Another Day in Winter

by Shari Low

  ‘So you don’t want to see her while she’s here?’ he asked.

  Chrissie shook her head. ‘I really don’t. It’s not out of anger, or rage, it’s out of pure indifference. She means nothing to me any more. I just don’t want her disinterest in me to touch my life or to touch Ben. I’m absolutely positive she doesn’t even know he exists, because she would have been sure that I wouldn’t have gone ahead with the pregnancy. I’m happy to keep it that way. She doesn’t deserve to know him.’ There was a ferocity in her voice, but she didn’t care. If Tom didn’t agree with how she felt, that was fine. She didn’t need his approval. This was who she was now, this was how she felt, and he could accept her or not. She wasn’t going to change or dilute her feelings for him.

  ‘I don’t think my father will have any interest in a grandson, either. But I hope you think I deserve to be part of his life?’ he asked, alarmed.

  ‘I do,’ she softened. ‘And I’m sorry, I know I sound harsh, but that’s how it is. I’m not bitter and twisted, I promise. Just a little battle scarred.’

  ‘I get that,’ he said, and she knew he meant it. The way he looked at her told her that he was sincere. ‘Is it okay if I buy him twelve years of Christmas presents, though?’

  ‘Absolutely not,’ Chrissie replied, her stomach flipping, realising there were going to be so many firsts. Ben’s first Christmas with his dad in his life.

  There was a pause as they tried to recalibrate, to take the conversation back to a lighter place. Tom spoke first and managed it perfectly. ‘So, your first date in twelve years and you had to pick Davie Bailey. That’s bad luck right there.’

  ‘It sure is,’ she laughed. ‘Although, he’s lucky he escaped with his bits intact. Val and Josie wanted to come with me to vet him – they even walked me to the restaurant door – and if they’d heard any of the smarmy presumptuous bollocks that he was spouting, they’d have slayed him.’

  ‘Shame they didn’t. How long were you there with him?’

  ‘About twenty minutes. Did I mention earlier that before I walked out I tipped ice on to his crotch? That’s round about the time that a bloke I went out with in high school pitched up and decked him.’

  Tom was laughing hard now. ‘You tipped ice on his crotch? Oh, that’s brilliant.’

  ‘He can send me his dry cleaning bill,’ she said. ‘I’ve no idea how anyone can fall for that nonsense. Or maybe I’m just woefully out of touch with how to date these days.’

  ‘It must work for some, because, believe me, he has an endless stream of affairs and one-night stands, but nothing ever lasts for long. It’s all just ego fuelled nonsense.’

  ‘Well, he won’t be fuelling his ego anywhere near me,’ Chrissie retorted, with an overtone of sass.

  Their laughter eventually drifted into silence, and after a long pause it was Tom who spoke first again.

  ‘Do you think…’ he stopped, and Chrissie had a premonition of what he was about to say. It was the heartbreak in his voice, and the combination of fear and hope on his gorgeous face. It was exactly the expression that Ben had when he was asking for something that he really wanted, but was scared that she would say no. ‘Do you think that we could…? That we…’ he stopped, thought, came back stronger. ‘Do you think that we could try to make things work with us again?’

  Her mind went blank, as all her senses raced to deal with the collision of emotions that were firing along every nerve in her body.

  Could they work?

  Could they at least try?

  The biggest part of her wanted to say yes – it really did. But losing him last time almost broke her. They were adults now. Different people. And she was so much wiser.

  She’d forgiven him for leaving, but she wasn’t sure she could forget. She’d loved him then, but would she love him again now? Until she knew that for certain, she wasn’t sure it was a risk she was willing to take.

  Thirty-four

  Tom

  It was a loud beep that woke him and his head sprang up, his eyes immediately darting to the monitor beside George’s bed. Nothing was flashing, no alerts activated. Heart thudding, his gaze went to his grandfather’s face, his hand to his grandfather’s chest. George was warm. His chest was very slowly rising and falling. It took a moment for the relief to replace the anxiety that was coursing through him. George was okay. He was still with them.

