Not Enough

by Mia Hoddell

“Hey, it involves me, too.”

  “What involves you?” I inquire suspiciously, and Blake shifts so his arm is directly behind me, his hand splayed possessively on my hip.

  “If you two are together then it involves me.”

  “How did you come to that conclusion?”

  “What, that you two are together, or that it involves me? Because if it’s option one, I think that’s kind of self-explanatory.”

  We both exhale and I tilt my head so it’s resting against Blake’s shoulder. The action is an old habit of comfort and he responds like usual, by squeezing me against him gently.

  “Yes we’re together. I still don’t understand how it involves you, though,” Blake says.

  “If you two get together—”

  “We have,” Blake interrupts and Robbie exaggerates his sigh before starting again.

  “Now that you’re together, it’s going to make me the third wheel. It’s going to be awkward around here, especially if you two are doing whatever you do behind closed doors.”

  My cheeks flush at his comment, a wave of embarrassment crashing over me at the thought. I’m glad Blake seems to be happy taking control of the conversation because my mouth is refusing to work.

  “Also, what happens when you two argue or have a fight? I’m not taking sides, and no one is bunking in my room. Not even you, Neve, sorry.”

  Blake growls. “It sounds like you’ve thought about this in great detail.”

  He shrugs nonchalantly. “Well, it was obvious it was going to happen at some point. I mean, you two are all over each other and sleeping in the same bed. Anyone with half a brain could see what was unfolding.”

  I glance at Blake, but he’s not looking at me. “Nothing’s going to affect you so you don’t have to worry. You’re hardly ever here anyway.”

  Robbie mumbles something that sounds like ‘yeah right’ as he heads towards the front door. “Just remember that you slept in a garage last night because you two had a fight. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about this.” He shuts the door before either of us has time to comment.

  “Well it’s nice he has faith in us,” I snort sarcastically.

  “Screw what he thinks. It doesn’t involve him.” Blake’s turning so his body is in front of mine. His arms trap me and force my back to press into the counter. “I have a few years of kisses to reclaim.”

  I let out a giggle—an actual giggle—when his head dips. His eyes are hooded and a devilish smirk is plastered on his face.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Blake

  “Stripes, come on. It’s no different than any other night,” I call from the bed. She’s hiding out in the bathroom in the hope I fall asleep before she emerges, but that fact only has me wide awake.

  “Stripes!” I shout again, and this time her face peers around the doorframe. She eyes me nervously, but her cheeks are flushed with embarrassment.

  “Close your eyes,” she whines.

  “You’re being ridiculous. You know that, right?”

  “Will you just close your eyes?”

  I ignore her, a smile tugging at my lips instead. “I’ve seen you in pyjamas before, Neve. In fact, I’ve also seen you in a lot less.” Something I probably shouldn’t have brought up right now. My mind is now rushing to picture Neve in only her underwear from the few times I’ve walked in on her over the years.

  “Not helping,” a muffled, grumble comes back before I hear the sound of her brushing her teeth. I’m shaking my head and looking up at the ceiling when she captures my attention again. “Can you please close your eyes?”

  “Nope, not a chance.”

  She blows out a frustrated breath. “Fine, I’ll sleep in the bath.” A part of me wants to laugh at the thought, but her mouth is set in a tight line. She’s serious.

  I decide to call her on it anyway. “Okay, have fun. I’m sure you’ll be in here within half an hour.”

  Rolling over so I’m on my side, I shift under the covers loudly to get myself comfortable and to taunt her with what she’s missing out on. I can sense she’s still in the doorway. Only when I hear retreating, angry steps do I know she’s moved. There’s rustling in the bathroom, the sound of a zip, and then quite a bit of banging that’s followed by exaggerated huffs. Curious about what she could possibly be doing to create such a noise, I want to go and investigate. Nevertheless, it will only make her more stubborn if I burst out laughing. She’s being ridiculous and her reasoning for acting so strange isn’t clear. So what if we’ve added a different label to our relationship? It doesn’t mean I’m going to expect sex just because we’re in the same bed. Insult floods through me at what she’s assuming. If she really knew me—which she does—she should know I’d never force her into anything.

