This Very Moment

by Rachel Ann Nunes

  “So what award are you getting tonight?” she asked as they drove to the banquet.

  “Oh, Plastic Surgeon of the Year or some such thing. I’m not sure of the title. They change it periodically.”

  “Plastic Surgeon of the Year? You really are doing great things, aren’t you?”

  “Well, they have to give it to someone. Every year we vote, and this year I came out the winner. It doesn’t mean much.”

  “It means you’re respected by your peers. To me that says a lot about who you are.”

  They continued to talk but avoided mention of the past. When they arrived at the banquet, Bill felt more light-headed than he usually did after a few stiff drinks. “I don’t think I’ve laughed so much since . . .” Since before Nicole died, he finished silently.

  Kylee squeezed his hand in understanding. “Me either.”

  They showed their invitation at the door and were escorted to a table. Bill could feel the eyes around the room turn in his direction. He was well-known, but Kylee was a newcomer and his male colleagues would be curious about such a beautiful woman. The women stared too, and Bill realized that a few of the ladies he had dated would not welcome the competition Kylee presented. They wouldn’t care if they knew the truth about his hardened heart.

  Bill promptly went about enjoying the evening. Even when he had to accept his award for being chosen Outstanding Surgeon of the Year. “I don’t deserve this any more than any of you,” he said, briefly addressing the audience. “But I am honored. Thank you.”

  The announcer joined him at the podium. “As you all know, there is a cash sum of twenty thousand dollars that goes with this award to be donated to Dr. Dubrey’s favorite charity. Can you tell us yet, doctor, which that will be?”

  “Yes,” Bill answered without reflection. “It’s Children’s Hope Fund. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, they’re a charity that gives disfigured children new faces. They’re doing miraculous things for these children, and since I know the organizer personally, I know the money is going to help the children and not to expensive overhead. Watch for the newspaper coverage and for their TV ads beginning tonight. I’m sure you’ll all want to be involved in this worthy project. Thank you again.”

  He returned to his seat amidst vigorous clapping. Kylee leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “You were wonderful! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Bill grinned. “Wasn’t it better as a surprise?”

  “Yes, I guess it was. Thank you.”

  “Like I once heard a lady say, there is money to be donated and it might as well be to her.”

  Kylee colored. “Ouch. If we weren’t in a room full of people, I’d stick my tongue out at you.”

  “Then why don’t we get out of here?” he asked, taking a sip of wine. He noticed that Kylee hadn’t touched her glass.

  “Should we leave so soon?”

  “All that’s left is the after-mingling, and if we’re gone they can talk about us more easily.”

  Kylee’s shoulders shook in a silent giggle. “Okay, let’s go.”

  They arose, but before they could take a step, a small posse descended upon them. Bill grimaced and whispered, “Remember our deal.” Both of the women were competent plastic surgeons and attractive, and he had gone out with each of them once—when they had asked him. During the dates he’d felt uncomfortable with their designs on his future. Neither of them had Kylee’s wholesome aura.

  “Leaving so soon?” Sandra drawled. She was the more outgoing of the two.

  Bill was glad when Kylee stepped closer to him and put her arm through his. “Yes, we have to be going,” he replied. “We have another important engagement tonight.”

  “At least introduce us to your friend.” Merriam’s hostile eyes looked Kylee over from head to toe, assessing her competitive value like a prize fighter entering the ring.

  “Sandra, Merriam, this is Kylee Stuart. Kylee, this is Sandra Burnheart and Merriam Gotsby.” He wished he could leave it at that, but etiquette dictated that he elaborate. “They are both wonderful plastic surgeons here in town. We’ve had the pleasure of getting to know each other through the conferences we’ve all attended.”

  “Are you a doctor, too?” Sandra asked.

  “Actually, I organize fundraisers,” Kylee said. “I work with different charities to help them meet their monetary needs, especially children’s charities.”

  “Oh, how sweet.” Sandra was obviously unimpressed.