  Tom smiled, his grin widening when he turned his head to the side to see Chrissie curled up in the chair he’d slept in many times before. Someone must have come in during the night and put a blanket over her and she looked perfectly peaceful. He watched her sleep, unable to believe she was actually there. He hadn’t dreamt the whole thing. It had happened. Chrissie was there. He had a son. A rush of adrenalin cursed through him. He had a son.

  Another beep, and this time he realised it was coming from his phone. He stood up, stretched out his legs and fished his mobile out of the pocket of his jacket, which was hanging on a hook on the back of the door. He checked the time on the screen first: 6 a.m. He’d only been asleep for an hour.

  They’d talked long into the night, covered the years, ironed out all the misunderstandings. They both knew now exactly where they were and that was right back at the beginning, with a fresh slate, and a wonderful son to bring up together. Even as the words had come out of his mouth, asking her if they could be more than friends and co-parents, he’d known it was a mistake. It was too soon. He’d put her on the spot and she’d declined to answer.

  Watching her now, he had the same thought that he’d had last night. He could wait. As long as she and Ben were in his life, he could wait until he’d rebuilt her trust, until she knew that no matter what happened he’d be there for her.

  It was the very least she deserved.

  His gaze went to the phone screen again, to the source of the beep – a text from a number he didn’t recognise.

  Hey there, this is Shauna.

  Of course. He’d given her his number and asked her to text in the morning.

  He read on.

  Did you sleep? I hope George has had a restful night and all is well. I know this makes me sound like I’m insatiably needy, but we are heading to the airport shortly. Would it be okay to stop by the hospital to say goodbye? We would be bringing a bribe of bagels and coffee. Please know that we won’t be offended at all if this is a bad time or if you’d rather we didn’t come. It was more than enough to meet you all yesterday and to know that I have family. It means the world to me.

  Tom felt his jaws ache as he smiled. Amongst the tears and the difficult conversations last night, there had been so much laughter. His face hurt from the sharp increase in movement. So far, he was loving this dramatic increase in the size of his family.

  He texted back.

  That would be great. Look forward to bagels. Chrissie still here too. Xx

  Great! Will bring breakfast x2. Thank you. Be there around 7 a.m. Xx

  An image of Flora popped into his mind. She was quite a woman. He had a feeling she was going to be a lovely person to have in his life and he was looking forward to filling her in on the situation with Chrissie and Ben. He couldn’t wait to tell the whole world.

  He was only sorry George hadn’t got that chance to spend time with Flora. Whatever happened between them was obviously water under a very ancient bridge. Flora had come to make amends and he was sure George would have been willing to do that, too.

  There was movement in the chair as Chrissie woke, stretched first, then opened her eyes and murmured a sleepy ‘Good morning,’ before reaching over and taking George’s hand. God, she was beautiful. Only an hour’s sleep in a chair, after a traumatic and emotional night, and he still thought she was the most gorgeous sight he’d ever seen. One that he could never, ever tire of looking at.

  ‘Good morning, Mr Butler. I hope we didn’t cause you a restless night with all our chatting,’ she said softly, before speaking to Tom. ‘Did I hear a phone beep?’

  ‘Yes, it was Sh
auna, my cousin that we met last night. Still feels really weird saying that. They’re going to stop by on the way to the airport to say goodbye.’

  ‘I’m so glad she found you,’ Chrissie said. ‘Be nice for you to have more family now.’

  ‘Nothing can beat the new member of my family that you introduced me to last night.’

  ‘I keep thinking about how happy you made him,’ Chrissie said. ‘There’s a part of me that feels so guilty for not finding you, for not making sure you were a part of his life before now, but I thought…’ she paused, struggling to say it.

  ‘You thought I didn’t want him. Or you.’

  Her nod was slow and sad. It was true.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said again.

  ‘You don’t need to keep apologising,’ she assured him and he knew she meant it. ‘There was fault on my part, too. Hindsight. Nothing we can do to change it now.’

  ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I just want us to be okay.’

  ‘We are okay,’ she promised, reaching for his hand and holding it, reassuring him.

