Redeem Me

by Jennifer Foor

  My dad put his hand on my shoulder, but it didn’t help with my breakdown. Nothing could have helped me. He was right. I’d made my bed and now I had to lay in it. I’d given up all parental rights, acting like an asshole when all Ashley wanted was my support. She didn’t beg me to marry her, or even be a father. All she wanted was me to be civil. Instead I’d been terrible. I’d pushed her away, calling her names that weren’t true. We’d both been on that beach together. It wasn’t her idea, or mine. What happened wasn’t planned. It came from a ton of alcohol, and being lonely. I saw her as a drunken conquest, and she just wanted to feel like someone in the world wanted her, because she’d just lost Ford. That next morning, when I realized what had happened, and my brother helped us cover it up, I should have known better than to think it was over.

  I think from the moment I found out she was pregnant I’d been in denial. I figured that if I didn’t want them then nothing in my life would change. I could continue with school, date my beautiful girlfriend, and move forward, while Ashley became a mother, and finally a wife.

  My father was right about the full circle. Everything that I’d swept under the rug was showing it’s ugly face now. I had no legal rights over the twins, and because of my love for my family, I never would. That ship had sailed, and my brother had stepped in. The twins belonged to him now, and as much as I knew they’d be taken care of, I realized that I’d never be able to experience the love that Shayne would have with them. Eli would never come to me for advice with girls, or when someone picked on him. I’d never be able to say that Becca was a daddy’s girl, because the idea of Shayne being her father was like a dagger being driven into my heart.

  After all this time that had passed it was clear. I’d have to watch them grow up, knowing that I could have been their everything. I would have made it work, somehow being the man that they needed me to be. My chance was long gone, leaving a constant hole in my heart.

  The secret wasn’t what I’d been afraid of telling Cameron. It was the truth that I couldn’t bear to share with her. It was the utter regret of making the wrong choice. I’d been a coward, and I deserved to lose everything.

  I don’t know how long we stayed out in the truck. My father never left my side, though he remained quiet during the whole breakdown. I think silently he was smiling, knowing he’d been right about this the whole time. His pushing me away hadn’t been from anger. It was disappointment. He knew what it was like to love a child, and hated the idea that I’d been so easy to give it away.

  “I’m so sorry, dad. You were right. I can’t stop lovin’ them. I can’t look at them and not see myself. They’re mine and they’ll never know it. How am I ever going to live with it?” I cried, so hard that I felt like my head would explode. It wasn’t normal for me to lose control. I never cried, and the fact that this had all exploded in my face let me know just how serious it was. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You’ve got to look forward. That’s the first step in getting through it. I know it’s hard. I feel your pain, but you’ve got to be able to accept that there’s things in life we can’t change. We’ve got to learn how to deal with what we’ve been given. Cameron’s a good girl, and you’ve got a second chance to be the kind of father a child would be proud of.”

  “I want that.” It was the truth. This whole pregnancy hadn’t just opened my eyes to the past, it was giving me an opportunity to be the person that my parents had raised. It had matured me. “I really do.”

  “I suggest you figure out a way to make things right with her then.”

  His wise words rang true in my mind. I needed to find a way to make-up with Cameron. She meant everything to me, and I couldn’t imagine losing her. I had to convince her that I was already in love with our baby.

  “I’ll give her some time to calm down. When you drive me I’ll know what to say to her. I’ll make this right. I have to.”

  Cameron

  This couldn’t be happening to me. “Dad?”

  The man in front of me wasn’t too keen on my response. His grimace allowed me to be prepared for whatever he had to say. “Are you going to invite me inside of this shack you’re residing in?”

  I backed away from the door, ashamed that the bed wasn’t even made. He entered and looked around, before turning his glare back toward me. “This is the epitome of an apartment. Is this the life you want?”

  I shrugged. “It’s temporary.”

  “It’s pathetic. You’re being irrational, Cameron. The car is running downstairs. Gather your belongings and come with me. I’m taking you home, and having your doctor check you for parasites.” He looked around the room. “I’m sure there are roaches crawling all over this place. It pains me to see you in these conditions.”

  I placed both hands on my hips. “I’m not leaving.”

  It was difficult for me to argue with my father, especially after fighting with Parker. We’d left things unsettled.

  “You will come with me, or I’ll make sure to cause Parker and his football career serious problems.”

  “Go ahead and try.”

  “You think that I can’t make a hefty donation and persuade the scouts to look in a different direction?” His threats were true. I knew he had the power to manipulate people. I’d seen him do it before.

  “Please don’t. I love him. We just want to be together.”

  “I will not have my daughter living in these type of conditions. Pack your things or else I’ll pack them for you.”

  I placed my hand on my stomach, reminding myself that it wasn’t just me anymore. “You’re too late. I can’t have an abortion. You’d be risking my health.”

  “It’s not too late for adoption. I’ve already called my associates to have them look for a proper family. The child will grow up wanting nothing, as you have.”

  “I won’t let you take my baby. I’m an adult. It’s my right to keep it. Get out of here, before I call the police.” I wasn’t leaving, and no matter what he threatened, that wasn’t going to change.

