Toxic Secrets

by Jill Patten

  My heart swelled. It excited me, but it scared me at the same time. I’d already given my heart to a boy… a jerk and he punched it, ripped it, broke it, and left it lying dead on the floor. Could I possibly give it away again? I didn’t want to jump to conclusions; it was too early for that. All I could do was play it by ear and see what direction my path took me.

  Kendra and I got out of the pool so we could shower and change before Jaxon and Reed got home. Although Jaxon had seen me naked waist down, I still didn’t feel comfortable enough to let him watch me prance around in the G-string. And I especially didn’t want Reed to see it either.

  The overly-large, tiled shower in my bathroom was amazing. I loved it, so much that I could bathe in it several times a day. My favorite part was the five-speed sprayers located in various spots to give you a full body massage. Standing limp in the shower, I let the hot water beat against my skin until it turned red. As I turned to pick up my bottle of shampoo, my heart skipped a beat when I saw writing appear on the glass. The steam formed the words, ‘You make my dimples happy.’ I wondered when he’d snuck in my room to write that. Must have been the same time he hid two yellow pieces of material under my pillow. I wondered how I must’ve looked smiling the entire time I showered.

  After being neglected the first few days of our visit, Jaxon made sure our itinerary for the rest of the week was packed full of fun. He reached his goal to give us all the complete California experience. We’d spent one day at Disneyland and another at Knott’s Berry Farm. I loved how he enjoyed thrill rides as much as I did. Another day he took us into Hollywood and Beverly Hills, driving us around through some of the glitzy neighborhoods and making sure to highlight all the movie star paraphernalia. Honestly, I didn’t find the famous neighborhoods any better than the one he lived in.

  He even took us shopping on Rodeo Drive. Kendra was in retail heaven, but, I on the other hand, felt very out of place. That was one part of the trip I would’ve liked to have forgotten about. Jaxon was pretty adamant on taking us into some of the stores. I was perfectly content on staying outside and doing my usual window shopping. I already felt drabby dressed in very short, peach shorts with a black sleeveless blouse, but I didn’t want to admit my real reason for not going inside—I couldn’t afford it. I knew Kendra would just whip out her parents’ credit card and buy whatever she wanted. Then she would push me into letting her buy me something as well, but I didn’t want to have that scene in front of Jaxon. I continued to blame my lameness on my outfit, but Jaxon was persistent. He wasn’t about to give up.

  “My god, Courtney, do you think they don’t see the slums of Hollywood on an everyday basis? Stop worrying about what you look like, and get your cute ass in that store now,” he demanded standing outside the Louis Vuitton store. Kendra had already made her grand entrance, dragging poor Reed with her, and was inside getting her fashion fix.

  Jaxon raked his hands through his hair a few times then rubbed the scruff on his face. I could feel the irritation I was causing him. I didn’t want to upset him, but I didn’t want an embarrassing moment either. He turned away from me walking toward a small slab of stucco separating the windows in the store. He leaned against the small section of the building and pulled his Altoids from his jean pocket, popping a couple of them into his mouth. At that moment, I knew he was frustrated with me. His Altoids were his cigarettes, and people usually smoked when their nerves have been played until frayed. I swallowed my stubborn pill, walked over to the door, jerking it hard, and walked into a store that was completely out of my comfort zone.

  Immediately, the posh sales assistant wrinkled her nose up at me in disgust. I couldn’t let her think she had the upper hand on me so I gave her an over-exaggerated eye roll. She won though, she came in behind me wiping and readjusting every item I touched as if I’d spread some sort of disease on it. I came into the store for Jaxon, but I wasn’t going to let someone degrade me to my face. I’d finally had enough and spun around on my heels only to come face to chest with pure muscle—Jaxon.

  “So, Sweet Cheeks, is this the one you wanted,” he said holding up a purple clutch purse, “or did you want something bigger? You know we don’t have to buy anything in here, there are a variety of stores out there where you can purchase better quality with friendlier service,” he scolded, but gave me a cute little wink. He stared the sales assistant down with demon eyes until she muttered something about someone needing her help in the back.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. He wrapped his strong arms around me in a big bear hug. “You’re welcome,” he said before kissing my temple.

