My Dirty Detour: An Alpha Male Mafia Comedy Romance

by Grace Risata

  “Carmine doesn’t think you’re a fuck up, Sergio,” Rocky quietly spoke from a few feet away. He was drinking a bottle of water and had pushed his chair away from the group. “I’m sure he blames me for dragging you out here and taking you away from New York. Carmine is pissed at me for flattening Dante last night. He keeps trying to call me but I won’t answer.”

  “You better answer his call, Rocky,” Sergio warned. “If you ignore him, then he’ll come find you. Trust me, I know this. He’s my big brother.” Sergio shook his head and grabbed another beer. “Is this number five?” he asked.

  “Yes, Sergio. Shut up and drink it and quit being a whiner,” Irina commanded. She looked at me and added, “Every time he drinks too much, he gets all ‘poor me’ by the fifth beer. It’s annoying as all hell.” I guess I’d never actually seen Sergio drunk.

  “Why aren’t you drinking, Irina?” I noticed she was also holding a bottle of water in her hand.

  “Someone has to be able to shoot the sniper rifle if we have any uninvited guests. I don’t think these three dipshits could hit the broad side of a barn in their condition.” She nodded her head at the growing pile of empty beer cans and the three amigos who were doing quite the job at knocking them back.

  “I could hit a dime from a mile away, Irina. In fact, I’ll have one more beer to catch up to Sergio and then I’ll prove it to you,” Dmitry bragged.

  “I’m two beers ahead of you, dumbass. Learn how to count,” Sergio remarked. “And help your brother learn how to cook. I’ve been waiting for a burger for an eternity. What the hell is taking so long??”

  “I have to make your special sauce, Sergio. That’s what takes so long,” Vasily retorted. He pounded a whole can of beer at once and then said, “Now we’re tied at six. Eat that!”

  This was the worst math I’d ever seen in my entire life. Rocky leaned back in his lawn chair and closed his eyes, as if it was taking all his willpower not to throw himself off the roof. Or better yet, not to throw one of them off the roof.

  Sergio walked across the rooftop to the other cooler of beer and motioned for Dmitry to join him. Dmitry shrugged his shoulders and followed him. Those two never got along, so I paid close attention to see what would happen next. They huddled close together and every now and then one of them would look over in my direction. Dmitry started shaking his head and they walked back over to us. I turned around to see if Rocky noticed this exchange, and unfortunately, he had.

  “Violet, Sergio was telling me about a little conversation you had before,” Dmitry said.

  “Okay…” I answered. This could only be about one thing. My bet on the fight.

  “A conversation about cars,” Dmitry added.

  “Yes, we did discuss cars. What about it?” I asked sternly. Fucking Sergio couldn’t keep quiet to save his life, but I was sworn to secrecy about Natalia fucking Ursula’s dad? Bullshit! I felt my face turn red in anger.

  “I’ll BET you had a nice conversation about cars, huh?” Dmitry taunted.

  “What the hell are you talking about? What am I missing?” Rocky asked impatiently.

  “Some people can’t keep their mouth shut and it’s perfectly fine, but other people are threatened with dismemberment if they breathe a word of something. These double standards SUCK ASS!” I exclaimed.

  Rocky and Sergio looked around in confusion while Dmitry and I stared each other down. Finally Dmitry spoke. “I like cars. I bet mine too. I mean….I bet mine could win. Mine is worth more than yours. Easy money, Violet.” Dmitry tipped his beer up in a salute and drank.

  Sergio smiled and said, “Carmine is going to be really pissed at me for this. Here he comes now!”

  We all turned around to find Carmine making his way over to us. He was followed by Dante and Gypsy. Rocky got up and met them halfway.

  “Rocky, how nice of you to return my calls. Oh wait, you didn’t. Maybe you forgot who I am? Maybe you need to be reminded?” Carmine threatened.

  “No, Carmine. I know who you are. I got a lot going on right now. I was training this morning. Training for that fight….the one that’s going to make you two hundred grand. Wouldn’t want me to lose, now would you?” Rocky replied in a chilling tone.