  Grudgingly, I throw back the duvet and head towards the bathroom, not sure what I’ll find. Leaning against the door, I can’t contain the grin spreading out across my face or the shake of my head. Neve has fashioned a bed out of towels and is flat on her back in the bath. By the look of things, she has most of the towels underneath her, one folded up under her head to form a pillow, and then the largest one on top of her as a blanket. Lying down her body is too long for the tub so her feet are resting up by the taps and sticking out from the towel that is too short.

  “What are you doing?” I manage to get out around my laughs. She tenses at my words and then tilts her head back to fix me with a glare, her eyes blazing with irritation.

  “I’m sleeping in the bath like I said I would. Why, what did you think I was doing? Teaching myself to swim?”

  “I know what you’re doing. I think that’s obvious. What I meant was why are you doing this?” I step into the room and move in front of her so she doesn’t have to crane her neck to see me.

  “You know why.”

  “You’re not sleeping in here, Stripes.”

  “Watch me.”

  I cross my arms. There’s no way I’m going back to bed and allowing her to sleep in a bath. The only problem is that it’s hard to maintain a frustrated expression when everything about the situation is so damn funny. “Be back in a second.”

  She mumbles something that sounds like “I’m not going anywhere” to my back as I rush out of the bathroom. Rummaging in my drawer, I find what I’m looking for then I’m back in the room with Neve in seconds.

  Before she can react, I have a camera in front of me.

  “Smile,” I tease, only it causes her glower to darken. Three lines appear on her forehead as her face screws up.

  “Delete that now.”

  “Nope. Get out of the bath and I might let you.”

  “I’m not getting out. I told you I’m sleeping here.”

  “Why all the drama? We’ve slept in the same bed for ages now. It’s not a big deal.” She rolls over, showing me her back, and ignores me. “Stripes, get out of the bath.”

  “Night, Blake.”

  If she thinks I’m going to give up that easy, she’s got another surprise coming. She should know by now that I don’t give up and people don’t say no to me. I put the camera on the counter by the sink, needing both of my hands.

  Carefully, so as not to reveal my intentions, I lean over the bath and line up my hands. With one swift motion, I grip her tightly, heaving her out of the tub and throwing her over my shoulder as she screams, “Put me down, Blake!”

  “I told you, you’re not sleeping in a bath. Now shut up and stop hitting my back.” My light and jovial words only serve to make her flail around even more. I manage to pin her legs, but I’m powerless to do anything to stop her hands pounding against my back. It’s not enough to hurt, that’s not her intention, but the squirming is becoming increasingly frustrating.

  When I reach the bed, I drag her back over my shoulder and dump her on the mattress. She bounces, not able to hide the laughter on her face while she stares at me and hiccups. This is how I like to see her, carefree and happy. It’s rare nowadays that I catch a glimpse of Neve when she’s truly happy, bu
t in this moment there isn’t a strained muscle in her body. It’s natural, and I can’t stop myself from watching her. I’m still amazed that I’m the one who can bring out her joy and it baffles me that she’s allowed herself to be mine.

  We remain gazing at each other with ridiculous grins for a minute. When I’m sure she isn’t going to run, I move around to my of the bed side. Her head follows me, and when I go to climb in beside her, she rolls over. She throws her arms and legs out wide, taking up the entire mattress.

  “You’re in the bath then.” She points at the door with the hand furthest away from me, a devilish twinkle in her eyes. It takes me a while to respond. The sight of her body stretched out in her skimpy pyjamas makes my throat dry, and I have to consciously remind myself to swallow. My gaze focuses on her pale skin, which is exposed by her shirt riding up and the top of her shorts lowering as a result of her actions.

  “I don’t think so.” My voice comes out more breathless than I expect as I watch her spread out in front of me.