  We browsed through the store with our pinkies hooked together. Because there were no price tags, I knew those who could afford these were ones who didn’t have to ask for a price. That person clearly wasn’t me. I was more than ready to leave. “You ready to go?” Slowly, I was making my way to the doors.

  “Sure, but hold on a minute, I’ll let Reed and Courtney know we’ll be waiting for them outside.” He walked over to them, acting discreet while they exchanged briefly, then strode back over to where I was standing. Laying his hand on the small of my back, he gently guided me outside.

  We both slid our sunglasses on to block the bright sun. The one thing I’d learned so far this week was the weather in California was always sunny. Jaxon gripped my hips and pulled me up against him. The way he stared at me was like he could see my heart, see the way it accelerates when in his presence. Neither of us said anything. He zoned in on me until the tip of his nose was touching mine. Lightly, he rubbed it against mine, giving me eskimo kisses. “I want this week to be frozen in time forever,” he murmured.

  I swallowed. Hard.

  I watched his eyes close, and then I felt the scruff around his mouth tickle me before his lips devoured mine.

  “Ahem.” Kendra cleared her throat, interrupting our public display of affection. “I think it’s cute and all how you two have finally stopped fighting your sexual desires, but please don’t make the rest of us suffer by watching,” she smirked. “Here.” She stuck her arm out to me with a Louis Vuitton bag dangling from her thumb and forefinger.

  I scrunched my eyebrows together in confusion. “What’s this?”

  “Just open the damn thing.”

  Taking the bag from Kendra as if it was going to bite me, I then peeked inside. “Hell to the no, I’m not keeping this,” I scolded, slinging the bag back to her. “It’s a nice gesture, Kendra, but your mom and dad don’t need to support me, too.”

  Kendra tossed the bag back to me, her eyes flashing over to Jaxon. “I didn’t buy it. Jaxon did, so you can thank him now,” she grinned.

  Cutting my eyes at Jaxon, I swiftly turned on my heel and marched myself back inside. I approached the rude lady at the counter. “Yes, I’d like to return this.”

  The bag slipped off the counter out of my reach. “No, she would not. Sorry for the confusion, but we are keeping this,” he said to the snobby lady. Jaxon had the bag in tow walking toward the door.

  “I’m not keeping it,” I said to him.

  He stopped in his tracks, shook his head then turned around marching back to me. “You will keep it because I bought it for you—”

  “Jaxon I’m not a charity case. I can’t prove it, but I’m pretty darn sure you are the one that paid our bills, too. I appreciate it, but I don’t need to be taken care of financially.”

  He cocked his head to the side with a look of disbelief. “I never said you were a charity case and I’ve never treated you like one either. I just thought you would like something nice, since you never get the opportunity to splurge. I wanted to make you happy. And, as for the other, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Liar,” I muttered. “Well, just so you know, I don’t need expensive things to make me happy, Jaxon. You alone makes me happy.”

  Kendra came barreling into the store to put her two cents worth in. It was a two against one battle.

  After bickering in the store w
ith Jaxon and Kendra for too long, I finally caved in and agreed to keep the Louis Vuitton wallet. I felt silly carrying it. It was only going to look ridiculous paired up with my off-brand purse, but I wasn’t about to tell them that. That would’ve just prolonged the argument, and I would probably then end up walking out with a purse to match.

  We walked down the sidewalk with our fingers laced together. I refused to go into any more stores I couldn’t afford. “I would’ve bought you all the accessories to match it if you would’ve let me,” Jaxon said softly in my ear.