  Carmine shrugged his shoulders. “Win or lose, it doesn’t matter to me either way. I could wipe my ass with two hundred grand. What I really care about, is what your plans are after the fight. Are you coming back to New York? My father wants his son back. Sergio has no reason to stay in this diddly fuck town. He belongs with his family. You should come back too, Rocky. There’s always a place for you at our table. You might need to relearn some manners, some respect for who’s at the head of the table. You’re wasting your talents here. What did you expect to happen? Did you think you’d stay here forever? Maybe meet a nice girl and knock her up and raise a family in the middle of nowhere? Toil away making your little bottles of gin? Bust your ass and never have more than a nickel in your pocket at any given time? That’s not the life you were destined for, Rocky. You’re a fighter. A violent motherfucker. You may have pushed that part of you deep down and tucked it away, but it won’t be buried forever. It’ll struggle to come out and you won’t be able to control it. Your little play-thing over here, miss big mouth, will find out about the kind of person you really are. What then, hmm? You don’t belong here. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be for everyone.”

  I was speechless. Forget Ursula being the super-villain. It was obvious Carmine was a clear contender for that title. All he had to do now was remove his face and show that there was really a laughing Ursula underneath. Of course that didn’t happen.

  “You’re absolutely right, Carmine. I belong with family, which just happens to be this group right here.” He pointed to the five of us standing behind him. “We’re leaving now,” Rocky declared defiantly as he grabbed my hand and led me off the roof. Whoa. I didn’t see that coming. I turned around to find Dmitry, Vasily, and Irina following us. Sergio didn’t move. Rocky didn’t stop until he reached the parking lot. He turned to see who was behind him and addressed the group. “I’ve got to get out of here for a while and clear my head. Keep an eye on Sergio, ok?”

  Dmitry nodded and said, “I’ve got things under control here, Rocky. Go let off some steam and get it out of your system. You need to be focused tomorrow. Get your mind right.”

  Rocky was still holding my hand and he led me to the back of the building where his car was parked. He opened the door to the Mustang and motioned for me to get in. I got in and buckled up. Something told me that we were in for a wild ride.

  Thursday Afternoon, Week Three

  Rocky drove for miles, seeming to have no destination in mind. After about ten minutes of silence, I spoke. “Are you okay? That was pretty intense on the roof.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  Another five miles went by with no noise from the radio and no conversation. It was making me crazy. “Would you rather be alone?” I asked.

  “No. Well, yes. It’s complicated. I don’t mind your company at all. If you were not here with me, then I would be going nuts worrying about you. I need you where I can keep an eye on you. I just don’t want to talk about anything right now. I have a hard time relaxing. Going for a drive where I can just be on the open road and watch the houses go by in a blur…that calms me down sometimes. I don’t know why, it just does. It’s peaceful. To see the yellow center lines go past one after another. It’s infinite.”

  Ok. Whatever works. I guess everyone has their own form of meditation.

  “I can respect the fact that you don’t want to discuss anything right now. I’ll try and give you some alone time.” I closed my eyes and leaned back against the seat. I must have been more mentally drained than I realized, because I promptly fell asleep. I never usually have a hard time falling asleep and I can pretty much sleep anywhere. Especially long car rides. It must be the motion of the car or something. Scientists should research that. It works on fussy babies. Maybe they shoul
d invent some machine to get insomniacs to sleep better.

  I eventually stirred from my slumber to find the radio playing a familiar tune and Rocky smiling at me.

  “How long was I out?” I asked while yawning.

  “Long enough to snore. I don’t know what relaxed me more, the car ride or the rhythmic melody of your loud breathing.”

  “You seem in a better frame of mind.”

  “I am,” he admitted. “Do you want to get something to eat? We missed out on lunch.”

  “Where are we?” I asked, looking around. We were on a two lane country road and I didn’t see any signs.

  “About an hour away from home. We passed a gas station a mile back, otherwise I haven’t seen anything for a while.”

  We turned around and discovered that the gas station was actually a truck stop with a diner attached. It looked clean enough, but I still had reservations about eating somewhere unknown.

  “What if the food gets us sick? You can’t be throwing up, you have a fight tomorrow!” I reminded him, as if there was any way he could possible forget.