  “Well, you’re not sleeping in here with me.”

  “My bed, my rules.” I place one knee on the mattress and climb on. My arms support most of my weight so my body is directly above hers. “So, I can either sleep on the left … or on top of you.” My voice drops into a murmur and she gulps, her lips parting as I hover over her. “Take your pick, Stripes.”

  “Fine …” Neve lets out a feigned grumble and shuffles over, the action making her top rise up even more when I lift one arm up to allow her to move. Once she is out from beneath me, I collapse on to my side and face her.

  By the expression on her face, it’s clear she expects me to say or do something. She’s staring at me and biting her lip, which only serves to further my desire to climb back on top of her and repeat her action myself. However, no matter how much I want to take things further, it’s too soon. We both need time to adjust to the new situation because—unlike a normal couple—we’re forced to live and sleep together. Not that I’m complaining about any of that. I would rather have her less than a metre away and not able to touch her than miles away.

  “Goodnight, Stripes,” I murmur and roll so my back is to her. I catch the glimpse of her shock, not expecting my reaction.

  “Night, Blake,” she whispers back, the bed bouncing beneath me while she tries to make herself comfortable. After a few seconds, she speaks again. “Blake?”

  “Yeah?”

  “This is the right decision, isn’t it? We’re not being stupid are we?”

  I sigh. “Go to sleep, Stripes. You’re overthinking things.” She doesn’t answer me for a while and I begin to think she’s asleep.

  I should know better.

  “Blake?”

  Gently, I twist so I can see her.

  “We’ll always be friends, won’t we? No matter where this relationship takes us.” Her eyes are sad, her voice vulnerable. It’s taken a lot for her to ask me this. The uncertainty rings in her words. Neve’s not good at letting people in, she’s always worried she’s going to be left alone.

  “I’m not going anywhere.” Reaching out, I brush a stray strand of hair from her eyes, pinning it behind her ear. Her gaze follows my hand rather than watching me.

  “Promise?”

  I lift up my arm, stretching across to pull her against my chest. It pains me to see her defeated when she was happy moments ago. It reminds me that no matter how she acts, there are a lot of issues within Neve.

  She puts up no fight when I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her silky hair that smells like vanilla. “I’ll always be here. I promise I won’t leave you no matter what.”

  Her body relaxes in my arms at my words, and I continue to hold her until I can no longer keep my eyes open.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Neve

  It’s official. I hate my job. Well, that was official a long time ago, but it’s worth repeating. People are disgusting, at least some of them are. How they can make so much mess eating a burger and fries is beyond me, and they can’t even be bothered to walk to the bin to clear up after themselves. The last thing I want to be doing is picking up people’s rubbish. If I wanted to wait on people I would have applied to a café, not a fast food chain. Unfortunately, complaining doesn’t help. At least it’s paying my way until my graphic design website takes off.

  Grumbling under my breath, I tip my latest tray of rubbish into the bin when Blake catches my eye. He’s got a stupid grin on his face like he’s eager to see me and somehow that one look manages to erase my bad mood completely. I feel all warm and mushy on the inside at the sight of him, his overalls tied around his waist to leave his tight, long-sleeved T-shirt on display. I can’t believe I didn’t realise I needed him so much before.

  “Hey.”

  Placing the tray on top of the bin I turn to face him. I don’t even have time to respond before his hands cup my jaw. His thumb quickly brushes over my lip, leaving a scorching trail behind and then his mouth replaces it, covering mine completely. When he pulls away his grin is just as infectious and the streak of oil below his left ear makes me giggle.

  “Are you on your break?” I ask over my shoulder as I head back to the counter, catching his nod as I round the corner. “You want something to eat?”

  “I was hoping you could take your break now and we could go for lunch together.”

  “Yeah, okay. Give me a minute,” I say, glancing up at the clock. After speaking with the manager, I hang up my apron and take Blake’s offered hand to head for the nearest café across the street. His thumb circles the back of my hand in a natural gesture I can’t believe I’ve missed out on.