  “Yes, isn’t it?” Kylee answered, not retreating at the condescension in the other’s voice. “In fact, if you wish, I’ll send you a copy of the video I’ve made for Children’s Hope. I think you’ll find it . . . interesting.”

  Merriam glanced at Bill. “Is that the charity you talked about?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “So that’s how you know each other.” Sandra sounded relieved.

  Bill put his arm around Kylee. “Actually, Kylee and I are old friends. Now if you’ll excuse us . . .”

  “Go ahead and send your video,” Sandra told Kylee. “Bill can tell you where. He’s been to my house before.” With a pair of false smiles the women turned away, allowing them to escape.

  “Wow,” Kylee said as they slid into the comfortable seats of Bill’s BMW. “Do you go through that a lot?”

  He sighed. “Unfortunately. There aren’t many single men in our circle these days. All the most eligible ones are snatched up. The more educated the women are, and the more money they make, the more difficult it becomes for them to find a good match.”

  “Don’t I know it. Even so, you do seem to attract more than your share of hangers-on.” She rubbed her arms, as though hoping to bring warmth to her limbs. “You know, when Raymond learned that I didn’t keep the full percentage that I should from raising money for the charities, he just about went ballistic. I guess he thought by marrying me he could take a permanent vacation, but I wouldn’t let him.”

  “Is that why you broke up?” Bill kept his eyes on the road as he spoke, hoping the question wouldn’t feel threatening to her.

  Kylee gave a long sigh. “One of the many reasons. I think I should have tried to get married when I was younger, before all the good ones were taken. But I had my dreams.”

  “Worthwhile dreams. They wouldn’t have interfered with your finding someone eventually.”

  “I know. It’s just hard to be lonely sometimes.”

  “I hear you. That’s when it’s nice to have a friend.” He took one hand from the wheel and held it out to her. She put her hand in his and for a long time neither spoke. Then Bill said, “I know a great movie playing at Universal City Walk. Want to see it? Or would you rather go home?”

  “The movie. But I can’t be out too late. Remember I have to teach—”

  “Sunday School tomorrow. I know. I remember.”

  Bill enjoyed the movie and being with Kylee was comfortable, but she was quiet and pensive, as though wrestling with some inner demon. After the movie, instead of taking her home, he drove to the observatory at Griffith Park.

  “Did you bring me to make-out point?” she asked with a grin that lit up her face. “I’ve never been up here in a BMW before.”

  “Oh, so you’ve been here before?”

  “Only to the observatory,” she returned with fake innocence. “What about you? You come here a lot?”

  Bill chuckled. “Actually, yes. Sometimes looking at the lights clears my head. Though I usually drive up in my Blazer. It’s less conspicuous than this car.” He brought the BMW to a stop, but left the engine running so the music could play without exhausting the battery. Before them the bright lights of Los Angeles filled nearly their entire view. For long moments they stared at the display in silence.

  Kylee’s face was serious, and Bill hated the sorrow he saw there. “What’s wrong, Kylee? You’ve hardly said a word since we talked about your ex-husband. Or am I missing something?”

  Kylee stared at her hands. “No, you’re exactly right.
It is about my ex-husband. I’m sorry. I guess . . . well, I haven’t been fully honest with you, and I don’t know if I can be. It’s just . . . there are so many memories that I prefer not to . . .”

  Bill sat up straighter. This sounded serious. What was Kylee hiding? Was it something about Nicole? No, she had said it concerned her ex-husband.

  “Whatever it is, you can tell me. Or not, if you want. But you showed me last week that talking about it helps. I’d like to return the favor.”

  She fumbled in her small purse, fashioned of the same glittery bronze and gold that made up her dress. In her wallet she found a small photograph of Emily, the baby in the picture at her house. She didn’t look at him, but at the baby as she spoke, her voice sad and far away. “It’s Emily. I told you she died, but what I didn’t tell you is that she was mine.”

  Bill didn’t bother to hide his surprise. “You had a baby? What happened?”