  “What if it’s the best food that you ever ate in your life and you would have missed it if you hadn’t tried it? You can’t keep letting your worries cause you to miss out on life.”

  I guess he had a point. We reviewed the menu and I settled on a grilled cheese and fries. Rocky got steak and a baked potato.

  “You’re still playing it safe, Violet. Don’t think I didn’t notice you ordering the most boring thing on the menu.”

  “Last year, I got a salad at a restaurant out of town and it nearly killed me. Honestly, I barely made it home in time before it made a reappearance. I’ve been leery about eating salads at restaurants ever since. Don’t get me started on the time I was out with Stella and she wanted to stop for ice cream. I got food poisoning from it. I don’t know how ice cream can turn toxic, but believe me when I tell you that this was deadly. I was up all night long. I have digestive issues too. Along with my germ issues and assorted other phobias. The ice cream incident happened over ten years ago, and to this day, I only eat ice cream about once a year and I don’t like it anymore.” I guess it was better that he know about my sensitive stomach sooner rather than later.

  He looked at me while contemplating this new bit of information. “I knew you were sort of crazy, so this really doesn’t surprise me. I just don’t understand how you can go to the Coral City food thing and eat all that weird shit and still be fine? Why didn’t that freak you out? Maybe it’s all in your head?”

  “I’m sure some of it is. Like I said, I have issues.”

  “I shouldn’t judge you. My whole life seems to be one big issue right now.”

  Our food came and he picked up his soda glass to make a toast. “To beautiful neurotic girls and fucked up violent assholes—“

  “May we one day rule the world!” I finished the toast and clinked his glass. “But I don’t think you’re a violent asshole. Quit saying that.”

  “Wait until you see me fight tomorrow. You might just change your mind.”

  We ate in relative silence and found ourselves back on the main road toward Pineville. As we got closer, Rocky took a different route and we ended up on the deserted side roads. I tried to pay attention, but I got lost with all the turns he made. When he finally pulled the car over, he asked me if I knew where we were. I did not and I told him as much.

  “This doesn’t look familiar, Violet? Let’s get out and go for a walk and maybe you’ll figure out where we are.” He took a blanket out of the trunk and grabbed my hand. After walking for a little while, it was suddenly perfectly clear.

  “This is where we went for our first picnic! I can’t believe it was exactly one week ago. It looks different in the daylight,” I said.

  “It won’t stay light out for very long. Would you mind if we had another picnic there? It’s one of my favorite places.”

  “I’d like that,” I agreed, although it wouldn’t technically qualify as a picnic since we had no food.

  Rocky led me up the hill and spread the blanket at the top. He sat down and then leaned all the way back and rested his head on his hands while staring up at the sky. I sat next to him and ran my fingers through his hair.

  “If you could be doing anything right now….anything at all….what would you do?” Rocky asked me while gazing up at the clouds.

  That was easy. “You,” I answered.

  He turned his head to look at me. “What?”

  “I would be doing you,” I explained. “I’m all knotted up inside. It’s from anxiety. I’m worried about the fight tomorrow. I can’t put it into words. It hurts in here.” I pointed to my heart. “I have all these emotions that are piling on top of each other. They’re just building up and it’s frustrating. I need to get them out. I want….I want…”

  “What do you want?” Rocky whispered. “Tell me, Violet. I’ll give you anything.”

  “I need a release. I want you to fuck me hard and fast and dirty. I want you to be rough and raw and don’t hold anything back.” That’s what I needed.

  Rocky hesitated. “What does that mean to you? I mean what do you consider rough sex?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never tried it. Why don’t you fuck me standing up against that tree?” I pointed to a nice pine tree that was minding its own business and had no idea what I just suggested.

  Rocky laughed and I immediately felt my face turn red in embarrassment. “I don’t know what’s considered rough sex because I never had it. I’m sure you have. Why don’t you just do what you’ve done in the past? But tell me before you do it, so I don’t get freaked out. Don’t laugh at me because I’m inexperienced!” I stammered. I was starting to wish that I never said anything at all and I hung my head in shame.