  We’ve just sat down with our sandwiches and drinks when my mobile buzzes in my pocket. The sound startles me as it isn’t one I’ve heard recently. Since I deactivated my Facebook and told Cece I never want to hear from her again, I rarely check the device. The only messages I get through come from my phone company. Because it continues to ring, though, I know that can’t be the case and I’m nervous as to who it can be. My heartbeat starts to race when my mother’s name and number flashes at me. I swipe the screen to ignore and leave the phone out. When I glance up through my eyelashes, Blake’s watching me carefully.

  “I’m fine. I don’t need to hear anything she has to say.”

  He nods but doesn’t look convinced when he takes another bite of his chicken salad sandwich. Before he can comment, my phone lights up again. This time it flashes my mum’s name once and disappears, signalling she’s sent me a text. Unlocking my phone, I don’t really want to read what she has to say, but curiosity gets the better of me. However, when I read the words I wish I could erase them from my mind and let out a groan. My whole body deflates and I bury my face in my palms. Taking a deep breath, I try not to panic at what she’s expecting me to do.

  “Neve, what’s wrong?” Blake’s attempting to pry my hands away so he can see my expression. His hands grip my wrists, tugging gently but I hold them firmly in place.

  “I’m never going to be free of her, am I?” I mumble behind my palms, my voice laced with anguish.

  “What’s she doing now?”

  “It doesn’t matter where I go, she’s always going to be my mum. I may hate her for what she’s done, but I can’t cut her off totally even if she’d allow it. She’s always going to be my parent, and they’re always going to be my family.” I blow out a frustrated breath. “Why can’t I just have normal parents? Is it too much to ask for a mum to accept me, and for a dad who wants to know me?” Rarely do I bring up my father. I don’t usually spare him an ounce of consideration, but it’s times like this where I wish he could have loved me rather than leaving the second he found out Mum was pregnant. Sometimes I think it isn’t much of a loss, yet I can’t help but wonder whether he would have been the same as Mum. At least she stayed with me, I think. It’s probably her only redeemable quality right now.

  “What did she say?” Blake’s calm voice is starting to crack with worry at my silence.
Still, I only shake my head, trying to process the information myself. “Neve?” His pitch increases, becoming more forceful. “Tell me.”

  With reluctance I drop my hands, his insistence becoming too much. “My idiotic cousin has decided to get married. Mum’s telling me I’m expected to be there and RSVPd on my behalf.”

  He watches me for a second, his expression thoughtful. “That doesn’t mean you have to go.”

  I laugh sarcastically. “Yeah it does. She will drag me there if necessary. You know what she’s like.”

  “Neve, the decision is yours.”

  “The decision is never mine, not where she’s concerned.” I hang my head. Even when she’s not around Mum manages to ruin my mood. Things were starting to get better as well.

  “Of course it is. Just tell her you have plans. She can’t expect you to drop everything.”

  I let out a forced laugh. “You do realise who we’re talking about, right? She’ll either tell me I’m lying because I never have plans, or use a guilt trip before giving me her friggin’ childish attitude that means I have no choice but to go along with what she wants because it isn’t worth the aggravation I get by disobeying.”

  “I guess … but Neve, you’re not living with her anymore, she can’t hurt you where you are. I won’t allow her to.”

  I appreciate his kind words and support even if they aren’t true. I know it doesn’t matter where I am, she’ll always be able to hurt me, and despite all of that I still can’t bring myself to hurt her back. Glancing up at Blake through my eyelashes, I watch him nervously. His eyes bore into mine, waiting for me to speak. “Will you go with me if I decide to do this?”

  He lets out a strangled sound and shakes his head. “Neve, don’t. You know this isn’t going to end well.” He’s only pointing out the obvious; he’s been around my relatives enough to know how they treat me. My eyebrow arches in response. “Please, don’t put me in the situation of watching you get hurt. We both know what’ll happen if you go to this wedding.”