  “After I left France I went to England for a couple of months and then to Morocco. It was there I met Raymond. He was on a photo shoot for one magazine or another, and in between his picture-taking we fell in love. Or so I thought. We were married in less than a month. We took the ferry to Gibraltar. Since you’re French I’m sure you’ve heard that anyone can get married there. Sort of a European Las Vegas. Anyway, we finished our work the next month and returned to America. It was there I discovered I was pregnant. We were both so excited, until we were told there was a very strong possibility of her having Down syndrome. All the tests pointed to it. I was five months pregnant at the time. Raymond wanted me to abort, but I couldn’t.”

  Kylee looked up at Bill now, tears in her eyes. “I knew she lived. I could feel her inside, moving. She trusted me to take care of her until she could breathe on her own. Besides, there was always the chance that the doctors were wrong.” Her gaze shifted back to the photo and her voice hardened. “That’s when Raymond left. He wasn’t about to waste his life taking care of a disabled child. My family tried to be as supportive as they could, living so far away in Minnesota, but I knew they agreed with Raymond that I should abort her. So I muddled through alone.”

  No wonder she hadn’t thought to contact Nicole, Bill thought. “I’m so sorry,” he said. Of all the words offered him after Nicole’s death, these had held the most comfort.

  “Thank you.” Kylee held his gaze. “You know, sometimes I even doubted my own decision, but when she was born and they put her in my arms, I knew I had chosen the right thing. She was four weeks early and so tiny and beautiful. I loved her immediately.”

  Bill waited for more. What had happened to Emily?

  Kylee swallowed hard. “It wasn’t until the next day that they told me Emily had something wrong with her heart that they hadn’t detected before. There would have been some chance of a transplant or something, but she was already weak, and with her defect she was never really considered a candidate for expensive heart surgery. To their credit, they did everything they could, but she died the next week. I was holding her.”

  Tears slid down Kylee’s face as she sobbed quietly. Bill blinked back his own tears and pulled her as close as he could in the car, holding her and stroking her hair. “I’m glad you told me.” He wished he could comfort her, to take away her pain. But who could make up for the neglect of a husband? Or for the loss of a child?

  “I know now that it was supposed to happen, though it took me a while to accept it. No matter what, that week Emily and I had together was worth all the pain. My little girl is an angel, and I believe one day I’ll see her again. That’s enough for me.”

  Bill didn’t contradict her. If it helped her to believe in an afterlife, then perhaps the delusion wasn’t all bad. His way hadn’t been easier. He had still not accepted Nicole’s death, as Kylee had Emily’s. For him, life was barren and bleak, often not really worth living at all. And yet now with Kylee in his arms, everything seemed different.

  She pulled away from him, wiping her eyes. “Goodness, it’s after one! I’m not going to be awake enough to get to church, much less teach Sunday School.”

  Taking the hint, Bill put the car in gear and left the observatory parking lot. Only a few comments broke the silence on the twenty-minute drive to Kylee’s apartment. At her door she smiled and thanked him. “I had a lot of fun.”

  “Well, don’t forget next week. I’m still planning to uphold my end of the bargain by attending your banquet. What time should I pick you up?”

  “Could you just meet me? I have to be there quite early to make sure everything’s running smoothly. This group is what I call my second list, but I still want things to be nice.”

  “Your second list?”

  She laughed. “As opposed to my first list. The second list is made up of wealthy people who are either not as wealthy as those on the first list or not as generous. The dinner costs only a hundred dollars and the donations usually stay around a couple thousand. Besides that, it’s pretty much the same. I’m even using the same catering service to serve a cut-down version of the same meal.”

  “You mean I could have eaten the same food for one-fifth the price?”

  “Nearly. And your ten thousand would have been the top bid. They never go above that.”

  “Well, put me on that list, would you? Then I can go to more dinners with you.”