  “Hey, don’t get all shy on me. What about your rule of honesty and communication? I want you to feel comfortable enough with me to let me know what you need. I’m open to doing anything that you want. Don’t ever be embarrassed about that, EVER. I only laughed because I don’t think I’m going to be able to fuck you standing up against a tree. I’m willing to try anything, but it can’t defy the laws of physics. Do you know how tall I am and how short you are? It won’t work,” he patiently explained. “Anyway, I don’t really get off on rough sex. The one who I refuse to talk about….aw fuck, you’ve met her so I might as well use her name. Ursula liked rough sex. Are you sure you want to hear this?”

  “Probably not, but since you’ve already started the story then you have to finish it.”

  “It’s not a story. She liked to be spanked and choked and bitten. What’s the point of all that? I never understood it. Sex is about making the other person feel good. I felt like I was in a wrestling match and just waiting to be tagged out. It was not fun. She told me that I should embrace the pain, that I would enjoy it if she started hitting me during sex. That really pissed me off. Once she smacked me in the face so hard I was sure there would be a mark the next day. I grabbed her hands and told her if she ever did that again, I would break her arm. She thought it was all part of the game and she actually liked that. I got my clothes on and left. Then she knew I was serious. Near the end, we hardly ever had sex. You have no idea how much I hated her.” Rocky’s expression was grim as he recalled the memory.

  “Ok. Choking sounds scary and so does biting. I think I’d get bad bruises from all that,” I admitted. “I just don’t want you to think I’m boring and not open to new things.”

  “We’ve technically only had sex once and nothing, I mean NOTHING, you’ve done in the bedroom has bored me in the slightest so far. You just need to relax and not overthink things.”

  Rocky inched closer to me on the blanket and began kissing me. He started gently, parting my lips with his tongue and then exploring deeper. All my worries vanished and I was left with the sensation of Rocky and his hands on my body. He stroked my cheek and slowly worked his way lower, eventually unzipping my hooded sweatshirt. I put my hand under his shi
rt and gently massaged his chest. He murmured in consent and pulled off his shirt to give me better access. My shirt and bra were soon thrown into a pile on the edge of the blanket.

  “We’re half naked and we’re outside. People could walk past and see us,” I warned.

  “Oh no! Whatever will we do? This is all part of the danger, baby.” Rocky continued, “You’re right about one thing, it’s really not good that we’re half naked. We should be fully naked.” He started taking off his belt and his jeans while still kissing me. Once his were off, he began working on mine.

  “Shouldn’t we have a blanket on top of us, in case anyone happens to come by?” I asked. “It’s cold out, too.”

  “All the better to make your nipples hard. As for all the people who just happen to be strolling by, let them get a good view. They might learn something. No more talking,” he ordered.

  I gave in and let myself be consumed by him. His hands made a tour of my entire body, leaving no part untouched. His tongue followed, tasting and licking me from head to toe. My neck, my breasts, my upper thighs. He skipped past the sweet spot and returned to kiss me with reckless hunger. His mouth pressed harder against mine and his tongue went deeper and faster. I felt his erection pushing against my leg, demanding attention. I needed him with an urgency I had never felt before. It was an ache. Without him, I was empty.

  “I need you. Right now. Don’t hold back,” I begged.

  He reached over to grab his wallet out of his pants pocket. “I came prepared,” he said as he winked at me and pulled out a condom.

  “You’re lucky you’re prepared,” I told him, “or you wouldn’t be coming.”

  He laughed as he expertly rolled on the condom and parted my legs. As he slid in, I felt a sense of relief take over. I was exactly where I belonged. It all felt so right. All the stress of the past few days melted away as he plunged in and out, easing into a rhythm that drove to me the edge of sanity. I grabbed his shoulders and bucked underneath him, matching the speed of his thrusts. “You have no idea how fucking bad I need this. Harder, Faster, MORE!” I demanded as I wildly moved in time with him. It was a matter of seconds before I felt the familiar build up and inevitable release as a wave of quivering spasms descended upon me like a supernova exploding into the universe. Simply put, best orgasm ever. The amazing part was that it wasn’t even over yet. A spattering of aftershocks came one after the other and I screamed with pleasure until they slowly fizzled out and I could remember my name again.