruptly pulled back her hand and tried to turn away.

  “What is this?” Tancred questioned, taking hold of her shoulders.

  Arianne was at her side in a moment. “What is it, Helena? What is wrong?”

  Helena moaned and shook her head from side to side. She couldn’t speak to either one of them. She mustn’t give Maude any reason to harm yet another person. Hot tears formed in her eyes and threatened to spill.

  “Please go,” she finally said.

  “Go?” Tancred questioned, turning her to face him. His eyes were so full of tender concern that Helena wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms. Instead, she forced herself to push against him.

  “Yes! Go! I don’t want you here!” The tears poured down her cheeks as she turned away. She wasn’t quick enough to avoid seeing the hurt in his eyes. Burying her face in her hands, Helena sobbed.

  Tancred looked up at Arianne, who stared thoughtfully at the young woman. With a shrug, she motioned Tancred to the door. “I have a feeling there is much we do not know. Do not be too quick to judge her in this matter. Something is amiss, and I will seek to find out what it might be. Until then, please do not lose hope.”

  Tancred glanced from his sister-in-law to the sobbing woman across the room. “But I know not what I’ve done.”

  “ ’Tis my strong suspicion,” Arianne said, with a note of anger in her voice, “that you’ve done nothing to bring this about.” She touched his arm reassuringly. “Give us time, Tancred. Secrets have a way of coming out.”

  Chapter 16

  In the shadowy glow of firelight, Roger, Richard, and Tancred sat discussing the death of the DuBonnets. Tancred’s mind was still confused by Helena’s outburst. What did she mean by pushing him away? And, too, why did she look so frightened?

  “Our parents had no enemies.” Richard was staring, and Tancred forced himself to pay attention. “Our mother was the local healer, with a loving hand and calm word for anyone who sought it. Our father was a fair man who allowed his villeins to earn their freedom and generously bestowed gifts upon them throughout the year. I know of no one who sought to do them harm.”

  Roger agreed. “I knew your parents well. They were highly regarded, even in the lake lands up north.”

  “So then, if not an enemy of our parents,” Richard paused, looking at his brother, “then maybe one of yours?”

  Tancred laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “You could have picked from a dozen or more who would have seen me dead. But, I would not have expected a single one of them to seek their revenge in that manner. Nay, the men who would have seen me dead would have aced me themselves. My enemies were a noisy lot who had little difficulty in making themselves well known.”

  “But perhaps there was one,” Richard suggested. “All it would take would be one.”

  Tancred gave it concentrated thought while staring hard into the dying fire. “There were many who envied my position and lands. It mattered little that I had earned the right to those things—jealousy would not allow some to let the matter rest.”

  “Perhaps one of them felt Henry had unjustly rewarded you. Mayhaps they were angry enough to seek revenge, but knowing they could not get to you in person, they sought to settle the score in another fashion.”

  “It is possible,” Tancred admitted.

  “Think, Brother. Is there not some face that comes to mind? Some name that can traverse the years to utter itself to you?”

  Tancred shook his head. He stared at Roger for a moment. “Is there anyone you can think of?”

  “Nay,” Roger said without second thought. “I know of no one.”

  Moments later, Roger dismissed himself to go to bed. He was fretful and restless from the hours of conversation. He knew, too, that if he had to spend another moment contemplating the death of Tancred and Richard’s parents, he very well might say things he would later regret. He stepped into the darkened great hall and let out his breath.

  He only knew one person who hated Tancred enough to see him suffer to the extent he had. Maude.

  “But how?” he whispered.

  Maude would never have been capable of such a feat on her own, and besides, she would have been only six and ten—a tender age with romantic notions and marriage on her mind. He laughed aloud at his own foolishness. Nay, there was no point in looking to Maude for the deed. True, she had hated Tancred for spurn
ing her love, but she quickly got over it as Roger recalled to mind.

  He made his way up the torch-lit stairs, still chuckling to himself. He no sooner reached the top when Helena appeared in her night robe.

  “Why be ye here, Girl?” Roger asked. “Is it well with you?”

  “I. . .came. . .to. . .to seek you out,” Helena said, her teeth chattering more from nerves than from the cold stones beneath her feet.

  “You did not wish to talk to me privately, remember?” His voice was soft and gentle.

  “I remember, but now I find I must. Please hear me out.” She was shaking, and Roger motioned to her open door.

  “Go back to bed. We can talk on the morrow.”

  “Nay!” she exclaimed a bit louder than she’d intended. “It must be done now.”

  “Then speak before you catch your death. If this is about Tancred, you waste words with me. I have ended my war with him, and we are at peace with each other.”

  Helena nodded. “I know and I am glad. Tancred was always faithful to your friendship, and he was wronged deeply by you.”

  “I know.” Roger’s eyes softened, and he suddenly saw Helena as the devoted woman she really was. “You never lost faith in him, did you?”

  “I knew him incapable of hurting anyone purposefully.” Helena wanted very much to end this part of the conversation. It only made what she had to say that much more difficult. “But that is in the past.”

  “Then what do you want of me?”

  “I want to go home.” The words were stated simply and echoed in the near-empty hall.

  “You what?” Roger stared at her in utter amazement. “I could not have heard you correctly.”

  “You did,” Helena replied, refusing to lower her face. “I have to go home. The sooner, the better. Please, Roger. ’Tis the reason you came here for me.”

  “Aye, ’tis true enough, but what of Tancred? What of your love for him?”

  “It hasn’t changed, but there are many problems that need to be overcome. I was only a child when Tancred left England.”