  Another beep on his phone, and he barely glanced at it, assuming it would be from Shauna again. It wasn’t.

  ‘It’s from my dad,’ he said. ‘That can’t be good.’

  Chrissie didn’t say a word.

  Tom opened it and read it aloud. ‘Any change?’

  No “good morning”. No civility. No apology that they left last night, or thanks for letting them stay in his home. Nothing.

  ‘Christ, he is such an arse. Sometimes I really can’t believe I’m related to him. You know, I’m pretty sure he only came back because he wants to ensure he gets the proceeds from George’s estate.’

  Chrissie looked puzzled. ‘But why would they need the money? I thought they were loaded?’

  Tom had asked himself the same question many times since Norry had turned up, and always came back to the same answer. ‘They are. None of it makes any sense. My dad didn’t bother to come back for his mother’s funeral, yet he’s turned up now. Let’s face it, they were never close. I always felt so bad for Grandad. He tried so hard, but my dad could just never bring himself to care about anyone but himself.’

  ‘Well he married the right person then. Definite compatibility there. My mum was no stranger to splashing out on the finer things in life after she married your dad. She loved all that. One day we were struggling to pay the rent, and the next she was decked out in head to toe Gucci. I hate speaking badly of anyone, but…’

  ‘Grandad wouldn’t mind. It was his greatest sadness, but he knew exactly what my dad was like. Said he reminded him of his own father and that wasn’t a good thing.’

  Chrissie leaned forward and took George’s hand again. ‘I’m sorry to hear all this, Mr Butler. I just want you to know that history isn’t repeating itself. Your great-grandson, Ben, well, he’s a lovely kid. He’s kind and he doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body. I wish you could spend time with him, I really do. I know you’d love him. He keeps his room much tidier than Tom ever did.’

  ‘Hey! Don’t malign me in front of my grandfather,’ Tom joked. ‘In his eyes I’m perfect. Isn’t that right, Grandad?’

  Laughing, Tom tossed the phone on the bedside unit without replying to Norry. Instead, he got up, opened the cupboard at the side of George’s bed and took out a hairbrush and a facecloth. He ran the cloth under the tap, and then gently washed George’s face as he did every morning. The nursing assistants had offered to do it for him, but it felt right that he should do it. George had been a very private man in life; Tom didn’t want to take that from him now.

  He patted George’s face dry, then stroked his cheek. He didn’t need shaving today. It had only been done yesterday and there was no growth as yet. Tom definitely thought it was slowing down. When George had come into hospital four weeks ago, he’d shaved every morning. Now it was only necessary every few days. He tried not to think about what that meant. He dropped the cloth back into the sink, then picked up the brush and ran it through George’s hair.

  ‘You take such good care of him,’ Chrissie said quietly.

  ‘He took such good care of me,’ Tom replied simply.

  Chrissie, still holding George’s hand, was quiet for a moment before she asked, ‘Do you want to be here alone with George? I don’t want you to think I’m intruding. I would completely understand.’

  He stopped, heart suddenly thudding once again. ‘Do you want to go? Do you need to be home for Ben?’

  She grinned. ‘You obviously have no idea of the weekend routine of the teenage species. He won’t be out of his bed until around eleven and even then, he’ll drag his duvet down to the sofa, and he’ll hide under it with a book or the TV for another hour. Val always has him on a Saturday because I’m usually at work, so she gives him until somewhere around noon, then her husband Don coerces him into doing something involving fresh air and exercise. He pretends to resist, but he loves it really. Today they were planning to go for a bike ride – Don is trying to get fitter – and then they’d bought tickets to see some superhero movie this afternoon. He’ll want to see you, though.’

  ‘Maybe I could stop by for a minute when I drop you home, then come over tonight for an hour or two?’ he suggested, trying not to be pushy. The truth was he never wanted to let Ben out of his sight ever again.

  ‘Ben would love that.’

  He really hoped that she would be happy about it, too.

  ‘Do you have to go to work today?’ he asked, hoping beyond hope that she didn’t.

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘Jen gave me the day off because of my big date last night. Didn’t quite work out how we’d anticipated, did it?’