  I’d learned so many new things about Jaxon throughout the week. I learned he had severe road rage, he had low tolerance for rude people, and he carried a very soft spot for children. While we were at Disneyland a little boy around the age of five with big crocodile tears in his eyes approached Jaxon, asking if he had seen his mommy. Without any hesitation, Jaxon quickly flagged down a Disneyland employee and stood by that little boy’s side until he was back in his mother’s arms. The workers kept telling him the boy was in great care, and that he should leave and enjoy his day at the park, but Jaxon wouldn’t budge. He persisted in staying. What surprised me the most was when he opened up a little to me without me prying.

  We had been sitting around at the Baby Care Center, both lost in our own thoughts until he began telling me a little story. “When I was seven years old, this same exact thing happened to me. Gramma Z took me for my birthday. It was supposed to be the perfect day for a kid that age, but instead it turned into a nightmare. I thought being seven gave me some sort of super powers, ya know? I was into the whole Power Rangers craze at that time. I ventured away from my gramma for a second to look at some stupid sword, and, by the time I turned around, I had lost her. I’d never been so terrified in my life.”

  He spoke softly, staring down at the floor in deep concentration. He was reliving that moment. Seeing that poor little guy lost had brought that fear back to Jaxon, and he was feeling the same terror that little boy was feeling. Sliding my arm around his waist, I gave him a light hug, then rested my head against his shoulder. There was no need to say anything. He was offering me a small piece of him, and I didn’t want to take away anymore from it than that.

  It was our last full day in California, and Jaxon was throwing a huge party for us at his bar. Well, actually it was out on the beach. He had cabanas for us to escape the sun, fire pits set up for the night when the cool ocean breeze blew in, a stage set up outside the bar for karaoke—thanks to Kendra’s whining—and alcohol for everyone except the three of us.

  Kendra was pissed at Jaxon when she found out he wasn’t going to serve us alcohol. So, Kendra did what she did best—she took matters into her own hands.

  I was helping with some of the decorations when Kendra grabbed my arm causing me to drop the box of solar powered paper lanterns. “What the hell?”

  “Shut up! Stop making a scene and just come with me to the bathroom.” Following her orders, I followed behind her. As soon as the door closed she set her purse on the vanity and made a feet-check under the stalls. “Look what I got for us,” she said, pulling the top of a bottle from her new Louis Vuitton purse.

  “Where did you get that?” I shrieked. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know.

  “I snatched it from Jaxon’s private stash I found in his office,” she snickered, showing me another bottle.

  “Have you lost your mind? You’re crazy if you think I’m joining you in your little shenanigans,” I said, making my way back out the door.

  “Oh, no you don’t!” she roared, jerking me back into the bathroom. “This is our last night here, Court. Let’s have fun with it,” she pleaded. “I slipped a few twenties under his keyboard, so technically I’m not stealing.”

  I blew a few strands of hair from my face. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  “No, but… but… please just do this with me. I promise we’ll have fun, and I’ll make sure you have the best night of your life. You won’t want to go home.”

  I already didn’t want to go home. She stuck her bottom lip out and gave me her best puppy dog eyes. Damn bitch always got her way.

  Standing in front of the mirror, I pulled my hair loose from my hair tie. “You know we won’t get away with this. The smell will be obvious on our breath,” I said, pulling my hair back into a tighter ponytail.

  “Really, Court? You know I’m smarter than that. I got us vodka. We each have our own bottle. We just have to be careful of our intake. We don’t want to gulp it down within an hour then pass out before the fun starts.”

  To be honest, I was ready to head back to Jaxon’s house to take a shower and see what hidden message he’d left for me on the shower glass. Every day it was something new. Once it was a heart with our names inside, or a sweet message saying, ‘Hurry up! My eyes miss your beautiful face.’ My favorite was his quirky little message saying, ‘Don’t cover up, I like watching’ with a set of eyes drawn on the glass. That one freaked me out for a second. After I showered, I searched around the bathroom for a hidden camera.

  Jerking the hair tie out in frustration, I turned to face Kendra. “Well, if anything goes down, I’m holding you responsible.”

  I learned that night to never drink vodka again.