  My dad pulled out his phone. Right away he was on the line with someone. “This is Evan Hynson. I’m calling to report a theft. My vehicle was stolen by my daughter’s ex-boyfriend.”

  In one swift blow, I sent his cell phone flying across the room. “How could you?”

  “Your car has been taken to the frat house. You can break my phone, but it won’t stop me from reporting it stolen. I’ll be making a complaint as soon as I leave here. They won’t have any problem arresting him, being that his fingerprints are all over the place.”

  I thought about Parker going to jail for something he didn’t do. It would ruin his chances of having a career in football. I waved my hands in the air, frantically struggling with what to do to protect him. “I’ll go with you. Just leave Parker out of this. I need your word. Promise me that you won’t damage his chances.”

  He motioned toward the door. “Gather your things and I’ll never make that call.”

  I didn’t have a choice. If I refused to go with my father he was going to be a threat to Parker. Even though I was angry with him, I couldn’t let my dad hurt him. I loved him too much to hurt his chances.

  I closed my eyes as I spoke. “Fine. I’ll go home with you.” My lips were trembling as I sealed my fate. There was nothing I could do. Even if I screamed and ran, he’d still hurt Parker. I grabbed my bag, throwing a few things inside. “Let’s just go.”

  He led me outside, looking around for witnesses before walking me down the metal steps. Just like he’d said the car was waiting for us. As I stepped inside I looked back at the small apartment that I’d been sharing with Parker. I’d never realized that I loved it so much, until we began to pull away.

  Chapter 29

  Parker

  It took me a while to get my shit together enough to be able to work. I didn’t do much, not that my father complained. He invited my mom to have lunch with us, and we all openly discussed how to make things right with Cameron. It was going to be a
long road before I had her forgiveness, but I knew she loved me. I was willing to do whatever it took to convince her that I needed to proceed with marrying her, not because I had to, but because it was all I wanted.

  Believe it or not, lunch with my parents wasn’t all that bad. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. Of course, none of this meant that I’d ever be able to go back and change things, but I was content enough to know that being an uncle to the twins was better than being nothing. Shayne wanted me around, and I appreciated that more than he’d ever know.

  Our family had come a long way. Now I just needed to show that to Cameron. Since this was such a huge issue for her, I decided to call and let Ashley know what was going on. She answered after the third ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s Parker. I need to tell you somethin’, and I don’t want you to freak out.”

  “I’m listenin’.”

  “Cam knows the truth.”

  “You told her?” I could hear concern in her voice.

  “Not exactly. I butt dialed her while we were talkin’ yesterday. Ash, she heard everything.”

  “Oh my God. No, no, no. This can’t be happenin’. How did she take it?”

  “Not good, You can imagine how upset she is.”

  “That’s why she didn’t want to come over last night. I’m sorry, Parker. I didn’t mean to cause problems for you. She’s been through enough already.”

  “It’s not your fault.” It really wasn’t. Ash had every right to ask questions. She’d been through enough herself not to have to worry about me being a problem. “We both said things. I should have told her from the beginning.”

  “What are you goin’ to do now?”

  “Well, I’m plannin’ on explainin’ everything tonight. She’s got to hear me out. Cam’s pissed, but she’s also compassionate. She won’t be settled until she knows everything. I can only hope that after I’ve explained she still wants to be with me. I tell ya, I can’t lose her now. I’ll fight for her forgiveness if I have to.”

  “I’m real sorry. If you need me to talk to her I will. I’m not sure she’d want to though. If I were her, I’d be a little jealous, not because I’m a threat, but because we were together. You and I know that we don’t remember the details of that night, but she doesn’t.”

  “Yeah, she’s definitely the jealous type. I’m sure it’s botherin’ her. It’s probably best if I start with your breakup with Ford.”

  “I can’t help you there. There’s still parts of my memory that haven’t come back. I don’t want to seem like an idiot.”

  “I’ll take care of it. If she does want to talk to you, I wanted you to be prepared.”

  “Good luck with your talk, Parker. Shayne and I will be here if you need us. I know this probably doesn’t help, but we appreciate the person you’ve become. We want you to be happy.”

  I knew in some ways they wanted me to be happy because it gave them reassurance that I wouldn’t do anything irrational when it came to the twins. At the same time, I appreciated the sentiment. “Thanks.”

  When we hung up I felt like I had backup. There was no telling how Cameron was going to react to our talk. I’d given her the whole day to calm down. She knew me well enough to be prepared to talk it out. Neither one of us liked leaving things unresolved.

  My dad dropped me off in front of the shop. I waved as he pulled away, before starting the walk up the flight of metal stairs. The whole time I was thinking about what to say to her first. I had to make her understand that I was sorry. She needed to know that I didn’t hide the truth to spite her. I did it to protect everyone involved.

  I opened the door and looked around, not seeing her on the bed, or in the kitchen. Figuring she was in the bathroom, I walked over and peeked inside. Cameron wasn’t there either.

  I called out her name, “Cam?”

  Nothing!

  Since she obviously wasn’t with my mother, I was convinced she was at the farmhouse with my aunt. I’d had a hard day, and decided to take a shower to get cleaned off before facing my angry girlfriend. She’d probably be more forgiving if I didn’t smell like rotten onions from sweating all day.