  He managed to muffle his loud sigh of relief in a yawn. She didn’t have to go. He didn’t have to say goodbye.

  ‘Don didn’t know about that though, so he’d already gone ahead and bought the tickets for the cinema,’ she explained.

  ‘Then would it be okay if you stayed here with me for a while longer? I usually pop home for a shower and change my clothes, but I was going to leave it until later if that’s okay?’

  He didn’t want to leave, he realised. George was here. Chrissie was here. There was nowhere else he’d rather be, apart from hanging out with his twelve year old son, but he wasn’t out of bed yet.

  There was a knock at the door, then it opened and Shauna, Flora and Lulu came in. There were hugs and kisses all round, before Shauna held up a bag of bagels and Lulu distributed the four cups of coffee that were precariously balanced on a cardboard cup holder. Flora, however, pulled a flask out of her bag.

  ‘Please, Mrs McGinty, take this seat,’ Chrissie said, standing up to let the older woman sit down.

  ‘Thank you, pet. And Tom, thank you so much for letting me come here today. I was going to come this afternoon, but, well, truth is, I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I just wanted to be back here with George. I don’t want to miss a minute more with him because…’

  Emotion blocked her words and she didn’t finish the sentence. Instead, after a pause, she turned to George.

  ‘Good morning, George. Don’t be rolling your eyes under there. I told you already that I’m sentimental in my old age.’

  The other four were all perched at the far side of the room now, leaning against the window ledge with their coffees.

  ‘Thank you for delivering the luggage to my dad and his wife last night,’ Tom said.

  ‘No problem at all,’ Shauna chirped, and he wouldn’t have noticed anything untoward if he hadn’t switched his glance to her friend Lulu at the very moment she gave Shauna a meaningful glance.

  ‘Okay, I’m not usually great at picking up subliminal messages, but I’m sensing something here. Am I wrong?’ Tom probed.

  ‘Lulu!’ Shauna rebuked her, then switched back to Tom. ‘I’m sorry. Her feelings are always written all over her face. You’ve no idea how much trouble that’s got us into over the course of our lives. My gran, Annie, used to say…’

  L
ulu butted in, ‘I believe her exact terminology was that I’d be “shite at poker”.’

  Flora chuckled. ‘Did you hear that, George? Doesn’t that just sound like our Annie?’

  Chrissie took up the conversation. ‘So, go on then, confess all. What did Norry and Rosemary do to cause that look from Poker Face?’ she teased Lulu.

  Shauna looked like the ground could swallow her up. ‘I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding and—’

  Lulu butted in again. ‘They were rude to Flora and practically accused us of being fraudsters that were after George’s money.’

  ‘Lulu!’ Shauna chided her again. ‘You can’t say things like that. I’ve just met my family and they’re going to take out a restraining order if you carry on.’

  ‘I promise it’s fine,’ Tom said. ‘It actually makes it much easier to explain. My father, well, let’s just say he and I are not close. Nor was he close to my grandad. George and I hadn’t seen him for twelve years until he came back yesterday. To be honest, I wish he hadn’t bothered turning up at all.’

  ‘That’s a bit of a relief to hear you say that actually, because Lulu is right, they were so rude. Especially to Flora.’

  ‘Nothing I couldn’t handle, pet,’ Flora piped in from over at the other side of the bed.

  Tom carried on. ‘And the woman with him, my stepmother…’ he glanced at Chrissie, ‘let’s just say they deserve each other.’

  ‘Oh, thank God you feel that way,’ Shauna said. ‘Because she was downright abrasive.’

  ‘She was a complete cow,’ Lulu confirmed. ‘Have you met her?’ she asked Chrissie.

  ‘Indeed I have,’ Chrissie replied casually. ‘She’s my mother.’

  Thirty-five

  Shauna

  ‘Oh sweet Jesus,’ Shauna blurted out. ‘I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise that you were related to her. I thought that…’ She gave up and went with, ‘I am so confused right now.’ She rounded on Lulu. ‘They are going to ban us from the whole of Scotland and it’ll be your fault.’