  Kylee laughed with pleasure. “Okay, will do.” She put her hand on the doorknob, but hesitated. “Guillau—Bill, I’m really sorry for sending you that invitation, addressed to Nicole like it was. I was in France last month for two days on business for another charity, and I ran into your brother. Actually, it was kind of funny how we met—I’ve been meaning to tell you. It was at a church. I looked up the address in the phone book and went, and there he was. I didn’t know he was a member of my faith until I saw him there. I was very surprised, but glad, too. We were only able to talk a minute because he was headed into a meeting with a visiting leader. He didn’t mention Nicole when he gave me your address. I guess he thought I already knew.”

  Suddenly everything fell into place. “That makes sense. I sort of suspected it was something like that when I found out you got my address from Jourdain. Not very likely you would have run into him on the street.”

  “Well, goodnight.”

  Bill raised his hand in farewell, when what he really wanted to do was to trace her dimples with his fingers, to kiss each one before finally ending up at her mouth. He had kissed women since Nicole’s death, but only because they had pushed. Kylee wasn’t pushing and he didn’t want to take advantage of the emotion they had shared regarding Emily. No, it was better to let things alone.

  The fact that she was a Christian didn’t bother him, any more than it bothered him that his brother had started attending a church. As long as they didn’t force their beliefs on him, they should be free to do whatever they wanted.

  Later, in his condo, he flipped on the TV to watch a Star Trek rerun. During the commercial break, the video for Children’s Hope Fund came on. Bill watched with the same fascination as when he had first seen it. The commercial wasn’t the thirty-second spot he had expected, but a sixty-second one. Most likely it was cheaper to advertise at night and so they had used the longer version of the commercial. He bet either version would bring results.

  He turned to another channel and again the tragic faces peered out at him, beckoning, pleading. All the pleas seemed to be directed at him. What more could he do? When the burned child appeared on the screen, Bill felt a sudden rage emerge within him. He hadn’t been able to help Nicole; her burned body had been beyond any earthly help. There was no mythical God to save her, either, or to protect these wretched children. There was only Kylee and those like her. He would give his money to their cause but not his hope nor his heart. There might not be enough of it left to break again, but he wouldn’t give anything the chance.

  Bill jabbed at the remote and the room fell silent. He pulled the blanket from the other side of the couch over him, too tired to walk up the sta
irs to his cold bed.

  That night he dreamed of the accident, of Nicole’s ash-covered wedding ring glinting dully on her blackened finger. The wedding ring was the only thing that had positively identified her faceless body. He screamed, and turned his eyes heavenward, pleading, but there was no answer. When he looked down again at the woman in his arms, it wasn’t Nicole but Kylee he held, her barely recognizable face turning to him, begging for help. The doctor part of him knew he might be able to save her. She wasn’t burned nearly as badly as Nicole had been. The burned Kylee lifted an arm toward him, but in his dream Bill dropped her body and ran.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Kylee was jubilant. After only seven days of TV commercials, Children’s Hope had already received four million dollars more in contributions—a very good sum for the beginning week of advertising. She called Elaina with the news and then dialed Bill at his office.

  “Four million, Bill, can you believe it? In small donations from people all over the United States. The amount should only increase because it generally takes repeat viewing for people to act. I’ve tried TV before and had a fair amount of success, but this time it’s really working. I can’t wait for the children to begin their operations! Elaina has them scheduled beginning next Monday. It’s really going to happen!”

  “Sounds like we need to celebrate. How about dinner? I’m finished here for the day, so I could swing around and pick you up.”

  “I don’t know, our banquet isn’t until tomorrow night,” Kylee replied with a laugh. “Don’t you think it’ll ruin our record? You know, only seeing each other on Saturday banquet nights.”

  “I think we can be adult enough to handle the conversation without having to donate money or accept awards.”

  “Very funny. But seriously, I can’t go tonight. That’s the other reason I called. You have to watch the late news on ABC. I’m being interviewed—live! Well, almost live. They’re doing a few takes and choosing the best one, but there’s not going to be time for much editing. I think they’re only giving me thirty seconds, plus an excerpt from my video and a brief take of Elaina and two children. But everyone’ll see it. I’m going down to the station now.”