  That morning I woke up to a severe migraine. My head was literally hurting from lying down. My pillow felt like the same ones they used on The Flintstones. My mouth was as dry as the Sahara desert. I tried swallowing, but my throat was too sore. I needed water. Severely. I didn’t want to open my eyes, but I had to. I had to get up to take something for my head before it exploded. Jaxon wouldn’t want brains plastered all over his walls. As I scooted my way over to the side of the bed, I bumped into a warm, firm body. At first I thought it was Kendra, but the body felt too big and solid to be her. It also felt familiar. Jaxon! My eyelids shot open. Looking around me, I gasped when I took in my surroundings. I was sleeping in Jaxon’s bed with Jaxon, and I was wearing nothing except my panties and bra. Oh God, did I have sex with Jaxon last night and not even remember it? All the pain from my migraine was forgotten as the memories from last night came flooding back into my head.

  “How much do you have left in your bottle, Court?” Kendra asked, already slurring her words a little. “Half,” I answered. My motor skills were already becoming dysfunctional. “Good, don’t drink anymore for a while. I want us to sing some karaoke, and we can’t get up there in front of everyone singing like a couple of sloppy drunks,” she giggled, pointing up to the stage where everyone was taking turns singing, or, for better words, screaming their favorite songs.

  Oh God, the memory of our singing made me cringe. We both agreed on the song, but the rest was all Kendra’s doings. I didn’t know what her intentions were when we made the song choice.

  “Whassup ladies and gentlemen! My name is Kendra, and this here is my best friend Courtney. We are from the awesome state of North Carolina, and we want to dedicate this song to the two hottest guys up in this place tonight—my super sexy boyfriend, Reed Ashburn, and the California hottie, Jaxon Vaughn.” Jaxon’s head popped up as soon as he heard his name, I was mortified. I wanted to run off the stage and hide in the bathroom, but Kendra knew me all too well. She had her claws digging in the crook of my arm, not allowing me to go anywhere. The song started up, and I either had the choice of standing there looking like a fool or joining my ex-best friend in her private concert. I chose the latter.

  The first line of Enrique Iglesias’ ‘Tonight I’m Fucking You’ popped up on the screen. Kendra’s pitch-perfect voice started right on queue. Mine got stuck in my throat. I was frozen. I couldn’t peel my eyes away from Jaxon. He made himself comfortable leaning against the bar with his arms folded across his chest. His sun-kissed skin glowed underneath his white button up shirt. His sleeves were rolled up close to his elbows, showing off the tight muscles in his forearm. At that moment, I realized that we were dressed alike. I chose a simple white sundress with gold strappy sandals for the day since
we would be spending a lot of the time on the beach.

  My eyes raked over his body, inspecting every inch of his physique from head to toe. When I reached his mouth, I paused. The memory of the way his mouth felt on me made me blush. I tried to stop thinking about it, but the vodka was fighting against me. He seemed to be amused as he flashed his signature sexy, smirky smile, displaying those damn lickable dimples. I think I actually sighed into my microphone. My eyes continued their journey until they connected to his, and I was lost. His lips may have told everyone he found the song humorous, but his eyes held me tight telling me he wanted what the lyrics were saying.

  Jaxon began stirring around, bringing me back from my reminiscing of last night’s events. I lay still on the bed, even holding my breath until my lungs started to burn. I didn’t want to wake him yet. I wasn’t prepared to talk to him. I wasn’t prepared to face him.

  More memories come crashing back down, and I couldn’t blame Kendra for the rest of the night. I was solely responsible for my own ignorance.

  Stumbling over to the DJ, I requested my next song. This one was mine. I shook my head at Kendra. She knew. She took a step back and let me have my moment on the stage. The music started up and I captured Jaxon with my eyes. If he wasn’t familiar with the song, I was gonna familiarize him with it. I started off with “na na na” to Kylie Minogue’s ‘Can’t Get You Out of My Head.’ Maybe I wasn’t the best singer, but right at this moment, I didn’t care, I wanted Jaxon to know how I felt. I wanted him to hear the words my sober lips couldn’t tell him. I indulged in the valor alcohol gave me. I liked how it made me feel alive and free.