  Once I got out of the shower, I headed over to our shared dresser and pulled out some clean clothes. It was strange, but I could have sworn that Cam’s dresser drawers were full the day before. Since I’d been so distraught, I shook it off to confusion.

  I sat down watching the sports network, waiting patiently for her to walk in the door. After another hour passed, I figured maybe she hadn’t seen me arrive home. I decided to walk over to my aunt and uncle’s house to find her.

  The sun was already starting to set in the horizon. It reminded me of a time we’d gone out for dinner, then parked and watched the sun go down behind a mountain. It was a perfect night, and we’d made love until the sun started to come up again.

  I wondered if I’d have that again. She’d still not been cleared to have sex, and even though I knew it was for her health, I hated waiting. Now she had another reason to reject me.

  I walked inside of the old farmhouse, smelling something cooking immediately. My aunt walked out of the kitchen with oven mitts on both hands. “Hey, Parker. Is Cam back yet? Dinner’s just about done.”

  “Is she back? I thought she was with you.”

  My aunt shook her head. “No. Some car came and picked her up earlier. I just assumed that you knew where she was going.”

  Panic hit me immediately. “What did the car look like?”

  “Well, it was far away. I supposed it was some kind of black sedan.”

  “It was a Jaguar. I thought the person was lost, but he said he was here to pick up Cameron,” my uncle stated as he walked out of the powder room with a newspaper in his hands.

  “A Jaguar. Are you sure?” I was already shaking.

  “Yeah. I know my cars. It was definitely a Jaguar, why?”

  “Shit. That was Cam’s dad. Did you see them leavin’? Was he forcin’ her in the vehicle?”

  “Nope. She got into the passenger side all by herself. If I saw her strugglin’ I would have said something’. She seemed fine, Parker.”

  “I’ve got to go.” I ran out of the house, desperate to find out what was going on. Once I was back inside of the apartment, I managed to find my phone. I dialed the number, trying so hard to not freak out. His voice filled the other end of the phone. “Mr. Hynson, may I please speak to Cameron.” I had to keep my cool if I wanted to hear her voice, otherwise he’d hang up.

  “Why should I let you talk to her? You should be ashamed of yourself for keeping my daughter in those conditions. It’s a good thing she called me to come get her.”

  I felt like shit. Cameron was so angry at me that she’d called her father to come and retrieve her. She didn’t want to be with me. “She called you?”

  “That’s what I said. My daughter is sleeping. When or if she wants to talk to you, I’ll forward the message. Until then, I’d suggest that you not call this number.”

  “That’s my child she’s carryin’. I’ve got every right to call her.”

  I heard shuffling and then muffled voices. Just as I was about to give up hope, I heard her voice. “Parker?”

  “Hey. Are you okay?” It felt so good to hear her voice.

  “I’m fine. I’d appreciate it if you took my father’s advice. Don’t call me anymore. We’re through, Parker.”

  “We can’t be through. You’re carryin’ my child.”

  “I’m giving the baby up for adoption, and getting on with my life. It’s for the best. I can’t trust you, and that’s never going to change. I almost wish I never met you, so I didn’t have to go through this pain.”

  “Wait! Babe, please don’t talk like that. Is he makin’ you say these things? Just answer yes or no. I love you. I won’t let you give up our child, Cam. Please tell me the truth. Tell me this is all to appease him. Tell me you still love me.”

  “Goodbye, Parker.”

&n
bsp; She hung up with no explanation. I knew I’d hurt her, but to go to such extremes to rid herself of me without a good talk made no sense. I knew Cameron, and this wasn’t how she handled problems.

  Once again I felt myself breaking down. I’d thought that it couldn’t get any worse, but I’d been wrong again. Cam had left me, and no matter what her reasoning, she’s asked me to stay out of her life.

  I thought about our baby; a child she’d said she was giving up. It made no sense. I knew she was scared, but she loved that baby already. Why would she say that when she knew it was part of my big secret. I was conflicted.

  My aunt came inside of the apartment. I turned to face her as she spoke. “Are you okay? Do I need to call your dad?”

  I shook my head. “No. Cam left. She said she’s givin’ our kid up for adoption and she’s done with me.”

  My aunt sat down next to me, placing her hand over mine. “I find that hard to believe. She felt the baby movin’ this mornin’. I saw the light in her eyes when it happened. There’s no way she’d make a decision so quickly after that tender moment. Are you sure she’s just not angry about somethin’? Perhaps you made her angry enough to want to scare you?”

  I sat there replaying our conversation in my head. Cameron was highly intelligent. If she’d been lying to protect me from something then there would have been a hint in our conversation.

  That’s when it hit me.

  Even if Cam was furious with my past, she wouldn’t have told her parents. Instead, she would have made something else up. If she was threatening to give the baby up for adoption it would please her parents to be rid of me. As angry as she was, she never would have threatened me with that, not after knowing about the twins. This had to be a sign. She had to be sending me a message in that conversation. Again, she’d not answered yes or no. That was another clue, and had I not known my girlfriend so well I wouldn’t have figured it out.